Chapter Text
Good luck on your morning run!’’ Kirishima says while waving his hand. Izuku smiles as he waves back. Thanks, good luck with working out!’’ he responds. He closes the door of the 2A dorms behind him and lets out a deep breath.
Kirishima and the so-called Baku squid always go to the gym in the morning. Izuku, on the other hand, prefers to go on a jog alone early in the morning.
And he does jog, he just first makes a pit stop before jogging back to Ua. He always jogs to a certain part of the city, the part of the city no one bothers to try to reconstruct. Buildings that were already ruined before the war, now ruined completely, yet still standing. Japan prioritizes buildings that people actually live in, rather than those that are already abandoned.
It's about a 45 minute jog from UA; he could’ve run faster, if only he’d still have one for all, but still, his endurance is excellent, especially for a quirkless teen.
He puts in his earbuds and decides that he’ll listen to something sad, Radiohead maybe? It's still sad but has a good rhythm.
When he arrives at the building, he’s already drenched in sweat; it doesn’t bother him; it shows how hard he’s worked, even for something so little as a jog.
He walks up the unsteady stairs that creak under his weight. It feels like an eternity before he’s by the last set of stairs; he’s out of breath by then. He opens the door to the rooftops and welcomes the cool winter breeze.
The rooftop is nothing special; it’s worn down, and debris is struggling to hold on. It’s a miracle this building is still standing. If he were the commission, he would booze down all of these buildings, but he’s not, and he doesn’t mind that the buildings are still here. No one really comes here anymore anyway. At first, there had been a ton of villains roaming in this area, but then a building suddenly collapsed and almost crushed a group of people, since then people have been avoiding this part of town.
He doesn’t mind it; it’s quiet and peaceful. It's a place where he can feel safe, because no one is here to disturb him or talk to him about hero training, or their internships, or about a new cool move they learned.
It’s a place where he can be himself, where he doesn’t need to fake smiles, where he doesn’t need to be happy for people that they are moving forward with their quirk training while he’s only going backwards, hell, he's at the start, he doesn’t even have a quirk anymore.
He goes to the edge of the building, a railing that isn’t very stable on the edge, making sure that no one would fall off.
He looks over at the horizon, the sun goes and comes like lives haven’t been changed, like people haven’t died, like a few kilometers from here, there had been a war.
He takes a seat on the cold cement. The warmth he had gotten from running has long faded out of his body already, leaving him with goosebumps on his skin.
He lets out a deep breath as suddenly tears spring in his eyes. ‘’dammit’’ he mutters as he instantly wipes them away.
He grabs his phone, opening his ebook reader, and he looks at the book that Spinner has written, hesitating to open the book. He sighs as he turns off his phone and focuses back on the world around him.
‘’Why would you even want to read that?’’ He recognizes the voice, the voice that has been haunting him ever since the end of the Second War. ‘’Go away, Shigaraki’’ he replies; he’s not in the mood to talk.
‘’You’ve already defeated us. Why would you want to read Spinner's book?’’ he hears footsteps come closer to him, stopping just beside him. He doesn’t dare look.
‘’I told you already, leave me alone,’’ Izuku says, now irritated.
‘’Too bad, I'm haunting you now,’’ Shigaraki says as a matter-of-fact statement.
‘’You don’t want to read it because of the guilt that is consuming you? Are you scared that you’ll see us as real people instead of a mission?’’ Shigaraki says, suddenly sounding angry.
‘’SHUT UP, YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING’’ Izuku yells as he turns to look at Shigaraki, who surprisingly Shigaraki doesn’t yell back, instead he just looks at Izuku from top to bottom with a scowl on his face.
‘’What I know is that I’m dead, you killed me, and you refuse to tell anyone how you’re feeling.’’ Shigaraki says ‘’why do you even care?’’ Izuku asks, Shigaraki clicks with his tongue ‘’hell if I know.’’
Izuku is silent. He reminds himself that Shigaraki is dead, ghosts aren’t real, and that he’s not to blame for the death of Shigaraki.
