Chapter Text
Times like this, Jeremy began to realize that maybe it was his luck that was the problem. To be fair, his luck, or rather lack thereof, was the main source of all his problems. After all, it was just his luck that he was now a high school senior, and yet he still felt awkward at parties. After the whole SQUIPcident of last year, he’s been trying to naturally build up his confidence. You know, without pill-sized supercomputers in his brain. The old-fashioned way! So when Brooke had offered him an invite to one of her very cool, very not “Loser Friendly” senior parties, he did his best to follow up on it, even if the thought of bombing it made his stomach lurch.
Now that he really thought about it, it really was just his luck to be on Brooke’s couch right now, feeling like he was going to vomit. He rolled over on his side, groaning. The living room felt like it was spinning, and the girl was nowhere to be found. Great, of course, something like this happens to him. Jeremy’s eyes blinked one at a time as he tried to scan them over the scene. The voices of the other party-goers seemed to slow and distort a bit, like everything in the world was in slow motion, except him. No, Jeremy felt as if each movement he made, he was moving too fast, too weird, just altogether wrong. He could feel some people looking at him, which made him feel even worse. Or at least he could swear people were looking.
Alright, focus, Jeremy, focus. If he could remember what made him feel this way, that meant that he was one step closer to solving his problem. He closed his eyes and thought hard, retracing his steps and listening to what his body was trying to tell him. He felt this strange buzzing in his stomach. It was like the couch was pulling him down to Hell with it. Holy shit, he felt like he was going to die if someone was actually looking at him.
Did he eat something laced with anything? He didn’t eat much while here and probably hasn’t been here any longer than a few hours. Nothing but a… He tried to think. Fuck, even Jeremy’s thoughts were slowing down. He had nothing but… A… Handful of popcorn, he remembered that because Brooke had offered it, and… A beer or two, wanting to be social and rad, but Jeremy had kept a watchful eye on his drinks tonight, so they definitely weren’t drugged. Was he drunk? Nahhh, couldn’t be. He shook this thought out of his head. Jeremy was a lightweight but not an amateur. He drank at a few parties before, just to try and play it cool. It never worked out too well because he hated the taste. That was when just a single shot would get him absolutely hammered.
What was it then? Oh no…Was it…?
He groaned again and furrowed his eyebrows, mentally kicking himself for being so stupid. The brownies Michael had given him before dropping him off.
“Alright, sweetheart, now you be safe!” Michael earlier had joked, mimicking a (strangely southern?) mothering tone. He patted the steering wheel and bobbed his head along to the music playing. As he turned up the volume, he listed off his fingers. They were practically hitting Jeremy in the face with each one listed. “Remember: No drinks, no drugs, and no sex—” Now his hand pointed at him, a gun gesture, a big goofy grin on his face, practically singing the next listing. The exception to the last rule. The Holy Grail. “Without a condommm~”
They were now turning into the cul-de-sac Brooke lived in. Too late to turn back now. Jeremy closed his eyes and inhaled to prep himself, coughing instead when he heard the Holy Grail. His body slunked into his seat, chuckling along with his best friend. His own grin matched him. It wasn’t even a funny joke. It was just so expected. So Michael.
“Ha, ha,” he laughed dryly. “As if I’d even get to first base? Do you hear yourself?”
“Yeahhhh, your best bet is nervously beating off in the bathroom, who am I kidding?” Michael said before his tone turned more genuine. Softer. It was almost made the aforementioned joke about nervously jerking off alone in Brooke’s bathroom dissipate into the air, and that’s what made Michael Michael. The duality of his words, but how each sentence came straight from the heart.
“Seriously, though? Text me if you decide to chicken out. I’ll be on standby. Like, no worries at all, dude, I really don’t mind driving back up here and picking you up.”
Jeremy really treasured their friendship. More than he could ever vocalize.
“Aaaaand, just in case you want something to take the edge off a little, I packed ya a snack bag,” Michael stated, pointing to the console in the passenger’s seat.
When Jeremy had opened it, inside lay a neatly wrapped zip-lock bag of brownies, peanut butter M&Ms (Jeremy’s favorite), and a Twix.
Michael beamed at him, putting the car in park as they pulled up to Brooke’s house.
“Am I a good dad or what?”
