Chapter Text
This chapter takes place alongside Chapter 10 of the main fic.
The night was unusually quiet as he looked out past the now overly familiar stone steps, over the water, and towards the large group of islands off in the distance. No wind blew through the ruins, and even the sea below was calm, the sound of the gentle waves barely audible from this high up. To most it would only be a small step above where he would usually be, in the pitch blackness of near unconsciousness or the cool, dark blue light of the Night Kingdom, but he had come to appreciate this small slice of the outside world over the past weeks, in no small part due to the other person currently occupying the space with him. Dain had long since left his line of sight, moving into a small enclave beside the staircase where he had set up a small place to sleep when he didn’t want to bother climbing back down the ruins of the ancient city. It had perplexed him at first, that he would want to stay in such a remote place as this exposed to the elements, when he knew that he had a place back in the village to stay with a warm bed and steady supply of food. His explanation, that he was used to these kinds of conditions when traveling, and was happy to spend as much time away from larger groups of people as possible, was understandable, and yet it still seemed a strange decision to come out this far, to want to be isolated, only to be staying in the one place here that had another person in it. If he could be considered another person at least. But he tried not to dwell too much on those types of questions, and was instead just happy to have someone besides the Lord of the Night to talk to, even moreso because he had found Dain to be a person that could often understand him better than most others, whether it was simply because of their shared homeland or some other, intangible reason.
But tonight, now that Dain had gone off to his corner to sleep, he instead placed his focus on those islands in the distance, where he was sure that several of his fellow Harbingers were now gathering. It wouldn’t have been difficult to deduce that Columbina would return to Nod-Krai when she left the Fatui, as it was the only other place she had known, and with no governing body running the region, having several of them there looking for her wouldn’t pose as much of a problem as it likely would have in the other nations. Of course, it was also possible that, much like his own circumstances playing into the greater plan Pierro and the Tsaritsa had put together, her situation as well had been at least in part completely planned out from the start. While from the outside her time in the Fatui had appeared completely meaningless, most of her days spent mindlessly wandering the halls of the palace, and only occasionally running some errand or performing some basic task for someone else, there was no denying the fact that her existence was of the utmost importance to them, and that in order for her to reach her full potential, she would eventually have to be brought back to the very place that she had now supposedly run off to. As many times as he had witnessed it happen over the centuries, the certainty that fate brought with it, that unceasing, unwavering movement towards some predetermined end point, never failed to find new ways to surprise him. That even someone like her could be bound by such a thing was difficult to comprehend, but there was no use in wondering about it. No matter the truth of her disappearance or her fate, he could only hope that she was okay out there, and that at the very least would be able to find something outside of the palace walls that she could come to care about and want to protect just as he had. He sensed something nearby shift then, and he tore his eyes away from the distant islands and towards the side of the staircase.
“Dainsleif?” The quiet shuffling sound continued for a moment, no voice responding to him at first. He almost started to worry that something had happened, although what exactly could happen to Dain to put him in any danger was impossible to imagine if he thought about it, but soon enough the rustling stopped, and a quiet voice came from behind the ice pillars.
“Huh? Oh… Thrain. You're still here.”
“I just came back to think for a while. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah… Yeah everything is fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, or interrupt what you were doing.”
“It's not an issue. But what happened? You were asleep just now, weren't you?” Dain seemed to pause then, as if carefully considering his next words. Or maybe he had already fallen asleep again.
“Thrain?” Dain asked suddenly, the tiredness gone from his voice and the sound of his name cutting through the silence like a knife.
“Yes?”
“Citlali told me that because of the souls you were carrying, you weren't able to sleep before. What about now?”
“That's… well, I'm not sure ‘sleep’ is what you would call it exactly. I can shut out my hearing and vision when I want to rest, and I often lose my sense of self when in that state for a long time, but I am never fully closed off from the rest of the world. It's not sleep as I remember it, at least.”
“Do you dream?”
