Archive of Our Own

Yoongi didn’t believe in fate, or luck, or destiny. Yoongi didn’t believe in God. He didn’t believe in the compatibility of zodiac signs and he barely even mustered up the courage to believe in weather reports. Min Yoongi hardly believed in anything, if he was being honest. But one thing he did believe in was punctuality and according to his wristwatch, that he was just checking for what must have been the tenth time during the last five minutes, Jimin was exactly thirty-eight minutes and twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six seconds late.

And Yoongi should be mad, really. Should’ve probably gone back to his fucking dorm an hour ago, when Jimin had texted him, saying that he wouldn’t be able to make it until half seven, already pushing the time they had agreed on back by half an hour. But Yoongi was still here, waiting, which went against at least three of his “first date” principles at the same time. But then Jimin went against a lot of Yoongi’s principles in general. Just by existing for example he made Yoongi believe in something that wasn’t a science book or a musical scale. He made Yoongi want to believe. And he wasn’t quite sure whether that was a good thing.

Considering that the first thing Yoongi had done after finding out Jimin’s star sign, was check its compatibility with his, it was probably not as good as he made himself believe, even though he had to admit that their compatibility looking quite promising had given him the confidence boost that he had needed to ask Jimin out on a date in the first place.

And maybe it was the sheer impossibility of this exact moment even happening, that made Yoongi stay. That he just still couldn’t quite believe, that when he had asked Jimin to take him out to dinner tonight he hadn’t only said yes. He had said yes and smiled with his teeth and offered to pick Yoongi up and touched his elbow so slightly Yoongi might’ve as well imagined it.

But now Jimin was more than forty minutes late to being half an hour late and Yoongi thought that maybe it was too impossible and that of course Jimin wouldn’t really want to go out with him. He was probably just being Jimin. Being kind and nice and gentle.

Yoongi’s hands fiddled with the hem of his shirt that was almost sticking to his body in the thick heat that had been hovering over the city for days. The weather report had been announcing storms for the last week but Yoongi could smell it wasn’t going to rain today.

Maybe he was a little bit mad. Yoongi checked his watch for the bazillionth time and Jimin was still nowhere to be seen. He sighed and it felt like heaviness seeping into his lungs. He couldn’t quite say if it was just the air or something that tasted a bit more like rejection.

Yoongi told himself that he was just about to go back, really, and call this entire thing off, when he looked up at the sound of an approaching car and this time he saw Jimin behind the steering wheel. His heart leapt despite himself.

“You’re late”, Yoongi huffed when he opened the door of Jimin’s car before his date could even say hello and let himself fall onto the passenger seat. Jimin was seemingly unimpressed by Yoongi’s frown and flashed a blinding smile before he retorted: “And you’re particularly good-looking today.”

Yoongi choked on the air he was just inhaling, trying to play it off as snorting at Jimin’s comment. He thought that it had most definitely been a lie but blushed anyways. It had hardly been a minute and Jimin was already getting him flustered for fucks sake.

“Funny”, he bit back but only half meant it and Jimin shrugged.

“I just thought we were both stating the obvious.”

Yoongi tried very hard not to smile at that but failed and suddenly Jimin reached over him to close the car door on his side and came so impossibly close, Yoongi held his breath. He could still smell the cologne Jimin was wearing and it made his stomach curl up but in a good way. The best one possible.

“Thank you for waiting”, Jimin said, his face still way too close to Yoongi’s.

“Thatsalright”, Yoongi responded and it sounded rushed and mumbly and actually it wasn’t quite as alright as he said it was but Jimin’s face was so close in fact, that if Yoongi had just dipped his head a bit and pursed his lips, he could’ve touched Jimin’s cheek with them. He really, really wanted to. But they hadn’t been in this god damned car for more than two breaths and even though Yoongi was all about breaking principles with Jimin, he felt that it was a bit too much to start thinking about kissing him already. Which now – of course – he did.

Before Yoongi could spend too much time envisioning how Jimin’s skin would feel under his lips however, Jimin leant back into his own seat. Thankfully.

“Where to?”, Jimin then asked and turned to look at Yoongi who found that he had been staring at Jimin for a good amount of time and was now desperately trying not to seem like he just got caught.

“The uh – There is this restaurant that has huge portion sizes for practically no money and a wine menu that is like exclusive to the place. I thought maybe we could …”, Yoongi trailed off trying to read Jimin’s facial expression, but he just kept smiling. Yoongi wondered if his mouth ever got tired of that.

“So what you’re saying is: cheap food and expensive wine?”

“Basically?”

“Fantastic, let’s go.”

Yoongi smiled again. Jimin’s presence made him smile a lot more than usual and it felt strange to just smile without any particular reason but not necessarily bad.

~

“Voila!”, Yoongi exclaimed, while sliding into one of the booth seats without thinking and Jimin sat down opposite him. Their feet touched fleetingly but they both ignored it. Or tried to. Yoongi’s eyes shot up and met Jimin’s for a split second. Not long enough for it to mean something.

The interior design was admittedly even trashier than Yoongi remembered it to be but it was crowded for a Monday night. Not quite uncomfortably but more lively than Yoongi had anticipated.  The Big Dipper had definitely seen better days and looking at the spaceship-shaped lamp that dangled over their table now, Yoongi wasn’t quite so sure why he had brought Jimin here in the first place.

“Oh! The menus look so nice!”, Jimin suddenly exclaimed and something in Yoongi lit up. Jimin’s fingers traced the relief-like artwork on the front of the menu and he smiled, mouth open, eyes sparkling, “Are those planets?” Jimin took Yoongi’s menu from him and held them next to each other, the one card showing Mercury, the other one Saturn. Yoongi nodded and Jimin let out an excited laugh.

