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It was a chilly afternoon and the sun slowly began to set as Shun entered his home’s street. Fidgeting with his coat’s sleeves, he mumbled incoherent sentences under his breath. Right about now, he wished he had the ability to reverse time to stop himself from even writing that letter—and from buying that chocolate. Maybe he should’ve just eaten it himself.
Just when his house came into view, he turned around and started running. If he made it back to school in time he could still stop Aren from finding it.
Although Shun hadn’t signed the letter, what if his handwriting gave it away? Or the content? He had made sure not to include too many details that could identify him but what if he’d overlooked something? Shun knew he was probably overthinking this. As he usually did. But ever since he’d put the letter and chocolate underneath Aren’s desk, he’d started to feel sick.
Even if Aren wouldn’t know who wrote the letter—Shun still feared for him to read it; he’d never put his feelings into words like that before. The letter was longer than your usual valentine’s message. Shun could’ve probably made it shorter, but the words had kept pouring out of him. At the thought of Aren reading all of that, his stomach twisted.
As the school gate came into sight, he could feel his legs give out. Out of breath, he propped his hands onto his knees and took a quick break. Most sports weren’t exactly Shun’s strength and his stamina was fittingly low.
Shun had slipped the letter underneath the desk during break and somehow Aren hadn’t found it while in class afterwards. Maybe he still hadn’t found it and simply went home. That would be the only way Shun could still stop this.
Once he caught his breath, he jogged the rest of the way. When he got close to the entryway, he could hear some familiar chatter. Aren was in the middle of changing his shoes, flanked by two classmates. Shun was surprised to see that they were still here, but got distracted by the topic they were talking about.
“No, it’s private. You can’t read it.”
“I always let you guys read my love letters, too!” Nendou’s voice was unmistakable.
Hairo’s laughter echoed through the halls. “That was one time. And it wasn’t even a love letter!”
Shun wasn’t sure if his legs were getting weak again because of the running or because of what he was hearing. Unless there was some other letter, it was clear what they were referencing.
“But seriously… you took a long time reading that,” Hairo turned to face Aren, “and you turned like really red.”
“Shut up.” Aren clicked his tongue while closing his shoe locker. When he turned towards the door, his face lit up. “Oh, Shun! Didn’t you leave already?”
“Ah, yeah.” Shun cleared his throat and closed the remaining distance. “I just, uhm, forgot something.”
Hairo popped up from behind Aren to greet him, “Yo Kaidou! You look like you’ve been running! Why didn’t you invite me?”
“What?” Shun was startled by him being able to tell. “Oh, no. I was just in a hurry. Because I need to go study and stuff.”
“Right, exams are coming up,” Aren said.
Nendou scratched his head. “I don’t really get studying.” None of them had a good response for that.
“Anyway,” Hairo added, “Kuboyasu actually got a valentine’s gift. I’m pretty sure that’s the first time! There was a letter and everything!”
“Really?” Shun hoped he sounded natural, though he could feel the blood rise to his face. He decided to pry just a bit. “So… who gave it to you?”
“I don’t know. It was underneath my desk and she didn’t sign it.” Aren sighed. “She seems rather serious about it though… so I am a little curious.”
Shun’s hands started to shake. He’d known that Aren would assume a girl behind the letter. And yet, he couldn’t help but feel a little excited. It seemed Shun got his feelings across, but whether or not he was happy about that, he didn’t know.
“The handwriting isn’t familiar at all?” It could prove disadvantageous to ask this, but Shun’s mouth moved faster than his brain sometimes.
“Handwriting? I don’t pay much attention to that so no.”
“Right, okay.” Shun nodded before changing the topic, “Anyway, I already figured out that the thing I forgot was actually in my pocket! So, I guess I’ll head home now.”
“Then let’s all go together!” Hairo said and the others agreed. “By the way, where’s Saiki?” The conversation kept going as they began their way home.
Luckily, it seemed like none of them had noticed Shun’s nervosity. While they walked and chatted like usual, his hands slowly stopped shaking and the heat disappeared from his cheeks. Every once in a while, he studied Aren’s face, checking for any new information. Shun wanted to believe that there was no reason to worry anymore, but another part of him was almost disappointed.
