Work Text:
august the 4th.
that’s the day doe-eyed jeon jeongguk moves in, and jimin offers him freshly baked cupcakes to welcome him into their neighbourhood. they become friends in no time, and their connection only deepens further when jeongguk gets a bike for his birthday. it’s a brilliant red, his favourite colour, and it comes with training wheels- given that jeongguk is fourteen and jimin is sixteen.
“come on, gukkie! don’t be afraid, hyung’s holding onto your seat,” jimin assures. it's jeongguk's first time riding without his training wheels.
their parents had come to a mutual agreement that jimin would be the best candidate to mentor young jeongguk, since the latter seldom listened so well to people that weren’t his family- he was terribly shy and not a very social person.
having learnt to cycle from his father at a young age, riding on two wheels were like second nature for jimin. as his main form of transport besides walking, jimin’s bicycle was coated in a shade of light teal, and had a basket in front of it decorated with flowers. jimin was patient, while jeongguk was determined.
“o-okay, hyung, you can let go,” jeongguk steadies, nervous but eager- eager to grow up. he needed to prove that he could do it too. better and faster and-
and also far less experienced. he fumbles with the handles, hands clammy from both the heat and his haste to get it right, and he falls, unsteady with steering and instead swerving into the sidewalk. lips pressed into a straight line, jeongguk grimaces as he sees a spot of crimson on his knee rivalling the shade of his bike.
“oh my gosh, gukkie, i’m so sorry, i should have-“
“not your fault.” comes the laconic reply, and jimin scrambles over after grabbing a small box of hello kitty band aids and disinfectant in a small kit he carries in the front basket of his two-wheeler.
“this might sting a little, bear with it, alright?” jimin whispers tenderly, dabbing the wound with alcohol cotton balls back at their porch, wincing and wearing a painful expression even though he wasn’t the one getting hurt.
his heart hurts, though, as he gently cleans the gash and patches the tight lipped boy up. unshed tears are brimming at the corner of wide eyes, but jeongguk doesn’t allow them to fall, because his idol, iron man sunbaenim, absolutely does not cry. jimin kisses his knee, telling him that his mama said that if you kiss it better, the bruises and cuts will heal faster.
jeongguk just deadpans and nods- jimin clearly isn’t a pepper potts, so why should he be swooning?
it takes jeongguk three more tries riding down, with jimin’s hands behind him the whole way round- that he conquers it, and he claims it’s because jarvis (yes, he’s named his bike jarvis) has been covered up with streaks of gold, where the paint chipped off when he last skidded. tony stark has been watching over him, he solemnly says, and it makes jimin doubles over in laughter.
from then on, both of the busan boys cycle to school together; wearing their gakurans and caps, they travel to school on two-wheelers. even though they did get an upgrade in bike models, due to wear and tear, the basics still stayed the same. vermillion for jeongguk, turquoise for jimin.
it’s almost like a daily routine- they wait for each other at the porch, and they depart together. once a week, they race back home to see who reaches first, and it’s always filled with mirth and laughter and shouts of playful banter. the neighbours down the alley pay no mind- jimin and jeongguk are adored by all of them. whoever reaches home first gets to choose what show to watch on netflix, or which ice cream flavour they get the next day before returning home.
jeongguk always lets jimin win though, when the older is feeling down or sad, so jimin gets to savour his comfort food on jeongguk’s bed in his room. likewise, on days when he feels extra competitive to teach the brat a lesson, jimin gives in and allows jeongguk to binge watch whatever he wants- they have a soft spot for each other after all.
it’s their established unspoken dynamic.
jimin remembers the time when his bike was spoilt, and jeongguk rode both of them to school and back- jimin remembers holding on tight to jeongguk’s waist, black coat fluttering in the wind, in the evening breeze, in the sunset glow. jimin rests his head on jeongguk’s broad back, an uneasy premonition looming over his head. he grabs on tighter, because what are the chances another time like this comes by?
jimin was right.
it’s an established unspoken dynamic- until that new boy moves in.
kim taehyung moves in when jeongguk is sixteen.
