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The cold winter air bit Borislav's cheeks as he walked down the quiet street. He walked slowly, almost hesitantly, as if he wasn't sure if he truly wanted to get to his destination. Around him the snowflakes were falling ever so gently, little by little adding to the layers of snow all around.
Borislav didn't hate the winter - in fact there was something weirdly comforting in the dance of the falling snow, in the long nights and the shiny blankets of white snow. Yet today, the beautiful scene brought no joy nor comfort to his heart.
Although the surroundings were so peaceful, his mind was not at ease. He was tired. Tired of being overlooked, tired of always been in last place. It had been years since the days he was worth something and it seemed that no one remembered but him. But bathing in old glory was of no use - the truth was he no longer mattered. He could just lie down and disappear and no one would notice.
Well, maybe Vlad will, for a while, notice that he is one neighbour short, but he will recover quickly - he always did. Thinking of Vlad... Even he was making his name in the world by now. He said he wouldn't leave him behind. And Borislav wanted to believe that. But at the same time, was that a wise choice? He didn't want to drag someone who cared about him behind or worse, depend on them in any way.
He couldn't go to him, yet he couldn't deal with this alone either. That was what ultimately brought him here. He could already see Ivan's house in the distance - a sizeable one, yet mostly dark with the exception of a single window, which signified he was likely at home.
The time spent getting there felt like a dream - almost as if he suddenly teleported there. He was still at the door. There was time to turn around and he wouldn't even know he was there. But he didn't. He pressed the doorbell, still hesitantly, which sealed his decision.
***
The sound of the bell startled Ivan so much that he almost threw the book he was reading. This was a sound he rarely heard and today he was definitely not expecting it.
Curious to see who the unannounced visitor is, he made his way to the door, the cold air being the first to enter once he opened it. There, at the other side, was none other than Borislav. Ivan's inital surprise was soon replaced with a warm welcoming smile.
"Borislav?" Ivan said in his usual calm and soft voice "What are you doing here? Come in, it's freezing out there."
Without waiting for a response, Ivan took Borislav's hand and pretty much dragged him in - a thing that Borislav was actually glad he did as at the moment he felt frozen in place, unable to say or do anything.
"Anyway, I just made some pirozhki. You're coming at the right time - they are still warm." he murmured after closing the door, already reaching to brush the snow from Borislav’s shoulders, his eyes lit up with excitement.
Ivan guided him further inside, steering him toward the kitchen as if afraid he might vanish if left unattended. Borislav didn't protest. He just sat wherever he was told to, quietly while Ivan insisted he set up the table.
The smell of the baked goods and tea filled in the quiet house, the only noise in which was coming from the clatter of the plates and Ivan's silent joyful humming as he prepared everything. For a moment Borislav forgot everything that brought him there in the first place. He let himself relax a bit, staring absent mindedly at Ivan's back in front of him.
It was probably the familiarity of this scene that allowed him to relax like that. After all, this was far from the first time he had sought shelter at Ivan's when feeling uneasy.
There had been other winters. Much colder ones even.
***
Back when Borislav's county was still newly liberated and he found himself in control of his own fate for the first time in years - yet in a world so different from the one he remembered, everything felt as if it were hanging by a thread, Ivan had remained at his side.
At that time, Borislav still carried the scars of the difficult past, and sleep was scarce, his mind constantly preoccupied and never at rest. It was during a quiet and calm night, when the two were chatting in Ivan's bedroom before bed when the taller finally addressed it.
"You've been awfully quiet these days? What's wrong?" Ivan's question caught him off guard, scattering any thought that might have been passing through his mind. This question felt so sudden in the midst of their usual chatter about random things Ivan brought up.
"N...nothing..." Borislav tried to force a smile and look away.
"Why would you lie to me?" Ivan's soft, yet insistent tone, made him look up. The expression of concern in Ivan's face was unmistakable and enough for him to admit it.