“This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.”

“Oh, stop lying!”, Yoongi protested and Jimin handed him his menu back, shaking his head. Yoongi couldn’t believe he was on a date with the actual fifteen-year-old version of himself.

“No actually. This place is like so great.”

“I really can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic right now”, Yoongi laughed and put his menu down after deciding on what to have rather quickly. He let his eyes wander around the room but they landed back on Jimin every ten seconds or so. His hair looked so soft.

“I’m not! Cross my heart.”

Silence settled over them while Jimin was picking something to eat and after a couple of minutes their waiter took their drink orders. Yoongi ordered the wine that sounded the nicest and Jimin smirked at him pretending to know what he was talking about, when he could hardly get the French name out of his mouth without tying his tongue into a double knot. Yoongi repressed that this would burn a hole into his wallet.

“Do you want to know a super uncool fact about me?”, Yoongi said after the waiter had left and placed his elbows on the table, chin resting in his hands.

“I’m all ears”, Jimin said and mimicked Yoongi’s position, leaning his head in until they would’ve been able to hear each other whispering. Yoongi had to actively stop his heart from hammering through his ribcage by taking extra slow breaths. Jimin was playing with one of his earrings and Yoongi realised he had been doing the same without meaning to.

“I used to come here just for the astronomy inspired décor”, Yoongi said and kept his voice low on purpose. Jimin raised his eyebrows before he responded: “So what you’re trying to say is … the food isn’t actually that good?”, voice equally hushed and eyes wide. Yoongi could see the subtlest smile hiding behind his lips. He shook his head and Jimin held the eye contact. And held it and held it and held it until Yoongi’s eyes forgot how to be eyes and his lungs forgot how to be lungs and his body forgot how to be a body and exist.

“Tell me one more thing, Yoongi, I have to know. What about the wine?”

“Yeah, no. The wine is actually pretty fucking good”, Yoongi said, leaning back against the faux leather of the booth now, breaking the somewhat intimate atmosphere and Jimin snorted but didn’t move.

“Thank God.”

On cue their wine arrived and they said cheers to galaxy themed restaurant menus. The first sip encased Yoongi’s tongue in a bittersweet aroma and he pursed his lips pretending to sample it. Jimin gave him a small smile and took a big gulp.

“Do you like this kinda stuff?”, he then asked and it didn’t sound the slightest bit judgemental. Just like he was genuinely interested in what Yoongi had to say, “the universe, I mean. Stars, astrology …”

“Astronomy?”, Yoongi proposed and tried a soft smile. Jimin set his glass down and touched the back of his neck sheepishly. Either Yoongi was starting to see things or Jimin was actually fucking blushing and he had to admit that this was probably the best thing that had happened so far. All the casual touching included.

“Yeah, that”, Jimin let his eyes linger on Yoongi’s face for a bit before his gaze fell to the table instead. It made Yoongi’s stomach jump and he took another mouthful of wine. More daring this time.

“I used to be obsessed with it. Stars, Planets, Moons, Astrophysics … The entire thing. Still am, to be honest … Not as obsessively but uh – I think about space a lot. I think it's … pretty fucking impressive you know? Beautiful.

I feel like if we understand how this universe is made up like, how vast and – and still interconnected everything is, we can uh – does that make sense? I just – Wow, wait that sounded totally pretentious let me rephrase that.

It’s just. It’s everything there is. It’s all out there somewhere and we haven’t even scratched the surface yet you know? There’s still so much to see and everything is changing constantly and – I don’t know I think that’s just really fucking cool.

But really, I’m rambling now. I don’t want you to think I can only talk about hot gas in outer space and”, Yoongi made an expansive gesture that included every papier-mâché asteroid in the room, “This”

Jimin looked at him with wide eyes and blinked slowly before he said: “Oh please, not at all”, and then cast his eyes down again.

Yoongi didn’t pick the topic back up but kept watching Jimin silently. The lightning made him look so soft, it was like all of his edges were blurring together and Yoongi really wanted to touch his face. Jimin was playing with his wine glass now, rolling it between his delicate fingers. How much Yoongi wanted to touch them too. He would probably get away with holding Jimin’s hand rather than cupping his face. He wondered if he could risk it, but before he had the chance to even consider trying, their waiter checked in with them again, bringing their food.

~

Jimin’s hand inched towards his and Yoongi imagined a human tarantula crawling over the table in slow motion. Or maybe that was just his nerves because really Jimin’s hands looked nothing like spiders. To be precise his hands were the prettiest hands Yoongi had ever seen in his entire life and the prospect of them touching his, in what couldn’t be more than a couple of minutes made his head spin. And his stomach. Or maybe that was the wine? It was a fucking mess. He was the mess.

It took roughly three hundred more breaths of trying to not move his hand from its position on the hideous tablecloth and chewing and swallowing and trying not to choke on his own tongue, before Yoongi could feel Jimin’s fingers on his and he tried really hard to not let his face show how blazing hot every millimetre of skin was, that Jimin touched.

Gathering up enough bravery to manage to lift his gaze from his plate onto their hands up Jimin’s arm and to his face, that was flashing every possible colour in a whirlwind of emotions, took Yoongi as long as finally finishing his food. Jimin turned bright purple when their eyes met.

He looked at their hands and then looked at Yoongi again and Yoongi laced their fingers together lazily without thinking that he would have it in him. Jimin looked away. Smiling, seemingly trying to bite it back and Yoongi half-wished he didn’t have. But maybe it was better like this because he wasn’t so sure how many more times Jimin could flash a full on smile in his direction before he would actually go blind.