taehyung is in the same year in jimin, and he lives two streets behind the jeon and park households. don’t get jimin wrong- taehyung was one of the best lab partners: he was a real darling- really nice and friendly and awfully sweet during their chem lab sessions;
but the fact that jeongguk was getting closer and closer to taehyung- the fact that this ‘new kid’ was so similar, so alike to himself- that stung.
jeongguk had been finding all sorts of lame and weird excuses to come home at a different time all week, so they didn’t have to go home together.
and jimin hated it, not because jeongguk was spending lesser and lesser time with him, no. jimin hated the bitter, acrid feelings churning inside his gut- as much as he wished those sour feelings would go away, the day he dreaded, he feared came far too soon.
he remembers that fateful afternoon all too well; jeongguk coming back a little later, all smiley and cute and shy-
“what’s up, buttercup?” he greets, trying his utmost best to hide his own thoughts. clearly, jeongguk didn’t seem to be as sensitive and deterred anymore.
“hyung?” he starts hopefully, long lashes fluttering against huge eyes. “i… i think i might like taehyung-hyung,”
there’s a moment of silence before jimin tries to fake a laugh, to show jeongguk he’s okay and he’s a supportive friend- he plasters on a smile to the best of his ability.
“t-that’s great, jeonggukie!” he says, but on the inside he’s crumbling- jeongguk literally just broke the heart he was saving up all this while just for him, and now-
“the three of us can cycle to school together, then!”
come on, jimin, optimism, think positive-
“um, hyung? i think you’re getting it wrong, uh, taehyungie-hyung, he...” and jeongguk chews on his bottom lip, unsure, not knowing how to break the news to jimin. he doesn’t know how to just cut off the rituals, their established rituals, the established routine they’ve been carrying out for years.
“he takes the bus.”
and jimin cries himself to sleep every night. in the day he puts on the brightest, most saccharine smile he can, and avoids interaction with jeongguk at all costs.
and yes, he knows taehyung is a really wonderful person, but it still hurts, and it hurts so bad.
to have his best friend slash favouritest neighbour slash childhood crush getting ‘snatched’, taken away all at once- his heart hurts. so much.
but it’s okay, jimin reasons, if jeongguk is happy then he’s happy too;
yeah. whatever he said.
jeongguk looks at taehyung so adoringly and literally with hearts in his eyes that it pains jimin.
he watches taehyung as he gives jeongguk a strawberry lollipop, hovering by their lockers, and an idea strikes him. he still maintains his distance though, he’s not gonna spoil his jeonggukie’s first crush, no.
if he’s happy, i’m happy, remember?
may transits to june, and almost nearing to july.
jeongguk consistently finds sweets and milk cartons on his desk and in his locker- always tied up with a silken orange ribbon. his heart swells whenever he receives it, because he loves banana milk, and also it’s yellow, and it just reminds him of taehyung and his pretty blonde hair.
“thank you for all the milk and sweets, hyung!” jeongguk says after the third carton he’s been receiving, along with chocolates and more candies, all bundled in orange silk.
but taehyung looks at him, puzzled, like jeongguk's contracted some illness with weird symptoms.
“huh, jeongguk-ah, i’ve only given you lollipops, like, twice?”
the confusion infects the younger too, and everything goes downhill from there, like a virus manifesting- only to strike when the immune system is low, amidst weakness and vulnerability.
it latches contagiously, and then it spreads rapidly.
“guk-ah! i-i did it!” taehyung excitedly announces to jeongguk, grabbing him by the shoulders in his joy.
“i asked yoongi-hyung out and he said yes!"
asked yoongi-hyung… out?
“-ongguk? guk? are you alright? did i shout too loudly and scare you or-?” the elder asks worriedly, seeing the younger freeze up and go as cold as ice, a look of dismay clouding his face.
“o-oh, it’s nothing, i just had a late night doing a project… ‘m just tired, hyung.”
god, please don’t let it fall, god no-
“i’m really happy for you hyung! i really am,” he fake smiles as he stares at taehyung’s pretty squared grin.