Holy fuck, he’s a fucking idiot. “Something to take the edge off a little?” Michael wasn’t just assuming Jeremy was a nervous eater. He packed him pot brownies in case he got too anxious at the party. Pot brownies that he accidentally ate in full, and now everything was hitting him. Hard. God, that makes so much sense now, no wonder they were so small! The distorted voices, the room feeling foggy, his eyes feeling heavy, thinking everyone was watching him— He was high! He had to call someone, or at least send a text. This was the worst high he’s ever had.
Jeremy turned onto his side as he attempted to get up, a cloud of fog seemingly making its way onto the other side of his brain as he did so, his glasses going askew. He felt like he was going to be stuck on this couch forever, but still pressed onward. An elbow connected with leather. Good job, Jer, halfway there. The sound of his skin unsticking to the couch made him laugh, and then he found himself stuck again, slapping his palm onto the warm leather just to hear the sound it made when he peeled his hand off. Eventually, he was able to finally sit up, and after some more effort and the powerful work his two remaining brain cells were doing, stand.
Well, this was the last time he decided to be social. You don’t get high by accident by staying at home by yourself, that’s for sure.
He had to make a phone call, but first he had to be in a quiet space. There were too many people… Too much noise…They were gonna judge him, he knew it… All this paranoia and loud ass music, it all hurt his ears— And where was Brooke? Did she just leave him? No, that wasn’t like her. She’ll probably be back— Maybe he should stay here and wait?
Suddenly, a loud crash was heard, as if a glass had broken. It made Jeremy jump. His eyes dashed over to the sound, his heart rapidly thumping. Two girls had been arguing over something, Jeremy noticed. The first girl was obviously drunk. She was stumbling and talking loudly, her speech slurring with each syllable. The other— He squinted, desperately trying to keep his eyes open. God, it was hard to concentrate— She was lecturing her friend about something. They looked similar. Perhaps they were sisters? It seemed the first girl had knocked over a vase, and the other, seemingly older, one was scolding. Oh, so that’s what made the sound. God, he was totally tripping. Jeremy couldn’t stay here. He had to leave. He was starting to feel as if the walls were closing in on him.
A hand had touched his arm, making him jump and spin around toward it. His hazel eyes traveled up the cardigan-donned arm until they reached a familiar face. Well, somewhat familiar. Everything was foggy. Fuck, how many brownies did he eat? And who was this person he suddenly— Oh! Oh, thank god, it was Brooke! She looked at him with concerned eyes.
“Jeremy, are you okay?” She asked, holding him steady, a cup of what seemed to be water in her other hand. Her voice was sweet and gentle. It made Jeremy feel safe. His brain suddenly felt like it was lagging, and Brooke’s grip on his shoulder tightened. Oh, Jesus, he was swaying a bit! He could’ve fallen over if Brooke wasn’t holding him still.
“Muh,” was all he could get out before he cracked a smile and started trying to lie back down on the couch. So comfy, but sticky when hot (Jeremy certainly felt hot. Too hot), what a weird concept for something to relax on!
Brooke’s eyes grew wider. “Jeremy?”
Jeremy must’ve blacked out for a second because suddenly he was being dragged upstairs. Brooke said something about him needing a quiet place, or something. Jeremy couldn’t really understand much of the hazy-sounding music, but he heard that.
The room was colder than the room with all the partygoers, and it felt nice against Jeremy’s hot skin. Brooke sat him down and propped him up against the headboard, lifting him a bit only to squeeze a pillow behind his back for comfort.
She looked on with worried eyes, extending the water to him. “Jeremy sweetie, are you okay?”
Jeremy took the water gingerly before sipping it slowly. Her voice was comforting, he noticed. It was almost like his mom’s voice. That’s a weird ass thought, considering they made out a bunch of times… And did some other things… Does that mean he has an Oedipus complex? He’s getting off track here. “I’m okay now. Just… Feeling… Funny.” He muttered.
“Funny?”