No. Aren didn’t know it was him—and it was better that way.
“Let’s go get some ramen!” Nendou suddenly said.
They had already reached Shun’s home. Normally, he might still take Nendou up on that offer, but with their final exams coming up, he had to study even more than usual. Plus, he really needed a break from looking at Aren.
After saying goodbye, he entered the house and rushed to his room right away. He let out a deep breath and threw himself onto his bed. The contents of the letter shot through his head and he screamed into the pillow.
When Shun had discovered his feelings for his best friend a few months back, so much had suddenly made sense. Why he wanted to do everything with him. Why he never seemed to have a crush on any girl. And why he was so bothered by Aren liking someone else.
Shun had finally felt like he understood himself. Even just a bit more. And he thought that would be enough—that he would be content with just that. After all, he was still Aren’s best friend. They hung out whenever they had the time; he didn’t have to stare from afar.
He’d foolishly assumed he would never feel the need to tell him.
Groaning, he rolled around on his bed and onto the floor, making a loud noise. Moments later, his door swung open and his sister Sora glared at him.
“Be quiet.” Before she left, she quickly added, “Oh and mom said you have to study more.” Then, she slammed the door shut.
Shun took a deep breath and got up. Studying might actually take his mind off everything. When he sat down at his desk, he instead started thinking back to last night.
Everyone at school had been talking about Valentine's day coming up and somehow, Shun hadn’t been able to get it out of his head. He still couldn’t believe that he’d actually gone to buy some chocolate because of that—he only hoped no one had seen him.
Shun put his face in his hands. It should’ve stopped there; the letter was clearly overkill. People don’t usually write more than a few sentences to go with the chocolate. Why did he write down every single thought? He felt so stupid thinking back to it.
After lowering his hands again, he took out a textbook and his notes from class. People were always surprised by how neat they were. Staring at them obviously didn’t help, so he began reviewing them.
For some reason, their second year had felt like an eternity, but now they were third-graders. It felt unreal that they were graduating next month already. Of course it also meant that Shun had to study a lot more than usual, though he was already used to a decent amount of pressure from his mom.
Occasionally, his mind drifted back to the letter, but for the most part, the studying helped distract him until he went to bed. As much as he still regretted it, he was sure everyone would forget about it soon enough.
Dear Kuboyasu,
Is it weird to start a casual letter this way? Okay, nothing is casual about this.
What I'm trying to say is, I’ve liked you for a while now. It took me too long to realize, but… actually, this might go beyond “like”. You know. My point is I really like you.
Like, sometimes when you smile at me I feel like I could just die right there. It’s stupid but when you smile or laugh because of me, it makes me feel special somehow. I know you don’t mean anything by it, but… I kinda wish you did. And I wish I didn’t feel that way.
I never thought of myself as a jealous person but… I can’t stand even just the thought of you liking someone else. I know how flustered you get around Teruhashi and I mean I get it. Who wouldn’t? But knowing that you will never feel that way around me… shit.
Anyway I’m running out of space here and I’m writing way too much so. I’ll leave it at that.
– Anonymous
February 15th–20th
The days passed by fast. Shun had to go to cram school almost every day, only able to see his friends during school hours. Coming home in the evening, his brain feeling mushy, made it easy to stop thinking about Aren as well.
Aren didn’t bring up the letter again and Shun’s anxiety about it was gone. There was simply no way he would ever tell him. He was already scared of losing contact with Aren after graduating and that would only make it worse.
Right. That was probably the reason he wrote the letter as well. It was their last year in school together, so he’d gotten emotional. Nothing more. It didn’t mean that Shun suddenly wanted to confess to him. Obviously not. There was no reason for him to do that.
February 21st
Valentine’s day had been pushed into a deep corner in Shun’s mind by now. Usually, his classmates would talk about it for a few days, but most of them were focused on the upcoming exams this year. Every conversation Shun could currently overhear was related to it.
While he took out his textbook for math, Aren turned around in his seat to talk to him, “Yo, remember that love letter I got?”