“thanks, guk! go get some rest okay! i can’t have my best dongsaeng falling sick!” and a pat on the back before he meets his yoongi-hyung, all rainbows and sunshine and everything jeongguk used to feel for him.
the smile he gave taehyung, he fails to realise, mirrors the one jimin gave him.
he feigns illness, and runs all the way back home. jimin has an online take home assignment and doesn’t have to go to school, and it frightens him when he see jeongguk bolt through his door, a combination of hot tears and bloodshot, swollen eyes.
jeongguk looks like a complete mess and a total wreck, as he wordlessly leaps into the arms that held him when he was upset as a child; the arms that held him when he was sick, when he was injured, when he was sad.
he tells jimin whatever’s happened, through muffled sobs and broken cries- he hiccups as jimin pats his back and hums him lullabies and traces soothing circles into his back and his hands.
“it must be so painful,” jimin whispers into ebony brown curls, and he starts crying too, seeing his little boy on training wheels sobbing his little glass heart out, nursing his very first heartache- and whatever’s left of jimin's own broken heart shatters once again.
“i’m so sorry, jeonggukie,” jimin whispers in hushed tones, caressing the back of his head.
taehyung may not love you in that way-
but i do.
i still love you.
i still do.
jeongguk grows tired soon after he empties an entire tissue box, and jimin manages to coax him to enter into a deep sleep, and carries him onto his bed. he’s tired too, and he drifts into a light slumber as well.
jimin rouses to the sound of a blocked nose combined with rhinitis, and long arms draped over his lithe waist- like how they used to cuddle when they were younger, having a sleepover.
he takes this golden opportunity, to let his hands ghost over jeongguk’s beautiful face, his eyes, his nose, his lips; his everything. and he feels so awful to be taking advantage of such a compromising situation but he can’t help it-
“i-i’m so sorry, jeongguk-ah, but i- i… i selfishly promised to give my first kiss to you,” he validates inaudibly to thin air, fingers shaking and lips trembling before he closes in and allows their lips to touch, to brush ever so gently.
jimin cradles the younger’s face, as if jeongguk were made of glass, something fragile and beautiful and delicate;
and he lets the feather-light skim of their lips linger there a tad bit longer, for moments like this are never to come by again-
“maybe, maybe now, i might be able to let go? move on?” he whispers aloud weakly, voice cracking and tears staining the soft white pillows beneath- that sour feeling is back, his chest is constricting again- it’s a blatant lie and he knows it-
but what he doesn’t know is that jeongguk dreams of taehyung-hyung kissing him, taehyung-hyung telling him he’s beautiful;
taehyung-hyung saying he loves him back.
jimin wakes up to an empty bundle of the duvet, and he figures jeongguk must have crept back to his own bed while he was still sleeping. he spies a text of ‘sorry, i’m going to school alone today’ sent in the wee hours of the morning.
and when he blearily gets ready for school and passes by the jeon household, the red bike is still there-
it means a part of him still yearns for taehyung as he boards that stupid double deckered bus with him, even if he knows his heart will be broken.
it means a part of him has decided to leave his find boyhood memories with jimin behind.
(jimin walks to school instead that day.)
it takes another two days before everything completely sinks in, and jimin and jeongguk are able to look at each other in the eye to exchange pleasantries. both of them have lost their sparkle, eyes dull and bags heavy under their eyes.
it takes jimin all the courage he has left to suggest something dumb, something jeongguk will probably laugh off and call it superstition, say jimin is being silly, but it’s one of the few thing they have left in common and it’s worth a try.
“jeonggukie, did you know that the mountain behind our estate is called lover’s high, and legend has it that if you watch the sunset there for 31 consecutive days, your love will be reciprocated.”
jeongguk doesn’t answer.
“uh, i mean, it’s kinda dumb because it’s all run down and nobody really goes there anymore, so um, yeah i-i’ll be heading off first-“ jimin awkwardly concludes, squeezing his eyes shut because what a terrible excuse to speak to him,
“let’s go.”
“huh?"
