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He didn’t stay with the other guys, insisting that he had another schedule before their group one (a schedule even his manager didn’t know about, but to Kanghoon’s relief, he kept quiet). After all, it wasn’t like he was trying to avoid them, he really enjoyed hanging out with his members. And they spent plenty of time together over the past year – with the group activities and whatnot – they had to properly celebrate their anniversary after all. In fact, Kanghoon found promoting as a group pretty refreshing but with that came its share of troubles – don’t get him wrong – being back on stage as a group felt amazing ! But truth is, he didn’t really miss the hectic nature of their schedules… It left him a lot more... stressed out. So, going for a walk on his own would only do him good, right ? It’s been months since he last did that so he figured he would take a stroll at a park after maybe buying some good coffee, in order to clear his mind.
The walk to the coffee shop wasn’t very long, and when entering the café, his nose was hit with the familiar rich and smoky scent of coffee, it instantly relaxed him a bit. While waiting for his order, Kanghoon scrolled on his phone, not paying attention to his surroundings – it’s not like he would be recognized by people anyway – he was sure the waitress who took his order never heard of him. And that was fine by the singer, he knew that his groupmates and his group as a whole would always be more popular than him, he got used to the idea (or at least, he liked to think so). But still, getting his coffee without a single second glance or curious frown kind of hurt his ego. Nonetheless, he didn’t say anything about it, bid the employee goodbye and left, he would not let such an insignificant encounter ruin his little outing ! But then, it led him to think about how everyone seemed to tell him he got easily offended (He could thank freaking Hyukjae for reminding him once in a while). It wasn’t his fault everyone seemed to enjoy poking fun at him and he was just too on the defensive and sensitive to let it pass ! He went on with his walk in the park, his brows furrowed, sipping his drink and not bothering to put his mask back on.
The dark haired man’s mood went sour thinking about all this. Still, he couldn’t help it, he thrived on people’s compliments and appreciation ! The singer spent a huge part of his career perfectioning his image. He hoped he would get a little more recognition now (after doing all these efforts), but he figured that it wouldn’t really be the case. The general public would know about Super Junior, but when he would say that he’s a member, they wouldn’t know who he is exactly. And that upset him. And he felt lame because, he was 41 for god’s sake ! He shouldn’t dwell on things like these ! And he knew that he could never be as charismatic as his Jungsoo-hyung, or as funny as Shindong, or as witty as his Heechul-hyung… Oh, how he wished he could be as-
« Yah ! »
A low but very familiar shout made Kanghoon turn around. He didn’t even try to hide his disbelief when he saw who that was. How on earth did they even find me .. ?, he thought.
« You stupid bastard ! ‘I have to go to another schedule…’ , my ass ! », yelled a furious looking man with mid-length hair,
« Yeah Hyung, that wasn’t cool to ditch us like that… », added a taller brown haired man,
« Hey, don’t scream like that, do you want to let everyone know you are here !? », answered Kanghoon, a little embarrassed.
All the singer got in response was an ear pull (courtesy of Heechul) and a sheepish gummy smile from Hyukjae. Great, he couldn’t even ruminate in peace now… ! Guess he could kiss his calm and tranquil afternoon goodbye now that they were here…
« Seriously, what do you want from me ? », complained Kanghoon, « I’m absolutely not in the mood right now… »
« Well, if you wanted to get rid of us that bad, maybe you should have gone far enough », responded the youngest man, raising an eyebrow,
« I’m a grown man, don’t you think I have the right to wander in the streets by myself ? We don’t need to always stick together because of our group activities, so please stop bothering me. Like I said, I don’t want to deal with people right now, so let me be ! »
It was always like this ! They could never leave him alone. It’s like they needed their daily dose of « teasing Kanghoon » so as to function correctly and it totally frustrated him ! Just as he was trying to escape the two unwanted comers, Heechul, seeming to have noticed something, grasped his hood, deadpanning :
« You’re freezing. »
Irritated and surprised, the singer wanted to oppose and attempted to snatch the oldest’s hand away. But, the latter tightened his hold on the fabric, which caused them to wrestle. Suddenly, in midst of their « fight », the two bickering men felt a new weight pressing on them. Startled, the arguing two stopped the hustle and looked at their friend with inquiring eyes :
« What ? Why are you looking at me like that ? You were making a scene and you said he was cold, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone,… By warming the both of you up with a hug ! », explained Hyukjae, seeming satisfied of his doing,
Momentarily stunned, Heechul sent a death glare at the youngest, exclaiming :
« Oh yeah ? You’re proud of you, Mr. Smarty Pants !? Come here so I can smother you with my beanie ! » As the oldest man said it, he was already trying to catch the rapper. In midst of the chaos (it’s funny that you could call their little banter « chaos » when they’re only two people but well, this is Super Junior we’re talking about), Kanghoon was seriously losing his patience (and he was also angry at himself for not wearing a warmer coat). He exclaimed :
« Stop it already ! »
The outburst was enough to make them pause. And when his teammates finally took a good look at him, they noticed he appeared pretty flushed, very flustered and most importantly, visibly uncomfortable.