‘’You’re a murderer’’ Spinners words ring in his head
‘’I know’’ he says softly as an uncomfortable feeling makes its way through his body. Tears once again spring in his eyes, and he once again wipes them away before they can even fall out of his eyes.
Izuku stands up, making his way to the exit ‘’you’re really gonna take the boring way?’’ Shigaraki says in a daring tone. Izuku pauses ‘’yes. Do you know how high this building is, like six stories.’’ Shigaraki hums ‘’well, have it your way, I know you would've done it with One for All, but it’s fine, you're weaker now anyway.
‘’I’m not weaker’’ Izuku grits out. Shigaraki just hums.
Perhaps if Izuku were feeling mature and wasn’t feeling as snappy as he was, he would have made the mature choice, still going via the exit in front of him, with the stairs, but he’s petty, so he turns around, determined to prove Shigaraki wrong.
He turns around and finally makes eye contact with Shigaraki, who cocks an eyebrow with a grin. Izuku immediately looks away and ignores the ugly feeling in his gut.
He grabs the railing and jumps over it. He nearly gets a heart attack when the railing wobbles along with him, making him unstable and almost losing his footing, but still, he doesn't back down.
He looks down at the ground below him. He isn’t scared of heights, at first he was, but his quirk helped him overcome that by being able to jump building-level high.
He also sees a very small place for his footing; the building has parts of bricks sticking in and out, so that helps. He pulls his hand back only to feel a sting in his palm. When he turns his hand around, he’s met with a scratch; still, it’s not as bad as breaking bones, so he ignores it.
He holds one of his hands on the bar, and the other goes to his feet, while one of his other feet lowers to a solid footing point. He sets his foot down and slowly pulls his other foot downwards as well, his hand on the railing joins his other on the edge of the roof. Looking down, looking at the ground that seems so far away from him, he feels more excited than he has been in a while.
He gives a nervous laugh as he enjoys feeling the wind blow through his hair. He hasn’t felt like this in a long time, not since he lost One for All. ‘’Seems like you aren’t getting boring after all,’’ Shigaraki says, looking down at him.
Izuku doesn’t react, he places his next foot down against the next solid place for his foot. Everything goes smoothly until he’s about two meters away from the ground. He’s grinning ear to ear as he lets out a loud laugh.
It's really stupid how he gets excited just from climbing down a building, as he previously would have jumped off it without a second thought. Still, he lets himself enjoy the moment.
He’s just about to place his foot down again when suddenly the brick that he was holding onto with both of his hands lets loose, and Izuku loses his balance. He yelps as he realises that he doesn’t have anything to hold onto anymore.
Before he knows it, he’s lying on the hard, cold ground. He lets out a groan as the pain shoots through his body. He managed to soften the landing with his elbows, but all that seemed to do was bruise and scrape them badly. He pulls himself up from the ground, standing up slowly as dizziness takes him over. He sways for a moment before he regains his balance.
His body hurts, yet he can’t help feeling excited. He’d never realised how boring school is without quirk training; he can’t even join them with quirk training. Aizawa would invite him to analyse his classmates' quirks. Izuku had accepted the first few times, but it had become too tiring to act happy for other people when all he was left with was no quirk, and he’d declined ever since.
Izuku looks with a big smile up at the building where Shigaraki was standing just a moment ago, but it seems like Shigaraki disappeared again, leaving Izuku alone. His smile disappears as he stands up, cleaning some dirt off his legs.
Izuku feels stupid. How could he let Shigaraki convince him like that? It was a stupid idea, and look, now he's hurt! The worst of all is that he still has to go back to the dorms, where everyone is waking up right about now, they'll all be downstairs probably, and with the way Izuku looks, it will be impossible to avoid confrontation as to why he’s hurt.
He sighs, he begins to jog back, trying to forget this whole ordeal, but with the constant reminder of his body hurting, he keeps feeling the same feeling when he fell, even when he was standing on the edge of the building, feeling the wind through his curls, the smell of nature, and most of all the quiet.