“you heard me. i’ll meet you at the usual gate,”
'anything for taehyung', seemed to be the only common thought that resonated between them at that particular instant.
the journey up the dilapidated, barren paths was laced with awkward silences, besides the occasional squeaking of tires on waxy leaves or the snapping of twigs or the brush of wild vines.
they watch the sunset noiselessly, in quiet reverence, side by side- sitting alone together.
it takes the fourth day for jeongguk to speak up, eyes forlorn as he gazes off into the golden sunset, emblazoned in streaks of ambers and blondes, with muted orange streaks weaving their way in.
"even the sunset reminds me of him," he murmurs loud enough for jimin to hear, hands tucked into the black coat pockets of his gakuran.
"he was as bright as the sun to me," jimin replies with equal volume, reading a literature novel whilst leaning against an oak tree.
jeongguk stares hard and blinks at the elder. "huh? wait hyung y-you have an unrequited love too?"
but jimin shakes his head, "nevermind, its nothing," but jeongguk is determined, while jimin is patient- as the younger excitedly shakes his arm asking for hints to who his mystery lover is.
"he only has eyes for someone with a sunny rectangular smile,"
"oh. it must be yoongi-hyung then," jeongguk mutters it out loud, for himself to hear, but jimin catches it though, and gives a wry smile in reply.
he shakes his head but makes no attempt to deny it- he doesn't have the heart to- as the golden sun sets, evolving into the colour of his hair, a deep red-orangey mop now faded into beautiful ginger; and then the glorious sun in all its magnificent rays dissolve into pinks and reds and teals and darker blues, all the different shades of the first two colours of their bikes.
they draw closer and closer as the 31 day mark approaches.
sometimes jeongguk falls asleep, using jimin's sturdy thighs as a makeshift pillow, the elder running fingers through mahogany strands humming dulcet melodies like when they were younger.
best friends lean on one another, both physically and mentally, right?
the longer jeongguk stares at the splendour of the sun coming down from his throne, the more he starts to find himself squinting to find the tiny carrot coloured streaks- but he's confused as to why. it should be blonde and yellow, right?
the twelfth day marks the day jeongguk buys jimin mochi from that new bakery down the street, and somehow his heart starts thrumming irratically when jimin smiles back and tells him thanks for remembering i love this.
day nineteen has jeongguk devouring the little pastries jimin has bought for him- after a long tiresome day of back to back lectures and presentations.
jeongguk eats messily, to satisfy his voracious hunger, and jimin just smiles wanly as he wipes the crumbs and flakes off his chin.
"you're a big boy now, jeonggukie, please learn to eat less messily!"
and the baring of bunny-like front teeth and a small giggle is all it takes for jimin to feel at ease once again.
the days come and go, both of them seeking comfort and refuge in their quiet indulgence, of us against the world, like they were meant to be since the beginning of time.
jimin thinks it's day twenty-three, when they share earphones and its jimin's turn to choose their soundtrack, and so he shuffles his entire playlist, of all the love songs that remind him of jeongguk. when it's jeongguk's turn he plays his soft indie kind of emotional ballads.
jimin looks at jeongguk who's lying down next to him, eyes closed and looking restful- the song playing is paper hearts, and it's jimins absolute favourite because it just reminds him of everything they ever had, it just sounds so jeongguk to him and he sighs, looking at his baby boy on training wheels, still ever so fondly.
he presses skip, waiting for the next song to come on, thinking jeongguk probably doesn't even know how important, how much this song is to him- only to be proven wrong when jeongguk's eyes flutter open and he grabs jimins arm.
"hyung, why did you change the song? i... i liked that one."
as the fateful 31 days approach, jeongguk feels his heart tilting; his love is shifting.
on the twenty-seventh day, jimin catches a cold. he skips school, but he still sticks to his promise of watching the endless skyline fade into darkness together with jeongguk.
upon spotting the smaller holding tissues and a thermos of hot tea, jeongguk shrugs off his sweater and drowns jimin in it. he starts to feel his heart waver, seeing jimin-hyung sniff and cough and still making his way up the dreaded footpath just to fulfil his whims.
he's starting to feel the same way when he first met taehyung and-
oh no.
