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The first time.
The first time Maya noticed, she’d only just returned from a call.
Her blue station hoodie, her hoodie, that was a size too big on purpose, was missing from the back of her chair.
She’d put it there before they left for the call in the hopes she could get comfortable when they got back. But now, it was gone. She looked around the empty office, nothing.
She was so sure… maybe she had left it in her bunk?
She opened the door, immediately confronted with the sight of her girlfriend curled up in her bed, socked feet tucked under her, hair a mess, sleeves pulled over her hands just barely.
Her girlfriend was here, in her bunk, in her bed, in her hoodie.
Carina looked up at her, no sign of guilt. “I think I’m getting sick, your hoodie is comfortable.” Her voice was just slightly hoarse, and Maya couldn’t find it in herself to be upset.
She smiled, letting out a soft sigh. “You know that is my favourite, right?”
Carina blinked up at her with just a slight hint of confusion. “Yes. That’s why it’s so good.”
The firefighter couldn’t help the slight blush that crept up on her, quickly leaning down to kiss her temple. “Can I get you anything?”
Her wrist was grabbed before she could move too far away. “Just you, can you stay? For a little?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” She smiled, already climbing onto the bed with her.
She might’ve lost her hoodie, might be breaking her own standards by letting her girlfriend sleep in her bunk, but, in this moment, she couldn’t seem to mind.
She was here. With her girlfriend.
Worth it.
The second time.
The second incident with a hoodie, it was Maya who’d gotten sick.
She came home early, feverish and quiet. A big part of her wanted to simply collapse into bed. But she knew she should get out of her jeans and text Carina to cancel on their plans.
She was halfway out of her jeans when she spotted it on the dresser, Carina’s soft, grey hoodie. Her girlfriend guarded it like a prized possession. But it always seemed so soft, comfortable and warm.
And she figured it would also smell like her, which she didn’t have any complaints against.
She quickly pulled on some sweatpants before moving over to grab Carina’s hoodie, briefly holding it against her face, breathing it in before pulling it over her head.
She sighed immediately, shoulders dropping.
She could absolutely understand why Carina guarded this one as much as she did.
Carina.
She had to text her.
She walked back to the bed, letting herself collapse onto it. Maybe she could close her eyes for a second, she would text her girlfriend right after.
Just a second.
Two hours later, Carina let herself inside with her key. “Maya?” She hadn’t heard from her girlfriend in a few hours, which wasn’t that weird, but usually she’d send her a message when they had plans.
The apartment stayed quiet.
“Maya?” She called out again, quickly shrugging off her jacket before continuing her way in. The living room was empty, same for the kitchen. “Bambina?”
She walked up to Maya’s bedroom, quickly considering if she should just stay in the livingroom, but ultimately deciding against it, carefully opening the door. “Oh Maya…” She kept her voice low, soft.
Her girlfriend was asleep, her breathing heavy, her face a little red. Almost immediately she noticed something else. Maya was wearing her hoodie. She’d left it here by accident two days ago, but she hadn’t expected to find her girlfriend in it now. The sleeves were long on her, but that only made it impossibly more endearing.
She sat on the edge of the bed, gently laying her hand on Maya's arm. “Maya?”
A grumble. “M’cold.”
If Carina hadn’t already known she was in love with Maya, that might’ve done it. She was completely doomed. She exhaled fondly, tucking Maya carefully under the covers before quickly taking her shoes off and slipping under herself, pressing herself carefully against the blonde.
“Fine. But this is theft.” She murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Maya’s temple.
Maya smiled, just barely. “Shared assets, it’s mine now.”
Carina didn’t have the heart to tell her differently.
This was worth it.
The fifth time.
Maya didn’t say anything on the drive home.
She sat in the passenger seat, arm in a sling, jaw tight while she stared out the window, as if looking anywhere else would mean she would fall apart. Carina was driving, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on Maya’s knee, just slightly, just there, grounding.
She’d gotten a call from Andy, Maya had to go into a building and broke her arm, though, to her credit, she did ask Andy to call her.
The ER had been loud and too bright, voices layered over each other.
She’d found Maya on a gurney, helmet gone, turnout coat folded at her feet. She was done for the day. Her arm was already immobilized, in a sling, temporary and awkward, and based on the expression on her face, the pain meds didn’t quite cut it yet.