Yoongi was glad there wasn’t any food left to eat, because his throat felt tighter now and he hardly managed to swallow enough air down to keep his head in the right place. He was watching a fruit fly that sat down on the rim of his almost empty wine glass and if Yoongi was honest with himself the only reason why he had the guts to draw irregular patterns into the smooth skin of Jimin’s hand now, was that this exact wine was making his nerve endings do somersaults. At least he thought it was the wine. But when Yoongi looked up again and found Jimin’s eyes trained on his face he thought that there might be more to his nervous system acting up than drinking three quarters of a glass of wine, that came at three fivers per serving.

“What’s your uh … favourite type of cheese?”, Jimin suddenly said and Yoongi swallowed a mouthful of air, wondered if this was anything other than what the words implied. If this was some new way of asking people to suck them off in the restroom or if Jimin was really just asking about cheese.

“My – what?”, Yoongi raised his eyebrows and he caught Jimin blushing. It was endearing.

“I just …”, he sighed and tried to scratch a hole into the table with a fingernail of the hand Yoongi wasn’t currently holding, “I read this article about good conversation starters for when it gets awkward and –”

“Are you accusing me of being lame?”

“No! I just thought I – I don’t know can’t you just play along …”

“I thought we were just having a moment here”, Yoongi said smugly and pointed to their still touching hands on the table. Jimin withdrew his and placed it in his lap and Yoongi tried not to be hurt by that, “Way to ruin the mood”, he continued and Jimin pouted, not replying to the teasing.

“Is this some kind of trick? You’re not trying to sell me drugs are you?” Jimin blushed impossibly darker and let his eyes dart around the room as if checking if someone had heard them.

“Do you mind keeping it down”, he hissed and now it looked like he was trying to disappear under the table.

“So you are trying to sell me something illegal”, Yoongi concluded jokingly because by now he was pretty sure Jimin had just really wanted to get the conversation going again and it could only take three more minutes of Yoongi embarrassing him before he had slid down his chair far enough for their feet to touch under the table.

“Yoongi”, Jimin whined and Yoongi fucking giggled and he realised that he hadn’t done that in months. He enjoyed the way Jimin said his name, even though it was probably not too different from how anyone else said it but it felt different. It made him want to take his hand again.

Yoongi picked up his wine glass and swirled the dark liquid around for a bit before emptying it, keeping his eyes on Jimin the whole time, before saying: “I’m lactose intolerant”, and really it wasn’t that funny – or funny at all for that matter – but Jimin snorted with laughter a bit too enthusiastically and sent some of the wine he had just been drinking flying over the table. It missed Yoongi by two centimetres when it hit the leather of the booth.

“Shit”, Jimin exclaimed admittedly pretty fucking loud and his face contorted into sheer terror and Yoongi felt laughter bubbling up inside of his chest and felt his fingertips tingling.

“And you think I am calling you lame”, Jimin said exasperated and let his head fall into his hand.

Yoongi properly laughed at that and when the waiter came to clean up their empty dishes he asked for a refill of both of their glasses. Since it looked like half of it had stained the tablecloth anyways, it only seemed reasonable.

“So”, Yoongi began after the waiter had left and leaned over the table a bit, “What’s your favourite type of cheese?”

Jimin huffed out a laugh and still didn’t look at Yoongi when he responded: “I actually hate cheese” and then both of them had to laugh again and maybe that was the wine or maybe it was just Jimin’s presence that made Yoongi constantly feel like his ribcage was going to burst.

~

“This is really impressive I never knew you could see this many stars out here”, Yoongi remarked and let his head fall back in an effort to see the sky better, that was framed by a couple of spread out pine trees.

“It’s because the forest over here blocks out a lot of the scattered light and smog. The air tastes different as well don’t you think?”

“Mhm” Jimin was right. The heat wasn’t quite as sticky here, more like breathing in water instead of cement. Yoongi turned his head back to Jimin, who was leaning against the hood of the car, legs crossed at the ankles. Swallowing thickly, because his mouth felt dry all of a sudden, Yoongi walked back over to him, also leaning against the cool metal of the car now. His hand brushed Jimin’s arm and one of them shivered but it was like he couldn’t tell himself from Jimin anymore. The wine still made his thoughts a bit hazy and slow which was probably why he only realised how close he was actually standing to Jimin when he said: “I used to come here all the time” and turned his head towards Yoongi, their faces hardly half an arm length away from each other, “It was like my … secret.”

“Not anymore?” Yoongi felt his fingertips tingle at the thought that maybe he was the only one Jimin had ever shared this place with and a slight smile tugged at his lips. He leaned in closer and caught another hint of Jimin’s cologne. Another hint of dizziness.

“I got …  busy? I guess. I don’t know but I haven’t been here in ages”

“It’s amazing”, Yoongi said softly and Jimin was still watching him so very intently he felt himself shrink under his gaze. Turned around to face Jimin as well and they just looked at each other for a bit and Yoongi let his eyes fall to Jimin’s lips that were parted ever so slightly and his chest was rising and falling just quickly enough for Yoongi to notice. He wondered if it was alright to kiss him now. If kissing someone on your first date while leaning against a shitty car in a somewhat remote forest was something you could do. All of Yoongi’s first kisses had been numbed by distinctively more alcohol than two glasses of overpriced wine. It was burning through him.