there's two days left. day twenty-nine.
while sifting and sorting out his stack of worksheets in an array of piles, it doesn't help that he's late for his project on skype, with all the incessant vibrations from his classmates calling, and jeongguk gets a paper cut.
instinctively, jimin takes out his same little box of bandaids, the purple casing now all battered and worn-out.
it's a reflex- he's been doing it all this while since he was sixteen, and jeongguk was fourteen, and its almost like a permanent habit he can never get rid off. a habit he never wishes to get rid of.
it's probably one of the last few things that bind them together anyway-
"you still carry that thing around?" jeongguk asks, reminiscing the memories that were all flooding back warmly in the orange sun;
the sun is shining brilliantly in all its amber rays and so is jimin- radiating and illuminating like the pure angel he is. its almost as if staring at jimin could take away his sorrow and burdens, and jeongguk doesn't even pay heed to all the missed calls- his project can wait.
"yeah in case you- no, ah i mean in case someone gets hurt or falls," comes the reply.
jimin pastes a hello kitty band aid over the small gash and gives a satisfactory smile- salmon sky covering their blushes with tints of tangerine adorning their faces.
the timing is bad, jeongguk hates to admit as he licks his dry lips, but a part of him still clings onto those bittersweet days- he misses it.
he misses jimin. he misses them.
"y-you forgot to kiss it better," jeongguk whispers, keeping their tradition as always- and his lips are trembling and jimin's hands are shaking and his eyes refuse to look back at jeongguk's own;
he's inwardly chiding himself for being so weak for the younger; why did he give in so easily? why was there close to no resistance? why? why did jeongguk have to bring all that back up?
but nonetheless, jimin clutches his hand tightly- and jeongguk can feel jimin's eyelashes flutter, wavering lips coming into contact with his fingers;
all he remembers is seeing jimin's eyes glittering- and jimin makes a terrible excuse to run downhill and go home because jeongguk should never see him cry. especially not if it's because of him.
as he runs down, both the slopes and memory lane, tears spilling down his face, he blocks out all the shouts of "jimin hyung!" by covering his ears with his hands: the hands that just held something unattainable, intangible- somone he was unworthy of.
jeon jeongguk.
in his hurry to just disappear and avoid jeon jeongguk, jimin leaves his satchel and his books behind.
jeongguk frowns, sunrays ornating furrowed brows as he packs jimins papers and stationery, guessing he's gonna have to leave it at his neighbour's doorstep- only to have a roll of orange ribbon fall out.
oh.
oh no.
the last day finally looms, thirty one solid days, and jimin desperately wants out. he can't do this anymore and it hurts, it hurts so so bad and he feels sick and he wants to go home. he's witnessed the last sunset already, and he's so very tired.
but when he does turn to go, jeongguk encases him from the back, taking him into a crushing backhug and pleads, "jimin hyung please, don't go,"
there's a strangled noise that catches at the hilt of his throat before jimin turns back, and replies through a raspy voice. "no, you should... find taehyung as soon as possible,"
jeongguk just completely wraps himself over jimin, his lanky stature enough to engulf jimin's smaller build and it isn't long till jimin finds himself turning around and hugging back like he was meant to be- like they were meant to be, fitted snugly into the crook of jeongguks neck.
it's all wrong- he's not supposed to be like this: it should be taehyung and not jimin- it was always taehyung.
after what seemed like an eternity, jeongguk loosens his vice, letting go and jimin whines at the loss of warmth, the warmth of his own sun, and jeongguk carefully scoops jimin into his arms as he sits on a pile of dead leaves by the hilltop.
he softly plops jimin into his lap facing him, it takes him a moment to just revel in awe at jimin's natural beauty, the crinkles near his eyes and the chip on his front teeth; the way he just glows and looks so ethereal, the sun's rays casting a halo over his lithe frame.
jimin stares back into his eyes, equally magnetized and mesmerized, and jeongguk lets his hands have free reign in glossing over the structure of jimin's face, all bewildered and confused and dazed- his eyes still glassy and a wet sheen over them, like a porcelein doll in his embrace.
jeongguk's hands are larger that jimins face, as he cradles the elder's jaw, and he pulls them closer, closer, so close until their foreheads are knocking and their noses are touching and this is all too much for jimin to bear.