Shun almost dropped the book. “What? Oh, yeah, that. Why?”
“I’ve been thinking…” Aren tapped a finger on his backrest. “How do I figure out who wrote it?”
A curse laid on the tip of his tongue, but he held back. He supposed it was normal to be curious but why had it taken Aren so long to mention it? Shun had thought himself to be safe already.
“Why?”
“Huh?” Aren adjusted his glasses. “Why wouldn’t I? The letter was… how should I say, intriguing? If I meet her and we go on a date or something… it might work out, you know?”
“Right… or you’ll just be disappointed,” he said, faster than intended.
“What? My standards aren’t that high.”
“Not what I meant…” Shun mumbled unintentionally. He really should've just dropped it; there was no way he could convince him without revealing himself.
“Okay, what’s wrong?” Aren raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t expecting you to be against this.”
“Ah, I’m not!” he said, his voice close to shaking. “I was just saying. Uhm… do you have any leads already?”
There was a pause, as Aren didn’t seem satisfied with the response, but he didn’t ask again and sighed instead. “No. I don’t think I can identify the handwriting or anything else about the letter. The chocolate was store-bought but I’m not sure if that helps.”
A small wave of relief washed over Shun, but he couldn’t rest easy just yet. His friend could be rather stubborn and might end up finding a way eventually.
“Then how will you do this?”
“I don’t know.” Aren made his hand into a fist. “But it’s too early to give up! I’ll try finding her until the semester is over. I don’t think I’ll be able to find her afterwards.”
Shun nodded, startled by his determination. He hadn’t expected his letter to be this impactful—and his stomach turned at that. If it had actually been a girl who’d written the letter, everything would’ve been perfect.
Surely, Aren wouldn’t even come close to finding out. After all, he was still under the assumption that he was looking for a girl, and that would cloud his judgement. Shun didn’t have anything to worry about. Yet, there was a part of him that just couldn’t seem to let go of this.
The conversation was cut off as their teacher entered the room. As the day went on, Shun couldn’t stop thinking about Aren. Not like that was anything new.
During the evening, he paced around his room. Every once in a while, he would sit down to study for a bit, but he could never focus for long. Even though he knew he was in the clear, he still felt the need to make sure.
Once he had an idea, he sat down at his desk right away to start writing. There was no guarantee that this would keep Aren away—it might even backfire. But he had to try.
February 22nd
Surprisingly, Shun never had any problems with waking up early. He actually quite enjoyed it at times. After making up some random excuse for why he had to leave early, he arrived at school half an hour before everyone else.
Standing in front of Aren’s locker, he hesitated. After he took a deep breath, he slipped the letter in and it disappeared from his sight. There was no going back now; he just hoped this wasn’t too suspicious.
It was better not to linger, so Shun made his way to the classroom to spend the rest of the time studying. This letter wasn’t on his mind quite as much, but his thoughts still wandered over to it from time to time. Why he had felt the need to add that last part was a mystery to Shun. He blamed it on the Dark Reunion which made it easier to ignore.
Dear Kuboyasu,
Uhm, I’m the one who sent you the other letter. I know this might be a weird thing to do but I overheard you talking the other day about how you want to find me.
You really shouldn’t. I can’t explain why but you will be let down by it. It’s better if you don’t know who I am, for both of us.
As much as I would love to go on a date with you, you won’t want to once you know who I am. I know that much.
– Anonymous
Soon, his classmates began coming in one after the other. While Nendou was talking Shun’s ear off, Aren entered as one of the last, in the middle of tucking away a familiar letter.
They quickly greeted each other, but the new letter didn’t get mentioned. When class started, Shun kept staring at the back of his head and he could swear he saw the gears turning in Aren’s head even then. Hopefully, he would end at the conclusion that Shun wanted.
The day passed by fast and Shun couldn’t help but notice Aren being lost in thought every so often. As the last bell rang for the day and Shun began packing his bag, Aren eventually approached him.
“Shun,” he said, “how do I contact someone if I don’t know them?”
“Eh?”