When he blinked and lifted his eyes up and Jimin cocked his head to the side, Yoongi realised that he hadn’t kissed anyone without sharp teeth and aching lungs in years now and that maybe his hands had forgotten how to be gentle instead of harsh. That Jimin was possibly too delicate for him to hold and that really, Yoongi had no idea how to kiss him without breaking one or both of them in half. That he wanted Jimin to feel like he hadn’t just done all this because he wanted to make out with him on a car hood, but because he thought he was worth spending almost three work days’ worth of money and an entire evening on. And maybe that was what made Yoongi jerk his head back when he felt Jimin’s hand on his neck or maybe he was just genuinely fucking terrified.

Shit.

Confusion washed over Jimin’s face, tinted his eyes, before it changed into something else. Yoongi was glad it was gone too soon for him to make sense of what exactly it had been.

“Sorry I –”, Jimin started but cut himself off when Yoongi shook his head.

Silence. Then Jimin let out a breathy laugh and pushed some hair out of his forehead just for it to fall back right away. Yoongi had to actively force himself to not reach up and wind his fingers through Jimin’s hair.

“Come on, it’s even better up there”, Jimin said and Yoongi might’ve imagined the forced cheerfulness but he probably hadn’t. The air was thick with something other than humidity now and it pushed down Yoongi’s tongue with inconceivable force. He balled his hand to a fist in the pocket of his shorts and said: “Sure”, and it didn’t sound like anything at all. Not even pretence.

They started up the small hill and when Yoongi stumbled over nothing but his own feet – he was pretty sure it was the wine’s fault – Jimin grabbed a hold of his arm almost reflexively, but let go as soon as Yoongi had steadied himself. Yoongi shot him a sideways glance and saw that Jimin was watching him too.

“I’m a walking accident”, Yoongi laughed half awkward, already the tiniest bit out of breath after not even tackling half of the hill. He saw Jimin smirking.

“I bet this fancy ass wine doesn’t make it any better huh?”

“And neither does climbing a hill with a fucking slope of 20 degrees that doesn’t have anything for me to hold on to.”

“It’s 6 degrees”, Jimin stated and Yoongi frowned; could almost feel a pout tugging at his lips.

“It's steep that’s what it is!”

“Try this?”, Jimin said and held out his hand and a couple of seconds passed, before Yoongi realised what Jimin meant by that. The corners of his mouth twitched unintentionally.

“Smooth”, he replied but took Jimin’s hand anyways before they continued upwards and just like that the air in Yoongi’s lungs stopped whirling around and the tension was gone.

Yoongi thought that he really liked holding Jimin’s hand because it fit so nicely in his, so warm and soft and small. It was easy to hold and surprisingly not at all sweaty. Usually Yoongi was a strong opponent of excessive hand-holding because it was just sticky and annoying and too hot, but with Jimin he found that it was different. A lot of things were different with Jimin and Yoongi looked at him curiously, wondering why that was. Looked at Jimin’s silhouette contrasting softly with the sky that was endlessly stretched out over them. He could only really see him because he was another shade of dark blue and there weren’t any stars where Jimin was standing but actually, Yoongi thought, there would have to be even more stars wherever Jimin was. Jimin seemed to pull everything that was light towards him.

Soppy idiot.

But even after thinking that, Yoongi kept squinting into the darkness in front of him and caught a bit of teeth flashing as Jimin turned around and said something Yoongi couldn’t hear over the sound of his own heart in his throat.

He felt like Jimin was half pulling him by the end of the climb and had to try really hard not to let his harsh little pants show how unfit he was. Jimin let go of his hand too easily, too quickly, when they reached the top of the hill and Yoongi’s head was spinning, eyes still trying to make out the features of Jimin’s face.

Suddenly the sky cleared up and when both of them looked up, Yoongi realised that a cloud had been hiding the waning Moon from sight. Jimin sat down cross legged, now illuminated by the pale blue light and motioned for Yoongi to join him.

“I always wanted to go to space when I was younger”, Yoongi sighed and plopped down onto the grass. Tried not to flinch when he let himself fall back and his head hit the ground a little bit harder than he had anticipated, but Jimin noticed anyways. He appreciated him not laughing though.

“When you were younger…”, Jimin repeated and Yoongi could practically hear him frown. He was still sitting, arms crossed in front of his legs, his head dipped to the side. Just enough so that he could watch the sky and Yoongi could watch his face without risking getting caught right away. The moonlight irradiated the delicate curve of Jimin’s jaw, the slope of his nose and Yoongi was fed up with himself staring so much and talking about the moonlight like this was a fucking poem, but he just couldn’t help it. Jimin was already pretty fucking gorgeous in standard lighting, but this was ridiculous.

“Yeah I mean, now it’s become kinda unrealistic. Now that I see everything in perspective, you know? Like, what does a music producer do in space?”

“Produce music?”, Jimin retorted and turned to look at Yoongi so quickly he didn’t even have a chance to pretend like he hadn’t been gaping at his face. Approximately ten thousand fireworks erupted in his stomach when Jimin smiled. It was a bit silly and lopsided so he couldn’t tell whether or not his words had been a joke. It didn’t feel like it.

“Sure”, he huffed and Jimin’s eyes flickered to the spot right next to his head. Like he was entertaining the thought of lying down, but letting it go right after. Yoongi let his gaze linger on Jimin’s face for another second or so before he turned it back to look at the stars.

“What I’m saying is you shouldn’t give up on your dreams. Who knows maybe in twenty years we can already book shuttle rockets to Venus.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but smile at that. Jimin sounded almost excited?