Unconsciously, Izuku smiles back at the memory.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nezu will probably see him hurt if the rat looks at the cameras at the right moment, but he’ll doubt Nezu will question him, so he doesn’t worry about sneaking around the cameras; instead, he’s looking out for any wandering students, especially from his year, class A and B have a lot of gossipers after all.
When he arrives at the 1A dorm, he holds his ear, listening for anyone who might be near the door. Fortunately, he doesn’t hear anyone, so he quietly opens and closes the door behind him. He waits for a moment, listening to see if somebody is walking towards him, but it seems no one is coming. He hears chattering coming from the main area, so it’s breakfast time; his own stomach growls at the thought of food.
If only he still had his quirk, he would’ve jumped the balconies and looked for a door that was open. ‘’You can still do that, you know?’’ Shigaraki says, standing behind him, looking with him for other people.
‘’Yeah, I know, but it would be too difficult; besides, I would make a lot of noise.’’
Izuku says, Shigaraki reacts by mimicking his words with his hands ‘’all I hear are excuses’’ Izuku grits his teeth; he’s just about to say something when he’s interrupted.
‘’Deku! You’re ba- You’re hurt!’’ Uraraka gasps as she grabs his arm to examine his elbow ‘’what happened?’’ She asks him with worried eyes. Izuku has to hold back a sigh; if only Shigaraki hadn’t distracted him. ‘’Ah, nothing happened, I just took a tumble, too focused on the sunrise, you know?’’ He says with an awkward smile.
Uraraka looks at him with a concerning look ‘’yeah.. okay.’’ She answers, and Izuku has to hold in a sigh of relief, now, before anyone else can take a proper look at him. He quickly races up the stairs as everyone is distracted by Kacchan’s breakfast; he always makes the best dishes, but only for himself if he isn’t scheduled to cook in the evening.
He closes his door behind him, and he lets out a deep sigh. He feels tired already, and the day hasn’t even really started. His bones ache, the bruises are becoming more sensitive, and he’s already behind schedule, but now he also has to clean his wounds, just great. ‘’I’m never listening to you again’’ he says to no one. Shigaraki isn’t here again.
‘’Murderer’’ Spinner's words once again echo in his head. Izuku tries his best to ignore the words.
After carefully cleaning his wounds, which hurt like a bitch (that damn disinfectant) and throwing his clothes on, he’s ready to go to class. He quickly grabs some snacks to eat on the way to class. Uraraka had asked him if he was ready, but he wasn't yet, so the rest of his class had already left.
Why would they even wait for him? He’s only dragging them down.
‘’Down with the sickness, uh ah ah ah ah’’ Shigaraki sings behind him ‘’what does that even mean?” Izuku asks ’’don’t tell me you don’t know that song?’’ Shigaraki says, sounding offended
’’Yeah, well, sorry, I don’t know some random garbles Izuku says as he speeds up a little. He doesn’t want to be late after all. ‘’Ah, come on! It’s Korn, you like history, don’t you? The band, Korn. Dabi loved them’’
Izuku doesn’t respond. Dabi is still alive, for now. Izuku doesn’t even know how, from the stories he heard from Todoroki, I mean, is living in a tube, even really living?’’
‘’Why are you haunting me’’ Izuku asks, sounding more tired ‘’I don’t know, I just woke up, and nobody noticed me, well, except you.’’ Izuku thinks about the words ‘’Does that mean that Toga is also here somewhere?’’
‘’Don’t have a clue, I actually haven’t seen any other ghost, and you're the only one that can see me, so I’m gonna annoy you to death.’’ Izuku doesn’t want to keep seeing Shigaraki; it makes his life harder, harder than it already is.
He ignores the ugly feeling in his stomach, the feeling of guilt eating him alive, the feeling of loneliness.
He’s in his seat just on the team. Aizawa came in after he hadn’t even sat for a second. Aizawa starts talking about hero exercises, and Izuku tries his best to listen, but it’s so boring. Izuku is a real hero nerd, so he practically already knows everything that is being taught in the second year, most of it being theoretical, not like it has any use for Izuku to join the practical lessons.