“Sometimes, I think. Is that what woke you up? I wouldn't expect something like a nightmare to be able to shake you so much.”
“Hmmm. Was that it?”
“...” Even if he didn't remember much of what it was like to sleep and dream as he had in the past, he was sure that Dain was haunted by the past, even while unconscious. He rarely spoke of those things aloud, but it was like a cloud that followed him everywhere he went, hatred, sorrow, regret, covering him like a second layer of skin. He may not have control over his dreams, and of the visions they brought of that past, but after so long, surely one would grow used to it, at some point he imagined that even the worst of those days wouldn’t be enough to wake someone up, would they? But of course it wasn’t as if he knew Dain so closely that he could ask about something like that, he didn’t know the full extent of what had happened back then, and maybe it was simply that there were things in this world bad enough that the pain of them would never even begin to be erased, even after 500 years. There were certainly things he felt had stayed with him far longer than they should have, even as his other memories had slowly decayed around them. And if that were the case, then he did not know what words he could offer in response. He had never been one to openly comfort others, and he was sure Dain was not one to easily accept such comfort, but he hoped that at the very least, letting him say whatever he wanted to in that moment would be enough.
“You know, Thrain. I've never been one to dream very often, even before all this.” There was a pause, as if Dain was waving his arms around to gesture to everything, trying to capture the scope of all that the two of them had been through over the centuries, “Good dreams, bad dreams, I just didn't have them very often. But recently… I don't know.”
“Why are you telling me this?” He had no problem with Dain venting his feelings like this, of course, but it was just another thing that perplexed him about the man. He insisted on living away from everyone else, keeping whatever burden he was carrying all to himself, and yet it seemed as though he still longed to have someone listen to him about even the smallest thing.
“I don't know. Isn't this the kind of thing that friends can tell each other about? Aether has enough to deal with without me telling him about every miniscule detail of my life, and you… You're the only other person I could consider something like a friend, I guess. I don't know, maybe I just felt like you would understand. But I'll drop it, it isn't important.”
“What did you dream about that woke you up so suddenly?” Despite his better judgement, his curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he had blurted out the question before he could stop himself. No matter what it was, even if it was some grisly truth about the past, or any other upsetting thing he might have witnessed afterwards, Thrain was certain that none of it mattered now with the position both of them were in. It wouldn’t change his own understanding of things, or his ability to do anything about it, and it wouldn’t push him away from wanting to be friends with Dain.
“That's the problem. I have no idea. As I'm sure you can imagine, on those occasions when I do dream, it usually isn't pleasant. Too much of my life has been taken up by suffering and hatred to leave room for good things, even while I'm sleeping. It's usually that day, playing over and over again until I wake up or fall deeper into unconsciousness where there isn't anything. But there are other things too, many that are mostly real and many that aren't. And they usually fade fairly quickly once I wake up. It's normal to forget your dreams, right?”
“I'm not sure I'm the right person to ask, but I would think so. They're only a construction of your subconscious, after all, there's no need to remember them.”
“Do you remember yours?”
“No.” The rustling sound started again, and soon enough Dain came out from behind the ice, slowly walking up the steps to sit beside him.
“It doesn't usually bother me, you know? To forget things. If you ask me, I'm better off forgetting as much of my past as possible. Maybe I could finally get some peace that way. And dreams are even less important. Even if they show the past, it will never be accurate, and any good that might come from them disappears as soon as I open my eyes. But just now… Hmmm.” Thrain glanced to the side, watching as a complicated expression grew on the other man's face. Confusion, frustration, something else he couldn’t quite identify. It wasn’t the face of someone who was certain in their convictions, who had fully made up their mind and would not let anything allow them to rethink their decisions. Those things were how he showed himself to others, he was sure, but for the first time, he saw that facade begin to crack, something far more fragile laying beneath it. Or maybe he had seen it before and simply not recognized it, before they had met and Dainsleif had only been a vague memory of his past who had suddenly arrived at his resting place to vent his frustrations, not knowing that Thrain had been there listening. And despite the apparent heaviness of what he was telling him, and the fact he didn't seem to notice how much of himself he had revealed, Thrain couldn't help but be happy that Dain trusted him enough with it anyways.