“The girl who gave me the chocolate. I think she’s insecure, so I was thinking. What if I contact her without her identity being revealed?”
“I—” Shun felt his face heat up. “You seem very determined.”
“Well, it’s not every day that I get a confession,” Aren said, a faint blush appearing on his nose. “Maybe that’s why.”
Shun let out a faint laugh. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.” After that, he fell into silence, unable to look directly at him.
“So… You don’t have any ideas? Oh well, I’ll figure something out.” Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Aren glanced down onto Shun’s, which was still only half-packed. “Don’t you have cram school?”
“Oh.” Shun grabbed his bag and stuffed the rest of his things inside. “I really have to hurry now. Bye!” He rushed out of the room, not waiting for a response. Being late to cram school wasn’t something he wanted to add to his problems.
Throughout the rest of the day, Shun tried his damndest to distract himself. All the stress surrounding the exams continued to take his mind off things fairly well, but the voice in the corner of his head remained—reminding him that Aren wouldn’t be this serious if he knew it was Shun.
February 24th
After cram school the previous day, Shun had been so tired that he ended up oversleeping. He’d only woken up because his mom had come into his room like ten times.
When he reached the school, he barely had even five minutes to spare but as he was changing his shoes, something caught his eye—a piece of paper sticking out from Aren’s locker.
It certainly wasn’t the letter Shun had sent since that one had gone all the way in. Plus, Aren had definitely taken it with him. Was someone else sending him letters too? Shun’s stomach felt funny at the thought. Noticing some faint writing on it, he decided to get closer. When he could finally make out the words, he gasped.
To Anonymous
He immediately lifted his hand to grab it and tucked it into his bag, at the same time as the bell rang. Planning to read it later, he rushed to his classroom.
After apologizing to the teacher, he went to his seat. As he took out his textbook, he contemplated reading the letter now, but it was too risky with Aren right in front of him. Seriously, he thought. Why would Aren just put it out in the open like that where anyone could’ve taken it? Was that the great solution he’d come up with?
Class went by much slower than usual and once it ended, Shun grabbed the letter and left for the bathroom, greeting his friends in passing.
Locking himself into one of the toilet stalls, he leant against the door and sighed. He was both curious and nervous about what Aren had written, so he opened the letter before he could change his mind.
Dear Anonymous,
I’ve never gotten a Valentine’s gift before so I wanna thank you for that. Naturally I can’t say whether or not I return your feelings yet, since I don’t even know who you are.
Sorry, I’m not very good at these things. But I just wanted to tell you that I would still like to meet you. I doubt I’ll be disappointed, I just have that hunch. I’m already warming up to you.
But I do get why you would be so hesitant, so I’m leaving it up to you. I’m free on Saturday, so if you change your mind, come to the school gate at noon. Hah, it’s kinda fun to write something like that.
Right, until then!
Shun’s hands had begun shaking while he’d read it. Aren still wanted to meet up. He let out a long breath and read the letter a second time. If this situation was less complicated, this might have actually persuaded him. But it wasn’t.
For a second, he considered going, though he quickly shook that thought off. It would mean risking their friendship for what was only a faint glimmer of hope. Shun had only started making friends last year. Losing even one of them would shatter him.
He neatly folded the letter, slipped it into his pocket and left the stall.
It hurt to essentially stand Aren up, but there was no way around it. Even if Shun’s heart was begging him to consider the opposite.
February 27th
The weekend had passed and with March not too far away, the exams were looming over everyone’s heads. When Aren approached Shun during lunch, he had a completely different issue however.
“Well, I may have asked the girl to meet up. And she didn’t come.”
Shun couldn’t quite tell how Aren felt about that. There was a hint of dejection to his voice, but the look on his face told a different story. His brows were furrowed and his eyes still had that determined gleam. One hand held his chin while the other held chopsticks.
“So… Do you think it’s time to give up?” The answer seemed clear to him already, but he asked anyway.
“No,” Aren said, without any pause. “I mean, I’m not going to force her. But, I don’t know…” He took a bite of his lunch and his brows furrowed deeper somehow.