“Venus is the planet second closest to the sun. If we were to book ‘shuttle rockets’ there, we’d be cooked before we could even land. Also it’s atmosphere is highly toxic and – ignoring the fact that’s it's really, really fucking hot and you wouldn’t even be able to set a foot out of your probably molten space ship –  the pressure at its surface would crush and kill you.”

“Wow”, Jimin said and Yoongi could see him pouting at the sky, “You sure are the life of the party aren’t you.”

Yoongi laughed. Really laughed. And Jimin laughed too. Only a little bit but it was still possibly the nicest sound this hill had ever heard. Yoongi had to sigh because his ribcage suddenly felt too tight again. Jimin’s presence did that a lot.

“Do you know a lot about space?”, Jimin asked a couple of heartbeats later and Yoongi crossed his legs so that his foot was dangling in the air, stretched it out and covered a small constellation with it, that he was sure he just made up. For a moment he found it odd, that his tiny foot was able to cover multiple stars at the same time, that were not only light years away from each other but also possibly already dead. Then he thought, that everything would look great in the right context.

Jimin though, he began to think, looked great in pretty much every fucking context.

“Not really just some basic stuff”, Yoongi lied with a bit of a delay and shrugged even though he very much doubted Jimin could see and suddenly, finally he felt Jimin’s shoulder brush his when he lay down next to him. Right next to him. He was so close that Yoongi didn’t even have to reach out to touch him, because their arms were already fucking touching all the way from their shoulders to their underarms anyways. They were both so still and quiet Yoongi was certain Jimin could hear his heart ripping through his shirt. He could for sure taste it on his tongue. Neither of them moved and Yoongi tried to breathe as shallow as possible, not to move his arm too much, not waste a second of this. He heard Jimin swallow thickly and breathe in. Almost shakily.

“Tell me some more of your space-facts then.”

“I wouldn’t want to bore you.”

Both of them sounded choked. Yoongi hoped it was the good kind for Jimin too. From the corner of his eye he saw Jimin’s head turn towards him and he didn’t dare look in his direction. He was too scared of his eyes swallowing him up from this distance. Jimin’s immediate presence was like what Yoongi imagined a star dying next to you would feel like. A supernova, illuminating everything in a five-mile radius. So bright, he couldn’t possibly look at it without enough safety precautions.

“You can go full nerd mode on me it’s okay, I think it’s interesting.”

Yoongi really, really doubted Jimin did because no one ever found his ‘nerd mode’ interesting, but he figured that if he was planning on spending any more time with Jimin – which holy shit he definitely was – he might as well just get it over with.

Somewhere halfway through his speech about the difference between stars and planets, Jimin shifted onto his side, using his right arm as a pillow and Yoongi managed not to wince at the loss of warmth and contact which would’ve been nothing short of a complete embarrassment. But suddenly Jimin’s hand gingerly found his arm again, letting his fingertips glide over Yoongi’s boiling skin so, so gently it made his breath hitch and Yoongi’s words stuttered to a halt. He hoped Jimin wasn’t able to tell just how Yoongi’s bones were trembling while he was etching entire galaxies into him.

Yoongi turned his head to the side eventually, looking at Jimin and he hadn’t been completely wrong about the whole swallowing-him-up-part, because he felt like he was fucking drowning and Jimin looked up at him through his lashes almost questioningly, as if to ask is this okay and Yoongi had a couple of things in mind, that would show Jimin just how okay it was. But he was rendered useless under the touch of Jimin’s hand. Had to swallow a couple of times before he considered his voice steady enough to say something even though he didn’t know what he had to say in the first place. Maybe that he wouldn’t mind if Jimin kept this up for another decade or two.

“What was that about our sun being a tiny star?”, Jimin asked into the silence and his voice was so soft it was almost impossible to distinguish it from his steady breathing. Yoongi’s eyes searched his face for nothing in particular and then he closed them for a second, before looking back at the sky. It was less of a distraction than Jimin and Yoongi couldn’t believe he had just thought that.

“The uh – Sun yeah. Actually, every star you can see right now is bigger and brighter than the sun.”

“Then how come the sun is so big and hot and … bright?”

“That’s because it’s much closer to us. The stars are so far away they – you wouldn’t even be able to see them if they had the sun’s size.”

“But I don’t –”

“Here”, Yoongi interrupted Jimin and found himself grabbing his left hand, scooting closer to him in the act so that both of their heads were now resting on Jimin’s arm. Yoongi’s back was practically pressed to Jimin’s chest. He really hadn’t calculated this all the way through because now he was holding Jimin’s hand in the air, pointing at nothing and they were both equally taken aback by that, but Jimin didn’t protest and Yoongi had to catch his breath. Jimin’s chest softly moved under him and he suddenly felt sick. He was so tense, even his insides were shaking with anticipation.

Jimin took a deep breath and so did Yoongi as he slid his hand down to hold Jimin’s wrist instead and then he guided the hand, index finger outstretched, until he had it where he needed it to be.

“Now close your right eye”, Yoongi instructed but then he realised they weren’t looking at their hands from the same perspective so he hurriedly corrected: “No, your left one, sorry!”

Jimin chuckled and Yoongi felt it against his back and he thought he might actually throw up.  Focused really hard on the constellation above them, instead the feeling of Jimin’s incredibly warm, soft skin right under his fingertips.

“What do you see?”

“Uh, stars?”, Jimin said half asking, “Constellations, I guess.”

“Right. And this constellation here”, Yoongi moved Jimin’s hand between the corners of the constellation, “is actually home to the fourth brightest star in the entire sky! It’s called Arcturus which means something like uh ‘Bear Watcher’ not that that would matter… It takes thirty-seven years for Arcturus’ light to reach us, so right now, we’re seeing the star how it looked thirty-seven years ago. Crazy huh?”