“It was different?” He asked quietly.
“It just felt so profound and tangible in the moment, like I was seeing something so important that no matter what, I should never forget it, even if remembering was dangerous. Like I could reach out and touch it if I wanted. And then it was gone, just like that. I couldn't even tell you if it was a good or bad dream, it's just a big empty space in my mind now when I try to think about it. Even when I forget my dreams, I usually still have an idea of what they were, or at least if they were good or bad, maybe another person who was there. It fades away slowly until it's only a vague impression of something. But this one is just nothing now.”
“Hmmm, I think I know what you mean. I’m not exactly used to being able to sleep and dream again, so perhaps I got the wrong impression at first, but… I find that it's often the case that I don't remember anything afterwards. I expect it's something normal that you are just now noticing for some reason or another. Even if I haven't experienced it until now, I’ve seen myself how dreams can impact people and their actions, whether they remember them in their entirety or not. Maybe there is just something out there that you didn’t even know you were looking for, and now you have to find it. You mentioned before that you felt like you were missing something, right?” Dain’s expression softened a bit, although he didn’t seem entirely satisfied with the answer he had been given. Not that Thrain felt his answer was satisfactory either, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. He knew almost nothing of dreams, how they worked, why they happened, what they meant. He would sometimes awake feeling similarly, as if his mind had been trying to tell him something, but wasn’t able to communicate it properly while he was conscious, but he had no explanation for what it was that had created such a feeling in him, and was even less certain why it would happen to Dain or anyone else for that matter. He had come to accept long ago that even if humans could explain the workings of the entire world and its fate, there were many things residing within their minds and souls that would never truly make sense.
“I'm probably just being paranoid, I'm sure it's nothing as important as what you make it sound like. But I appreciate your words nonetheless. I guess I just feel like everything I've known for the last 500 years is changing now, and I don't know what part I've played in all that, or will in the future. This is hard to admit, and promise me you won't use it against me later, but maybe what scares me most is not being in control of things, not knowing how I fit into the bigger picture of everything that's happening. If I wanted to ascribe a meaning to it, maybe that dream was just a reminder that nothing is permanent, that I've never been in control. Not that I need a dream to remind me of that.”
“Im in no position to use that against you, even if I wanted to, Dain.”
“Says the one with control over an entire nation's leylines.”
“I don't have anything to do with that, and by the time I do, I won't exist anymore anyways.”
Dain still looked tired, and as if he hadn't gotten any closer to whatever answer he was looking for, but his mouth turned up into a smile anyways, a small huff of air leaving his mouth before he spoke again, “Bragging about your ability to die again now?”
“I was only doing what I needed to. Everything else just happened to work out this way. Just as I don't envy your position, you shouldn't envy mine.”
“I know. You're right. I'm just glad you were able to find an answer for yourself, even if the circumstances are quite extreme.” He looked off into the distance then, his eyes trailing down the stairs, across the ruins, over the surface of the water, until they fixed on something far away, “The others are over there, right? Your fellow Harbingers I mean.” Dain pointed towards the islands on the horizon, the bright lights of Nasha Town and the Design Bureau barely visible even in the middle of the night.
“I can't be sure of exactly who is there right now. But at least a few of them, yes.”
“And they're looking for that girl, Columbina, right?”
“Mhm. Or they're supposed to be looking for her. Who can say what's really happening.”
“You don't seem concerned. Either about her disappearance or whether or not they find her.”
“You expect us to function like a normal organization would, which is understandable. But ultimately, so long as everyone contributes what is asked of them, we have no obligations to one another. That isn't to say that no one is worried about her or doesn't wish for her return, but… if she was still needed, she wouldn't have been allowed to run away. The others may look for her or not if they so choose.”