“Maya,” she said softly.
Her firefighter had looked up, relief flashing across her face before she masked it, trying, and failing, to look fine. “Hey. I thought I was in the clear and- well, clearly I wasn’t.” She said, lifting the arm in the sling.
Carina stepped closer, her fingers carefully brushing Maya’s uninjured arm. “Did they tell you what is wrong?”
“Yeah, clean break, could’ve been worse.”
She hummed, unconvinced. Brown eyes flicked to the way Maya held herself, too still, like movement hurt more than she was letting on.
When they finally discharged her, it came with the warning of light duty, for weeks. Maya hadn’t said much during it, mostly just nodded in the right places. Carina kept an arm around Maya’s waist during their walk to the car, patiently waiting for her girlfriend to get in before closing the door.
Now, at the apartment, Maya kicked her boots off with more force than was necessary and had headed straight into the bedroom.
She watched her go, keys still in hand. She wanted to go after her, she did, but she also knew her girlfriend. And at this point, the best thing would be to give her a moment.
A moment to take a breath, shed the uniform and come to terms with the fact that she knew Carina would continue to be there.
And, right as she assumed, Maya resurfaced a few minutes later, right as Carina finished making tea for them both.
“Maya,” she started, turning to face her properly, “is that?”
Her hoodie. A thick, red, comfortable hoodie. The one Carina had gotten in med-school. The one Carina liked to wear whenever she had to, inevitably, wait around in the hospital because of her brother or girlfriend.
Maya had pulled it awkwardly over her sling, fabric bunched and crooked while one sleeve hung uselessly on one side. She didn’t look at her, instead, her gaze was firmly set on the floor. Her shoulders scrunched, a cloud of sadness hanging over her.
“I was cold, but- i It’s- I can’t get it to sit properly, it keeps bunching and-”
Carina crossed the room in two steps. “You are always cold when you’re sick, or injured, bambina.”
Her hands were already moving, careful and precise as she adjusted the hoodie so it wouldn’t tug at the sling any longer, smoothing out creases and tucking the empty sleeve into the pocket.
Maya met her gaze, and let out a long sigh. “I’m fine-”
“You broke your arm, Maya.” She said quietly. “You do not get to be fine yet.”
“I just hate this.” The blonde swallowed, her eyes were brighter now, angrier, though her voice cracked. “I hate not being able to do anything.” She gestured uselessly with her good hand, frustration clear on her features.
“You did enough today, bambina.” Carina said, cupping her face. “Including stealing my hoodie.”
Maya leaned into her, pressing her forehead to her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I’m cold, and injured. I’m wearing your hoodie, because it’s comfortable.”
“Good, now sit, I made tea.”
Maya obeyed without comment, which Carina took as a small victory. The blonde sank onto the couch, the sling awkward against her ribs as she moved stiffly. Carina draped the blanket over her legs, carefully tucking it in before handing a mug to her girlfriend. “Careful, still hot.”
Maya nodded, fingers curling tight around the ceramic, the hoodie sleeves swallowed her hand, the fabric grounding her in ways she didn’t yet have words for.
For a long moment, they just sat there, Carina right beside her, thighs touching, one hand resting comfortably on Maya’s knee, but not restraining her, just there. Until eventually, the silence was broken by the clink of Maya’s mug as she placed it down on the table.
“I hate feeling useless.”
Maya’s voice was smaller, stripped of the edge she’d still carried before.
Carina turned toward her fully. “You are not useless, Maya. You are hurt.”
Her jaw tightened and her eyes dropped, but Carina was already there, brushing her fingers against the cuff of the hoodie, letting her thumb trace slow circles against Maya’s wrist until she was ready to look up again.
“You let me come get you,” Carina continued gently. “You let them treat you, you’re still here. That matters, I promise.”
Maya let out a shaky breath, her body giving in to the exhaustion of the day, shifting closer without thinking. Carina immediately wrapped her arm around her as she leaned into her side.
“You can be angry,” Carina murmured, “you can be upset. But you are not alone in it. I am here, I am not going anywhere, amore.”
The blonde closed her eyes, pressed her cheek into Carina’s shoulder while her breathing evened out ever so slightly. “Okay.”