Yoongi felt Jimin nod and added, “The sun is only like … it’s not even a whole lightyear away from us. Actually just the tiniest fraction of one and because of that we think it’s so bright even though Arcturus is two hundred fifteen times as bright as the Sun. That’s why we see him even though he is so damn far away.”

“Two hundred fifteen times?”

“Yeah. And he’s dying.”

“Oh no”, Jimin gasped audibly and with fake concern, “did he get diagnosed with a terminal illness fifty years ago?”

Yoongi huffed and nudged his elbow into Jimin’s side who let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a squeal and it was most delicate. Then he let Jimin’s wrist go but before he could shuffle out of this half-hearted embrace, Jimin grabbed his hand again, properly this time and laced their fingers together, placing them on his stomach. Yoongi felt dizzy but it was probably just from looking up at the sky for too long.

“Sorry I’m so lame”, he murmured, suddenly self-conscious about his endless sky monologue when he should’ve actually found much better things to talk about while he was still with Jimin. While they were still here.

“You’re not!”

“I’m lame and you’re a terrible liar.”

“Actually I was just thinking how cute you are, when you talk about something that excites you”, Jimin then said and Yoongi felt like someone had dropped a bowling ball onto his chest. No, scratch that, he felt like he was being buried alive by an entire fucking bowling alley.

“Cute huh”, he said and it sounded as breathless as he felt. It might’ve actually topped the rambling about Arcturus in being the lamest thing he had said all evening.

But Jimin didn’t laugh, didn’t even chuckle just mhm-ed into Yoongi’s hair who was having a really hard time trying not to choke on his own breath. He didn’t quite allow himself to melt into Jimin’s chest as much as he wanted to, even though he was sure he was going to regret it later.

A while passed like this. A while of Jimin breathing into Yoongi’s hair and his arm falling asleep in an awkward way. Yoongi didn’t know what time it was. If it was even worth considering the time, but his brain told him it was, even though every other part of him refused to acknowledge how far the moon had already circled over the sky since they had arrived.

“Hey …”, Jimin started as if he had read Yoongi’s thoughts. Or maybe he had just realised how Yoongi had stiffened his back more, unconsciously squared his shoulders, “We should probably go soon.”

“Yeah”, Yoongi said and he was sure that by soon Jimin didn’t mean right now, but he sat up and scurried to his feet so fast that Jimin let out a disgruntled noise and he was positive it didn’t get any better than that. Yoongi tried to tell himself he didn’t jump up like that just to be able to look at Jimin in full, stretched out on the grass that had flattened itself where they had been lying. One hand still loosely on his stomach, fingers gripping the thin fabric of his sweatshirt as if to fill the space where Yoongi’s hand had previously been. His eyes were closed and it occurred to Yoongi that he was completely and utterly flawless. Suddenly Jimin’s full lips curved into a slight smile.

“Are you staring at me, Min Yoongi?”, he asked and his voice was so lovely Yoongi thought he might cry. At least now, when Jimin used his full name, he got the exact same feeling in his throat.

“Absolutely not”, he gave back, but didn’t look away from Jimin’s face even when he opened his eyes. Yoongi reached down and Jimin grabbed his hand, pulled himself up with so much grace. He didn’t let go.

How Yoongi found the courage to keep looking at him like this – his gaze unwavering, until he felt something in his chest expanding out and around Jimin, felt Jimin’s pulse under his fingertips, head throbbing – he didn’t know. Jimin blushed and looked away first. But he held his hand all the way to the car, swinging their arms slightly.

The drive back was peaceful but tiring and Yoongi found himself on the brink of falling asleep, so he leaned forward and turned on the car radio, not bothering with the station.

He looked over at Jimin again and thought that he genuinely couldn’t decide which side of him he liked best. He thought that maybe he just liked all sides equally well. That maybe, he just liked Jimin. Or looking at him for that matter.

An English song that Yoongi had never heard before came on and Jimin’s eyes lit up. He turned the music up to an almost deafening volume, but even over the sound of the radio Yoongi could hear Jimin singing along and his voice was so clear and steady and unlike everything else he had heard before, it sent shivers down his spine. Shit he was good.

Yoongi had to admit the high notes were the ones he liked most – and that was most definitely not because of the way Jimin’s nose scrunched up when he hit them – but actually, he liked it all the way through anyways. Actually, he was left looking at Jimin’s face, mesmerized by the way his lips curled around every syllable of the song so effortlessly. It hit him that he really, really, really wanted to kiss him. And suddenly he couldn’t remember why he hadn’t just done it earlier.

“Alright, alright can we turn this down now before I suffer from permanent hearing loss?”, Yoongi laughed after the song had finished and never wanted Jimin to lose the flustered look that was now plastered onto his face.

“Oh Sorry!”, he exclaimed, “I forgot you were here for a second”, hand shooting forward to the controls but Yoongi was quicker and it would be a lie to say he hadn’t secretly hoped for their fingers to brush. They didn’t though.

Silence. The sound of the indicator when Jimin took a turn in synch with Yoongi’s heart, before he asked: “So you sing?” and Jimin shrugged, almost too quickly.

“Under the shower”, he said and pursed his lips in the most attractive way Yoongi had ever seen anyone do such thing.

“You’re so good.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

Eyes flickering from the road to Yoongi for a split second. Another blush tinting his cheeks. Gorgeous.