“Hm. It seems like you would run into a lot of problems that way, take yourself for example. You did something for yourself and for other people that weren't part of the Fatui, and while you may eventually gain power because of it, wouldn't it be hard to say whether or not you would still be willing to carry out the Tsaritsa’s orders at that point? I won't pretend to know what decisions you have or haven't made regarding that, and you don't have to tell me, but… unless…”
“Like I said, if she was still needed at the palace, she would not have been able to leave. In her case especially… leaving was probably quite difficult even with no one stopping her. The same goes for me.”
“Hmmm. So you suspect her leaving was part of a larger plan.”
“It's possible. Everyone is only told what they need to know, so I couldn't say for sure, but based on my own experiences, and knowing who she is…”
“Did you know her well?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, she's someone you've spent a lot of time around I presume, and while you haven't said much about it, it seems you have at least some things in common. I suppose I'm just curious how a group like the Harbingers functions. And to be clear, I have no interest in using that information for anything. It would be pointless for me to pick a fight with another group that greatly outnumbers me, I'm genuinely just curious.”
“We… got along well, I suppose you could say. Whether we were friends or even acquaintances for that matter is a different issue entirely. The Fatui is full of odd characters with disparate motivations, some good, some bad, but she was perhaps the strangest of all of them for lacking any kind of motivation at all. I always had the sense that she didn't belong with us, but when I thought about it, neither could I imagine a place where she did belong. And she was useful to us, so she was kept around.”
“I'm guessing you won't tell me who she really is. Even a group with such a wide variety of people wouldn't recruit someone like that to such a high rank.”
“If you ever find yourself in Nod-Krai, it's possible you will meet her. I think you will understand then.”
“If you say so.”
“Shouldn't you go back to bed?”
“Tell me about the others. I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep again after being up this long anyways.”
He quietly sighed to himself. It was always something with Dain. He always wanted to know about things that didn't concern him, things that maybe he should have already known after being around for so many years. But he had refused to take part in anything to do with the outside world for so long that it was as if he was just now experiencing it for the first time, and had to have everything explained to him. Whatever he may have seen the world for in the past no longer existed, but although if it had been anyone else Thrain may have found it troublesome, for some reason with Dain he didn't mind so much having to describe the things he had chosen not to know about until now.
“The Tsaritsa wished for all of us in the Fatui, Harbingers included, to be like a family. Even if we had our disagreements or differing reasons for being there, at the very least we could all share one goal together. I'm not sure if that has exactly played out as she had hoped it would though. The others are… well some I could get along with just fine, some I rarely spoke to, and a couple are, let's say, difficult to deal with. Some of our pasts clash in an unseemly way as well, which could often make things more difficult. But I at least always tried to look past that.”
“Sounds like a normal family to me. You cant appease everyone, even if you have to get along when you're all together.”
It was Thrain's turn to let out a small laugh, “I suppose you're right. Many of us didn't have much in the way of a family to begin with, so it's better than nothing for a lot of them I'm sure. And even if we didn't always get along, I can't say there aren't certain things I miss about being with them.” They were quiet for a long time after that, both looking out towards that distant land where the others were scrambling to find someone who didn't want to be found. He was sure they had learned of what happened to him here, although whether or not they knew he was still alive was uncertain, but he couldn't help but feel disappointed that not a single one had come to see him, even if the situation with Columbina was more immediately important. And if someone were to show up here, he had a feeling it wouldn't be one of the people he wanted to see.
“Forgive me for asking this, Thrain. You dont have to answer, but I'm curious. Did you have a family? Before?”