So he wasn’t lying earlier, when he said he was tired. They instantly regretted taunting him and pushing his limits in the process. Thus, Heechul and Hyukjae got closer to the singer, the former putting the hat he used to threaten Hyukjae with on his dongsaeng’s head while the dancer took off his scarf before wrapping it around his Hyung’s neck. Then, the two took each of the singer’s hands in theirs, each one of them at the dark-haired man’s sides. The latter was confused, and his groupmates’ apologetic smiling faces didn’t help.
Heechul, seeing the man’s confusion, began :
« We’re sorry Kanghoon-ah. We didn’t mean to upset you that much, we just thought it was one of your excessive and very expressive reactions.» When the singer was about to argue, the youngest of the trio continued :
« Hyung, just listen to us. You know how it’s our thing to joke around and most of the time, we don’t take these jokes seriously anymore. We figured it would be the case now too, but turns out we were wrong and we apologize for that. So pleaseee, forgive us ? » he said while making a silly kissy face. Gosh, they were such a pain in the ass sometimes, but Kanghoon still loved them dearly. He guessed that was how family was.
« Yeah yeah, I forgive you and I know you didin‘t intend to be mean so- »
« Then why did you lie to everyone and run away ? », bluntly asked Heechul, arching an eyebrow, « You do know we were worried about you, don’t you ? Well mostly Ryeowook, Hyukjae and I but still !
« Is it because it felt too much … Again ? », cautiously added Hyukjae, his voice softening,
« Uh…Kind of, Yes. It’s just that- I was feeling down and it’s usually in those moments that unpleasant thoughts creep up in my mind… And it frustrates me a lot because I feel like a guy my age shouldn’t be tormented by them, I’m too old for shit like this. But, who would even care now ? I’m not even that popular anymore… »
That was it. He said it. He finally admitted out loud the reason for his distress. And he told it to his bandmates too. And how did it feel ? Well, it felt quite bittersweet if Kanghoon was being honest. Bittersweet because while it was refreshing to relieve some pressure for once, he wasn’t used to being this vulnerable in front of his teammates. Frankly speaking, it utterly scared him. And perhaps, his need to be perfect and flawless stemmed from his fear of not being able to be strong enough, reliable enough, and well, just, enough. Because the singer wanted to be the cool Hyung, the trusty Hyung, the one who comforted and protected his dongsaengs (and even his Hyungs if needed). He yearned to be everyone’s pillar, so he would be useful, so he wouldn’t be worthless.
An arm promptly pressed on his shoulder. However, what made him snap out of his thoughts was the lack of warmth around his left hand. Kanghoon confusedly turned his head towards the owner of the arm on his shoulder, who spoke up :
« Hey ! What do you mean ‘Who would even care’ ? », exclaimed Hyukjae, outraged. « Your family cares, your fans care, your friends care, heck, even your pets care ! And most importantly, us, the members, WE care. So stop saying bullshit like this ! Aish, this Hyung, always so stubborn… ». While the youngest’s face displayed a pouty expression, he still brought his arm around Kanghoon’s shoulder, as to ground his Hyung and to let his words sink in him,
« Yah, this group is truly full of dumbasses, don’t you think ? », blurted out Heechul, out of the blue. « Hurry up, let’s just go eat something yummy before I puke rainbows because of all this cheesiness ! ». The two youngest chuckled at that, knowing this was the former’s way of showing he cares.
And just like this, they proceeded to go at the nearest jajjangmyeon noodles restaurant (even though Kanghoon complained during the whole time about how it isn’t healthy and he’s on a diet, to which Heechul replied « Oh shut it and just enjoy eating for once ! This, or I’m kicking your butt, got it ? », this instantly silenced the singer). It clearly wasn’t what he expected to do that afternoon, but he couldn’t say that he didn’t enjoy it in the end. Afterall, spending time with your loved ones was always fun, but above all, it was comforting to know he had many brothers who would always have his back, no matter how many times he tried to push them away.