"I… I don’t know." Borislav paused, searching for the right words. "I just feel… tired. Like I can’t get a handle anything, and… I don’t know how to fix it."
Ivan tilted his head to the side, thinking for a moment. "Why don't you stay the night with me then?" He asked as if it was the most obvious and normal thing in the world.
Borislav looked at him, completely confused, but Ivan just petted the bed next to him, gesturing him to come over, smiling ever so softly. Hesitantly at first, Borislav did as he was asked.
Ivan pulled the blanket around them and hugged him like one might a plush toy. At first it was rather awkward - Borislav was still surprised by this sudden turn of events. Yet Ivan's casualness over it made it a lot easier to clam down and, soon enough, Borislav would just relax, eventually dozing off.
That sudden, seemingly weird idea seemed to work out as Borislav will find himself back there the next night.
***
The memory brought Borislav both comfort and a quiet sadness. When had it all changed? He guessed he had inevitably internalised the same kind of fear and caution that had kept others at a distance from Ivan. And yet, as he looked at him here now, he only saw the kid he once taught how to read and write, just taller and much stronger.
For a while, they talked like in the old times - about various, quite minor topics. And like before, Ivan was the one who mostly carried the conversation. Not that Borislav was disinterested, quite the opposite, but rather that Ivan was the more spontaneous and did not fear just saying whatever random thing was on his mind when they were together.
It was almost strange how normal it all felt. Probably that was and why Ivan's sudden pause made Borislav look at him questioningly.
"This feels familiar." Ivan exclaimed.
"Like old times." Borislav murmured in response, almost to himself.
Ivan smiled, but didn't return to his usual chatter. Instead, he looked at Borislav more closely, his head tilting ever so slightly.
"…Not exactly," he said.
Borislav froze. "What do you mean?"
Ivan’s gaze softened. "I cannot say exactly but.. back then, you looked tired too. But not like this." He hesitated, unusually careful with his words. "This feels heavier."
"It's nothing... You're just imagining it." Borislav tried to deflect and change the subject to no avail.
Ivan didn't respond immediately. He studied Borislav's face, which was now showing signs of the nervousness of being caught red handed.
"Why would you lie to me?" He asked, not accusatory but rather concerned.
These words, almost identical to the ones spoken years ago, hit Borislav harder than he could ever expect. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, the facade of "being alright" from a few seconds ago slowly crumbling.
"It feels like I’ve outlived my purpose." Borislav admitted quietly. "It's like I’ve become... unnecessary."
Ivan’s expression didn’t change much, but he kept his gaze on him.
"Borislav... that’s not true." He paused as he was looking for the right words. "You matter. And... to more people than you think. Even when you don’t see it. You’ve always mattered and you don't have to do anything extraordinary to deserve this."
A brief silence followed these words. Outside, the sun had already set and night had fully settled over. The snowflakes kept spinning and piling on the ground, while the streets remained ever so quiet. For a moment, Ivan wondered if he had said something wrong when he didn't get a response from Borislav, but then he looked up at him.
"Thank you..." His voice was quiet and shaky. Oh, how much he wanted to believe Ivan's words...
Borislav shifted in his seat slightly and once again moved his gaze away from Ivan's as if any eye contact was enough to fully break him. His hands trembled as if he wanted to reach out yet he was too afraid to do so.
"Can I stay?" The words left his mouth quicker than he could react and in a voice, so silent it was surprising Ivan could hear it at all.
But he did.
"Of course!" Ivan's eyes lit up once again, the joy from earlier rushing back to him. "I'll go prepare the guest bedroom."
"That's not what I meant." Borislav's voice stopped him before he could even get up.
Ivan gave him a questioning look.
"I... didn't mean in the guest room." Borislav added.
For a second, this didn't do much to dissolve Ivan's confusion, but the meaning suddenly settled in.
"If that's okay of course." Borislav quickly added as he noticed the surprised look on Ivan's face.
"I thought you didn’t want that anymore." Ivan admitted quietly.
