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A soft murmur and gentle caresses on her stomach slowly coaxed Caitlyn Kiramman to wake up. She had been sleeping for a few hours, her body still tired from waking up in the middle of the night to join her wife at the nursery but it had been worth it. Her heart raced slightly as she remembered Vi’s muscles moving as she built the crib and the way she had carried her back to bed, her strong arms tight around her body, making her feel safe.
“I love you, Muffin.” Vi’s voice broke through the sleep fog on Caitlyn’s mind. “I apologize if I worried your mommy last night, I just needed to do something after the night I had.”
Caitlyn’s hand moved lazily, tangling into the red hair of her partner. “Good morning, darling.”
It took a few moments for Vi to look up and lock eyes with her wife, her usually bright eyes slightly dull from whatever had happened last night. “Good morning, cupcake.” She whispered, her lips brushing against her belly in a featherlight kiss. “Did you manage to sleep a bit? I’m sorry about last night, I just…”
Silence blanketed over them for a second before Caitlyn moved up, propping herself against the headboard. “Alright, darling. Come here, we are going to have a long talk but I need cuddles first.”
In the years since she had met Vi, the redhead always tried to seem strong and nonchalant. It was unusual for the blue-haired woman to see her wife break down so the moments like the one that would happen the moment she wrapped her arms around the constantly tensed up body made her tear up a bit.
“It’s okay darling. Let it all go, I have you now.” She ran her fingers through Vi’s hair as the woman sobbed on her chest, her hands caressing the sides of her belly as a way to ground herself back into reality. “Muffin and I love you so much, Vi. We are here for you, forever.”
It would take a couple more whispered words for Vi to finally calm down, her hands still holding her wife’s belly. “I love you both so much, you know that, right Caitlyn?” Her voice was small and quiet, unlike anything she had ever sounded like.
“Of course we do, darling.”
“I need you to know it. I know I’m a mess but I am trying my best,” she choked up, her tears coming back strongly. “I am so scared.”
The broken words caused a sob to get stuck on Caitlyn’s throat, her hands cupping the woman’s cheeks and drying the tears lovingly. “Of what, darling?” She managed to ask.
“That this happiness won't last. That one day I will wake up and I’ll be alone again. I’m scared of losing you, of losing our baby. Take your pick of fears, I will most likely have it stored in my mind somewhere.” The small attempt at a joke lightened the mood faintly, Caitlyn’s lips curving up to the tiniest of smiles. “I’m not the type of person that gets a happy ending, cupcake. For so long I thought that my future would be pain and loss, and then you found me.”
Vi quieted down for a bit, her eyes dropping to the blue-haired woman’s belly. She leaned down, leaving kisses on every inch of skin she could reach. Caitlyn shivered, her fingers still tangled on her hair.
“I keep dreaming of scenarios where I lose both of you. It is always my fault,” a self-deprecating smile appeared on her face, breaking her wife’s heart. “I am not strong enough to protect you in some of them or I say something that makes you leave. But they always end up the same, with me once again by myself, drowning in sorrows and struggling to keep going. What will I do if something happens to either of you, Cait? I’m not… I can’t lose you.” Vi broke down again, her shoulders shaking from the strength of the sobs.
The woman wasn’t sure where to start, she stayed silent as she watched her partner bury her face on her stomach, as if she was trying to remind herself that the small belly was indeed the place where their baby was growing. She allowed her to cry for a while, understanding that sometimes all you need is a hug instead of words.
“I’m here, darling.” She whispered as the woman’s sobs slowed down. “Can you look at me, Vi?”
She waited until the gray eyes she loved so much finally found hers. Vi sniffled, her whole face puffy and red from the sobs.
“Listen to me carefully, darling. You are enough. You are everything I have ever wanted. This thing we have together? It is like a dream that came true. You don’t know how many days I spent begging to have someone to love me so much that they would look at me the way you look at me. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” Her hand slid down the woman’s hair to her neck. “I love you. I love you because you are strong, because you are sweet and considerate. I love you because from the first moment I saw you it was as if you brought color back to my life. You are the strongest person I know, not only physically but mentally too. You have saved me countless times, Vi. But you don’t need to shoulder the weight of the world. I am here with you. We are a team.” She leaned closer to her wife, resting her forehead on the woman’s. “We are together because we work together. Because even when I falter and stumble I know that you will be there to pick me up, the same when it happens to you.”
Vi’s lower lip trembled softly as she tried to stop the tears from falling again. Caitlyn smiled gently, closing the distance to leave a faint kiss on her lips.
“I love you, Vi. And our muffin is lucky to be able to call you their mother. You won’t lose us because I won’t let you. And because I know you will do everything in your power to make us happy and keep us safe. But that doesn’t mean you can’t rely on me, baby. I’m here to stay, I’m here forever. Please remember that.”
The quiet murmur of Caitlyn’s voice was enough to break the dam once again as the tears fell freely. Vi moved so she could be closer to the woman’s belly, leaving kisses everywhere like before before kissing up her body so she could crush their lips together. The kiss tasted of tears but it was loving, Vi’s hand wrapping around the woman and pulling her to her lap. The moment they broke apart, the redhead buried her face on Caitlyn’s neck, inhaling her perfume.
“I love you,” she mumbled against her skin. “I love you so much. I want to be with you forever, Cait.”
“Oh my, if I didn’t know better I would think you are proposing marriage to me, Vi.” She playfully said. The joke was a success, a loud laughter breaking through the woman’s sobs. The redhead’s hand found Caitlyn’s, bringing it up to her lips so she could leave kisses all around the gold band that they shared.
“If I could marry you every day of our lives, I would do it, Caitlyn. I love you.”
The blue-haired woman melted, the words and Vi’s love-filled eyes breaking through any tension she had felt. Vi’s free hand kept caressing her stomach, as a way to maintain contact with their baby. “Well, maybe not every day, but we could renew our vows once our muffin joins us, don’t you think?”
“I would love too, cupcake. Now come here,” she whispered, her strong arms wrapping around the woman and pulling her to her body, spooning her from behind and covering them with the blankets. “Let’s sleep for a bit longer, alright? We deserve it.”
“Mmm, I like the sound of that.” Caitlyn answered, scooting back until her back was flush against Vi’s front. And during the whole time, for the hours that would share in their sleep, Vi’s hand never left Caitlyn’s belly.