“I don’t know,” he continued after swallowing. “For some reason I’m super interested. Not entirely sure why but I just have a really good feeling about this.”
Something in Shun’s chest felt like it broke. There was one aspect to this situation that, in his anxiety, he’d failed to see. A mysterious person who’s into you. The only way of communicating being via letter. Shun had overlooked just how exciting of a scenario this was—right out of a fictional story. No wonder Aren was so keen on continuing this.
He bit his lower lip and stared down at his food. A mix of gastric acid and guilt began bubbling in his stomach. The regret about writing that first letter came back stronger than ever. Shun knew he was prone to overreacting when what he had done wasn’t actually that bad, but he couldn’t tell if this was one of those situations. He felt like he had set Aren up for disappointment.
Later at home, Shun once again sat down at his desk with a pen in his hand and an empty sheet of paper in front of him. This would be his final letter—which would hopefully put an end to this back and forth.
February 28th
Shun’s head felt like a construction site. The voice of the teacher had faded into the background a long time ago and his notebook had become filled with scribbles. He’d seen Aren read his latest letter already, but he could not read his expression at all.
Hey,
I’m sorry but I have to come clear. I’m a guy. There. Ripped the bandaid off.
That’s not the only reason why I think you wouldn’t return my feelings, but it is the biggest one. I’m sorry for not coming on Saturday but I hope you understand. I never expected anything to come from this.
Again, Sorry.
– Anonymous
Aren had always shown interest in girls since Shun had known him—but never for boys. Of course that didn’t mean it was completely off the table but Shun preferred to play his cards safe. Undoubtedly, this would make him stop looking for him. Shun had spent so much time agonizing over it, he felt sure.
The more he thought about it, the more his anxiety disappeared. In its place, a sense of emptiness emerged. Shun sighed, fidgeting with the pen in his hand. He kept telling himself that he shouldn’t feel disappointed if Aren lost interest; this had been the obvious outcome since the beginning. Yet, his heart disagreed with him once again.
March 1st-5th
With the first exam being on the sixth, Shun has filled every possible moment with studying—his go-to distraction these days. Soon, he would graduate and go to university. He wouldn’t be able to see Aren as much anymore. The universe clearly tried to tell Shun, “Get over him already, geez!”.
Ever since the last letter, Aren had stopped talking about it entirely, nor had he contacted the sender again. Shun took this as confirmation. It hurt, but it felt necessary if Shun wanted to get over him.
Did he want to do that? He had no answer. It appeared to be such an easy question. Of course he should want to get over someone who doesn’t like him back. Then why did his heart protest; why did he want to keep liking Aren, even though it was futile?
Shun had thought he finally understood himself. How naive. Why did he think it possible to make sense of anything if his brain and heart weren’t capable of harmony?
March 6th
It was the day of their first exam. Shun had made sure to go to bed early since he didn’t want to risk oversleeping again. In turn, he’d woken up way too early.
After pacing around the house, doing some last-minute reviewing, he left for school, knowing that he would be early. Better than late.
While humming a made up song, he entered the school and changed his shoes. At first he didn’t notice anything, but then he stopped in his tracks as he spotted a familiar piece of paper.
It was the same as last time. The letter was halfway inside Aren’s locker, the words “To Anonymous” visible on the outside.
Shun grabbed it without thinking when he should’ve ignored it. Not only was he supposed to be forgetting about this—it was horrible timing. This time, he didn’t bother to go to the bathroom, instead opening it on the spot.
Yo,
Wow, sorry. I wanted to respond sooner but I just couldn’t find the words. I ended up thinking a lot and I’m sorry if I don’t make much sense even now.
To be honest, I’ve never seen guys as an option before. But I may have been wrong about that. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s just that ever since your letter, I’ve been seeing the guys around me in a different light somehow.
It’s weird. I don’t even know you. You shouldn’t have been able to influence that, but somehow you did. I don’t know if it was the excitement of this whole letter exchange stuff or whatever but… I honestly still don’t know. Am I attracted to guys?
I feel like I should’ve sorted my feelings out first before telling anyone, but… I had to. I’m graduating soon. We can’t talk like this for much longer.