Loving Maya Bishop came with complications, like her stubbornness, rigid habits and a job that Carina didn’t think she’d ever not worry about.
But Maya Bishop was also wonderful, she was as beautiful as stubborn, if not more. And Carina would never complain about the muscles and strength the job also brought her. But she was more than that, she remembered things, small preferences and sentences murmured in the middle of the night.
She took in the difference in Carina’s morning routine on mornings she’d slept badly. Noticed when Carina was tired before Carina noticed herself. She could adjust plans without making a show off it, she didn’t require any thanks she simply adjusted because she cared.
Maya Bishop loved fiercely, even when she tried to pretend she didn’t. No matter how stubborn, Maya Bishop was loyal, she showed up, always. Sometimes clumsily, sometimes stubbornly, but never halfway.
Maya Bishop was worth it, even if it did mean sacrificing her hoodie sometimes.
The seventh and eighth time.
It was Valentine's day when they were both sick.
It was unfair really. The universe could’ve picked any other day, yet here they were.
They were supposed to have a dinner with fancy food and candles, but instead they were bundled up on the couch together, both in hoodies that definitely did not belong to them.
Maya squinted at Carina. “Babe.”
“Sì?” She sniffled.
“...is that my hoodie?”
She glanced down, then at Maya, who was clearly wearing Carina’s red hoodie that she’d owned since med-school, the hood up, her eyes glassy and her face flushed.
“You are wearing mine.”
Maya shrugged weakly. “That- maybe.”
Carina tried to laugh, but it quickly turned into a cough. Maya shot up in an instant, rubbing her back on instinct.
Maya Bishop made a great girlfriend for someone who claimed she wasn’t good at these things.
They ended up tangled together, handing tissues to each other, stealing warmth while noses were pressed into familiar fabric that smelled like home.
Maya stretched her neck slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Carina’s lips. “Happy Valentine’s, I’m sorry it worked out this way.”
She smiled, soft and sleepy. “This is romantic in its own way. Intimate, no?”
Maya snorted, immediately couching again. “Next year, we’ll be healthy.”
The doctor hummed, already drifting off to sleep. “Next year, I’ll still steal your hoodie.”
She could feel arms tightening around her. “Yeah,” Maya said quietly. “I know.”
Worth it.
The nineteenth time.
Maya was halfway into her boots when Carina noticed the hoodie.
Her hoodie. A soft red one. On Maya’s shoulders.
“You’re wearing my hoodie.” She stated, pausing in the doorway. “Why?”
Maya didn’t look up, continuing to put on her boots. “Yours is warmer.”
“Maya,” she started gently, stepping closer and pressing her hand to the blonde’s neck.
Too warm.
“You’re still sick.”
“I’m fine!” Maya cleared her throat with a wince. “I can’t call out again, I’ve already been out a week because of this stupid kidney infection. I finished my antibiotics yesterday, I feel fine. I have to go back to work!”
Carina’s fingers curled into the hem of the hoodie. “Maya.”
“I’ll even ask Beckett for desk duty, light things.” She insisted.
“You say this every time.” Carina exhaled, frustrated and worried all at once. She knew Maya could manage on desk duty, but half the time, Beckett didn’t let her stay on desk duty. She’d only just finished her antibiotics for her kidney infection, and she clearly wasn’t feeling well yet.
Maya finally met her eyes, there was stubbornness in there, clear as day. But there was also exhaustion, her blue eyes too sad for Carina’s liking. “People need me.”
She softened, cupping her wife’s face. “And I need you alive, not collapsing in a firehouse.”
For a second it seemed like she got through to her, like she might stay. The blonde was already leaning into the touch despite herself. But almost as if she’d caught herself, she turned her head, pressing a kiss into Carina’s palm. “I’ll text.”
Carina watched her leave, red hoodie disappearing down the hall, and dread settling heavy in her chest.
Maya had texted her when she’d gotten to work, a simple, “I made it to the station, I love you.”
But now, three hours later, Carina’s phone rings. “Maya?” She answered immediately.
“...hey,” Maya’s voice was weak, wrecked. “Can you- I’m sorry, I just… can you come get me? I- this is stupid. I’m sorry, I can walk. I-”
“Maya, you stay there, I’m already grabbing my keys. Don’t apologize, bambina. Just stay right there.”