“I would totally sign you and I’m saying this as a future music producer”, Yoongi said only half-jokingly and leaned his head against the car window that he hadn’t rolled up completely. The air that came in through the small gap already tasted heavier now, less clean. Passing streetlights formed long streaks of silver against the harsh darkness of the night.

“Alright Mr-M.Y.-Entertainment I’ll make sure to get back to you, once the other big companies start offering me record deals”, Jimin gave back and Yoongi snorted, feeling like Jimin had rolled his eyes, but the inside of the car was too dark to see if he actually had.

Yoongi felt like he had spent too much time looking at the ugly tablecloth and his hands and the stars today and too little at Jimin’s face. He didn’t even know if he would see Jimin again after today and considering it had taken them almost three years to meet in the first place, it was unlikely they were going to bump into each other in the fucking library. They had exchanged phone numbers, sure, but what was he going to say: Hey I’m the guy with the freakishly white skin, remember? The one who dragged you to the shit restaurant and didn’t manage to kiss you for some pathetic bullshit reason and then chewed your fucking ear off for forty minutes while forcing you to hold my hand. Wanna hang? Great action plan.

He wanted to say something like We should see each other again or In reality I’ve been wanting to kiss you all fucking day or your hands are like. really, really pretty and he tried to, but somehow all the words got stuck in his throat and he wasn’t that good with articulating himself anyways.

Two hundred and seventy-nine breaths later the car pulled up onto the big university car park and all the while Jimin was looking for a spot, turning off the engine, getting out of the car, and locking it Yoongi felt like he was stalling. But that was probably too much to hope.

He saw Jimin turn towards the various pathways that led to the dorms and felt like someone was pulling at his ribcage. Now, he thought, now!

And then he said: “Jimin …” without knowing where he was going with this and Jimin turned around, eyebrows raised. He took a step back into Yoongi’s direction. This wasn’t going horribly but then Yoongi hadn’t even really said anything yet.

“I had a really uh … nice time with you today?”, he tried and it sounded so much like a question he wanted to smack himself but Jimin smiled again. Only this time Yoongi could properly see it, thanks to the obnoxious white light of the lamp post the car was parked under. Jimin’s eyes crinkled up at the sides and Yoongi still wanted to smack himself but for a different reason. He looked at a loose thread on the hem of Jimin’s sweater. Really wanted to force himself to look him in the face. Yoongi counted down from five, but before he got to three Jimin said: “Me too”, and his voice was impossibly soft; impossibly close.

Yoongi’s eyes snapped up and found Jimin’s, merely twenty inches away from his face. He swallowed hard and thought of something else to say, anything for fucks sake, but his mind was wiped completely blank. And then Jimin raised his hand halfway, but only halfway, like he had remembered something important that suddenly made him not want to touch Yoongi’s face anymore and it was probably the fact that when this exact thing had happened earlier today Yoongi had flinched away. Yoongi was sweating but he didn’t think it was because of the heat, that still made the air shimmer. Jimin bit his lip; Yoongi bit the inside of his cheek.

Every centimetre that separated them was humming with tension and Jimin blinked and finally cupped Yoongi’s face and even though he had imagined what Jimin’s hands would feel like doing this exactly, it didn’t even come close to this. His thumb caressed his cheek and Jimin was still smiling, but the overall expression on his face was curious, questioning. It made Yoongi furious. Made him want to grip Jimin’s hair and push him up against the car with the force of a thousand suns. But suddenly he was the one up against the car, when his back hit its side in an effort to steady himself.

He bunched the fabric of his shirt up in his fist and pressed it into his stomach. There was no way in hell he would make it out of this in one piece. Jimin’s eyes flickered down to Yoongi’s lips, just for the fraction of a second, but it was enough.

“You know, I usually don’t kiss people on first dates”, Jimin said and it almost sounded nonchalant.

“Usually?”, Yoongi repeated thinking how this was apparently already the second time today Jimin had tried to break his own rules and was surprised by how steady his voice was. Jimin’s smile widened.

“Mhm...”

Jimin leaned in closer, bringing their faces together until they were breathing the same air, gaze flickering between Yoongi’s eyes and lips, never quite able to decide where to look. His hand now leaving Yoongi’s face, trailed down the side of his jaw, his neck, scorching every inch of skin he touched in the act. Jimin must’ve felt the electric whir Yoongi was emitting. Must’ve felt his pulse racing, while he was trying to keep his breathing level. Their noses brushed and Yoongi saw Jimin’s eyes flutter close, before his involuntarily did the same. His hand found the front of Jimin’s sweatshirt instead of his own and his fingers curled themselves around the fabric, like they had always known where they belonged, while Jimin sighed symphonies against his lips. It felt like the pressure behind Yoongi’s ribs was forcing his chest open, his veins were pure gasoline and he could practically feel it dripping from his fingertips, the sparks his skin was shooting out were setting everything on fucking fire.

“Can … I …”, Jimin breathed and each word took a year to say and his voice trailed off and Yoongi wouldn’t have gotten his vocal chords to work even if he’d wanted to. So instead of, or rather as an answer and instead of pulling away again, he craned his neck and it wasn't like he hadn't expected Jimin’s lips, but they came so soon that he was still perplexed.

They curled around his like they had curled around the words of the foreign song in the car, easily, comfortably and not any less beautiful. Jimin’s hand gently wove itself into the soft hair at the back of Yoongi’s neck and he didn’t think he had ever kissed anyone with so much ease.

Yoongi thought of supernovas again and of two stars, cores running out of fuel, contracting under the weight of gravity. Only that this felt more like gravity was contracting under the weight of them and Yoongi was sure they could be seen from galaxies away; that’s how much light was bleeding out of his lungs.