I still want to meet you. Maybe even more so than before. Does that make sense? Does anything make sense anymore? Hah. Well. Feel free to completely ignore this letter.
After the exams are over, on the 11th. I’ll be in the park near the cherry blossoms at noon. It’s not quite the season yet so there shouldn’t be that many people.
Maybe I'll see you there?
The world around Shun seemed to stop for a second as he gaped at the letter in his hand. Re-reading it three more times didn’t change the words he was seeing and his brain finally processed them. He put a hand over his mouth.
Of all the possible outcomes that he’d come up with, this was one he’d tucked away as a fantasy. Did this mean he had a chance? Wait. Aren still thought this was a person he wasn’t super close with; he wasn’t expecting Shun. Revealing himself might still backfire. But maybe…
Shun hadn’t realized how long he’d stood there, so when students began entering behind him, he was startled, quickly stuffing the letter into his bag. Before he could be caught in front of Aren’s locker, he hurried to the classroom.
This wasn’t the time to be overthinking—he had an exam to take. Multiple, for the next few days. He could make a decision once he was done with them.
March 7th-10th
As expected, the exams proved to be a strong distraction. Shun had always felt confident in his grades, but even he struggled. Even after all of that free time spent studying and all those mock exams, he feared he might have failed. He’d checked his answers multiple times for each exam and he should be passing, but this was the real deal. What if his calculations were wrong?
When he got home after the last one, his mom grilled him for information. Was this specific topic questioned? What about this other one? Did he finally remember what a derivative is? She’d always been like that, but the stress of university admission made her unbearable.
As for Aren’s letter, Shun was still undecided if he wanted to show up on Saturday. It didn’t seem like a terrible idea and maybe it would even turn out great.
At one point he’d casually asked Aren if there’d been any progress with the girl, but he’d just been waved off, with the words, “No idea.”
He couldn’t pry further since he wasn’t supposed to know so much. And Aren didn’t talk about it on his own either. It wasn’t like Shun didn’t believe the letter, but there was still a sense of uncertainty, persistently gnawing at his heart.
March 11th
Before he knew it, Saturday had come along and Shun was busy pacing up and down his room. He’d bumped into his desk a few times by now but he couldn’t keep still.
Last night, he’d made the decision to go through with it. But now that he only had a few minutes left, he felt sick. If he went, Aren would start to see him differently—that was inevitable. His stomach coiled at the thought, even though there was a chance it would be in a good way. As surreal as it felt to Shun, they might end up going on a date after this.
His head felt like a squirrel on caffeine—working overtime in all the wrong ways. What if Aren didn’t like guys after all? What if he did, but Shun wasn’t his type? There seemed to be an endless supply of what if’s, most of them negative.
Eventually, he stopped in front of his mirror, removing the same strand of hair from his face for the fifth time already. Looking at himself, the voice in his head got louder. At best, he felt like he was average looking. He was short, had an unassuming face and his messy hair had never been popular with other people. The only person who had ever told him that he was attractive was his mother. Not the biggest confidence booster.
Glancing over at the pile of clothes on his bed, he considered changing again. After contemplating, he had ended up with a simple white shirt, a black flannel jacket and some normal jeans. But now he wasn’t sure anymore.
When his gaze fell onto the clock, he gasped. Nevermind, he didn’t have time to change anything; he had to leave now or he wouldn’t make it in time.
The sky was clear and the sunlight felt warm on Shun’s skin as he left the house. A few days ago, it had still felt like winter, but now it seemed like spring had arrived.
As he made his way towards the park, he tried his best to squash every remainder of doubt still floating around in his head. Telling himself that he wouldn’t lose Aren, over and over. It worked, funnily enough. Perhaps the spring sun was getting to him.
It wasn’t a long way to the park and he could already see the cherry blossom trees. They weren’t fully in bloom just yet, hardly any of the buds had opened so far. Shun realized that Aren hadn’t specified an exact location in his letter, so he would have to simply walk around and look for him.