“...” Dain's gaze was still locked in the distance, maybe unwilling to look towards him because of the personal nature of the question, or maybe because he was lost in his own thoughts about the topic. From where he was, Thrain could only see the side of Dain's body that had been marked by the curse, the reason for its existence still a mystery when the rest of him remained unmarred by any type of scarring, curse-related or otherwise. It was something he found himself wondering about often, along with the origins of the ring he wore on his hand, but he had felt that those things might relate too closely to those topics they had both avoided, namely Dain's brother and the others who would come to be known as the Sinners. Perhaps in time those stories would come to light as well, but there was no need to press him on the matter, even now when he had brought it up himself. It wasn't important in the grand scheme of things, Thrain thought. Above them the moon was full, as it always was, and the bright beams reflected off of the ice pillars surrounding them, illuminating the small scene they currently existed in. A few of the moonbeams reflected off the lighter streaks of blues and purples on Dain's face and arm, causing them to dimly glow as well, although he didn't seem to notice the odd effect. A thought suddenly flitted through Thrain's mind, and he mentally shook his head back and forth trying to forget that he had ever thought such a thing. Even when he felt it had come from nowhere in particular, he wouldn't allow it to cloud his mind, to threaten this space they shared.
“Never mind. I shouldn't have mentioned it.”
“Perhaps my parents were still around then, but… I dont remember them anymore. Maybe I was an orphan just like so many others were back then. As for a family of my own… I didn’t have one. If I did, I imagine my life would look much different now than it currently does.”
“Mmmm. Did you ever want one? If things hadn't gone the way they did?”
“I think there were times when I did, and times when I knew that it wasn't something that would happen. You know, Dain, even if we didn't know nearly as much as you did about what was happening with the King and the inner Court, many of us could tell that things weren't going well, and that something would give sooner or later. Of course we couldn't have known the extent of it at the time, but… Many of my soldiers wanted to start families, or have more children, but were hesitant given the circumstances.”
“I see. I'm sorry. I wish I could have known just how bad things were, known how they would turn out so I could try to stop it, try to warn people, but—.”
“You don't have to apologize, It's all long in the past now. In the end they made the right choice. As for myself, there were other factors. Perhaps when I was younger and wasn't in charge of so many people it would have been easier, but having such a high rank, it wouldn't have been appropriate for me to be with a subordinate, and I was rarely out and about among the civilians at that point. So it was something that just never happened, I have no regrets about it.”
“Hmmmm. And the Fatui?”
“It isn't uncommon for the regular recruits to settle down together and start their own families. So long as it doesn't impact their work, who are we to get in the way of them leading the lives they want? Especially since many of them come from less than ideal circumstances themselves. At least that's how I've always seen it. Things are more strict for those of us at the top, of course, but they make various arrangements between themselves on occasion.”
“But not you?”
“No. I've only ever been interested in our plan and the fate of my soldier's souls since I joined. And, if I'm being honest Dain, even if I don't stop others from doing as they wish, the Fatui does not lend itself so easily to close relationships like that. Any manner of things could go wrong at any moment, and for those of us with long lives, who knows how we will change over time, and yet we would still have to work together. It simply isn't an environment suited to families and partnerships.”
“That makes sense. Again I apologize if it's a sensitive subject, and for bothering you with it so late at night. I guess I'm just still trying to understand who you are, and who you were back then…”
“And what about you? The Twilight Sword doesn't strike me as the type to be a family man.”