They breathed each other in and impulsively Yoongi bit Jimin’s lower lip, making him inhale sharply and produce a sound, that Yoongi could get drunk on. Jimin let his tongue run over the abused skin and Yoongi grazed it with his teeth, still testing the waters. Jimin's grip in his hair strengthened.

They broke apart, eyes still closed and Yoongi didn’t have enough yet, found Jimin’s lips once more and the kiss was so sweet, he was ninety percent honey and only ten percent himself by now. Yoongi felt Jimin’s fingertips tremble ever so slightly against his face, when he let go of his hair. Almost thought he’d heard him fucking whine but surely he’d imagined that.

Yoongi kept his eyes closed for a couple of seconds after he had let go of Jimin’s sweater eventually, trying to incise this feeling into every cell of his body. Make himself remember it. Compared to Jimin, the night was suddenly cold against his skin and Yoongi remembered Jimin and opened his eyes to look at him. He came back to the University parking lot, where he was still slumped against the car, breathing kind of funnily. At least Jimin was too. His lips seemed pinker and softer and almost swollen and Yoongi credited himself for making Jimin look so stupidly attractive.

He was still watching Jimin’s lips as they formed some words Yoongi should probably know the meaning of and he heard himself answer something too, but it didn’t really reach him. All he could think was that holy shit he had been kissing Jimin only a minute ago.

Intertwining their fingers again, again, Jimin started off into the opposite direction of his dorms just as Yoongi was getting ready to say goodbye.

“Where are you going?”, Yoongi asked, trying not to sound too alarmed. Jimin squeezed his hand and did that rubby thing with his thumb, which almost made Yoongi lose his balance again.

“What does it look like! I’m walking you”, and Yoongi’s heart lurched at that.

“Like a true gentleman”, he commented and Jimin laughed, honest but muffled. It was almost 3am after all.

“Now that I already all but made out with you on the parking lot like some hormonal high schooler I’d thought I could at least walk you to your door”, Jimin said and pushed his dark hair back, throwing Yoongi a sideways glance, “I’d planned this out differently, you know, but then you just – ah Well. Now we need to work with what we’ve got.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? ‘then you just’?” With the fingers of his free hand Yoongi drew quotation marks around the last words and Jimin made a hand gesture that was probably meant to be explanatory but actually just looked like he was swatting away flies. Yoongi raised his brows.

“You just were, you know … all pouty and gorgeous and up against the side of my car?”, Jimin finished with a rush and Yoongi tried to appear unfazed by the fact that Jimin had just called him gorgeous. He had probably just said it like that, but it made him want to kiss him again, and again.

“Ah that, yeah that’s just what I do.”

Jimin snorted and because it was only a short walk from where Jimin had parked, they reached Yoongi’s dorm seconds later. The air was still sticky with the heat and the aftertaste of Jimin’s lips and Yoongi forced himself to let go of Jimin’s hand.

“I really had a great day”, he repeated his words from earlier, “I didn’t just say that because I wanted you to kiss me. Not saying I didn’t want you to kiss me just, you know.”

“Yeah”, Jimin answered and when he raised his hand this time, he didn’t falter halfway but brushed Yoongi’s hair out of his eyes with one swift movement, “I know, so did I. I didn’t just say that so you’d kiss me back.”

“Idiot.”

“Do you still want to hang out with me?”

Yoongi shoved his hands into the pockets of his shorts, pretending to ponder, before he answered: “I’ll have to think about that.”

“Well, let me know how your decision turns out, Min Yoongi.”

“I certainly will, Park Jimin.”

Jimin’s hair had almost the same colour as the night in the near absence of light and now he was working his pretty lip between his teeth again. Yoongi had tried to keep track of how often he had done that today but he had lost count.

“Alright”, Jimin said and his eyes were so soft, it made Yoongi want to dip his hands into them. He wanted to dip his hands into Jimin; his whole self, and he would’ve liked to tell Jimin that but maybe that was a little too heavy for the first date so he settled for: “Alright.”

Shuffling his feet, Yoongi thought that he could easily stand here, bickering back and forth with Jimin for the rest of the night and not mind one bit, but he remembered Jimin saying something about an assignment he would have to work on tomorrow; later, and he thought he saw him bite back a yawn, so he said, “Sleep well”, trying to get his hands to do something except for hanging limply on his side. It was in vain.

“Goodnight”, Jimin said, voice scarcely above a whisper and he turned to go. With heavy hands Yoongi unlocked the entrance door and managed to slip inside almost without making a sound.

“Hey, Yoongi”, Jimin suddenly called after him and he jumped, opened the door a bit wider again, squinted out into the darkness that seemed more impenetrable after his eyes had started getting used to the bright light of the dorm hall.

Jimin motioned up into the sky, that had its usual dull, blackish colour again, with only four or five stars visible to the eye, before he said: “If all the stars you were talking about earlier are so impossibly bright, why – why is the sky and the night and everything still dark? I mean if you turn on five thousand LED lights, the room they are in is going to be really fucking bright isn’t it?”

Yoongi felt like the grin that started to grow on his face might split him in half and he bit his lip to keep himself in check. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, before answering: “How about I try explaining that to you the next time we see each other?”

“Yeah”, Jimin said without missing a beat and smiled so much Yoongi had to grip the door handle a bit tighter. And he thought, really, how could the night still be so dark when it felt like someone had ignited his skin and Jimin was smiling and if anything could illuminate the night sky, it was him smiling. Yoongi could swear Jimin’s smile was so bright no star even stood a chance.