She found her wife sitting outside on the concrete wall, elbows on her knees, Carina’s red hoodie pulled tight around her like a shield. Her face was pale, her eyes were unfocused.
“What happened?”
“Beckett wouldn’t let me on desk duty, we kept running drills and- Herrera made me quit, said I looked like shit.” Maya shrugged weakly.
She pressed her forehead to her firefighters. “She’s not wrong, bambina.”
Maya huffed quietly before sagging forward. But Carina was already there, ready to catch her as if she was waiting for it. She steadies Maya before helping her walk to the car, where the blonde immediately dozes off against the window.
Carina reached over, tugging the hoodie just slightly higher around her shoulders. “You’re not supposed to go to work sick.” She murmured, more plea than rule.
Maya, though half-asleep, mumbles, “You picked me up.”
“Always, Maya. Always.”
It didn’t matter the hour, or how stubborn Maya would continue to be. She loved her wife, stubbornness and all. This would always be worth it.
The thirty-sixth time.
Carina didn’t announce it, Maya simply clocked it when she got home, her hoodie, the old blue one with the faded station logo was no longer where she left it. It was comfortably on Carina’s shoulders.
Carina, who was curled on the couch with a heating pad, her knees tucked up and her face pale. “You’re not getting your hoodie back, it’s mine now.”
A small smile curls on Maya’s lips. “No argument then?”
“I am bleeding, end of discussion. Basta.” She grimaced, shifting slightly.
The blonde stifled a laugh before crossing the room. As soon as she reached her wife, she crouched down, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Is it bad?” She winced at the glare she received from Carina. “Got it-”
She pulled the hood up a little more around Carina’s neck before walking to the kitchen to get her a tea. While the water boils, she makes sure to get her some pain meds, and chocolate as well. Quickly grabbing a water bottle before returning to the living room.
“Hold on.” As quick as she had returned with the meds, chocolate and water, she is already back in the kitchen. Just in time for the water to stop boiling and for her to make her wife’s favourite tea.
She carefully walked back, placing the tea on a coaster before she sat down besides her wife, gently tucking a stray piece of hair back. “You steal a lot of my hoodies, but this is still a favourite? Isn’t it?”
“It smells like you,” Carina murmured. “And it’s softer than any of mine, and all your other hoodies. È semplicemente la migliore in assoluto.”
“You could’ve asked.” She replied, kissing her forehead.
“Would you have said no?”
Maya paused for a moment, then shook her head. “No, never.”
“Exactly.”
The firefighter settled beside Carina, one arm around her, and Carina immediately relaxed into her, a quiet exhale slipping free.
“Thank you.” She whispered, voice soft yet sincere.
Maya pressed another kiss to her temple. “You can steal whatever you want, what’s mine is yours, right?”
“Sì, exactly. I knew you were smart.” She hummed, fingers curling into the sleeves.
Carina stealing her hoodies would always be worth it.
Periods however? Not worth it.
The forty-fourth time.
Carina was sick.
Really sick.
She had a fever, her voice was practically gone, her eyes were heavy. She had wrapped herself in Maya’s hoodie again, one from the Olympics this time, even though the sleeves were too short. Curled up on the couch, almost disappearing into it.
Maya was moving quietly, she didn’t want to be too loud, didn't want to make her headache worse. But Carina still needed to drink. She carefully carried the tea over, she’d taken a careful sip to make sure it wasn’t too hot, but also not cold yet.
She crouched down in front of her, and for a moment she just took her in before she carefully used her thumb to brush across Carina’s hairline. “Hey, babe. Can you sit up for me?” She murmured.
Carina nodded, her eyes practically closed, but still following instructions in a way that made Maya’s heart ache. She slowly handed her the mug, keep one hand on it herself, helping it stay steady and wiping the inevitable spill with the sleeve of her own shirt.
“If you let me get your temperature you can go right back to sleep after that.” Maya said with one hand on her forehead. “How does that sound?”
“You are very… bossy.” She managed with a small smile.
Maya huffed softly, already reaching for the thermometer on the coffee table.