“Brooke, look,” he smiled a little at the rhyme before continuing, “I know you’re trying to help, but I’m fine…”
A cloudy film covered his eyes as the clouds outside blocked out the moonlight. Brooke got up to turn on the lamp in the corner of her desk, knowing Jeremy was slightly scared of the dark when he got high. It was coming on a little better now; he could feel it. The euphoria was slowly pouring in, and he began to feel kinda sluggish, maybe because it was so calm and quiet up here in Brooke’s room. Jeremy came to a party to have fun, true, but sitting here high with just Brooke was when he finally started to relax. All the panic and raving downstairs stressed him out.
He smiled a bit, his words slurring together a bit as he spoke. “Can we just, like… I dunno, stay up here and play truth or dare or something?”
Brooke giggled. “Truth or dare? What are we, middle schoolers?”
That made him laugh. God, if only he were in middle school again. That’s when times were so much simpler. They were in their senior year of high school now, on their way to college, but then what comes next? Jeremy didn’t want to think about it. Hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted to take in college, not even thinking about what would come after.
“Yeah,” he laughed, which forced a snort past his lips. “Go ahead, ask me.”
Brooke rolled her eyes. “Okay then, Jeremy, truth or dare?” She took the water back from him and put it on the bedside table before going around the other side of the bed and sitting beside him, against the headboard.
“Uhh… Truth.”
“Bitch boy.” Came her response, instantly.
“What?” Jeremy burst into laughter. “How am I a bitch boy?”
She cackled, “You brought up the game, you’re supposed to pick dare!”
Nonetheless, she rolled her eyes and began to think. Jeremy prepared himself for the worst, but Brooke’s playful grin slowly turned into a solemn frown. She furrowed her eyebrows, looking onto the other side of the room before flicking her dark brown eyes over at Jeremy. “Hey, you remember how we used to… Y’know… Because of… You know… ?”
Jeremy frowned too, furrowing his eyebrows as well, his hazel eyes looking into hers. He felt so bad during that time. He’s always thought Brooke was cute and really pretty, but it’s true. He only pursued her when the SQUIP suggested it. He remembered the computer emphasizing that this would be the easiest route for him to take if he wanted to be more chill. In the end, the whole thing ended in shambles. Thinking about it sent a shiver down his back.
He couldn’t control how nervous his voice sounded after, stumbling.
“U-Uh… Yeah…?”
“Did…” She seemed to be second-guessing herself. “Nevermind— It’s… It’s.. Stupid.”
“No!” He exclaimed, panicking slightly. “I-I mean… Please, ask it, it seems serious.”
She turned away and began playing with her hair. “Well…” Sneaking glances, she wet her lips before beginning again. “I-I… I shouldn’t be asking this while you’re high or anything, or even during a stupid game of truth or dare, but… I’ve always wondered.” Brooke faced him fully now. “Did you… Did you… Really, like me?”
That felt like a gut punch. Brooke is so sweet: She’s kind, considerate, and she even has a sort of geeky side to her. He recalled that time she invited him over to her house, and they played Mortal Kombat together in this very room. To him, she was like the prettiest flower you saw while walking through the park: Colorful, vibrant, and full of life. She brightened every room she walked into. What wasn’t there to like about her?
Nodding slightly, he faced her. “Of course I did, Brooke.” He made sure to sound sincere, despite his funny bone being tickled right now. Jeremy let out a soft laugh, “I still do. I mean, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be asking you to play truth or dare with me right now.”
“No, stupid, I mean…” She hesitated, her cheeks burning scarlet now. “Ugh, now it really feels like we’re middle schoolers.”
“Like… Like-like you?” Jeremy asked, sitting up on his elbows. He was trying to figure out what the blonde was too embarrassed to say.
Instead, she pushed him over. “Shut up.” She said, her voice mildly sad.
“No, no, like… Is that what you’re asking? I’m not making fun of you,” he threw his hands up, an attempt to surrender. “I swear, I-I just… I don’t know, I want to give you a decent answer.”
Brooke was facing away from him now, but he could tell that’s what she wanted to ask. The way her hands trembled slightly, the small lifts of her chest as she held in her breath. It was clear. This was something she thought about often. Something that’s been gnawing at her, he could tell.
“Brooke?”
When she turned her head to look down at him again, her chestnut colored eyes were glazed with tears. He flinched as one slowly ran down her cheek and fell onto his skin.
Fuck. This wasn’t at all how he was expecting things to pan out.