"t-taehyung," he struggles to remind in weak protest, all control lost and tears break free like a waterfall. jeongguk brushes a callous thumb over his cheekbones to catch the rain drops, and shushes him and pulls him into another all encompassing hug.
its just silence that hangs across them, the way jimin hangs the stars in jeongguk's sky, always there but never quite visible all the time. other than the birds singing and humming of the streets beneath them, the silence is comforting.
through sniffles and some added bravery, jimin pulls away and repeats he should go- but jeongguk holds him by the chin this time, and asks for a favour instead.
"may i, hyung?" and jimin feels he's been so far gone and of course he nods. he's known the boy long enough to know jeongguk is asking, pleading with him to stay.
jeongguk angles his head closer, closer, until their lips touch and meld together. it has jimin melting instantaneously, as he kisses back with passion and fervour, eyes closed but soft and inviting and ever so pliant and it makes jeongguk feel so much emotion broiling within him- it feels like jimin has been waiting and waiting and waiting for aeons for this day and it finally comes; but jimin still wants to savour it, he still wants this moment to last forever.
and he's right.
jeongguk nips back at plush lips, attaining gantry into jimin's orifice, licking into the roof of his mouth, and they take it slow- jimin's arms around his shoulders and jeongguk's own draped around jimins waist- like coming back together on a languid afternoon in the fields after a play date.
they pull apart when they finally need to breathe, and jimin stares at huge doe eyes with all the wonder and adoration in the world; and then he does the thing jeongguk loves- where he smiles so widely his eyes turn to little crescents, nose scrunching and his red swollen lips are tilted up so much.
"it worked, jeongguk-ah," jimin murmurs with a sigh, and oh god- jeongguk's been such a fool- jimin was never referring loving to yoongi, jimin was referring to him.
he was the idiot that was pining after someone with that stupid boxed smile.
"how long," jeongguk prods, gaze stony, glaring at the sun now, angry at himself for having hurt jimin for so damn long without even knowing it; blinded by something else unattainable when the greatest tangible good was by his side this whole entire time.
"simmer down, gukkie, its okay," jimin comforts, reading the latter's mind.
"i actually asked you about this sunset thing thinking it was an online joke so then i could see you more so i-"
and jeongguk turns his steely gaze, locking onto caramel orbs- and on the contrary- to how scary and intimidating he looks- he strokes jimins faded orange locks with affection, breathing in the faint scents of citrusy shampoo.
"how long," he repeats, eyes softening in knowing the time jimin spent longing for him was probably a large proportion of their time together- but he needs it to affirm himself; he wants to be a man that can provide so much more than jimin already has for him.
"i think... the day you fell riding after i removed your training wheels?"
and jeongguk groans because that is really so damned long ago. "you fell and i thought to myself that i- i wanted to protect you and take care of you for as long as i could."
and jimin nuzzles in closer to the heat of jeongguk's chest, all four of their arms tangled to maximize and keep the close proximity.
"i thought it wouldn't hurt to love you from afar, but i was wrong."
and jeongguk doesn't know what to say, so he just tugs jimin in a little closer, a little tighter, nudging him to listen to the heart that's beating way, way faster.
and jimin understands. of course he does.
jeongguk's heart is now calling for him.
but he's always been waiting in there anyway.
it's the 4th of august.
there's school and they ride to school together again, as usual. this time, jimin gets excited talking about the new movie that he saw yesterday, and he fails to notice a porthole.
needless to say, he falls onto the sidewalk, but he manages to break the fall by using his hands.
however, when he reaches out for his hello kitty plasters, his partner stops him with the warmest of touches;
jeongguk shyly takes out a box of iron man plasters from his bag, and pastes it tenderly onto the gash on jimin's palm.
he's blushing as he kisses jimin's palm and cheek, and holds jimin's precious hands close to his accelerated heartbeat.
"it's now my turn to take care of you, hyung."