She waited with practiced patience, one hand resting on Carina’s knee, while her thumb traced slow, reassuring circles. She watched her closely, cataloguing every small thing, her flushed skin, the way her shoulders curled inward and the hoodie bunch tight under her chin.
When the thermometer beeped, Maya only looked at it long enough to register the fever before setting it aside, her focus staying on her wife.
“Okay, let’s get you comfortable again, sì?”
Carina didn’t reply, just softly nodded as Maya helped her lie back down, careful not to jostle her. She pulled the blanket back up, only hesitating for a second before tugging the hoodie closer to Carina’s chin, in a way she knows her wife loves.
Carina reached out blindly, her eyes already closed, grasping onto the fabric of Maya’s shirt. “Stay, per favore?” She rasped.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Maya covered her hand without thinking, lacing their fingers together.
And while Carina’s breathing slowed, her grip loosening, Maya simply shifted so she could sit on the edge of the count, her body angled protectively over her wife.
She gave a soft kiss into her hair, before placing another, softer one. “Sleep, I’ve got you.” She whispered, a soft smile on her face.
Carina was already half-gone, humming softly. And Maya simply stayed there. Watching her chest rise and fall.
She didn’t check her phone, didn’t move, didn’t need to.
Everything what mattered was right here.
Worth it.
The one where Maya had long ago stopped counting.
Maya barely made it to the bathroom in time.
Carina heard it from the living room, the retching, sharp and miserable. She was on her feet in an instance. And by the time she reached the bathroom, Maya was on her knees, hands pressed to the cool porcelain, shaking.
“Hey.” She said, dropping beside her. She pulled Maya’s hair back, placing a steady hand at the nape of her neck. “I’ve got you.”
Carina stayed there, whispering soft words until it finally let up. Until Maya could finally sit up, still breathing hard, her eyes unfocused, but no longer throwing up.
“That was awful.” She whispered, hoarse and wrecked.
“I know, but this will be worth it.” Carina replies with a small smile, already grabbing a cool cloth.
“I know, I know. Doesn’t make this any more fun.”
Carina helped her get up, slow and careful, guiding her back toward the living room.
“You go ahead, can you get me the blanket, the one Vic got you when-”
“When I was carrying Andrea? Sì. Are you okay?” Her voice stayed gentle, but her eyes searched Maya’s face anyway. Her lips were pressed tight, and she was still a bit too pale for her liking.
“Yeah- yeah, I’m just getting some comfortable clothes.”
Carina hesitated before heading for the couch, trusting Maya but not quite believing her. She folded the blanket on the couch, grabbing two extra throw pillows from the other end of the couch. When maya came back, Carina stopped.
Blinked.
Maya emerged wearing her hoodie. The red one, it hung off her frame, sleeves covering her hands.
“My hoodie is part of the comfortable clothes?” She asked, a smirk tugging at her mouth even as her chest warmed.
Maya shifted her weight, shoulders lifting in a lazy, unapologetic shrug. “Your baby is making me sick, I get free reign of your hoodies.”
Carina laughed, light but fond, some of the tightness in her chest easing. “My baby?” She echoed. “This morning, when they were behaving, you claimed them as yours. But now they’re making you sick, they must be mine?”
“Yes, all your fault.”
She tilted her head, eyes bright with teasing. “Well, I would say I’m sorry for knocking you in then, but I’m not, bambina.”
The blonde rolled her eyes with a smile, tension leaving his shoulders. “Up, knocking me up, babe.”
Carina stepped closer, her hands warm and deliberate as she adjusted the hoodie so it sat right on Maya’s shoulders before kissing her, soft and unhurried. “Our baby, our third baby. Yours when they’re good, mine when they make you sick.”
Maya’s smile widened, bright and amused. She rested her forehead briefly against her wife’s, letting the words sink in.
“Our baby.”
“Okay, and now you need to sit down and drink something, and maybe some crackers?” Carina asked, pulling Maya towards the couch. The blonde looked around, seeing everything her wife had prepared for her, water, crackers, and the one type of cookies Carina had managed to keep down during her own pregnancy.
Carina sat down behind her, gently pulling her back against her. One arm around her, rubbing slow, grounding circles.
And finally, Maya relaxes, head tipping back against her wife’s shoulder, hoodie bunched under her chin, comfort surrounding her.
Worth it.