“I-I’m… Sorry…” was all he could manage, sitting up on his elbows again. “Like, I-I really, really, mean it. I’m so fucking sorry. I, um… Can’t take back what I did—”
“I know, I know, but—”
“It hurt you.”
Brooke hesitated for a moment, her eyes to her hands, neatly folded in her lap. She let them rest there for a moment before meeting Jeremy’s gaze once more, nodding as tears began to spill. Instinctively, Jeremy pulled the girl into a hug, squeezing her in both of his arms.
“I can’t take back what happened, but… I’m so glad I got to get to know you. Like, the real you. I never would’ve known that Brooke Lohst has an Animal Crossing collection. Or that sometimes, she laughs so hard, whatever she’s drinking will come out of her nose. Or, that she actually really, really, likes fighting games…”
They parted briefly and Jeremy looked her straight in the eye. He wanted her to know that he meant every word. That he wasn’t that asshole last year that dated her just to get his V-Card punched, or whatever. That he was her friend. Truly.
The gesture made Brooke smile. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling. It was a tender moment. A conversation they both needed, Jeremy came to realize. The air felt lighter, easier to breathe in. He never noticed just how much tension there was between them before, but it seemed to have cleared up instantly.
“Thanks, Jer.” She mumbled, her voice small.
“Of course.”
They stayed there in silence for a few more moments, side by side, staring up at Brooke’s canopy, breathing in the new air. It was seriously like a weight had been lifted.
Eventually, she sprawled over his legs, her tone much more cheerful now. “Well, that means it’s my turn! I pick dare.” She looked over at him, a grin sprawled on her face. “Unlike someone in this room, I’m no bitch.”
Several rounds of truth or dare later, Jeremy and Brooke were on the ground, surrounded by pillows and feathers, giggling (well, in Jeremy’s case, wheezing) with glee. This is the most fun he’s had in a long time, and it was just sitting here in Brooke’s room playing truth or dare with her. His high was coming to a low, but his spirits certainly weren’t. Maybe the drinks Brooke had snuck down to grab them were the cause for that, maybe he was actually enjoying himself at a party for once.
Brooke turned over to him, her chin resting on the nest of her arms. “Okay, your turn again. I know you’re gonna pick truth because you picked dare last time, so here’s your question–”
Jeremy sputtered, cutting her off. “Wait, wait, how did you know I was going to pick truth!?”
“Because you’re weird and more importantly, you’re Jeremy, and you like patterns.” She smiled up at him, causing him to smile back at her. “Okay, so, everyone’s been dying to know this one. Are you and Michael gonna… You know…”
Jeremy did not know. He raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”
“Oh my god, you don’t know?”
“No…?”
“Are you gonna… I don’t know— Date or hookup or whatever it is you nerds do?”
Brooke then backpedaled a bit, afraid that she might have offended Jeremy in some way. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to! It’s just— I don’t know… You two seem so close all the time, the squad thought that maybe you would be…” She trailed off, letting Jeremy have the floor.
“I don’t know,” Jeremy answered honestly with furrowed eyebrows.
Truth be told, he never really noticed any attraction toward guys before, let alone Michael. He remembered growing up being told that he was going to marry a nice woman. Or that he would find a nice girl eventually. For some reason, he never really realized that being with a guy was even… Possible? I mean, of course it was possible, he thought to himself. Gay marriage exists and is legal. He knows of gay famous people, like Ellen DeGeneres or Neil Patrick Harris, so it was obviously possible for them. But for some reason, he felt like it wasn’t possible for him. Was he straight? Was he gay? Was there some other option, some middle ground? He didn’t know.
“I never really… Thought I could date a guy,” he mumbled, thinking out loud as he stared up at the ceiling. “I mean, I guess Michael’s okay, I just… I never really…”
The more he thought about it, the more intrigued he seemed to become. Girls are hot, that’s a definite yes. He’s thought that since like, 6th grade. He did seem weirdly attached to some actors, like Chris Hemsworth or Tom Hiddleston. But was that because they played Thor and Loki, or was that because he was gay? He can’t be gay, though, he likes girls.
“Is there…” He turned towards Brooke, who was looking at him with the utmost concern. “Is there… Like… An option for people who like both?”
She perked up a little bit. “You mean like bisexual?”
“Bisexual.”
He needed to call someone.