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“I object!” the booming voice of Akura-Ou echoed throughout the chapel.
Nanami, Tomoe, and Mizuki whirled around in their pew, glaring at the oni who had discovered the joy of objection at Western weddings a few ceremonies ago. The priest at the altar, however, simply ignored him as he pronounced the young couple man and wife.
“Mother! Father! Look! I got married!” Keito Mikage, Nanami and Tomoe’s eight-year-old son, beamed as he showed off his new wedding ring. His wife, a girl named Saya in his grade, blushed but looked just as happy. She didn’t look surprised in the slightest that a literal oni was in the room with them.
“Congratulations, Keito!” Nanami grinned, taking her son in her arms and reaching out a hand to her new daughter-in-law. “And welcome to the family, Saya-chan!” she winked.
“You two look so cute together!” Mizuki gushed, patting both the kids’ hair as they giggled.
How did two eight-year-olds manage to get married without the parents flying into a concerned rage? In a wedding booth, of course.
They were all at the Ujigami All-School Valentine’s Day Festival, where a wedding booth was being held as a fun activity for students of all ages. The priests and officiants were teachers at the school, and Nanami and Tomoe just happened to be there with their son, who went to the primary school.
After the now-human couple returned to Mikage Shrine with baby Keito nearly a decade ago, the land god Mikage had restored their ability (and given the same power to Keito) to see the supernatural world once more. As a result, Keito grew up surrounded by yokai such as Mizuki, Mikage’s current shinshi, and the great demon king Akura-Ou.
Since interacting with the supernatural world was normal to him, Keito never thought to keep their existence a secret from anyone else. His parents also didn’t say anything about it, choosing to respect their son’s wishes.
Gradually, Keito’s peers and the Ujigami school staff also got used to seeing a horned man with long hair and sharp teeth or a white-haired boy with a giant snake bringing the kid to school when his parents were busy.
“Uncle Akura, why did you object to my wedding as well?” Keito complained, pouting at his favorite uncle, who only let out a hearty laugh.
“What can I say, kiddo, it’s just fun,” Akura responded with a sly grin, sharp teeth in full view. “But congratulations! Can’t believe my own nephew got married before me,” he teased.
From the altar, the priest announced the names of the next couple to be wed in the booth. “Mr…Otohiko…and…Mr…Ookuninushi?” he read with raised eyebrows. Students these days sure had interesting names, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to wrap up their last ceremony and enjoy the festival for themselves afterward.
Suddenly, the chapel doors flew open. In tumbled two men with colorful hair, both dressed in Ujigami High uniforms. “We’re here!” they chortled, both looking flushed from what could only be Mizuki’s sacred sake.
Tomoe leapt out of his seat in shock. “Otohiko? Ookuninushi? What the hell are you two doing here?”
He’d also thought the students’ names were weird, but the last thing he expected was to see two literal gods dressed in high school uniforms appearing at a mortal school festival. Well, barring the fact that an oni was sitting in a chapel, the antithesis of his existence, just to raise objections at weddings for fun. That, and a snake who sat with his snake shikigami on full display, its tongue darting out in curious hisses.
“Hey! No swearing in a church!” Akura drawled, smirking when Tomoe gave him a withering stare.
The two gods made their way to the altar and smiled at the priest, who smiled back with as much sincerity as he could muster in a room full of non-humans craning their necks to witness what looked to be the longest-awaited wedding of the millennium.
Everyone who was anyone knew that Otohiko had a burgeoning crush on Ookuninushi for centuries, but it was always unrequited as the wealth god only dated women.
However, one fine day, Ookuninushi finally had an epiphany that all the female lovers he had bored him faster than he could say “next,” but he always enjoyed the wind god’s company more than anyone else. Thus, he elevated Otohiko’s status to be his main partner for the rest of their immortal lives.
While both of them could keep seeing others casually on the side, no one could replace the other in their hearts. And now they were solidifying their commitment with a formal union, albeit with no legally binding properties. That was fine, since immortality superseded all human legalities and their purposes anyway.
“Before we begin the ceremony,” the priest began, looking pointedly at Akura, “Does anyone object to this marriage?”
“I object!” Akura yelled before bursting into laughter. “Not because of any personal reasons, of course, but just because I like to go against the grain. Carry on, this is beautiful,” he finished before sitting back down, mouth wide in a cheeky grin.
Both gods laughed at Akura’s antics, taking the oni’s pretend objection as his blessing.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here to join Mr. Otohiko and Mr. Ookuninushi in the sacred union of marriage,” the priest began again, as written in the script.
“Stop!” Otohiko raised his hand, hazel eyes sparkling mischievously. “Can you please start over, but with this speech instead?” he asked, handing over a folded piece of sparkly pink paper.
The priest sighed before taking the paper and unfolding it. However, his weary expression shifted to that of choking back a laugh as he read its contents. “Sure. Let’s start again.”
Otohiko beamed as he linked arms with his partner, who looked equally pleased, emerald eyes full of adoration for his most beloved comrade.
The priest began to read again, this time in his most exaggerated voice:
“Mawwage, mawwage is wot bwings us togeva tooday. Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowwow you foweva… So, tweasure your wuv.”
“Skip to the end,” Ookuninushi grinned.
The priest minced no words. “Do you, Mr. Ookuninushi, take Mr. Otohiko to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love and protect him for better or for worse, in both sickness and health, till death do you part?”
“I do,” Ookuninushi said solemnly, squeezing Otohiko’s hand. “But we’re gods, and gods don’t die for a very long time, so think we’re pretty good there. Right, darling?”
Otohiko blushed slightly at the pet name, but nodded. “Exactly!” he exclaimed as Ookuninushi slipped one of the plastic rings onto his left ring finger.
“And do you, Mr. Otohiko, take Mr. Ookuninushi to be your lawfully wedded husband? Will you love and protect him for better or for worse, in both sickness and health, till death do you part?”
Otohiko bobbed his head up and down enthusiastically. “I dooooo!” he sang, grabbing one of the rings and slipping it onto the wealth god’s hand as well.
“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you…husbands,” the priest finished in full glory. “You may kiss each other.”
The whole chapel burst into applause as Ookuninushi pulled Otohiko toward him and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Nanami was practically in tears as she clutched at Tomoe’s arm.
“My ship has sailed! I’ve wanted them to get married ever since I met He-She Guy!” she squealed, jumping up and down in joy.
Tomoe had to smile at his wife’s enthusiasm, one of the things he loved the most about her. “Me too, Nanami. But I’m even happier to be married to you, my love in every lifetime,” he cooed, planting a kiss on her forehead.
As Otohiko and Ookuninushi cheered and walked down the aisle together, Akura suddenly piped up, “What about the bouquet toss?”
Ookuninushi thought for a moment, then winked. “I have something even better than flowers. Free money for everyone!” he crowed, snapping his fingers once.
Gold coins rained from the ceiling, flooding the chapel as everyone scrambled to pick up some. Even the priest joined in, more than happy to keep them as a tip for his troubles.
“Congratulations, Ookuninushi-sama and Otohiko-sama!” Mizuki called out, waving at the newlywed couple as they exited the church.
“Now, who’s ready for some…water gun fights?!” Akura burst forth, taking two water guns strapped to his waist and spraying everyone in the room with them as they shrieked and tried to duck.
“Yay! Best wedding ever!” cheered Keito and Saya. “We should do this at our real wedding someday!”