“Not like I had much say in the matter anyways, but you're right. Even before I started working directly with Lumine and the king, I never had much interest in having a family or anything like that. Although, I suppose… maybe it would have been nice to have someone to come home to at night, or who could come home to me. I did have friends back then, I haven't always lived completely isolated from the world like I do now, but it certainly was lonely at times. Doing what I was doing, knowing what I knew. Much like how you felt about the Fatui, even if it was something I wanted, it wouldn't have been right to bring someone else into that mess, or to have to hide the truth from them.” Dain fell quiet for a moment, and Thrain only continued looking at him, watching the moonlight dance across his face and waiting to see if he was going to elaborate, or start talking about something else. He never knew what to expect from the other man, even as they had come to know each other quite well over the past month or so. Any time he thought they had finally run out of things to say to one another, Dain would bring up some topic he had never considered discussing, or something he had not thought about in a long time, like tonight. He assumed it was because he had gone so long without having anyone to talk to regularly, no one he could consider a friend, or even a colleague, and so at the first sign of someone being willing to listen to him and hold a conversation, Dain felt the need to say whatever came to mind. Thrain was only unsure where that left him in all of this. They addressed each other as friends, and spoke as friends would, even if they hadn't known each other that long, but sometimes he wondered if that was reality, or if they had at some point come to an unspoken mutual agreement to act this out until it was no longer of use to one of them. He would accept that if it were the truth, of course. He didn't have many other options. But a part of him feared that possibility, dreaded the day when Dain would face him in this place they had spent so much time together, and say he had nothing left to talk about. After all that time and energy he had spent trying to finally be alone, perhaps it was the case that he hadn't been entirely ready to let go of everything.
He tried to find the words needed to respond, to extend whatever this was for as long as he could before Dainsleif inevitably returned to his corner to sleep, but he had never been good at these kinds of things, and he could only think to call out his name in the hopes that he would keep talking, “Dain…”
“Anyways, this turned into a bit of a strange conversation, didn't it? Again, I apologize. First I wake up and start talking to you while you're having a moment to yourself, and then I bring up such a personal topic. I'm sure you can tell, but I'm not exactly used to socializing, although I know that isn't an excuse. I'll go back to bed and leave you to your thoughts.” He could hear the nervousness in the other's voice, as if he had read Thrain's mind and just then realized that his lack of social skills had been on full display. Seeing someone like him be nervous about anything was an almost outrageous thought, one that he wouldn't have entertained in the past, let alone being nervous about something like this.
“You don't have to go if you don't want to. Being by myself… it can be nice at times, but it isn't always quite what I had hoped it would be. I’m not sure how you've lived like this for so long. Any regular person would have been driven to insanity a long time ago.”
”Maybe I'm not so far off from it. You can't say I've necessarily made the best use of my time, can you?”
“That isn't for me to decide. So long as you feel it is worthwhile, then it isn't a complete waste. Surely you've gained something from all this, even if it isn't what you were expecting.” There was only so much he could say, he didn't really know whether what Dain was doing was worthwhile, or if he really had spent the past 500 years wasting his time on something he could never accomplish. His sight had drifted back towards the sea as they continued to talk, but he looked towards Dain again, watching as another confused expression grew on his face.
“Hmm. Maybe I'm still looking for it then, since it seems I've lost my chance to accomplish what I really wanted to do. I just don't know what else there is out there for me. I'm not usually one to bow down to ideas like fate, but surely there is something besides this, right Thrain?”
“I wouldn't know.”
“I know.” He looked as if he was going to open his mouth to apologize again, but apparently thought better of it and let the silence of the moment wash over him. There was more out there for Dainsleif, Thrain was sure of it, but he of course had no idea what that might be or what impact it might have on the rest of the world. A man like Dain, of such importance during the days before the Cataclysm, and who had managed to hold onto so much of his power for so long, was someone who would nearly always leave a mark on the world that could not be easily erased. And whatever role he played in the fall of their homeland aside, he had yet to leave that mark. Surely he was aware of that. But perhaps it was also something he wasn't yet ready to face now that it was apparent that that thing wasn't what he had thought it was.
“You know, Thrain, even though you can't move, I feel like I can always tell when you are looking at me.”
“There isn’t much here to look at, and we were having a conversation. It's polite to look at the person you're talking to, especially when they are asking you something important, wouldn't you agree?” Dain's expression said that he didn't fully believe the excuse, but he thankfully didn't inquire any further.