When he turned a corner, Shun was suddenly met with the back of Aren’s head. Caught off guard, his eyes widened and he froze. Fortunately, Aren was looking at his phone, unaware of the person standing behind him. Shun gulped. He’d thought he was ready. Truly. But maybe he wasn’t brave enough for this after all.
He whipped around, but his plan to leave was interrupted when he bumped into a passing couple right away. As he fell to the ground with a bang, he let out a high-pitched noise.
“Oh, sorry, are you okay?” one of the strangers asked.
Shun quickly sat up, rubbing his thigh. “All good. Sorry, that was my fault.”
After assuring them that he wasn’t injured, they went on their way. Shun sighed, leaning against a fence instead of getting up. Why did he feel like he was forgetting something?
“Shun?”
At the sound of that voice, his heart dropped to his stomach and he lifted his head, meeting Aren’s eyes. Right, he had still been close.
Aren walked up to him, his eyebrows furrowed. Before he could reach him, Shun scrambled to his feet and dusted off his clothes. So much for chickening out; of course he managed to mess up at the last moment.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, just, you know…” Shun couldn’t believe he needed to say it out loud. “The letter…”
Only after saying that, did it click for Shun that he could’ve probably lied. Aren didn’t seem like he knew right away and the question had likely been genuine. Now Shun had put it out in the open, so there was no going back for real this time.
Aren tilted his head for a second, but then his eyes widened as he pieced everything together. Regret was dripping from Shun’s heart again, so he took a step back, planning his escape already.
“No, nevermind. I was about to leave actually—”
“Wait!” Aren grabbed his wrist, though his grip was soft; Shun could easily leave. “So… It was you?”
Although part of him wanted to deny it, he knew he shouldn’t. So he nodded, lowering his head in the process and staring at the pavement. This was the moment he’d been dreading and it began to feel like eating breakfast had been a bad idea.
Aren remained silent and it felt like the world had frozen over—the soft glow of the spring sun not strong enough to break through it.
“Sorry,” Shun said eventually, his voice low.
“Why are you apologizing?” Aren’s voice was firm and Shun could feel his gaze piercing into him even without seeing it.
“Just… for giving you hope and stuff with the letters. Only for it to be… just me.”
When Aren fell into silence again, still staring at him, he felt his cheeks starting to burn. He pressed his lips together and considered leaving, but his legs wouldn’t move. Aren’s hand around his wrist felt oddly comforting and Shun’s heart urged him to stay like this for even just a few seconds longer.
Shun could feel his heartbeat in his ears and he was only faintly aware that they were still standing in a public area.
“Again, sor—”
All of a sudden, Aren let go of his wrist and wrapped both his arms around Shun instead, pressing him against his chest. Shun’s eyes widened and he lifted his hands, only to drop them again. He wasn’t sure how, but his heart beat faster than before to the point where it felt like it was attempting to escape the prison of Shun’s chest.
“What’s so bad about ‘just you’?” Aren said, his voice a whisper. “This might be better than a stranger actually. I feel a lot less nervous now, knowing that it’s you.”
“What?”
Aren tugged him a bit closer, leaning his head against Shun’s. “I honestly wasn’t sure until now. Meeting someone I only barely know and going on a date may have not worked out.” He chuckled softly. “I thought if I pretended to be confident in it, it would come true.”
Shun had trouble processing everything that was being said. When he finally spoke up, it was in a hushed voice, “So, what you’re saying is…”
Taking a deep breath, Aren responded, “Yes, I still want to go on that date.” He pulled away to make eye contact. “Maybe even more so than before.”
“How does that make sense…” Shun mumbled out loud and a smile settled on Aren’s face.
“I don’t really know,” he replied and lifted his hand to ruffle Shun’s messy locks. “I just had a feeling that this would work the moment I knew it was you.”
Shun nodded, the shaking in his hands slowing down. For once, his heart and brain seemed to be on the same page—they both wanted this to be real. To not be a dream.
The voice in his head told him that this would still go wrong. That he would mess up so horribly, he would finally lose Aren for good. But that voice got smothered and pushed into a deep corner every time Shun looked up at him.
Maybe sending that letter hadn’t been a mistake after all.