What does he want to do? Izuku thinks back to the freeing feeling, to the adrenaline when he was on top of the ledge of the tall building; he yearns to feel it again.
His thoughts are interrupted by Shigaraki ‘’Hey, do you think you can get me an autograph from eraser?’’ He asks, sounding like an excited little kid. It makes Izuku happy for a second, before remembering he killed that little kid. Izuku wasn’t able to save that little kid.
Izuku huffs as he looks at Aizawa, the Erasure hero, now the former Erasure hero. Izuku looks at the shorter hair of the man, covering his right eye. He probably did that on purpose to hide the injury, the injury Izuku could have avoided if he were just a little faster, not to mention the severed leg.
He sighs; he’s already done with the day, and it just started.
Izuku thinks back, climbing down from the tall building, the adrenaline pumping through his veins, doing something that he hadn’t done in so long. It felt good, it felt like he was meant to do that, to feel so free.
But he shouldn’t do that again; he would just get hurt. It would be stupid, so stupid!
Izuku is definitely not doing that again.
—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Izuku finds himself at the same spot as yesterday, looking up at the tall abandoned building.
‘’This is such a bad idea’’ he mumbles
Shigaraki laughs ‘’whateverdude, it's not like you haven’t done anything worse. Don’t start sweating now, in your goody 2-shoes Shigaraki sneakers
Izuku keeps staring at the building.
Shigaraki stares at him. Shigaraki looks bewildered. ‘’Are you seriously hesitating to climb that building?’’ Shigaraki says, pointing to it, showing with his fingers how small it is ‘’You’ve done way more dangerous stuff’’ Shigaraki huffs.
‘’Yeah, but I had a quirk back then.’’ Shigaraki doesn’t hesitate to blow raspberries in his face ‘’so boring! Whatever, woke up earlier for nothing’’
Yeah, Izuku made sure to leave earlier than yesterday. Izuku licks his lips. He saved the world; climbing up and down from this building is no biggie. Although his elbow is still sore from yesterday, it doesn’t stop him.
Izuku walks up all the stairs, out of breath when he finally reaches the roof. The peaceful winds whip his hair around again. It’s peaceful, no pretending, only him surrounded by rubble that’s being taken over by nature.
Izuku then thinks about the people who may have been in the building when half of the building collapsed. All of this chaos could’ve been avoided if he’d just made sure that Shigaraki was arrested after the first USJ attack.
A flood of sadness rips through his body, it’s not violent, it doesn’t hurt, physically at least, but it’s a cold dread that floods through his body, his body shivers along with it.
‘’Are you gonna stand here all day or what?’’ Shigaraki asks, sounding impatient as he looks to where Izuku is looking, but not seeing something interesting.
Izuku looks down again, and he swallows a lump in his throat.
‘’Oh my god, are you serious? Don’t be a pussy, Midoriya.’’ Shigaraki says, already sounding fed up.
Izuku doesn’t know why he’s hesitating, which makes it all the more confusing. It felt great last time, maybe it’s because he’s doing it in secret? Whatever, life’s short anyway.
Izuku climbs over the railing again. Izuku climbs down steadily. Izuku chooses this time to jump from a little higher to the ground, making sure to check his footing so that he doesn’t twist his ankle or something like that.
When he lands on the ground below, his smile is wider, adrenaline pumping through his veins. It feels silly to get hyped about something so small as jumping down a meter or two, but he’s happy.
Izuku breathes a few breaths in and out, so he isn’t panting as much from the exercise. He looks around for Shigaraki, but he doesn’t see the man.
Izuku doesn’t know why he can see Shigaraki. If Shigarki is a ghost, then Izuku should be able to see other ghosts, but he can’t. Izuku has therefore chosen to ignore that line of thought; it can’t be that Izuku is imagining Shigaraki, otherwise that would mean that Izuku has schizophrenia, which he obviously doesn’t have.
Honestly, the first time he saw Shigaraki, his heart had almost jumped out of his skin. It was -
The timer he had set earlier to alert him when he should be heading back goes off. He quickly shuts down the annoying beeping and makes his way back to UA.