“I suppose you're right. In that case… Hmm.” He turned then to face Thrain, his eyes perfectly meeting his line of sight as if he was looking right at him, and not the shell of his body that was actually visible. That same thought from before passed through his mind again, and this time he was unsure if he would be able to chase it away a second time, “I don't expect you to have all the answers, Thrain. I certainly don't have them. But I wonder… if we really are tied down by something like fate, then what of you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You made a deal with Ronova to be here, did you not? Forced her to change her rules. Surely that isn't something they would have planned for? Are you not the proof that a person’s fate can be broken under the right circumstances?” Dain looked almost hopeful for a moment, as if Thrain could assure him that he was right, that there was a way for him to escape whatever it was he was worried about that awaited him in the future.
“Who could say?” He replied, “Maybe it is not specific events we are tied to, but only certain points along our path. Being here might be only a coincidence, and I was only fated to find some kind of resting point eventually. Mavuika believed she was meant to die here instead of me, but perhaps she already fulfilled the sacrificial aspect of her fate when she entered the Sacred Flame during the Cataclysm. What you’re meant to do… I couldn’t say. I would think it is much more complicated than either of us could imagine though.”
“I guess… I just wonder where you are meant to be if not here.”
“I am meant to be here. Whether by fate, or the Tsaritsa’s orders, or my own will, I have ended up here. I have no qualms with it, so I see no reason to believe it should be otherwise. If one of those things someday pulls me away from this place, then as long as Natlan is still safe, so be it. If our lives are predetermined at the start, but are still able to be changed, I’m not under the impression that I will be the one to figure that out. And if I have already done so, it was never my intention to discover it. Dain, you are far too troubled by all of this.”
Dain's eyes turned downward and he let out a sigh, “I know. You're right.”
“I’m sorry I can't give you the answer you want to hear.” His apology was genuine, perhaps too much so. He had seen Dain upset before, seen him long for things he couldn’t have, be angry about everything that had happened to him, and Thrain had often felt the same, even if he did not express it so openly. But now, for some reason, he couldn’t help but be disappointed in himself, that he couldn’t do something so simple as comfort his friend, even if he was only tiredly rambling about things that were beyond either of their abilities to understand. Or maybe they weren’t, and he had just never bothered to look too closely at it. Not that it mattered what the truth was right now.
“It’s alright. Like I said, I don’t expect you to have all the answers. Even if you’ve seen much more of the world that I have in all this time, there are plenty of things that we’ll probably never understand until we’ve broken them, and I know we can at least agree on the necessity of that.”
“Mhm.” Dain looked up at him again, some of the sadness having left his eyes, replaced with… what exactly? He couldn’t tell. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen such a look on the other’s face before, and wasn’t sure if Dain even knew he was making it, whatever it was.
“Well, thank you for keeping me company so late when you weren’t expecting it.” The expression faded almost as quickly as it had appeared, as if it had never existed at all, and the more neutral look he usually wore returned as Dain slowly stood from where he sat, “I’ll go back to bed now so you can have some time to yourself though. And Thrain, please don’t think too much about what I said. I know most of it isn’t important. I just needed someone to talk to.”
“Of course.” Dainsleif walked down the stairs before disappearing behind the ice where he had set up his place to sleep. Much of their conversation had already begun fading from his mind, just another list of random topics that he needed to get off his chest so that he could feel better about everything. Thrain didn’t mind. That one thought, unrelated to anything Dain had said to him, still nagged at the back of his mind though, and it occurred to him that it would probably cause issues in the future if he couldn’t get past it. It wasn’t the first time it had crossed him either, even when he had first seen him in the ruins, before they had met, he had briefly noted it before pushing it aside as something wholly unimportant. Something anyone could think about another person. But now… He felt it begin to eat away at him, disappearing one moment and coming back uninvited the next. He looked to the empty space beside him where Dain had sat hours before, and couldn’t stop the image of him sitting there from floating to the surface, moonlight dimly illuminating him and bouncing off the curse marks on his face. And it was only then, long after Dain had gone back to bed, and the air around the ruins had become still as he drifted off to sleep again, that he realized that it was there to stay.
He's beautiful.