"I don't even know what I want anymore." Borislav looked away as he mumbled, the confession slipping out before he could stop it.
"That's okay." Ivan responded with a gentle simile. "You don't need to have it all figured out. But I do know that I'd be more than happy if you stayed."
***
The bedroom was warm, dimly lit by the nightlights beside the bed. The bed was covered in multiple pillows and blankets. As Borislav sat there, looking at Ivan who was looking through the huge wardrobe, the sudden realisation that he had come here completely unprepared to stay the whole night hit him. He brought no pyjamas nor any spare clothes to sleep in.
He looked nervously at Ivan who seemed to be rummaging through the wardrobe longer than necessary.
"What are you looking for?" Borislav asked.
Ivan didn't answer right away but in a moment he stepped aside, carrying something in his hands at last. Folded neatly, despite the age, were Borislav's old pyjamas, the one he had completely forgotten about. "You used to leave those here... You know, so you don't have to bring them every time." Ivan said as he handed him the clothes.
"You... kept them?"
"Of course." Ivan smiled at him softly. Then paused for a second. "I just hope they still fit though."
Before Borislav could protest, Ivan reached out and gently poked at his stomach. Borislav frowned instinctively, then let out a reluctant chuckle.
Ivan had gone into the adjacent bathroom to prepare for sleep, leaving Borislav some space to change as well. The pyjamas did fit well and was quite a lot like he remembered even. All the hesitation from before seemed to have slipped away, as he slipped under the blankets as if he was at home.
It didn't take long for Ivan to return. He smiled as he saw his guest had already made himself comfortable in his bed. As soon as he walked up to the bed and took the empty side next to him, Borislav moved in closer, which was the perfect "go ahead" signal. Much like he did before, Ivan pulled him in a tight hug, resting his cheek against Borislav’s forehead.
For a while no one said a word. They just let the time go by, as they sank into the moment, remembering the old times. Neither of them moved much, as if afraid that if they did, it will all vanish into the past again. The faint sound of the wind outside was the only thing that could be heard in the now completely dark room.
Borislav breathed in slowly, letting himself relax, almost forgetting everything that troubled him before even if just for a little while. The quiet stretched around them - not menacing, but comforting as the uncounted minutes went by.
And then, almost without warning, it all came crashing down. A small, shaky sigh, then a soft sniffle. Borislav’s body trembled slightly, and before he could stop them, the tears were already running down his cheeks.
Ivan shifted just enough to be able to look at him. "Borislav... what’s wrong?" he asked, his voice ever so calm and patient.
''I... I'm sorry." Borislav responded through sobs. "Before I came here, I was thinking about Vlad." He paused for a moment, whipping the tears from his eyes "How I didn’t want to be a burden. I... I didn’t want to rely on anyone. But now, I realise... I’ve been doing exactly that to you."
Ivan tightened his arms slightly, resting his chin lightly atop Borislav’s head. "You think that’s a burden?" He said. "Actually... when I saw you at my door today, it made me so happy. I was so glad to see you. I’ve been feeling awfully lonely, you know. I needed this, probably as much as you did."
Borislav curled closer into Ivan’s chest, letting more tears fall freely, his body shaking with the weight of everything he had held in. Although nothing further was said at that moment, Ivan's tight hold on him was more than enough.
Eventually, Ivan felt Borislav's body starting to relax. He was still clinging to him, but now it seemed that he was starting to calm down. Carefully, he once again shifted enough so he can look at him. Something in Ivan’s chest tightened. Without announcing it or even thinking too much about it, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Borislav’s forehead.
Borislav's eyes widened for a bit in surprise - this was definitely new. But... a welcomed change nonetheless. He didn’t pull away. If anything, he relaxed further, his fingers curling into Ivan’s shirt as he closed eyes.
Ivan didn't say anything. He simply smiled and held him closer.
The storm of thoughts, doubts, and fears that had followed Borislav for so long was still there, albeit now it felt as if it was under control even if just for a little while.
For now, that was enough.