Work Text:
Two called me pretty today. I didn’t know what to say to that.
He said it so casually too, as if he assumed I get called pretty everyday.
“...I mean, you’re the prettiest girl I know, so…”
His face was red when he said it, too.
I don’t understand why he’s always so happy to see me. I’m nothing special, if anything I’m below average in just about everything exept for math.
There’s no way i’m the prettiest girl he knows.
I’m not pretty.
I’m not even sure I’m a girl.
ᯓ★
I always used to sit with X, or when X was busy I would sit alone.
Now, Two always seems to find his way to me.
He’s popular.
Cool.
But he wants to hang out with me.
He always makes excuses to spend more time with me, and it’s weird.
I’m not used to all this attention.
I sat in the grass, and he sat right there next to me. Not touching, but closer than he seemed to ever be with anyone else.
He was talking about cheesecake, but I wasn’t really paying attention. (I was drawing Leafy in my notebook.)
But every once in a while, someone would walk by and smile at him.
It seemed like they were encouraging him for something.
I don’t know what that something would be.
Randomly, completely unprompted, he looks at me and says:
“You know, I don’t know why the others don’t seem to like you that much. You’re smart, really talented, I mean, you’re the prettiest girl I know!”
I don’t know how to respond to that.
Pretty? Me?
“...Oh.” was what I said. Oh.
He just kinda stared at me, like he immediately regretted saying it.
I didn’t mean it that way.
…
“Are…Do you not want me here? Am I making you uncomfortable? I mean-”
“No. Just…surprised.”
I know why the others didn’t like me. I’m awkward, never pay attention, do math for fun, dress like a boy, don’t understand social things…I’m pretty much the whole package of awful.
I watched him try to hide how his face crumpled, as if I had just denyed him his life long dream.
What did I say wrong?
“...Okay, then.”
And he got up and walked away.
No ‘see you later.’
No ‘goodbye.’
I’m sorry.
ᯓ★
I saw Two a little bit later.
Behind a tree.
He tried to hide it, but I could tell he had been crying.
Was this because of me?
“Hey, Two…I…uh…wanted to apologise. For earlier. It’s just…”
It’s just that he sounded so sure, as if it was a fact.
It’s just I don’t know what a confident, cool guy like him could see in me.
It’s just I don’t know what I’m feeling.
It’s just I’m scared.
“It’s just that I got a bit…nervous. Didn’t know what to say, I guess.”
It came out sharper than I expected, as my words too often did.
I promise, I didn’t mean it like that.
“No, I should be the one saying sorry. It was so random, way too forward of me, I don’t know what came over me. If you don’t want me to, I won’t bother you anymore.”
Was that what I wanted?
…
No.
“No, I like you-I mean, I like your company, I like having you around-”
I could see his face flush when I said that.
I think mine did too.
What is wrong with me?
“Have-have a seat, or…something. Look, Four, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for a while, it just never seemed like the right time, and I didn’t think you, uh, felt like this and I didn’t think you knew me well enough, anyways-”
He babbled.
I knew what was going on right then and there.
But I was still so, so confused.
“-I think I, uh…like…you, like-more than a friend? I don’t know, and I probably just made it weird, and-”
“Me? Why?”
I said before I could stop myself.
I didn’t think there was really much to like about me.
I didn’t expect him to actually tell me one thing, let alone a list.
“Well…I mean…uh…firstly you’re like really talented at art! I’ve seen your drawings while we were talking and just woah, you know?”
“You also get so passionate about that one show, Bfdi or something like that? I love listening to you talk about it because you make it sound so interesting and I can just tell you care a lot.”
“You’re like, super good at math-which I personally am awful at-and it’s insane to see you working out those crazy problems when I can barely do basic division!”
Well, when he puts it like that it almost seems like I actually have good qualities and don’t just sit around like an idiot most of the time.
“And finally, well not finally but I won’t keep you here all day, you’re…you’re really pretty. Like, I-don’t-know-how-everyone-here-doesn’t-love-you pretty.”
There it was again.
That word.
‘Pretty.’
I couldn’t breathe.
This was all too much.
“...I’m not pretty.”
I said it as a fact, because it was. That word doesn’t describe me.
“Would you rather I say…handsome?”
Would I?
“...maybe.”
Maybe.
Maybe I would.
Everything was too much. I didn’t know what to say.
“Okay, you’re really handsome, then.”
That felt…right.
It shouldn’t, but it did.
He wasn’t mocking me.
It was genuine.
“...I kinda know what that feels like. I mean, not feeling like…what you are. Or, what everyone decided you are.”
He said.
I had never really thought about it that way.
I really didn’t feel like a girl, but I had never truly thought I could be anything else.
Handsome.
“...Yeah.”
There was so much more I wanted to say, but none of it seemed to fit into words. My mind works, but my mouth doesn’t.
The sun was setting.
We were sitting so close together, our shoulders almost touching.
Yet, I didn’t feel the need to pull away like I usually did when someone tried to touch me.
It was comfortable.
He leaned his head on my shoulder, and I felt like the world was going to end.
Not because I didn’t like it, but because I did.
I leaned my head on top of his.
The sun dipped below the horizon.
He gently intertwined his fingers with mine.
I let him.
It didn’t feel real, that someone-especially someone as practically perfect as him-would like me like this.
Maybe I could get used to it.
ᯓ★
A week went by as if it were a minute.
All of that time, all spent with Two. And, I really wouldn’t have had it any other way.
It was so strange. He held my hand, even when the others were around, he seemed almost as if he was proud to have me.
I don’t know what I did to deserve that.
X said that he was really proud of me, for going out of my comfort zone like that.
I didn’t feel out of my comfort zone, in fact I felt perfectly comfortable whenever he held me.
I was a bit nervous sometimes, though, that he would think I didn’t want the affection because I didn’t know how to react to it.
He told me that communication was the most important thing in a relationship, so I tried harder to actually say what I was feeling. It wasn’t easy, but I tried for him.
For him.
Honestly, I had always been scared of ‘love’ and ‘dating’ and all of that. But with him, it didn’t seem like such a big deal.
Most of the time, we just kind of…were.
Like, we just existed together. It wasn’t a whole big thing, it was just me and him.
He would hold me, run his hands through my long hair, and we would just talk.
It was perfect.
Perfect, in a way I couldn’t describe.
ᯓ★
The day started normally, it went along normally, until the late afternoon.
We were sitting together against the same tree we always did, just talking.
I don’t remember what was said, but Two smiled at me and laughed.
His smile is beautiful. It’s golden, in a way that I could bask in it forever.
And his laugh is like angelic bells, a pure and perfect sound.
So, I smiled and laughed too. It felt so right.
Once we had laughed all that we could, his eyes stayed locked on my face.
Suddenly, I was hyperaware of every place that out bodies touched.
…
…
“...Can I kiss you?”
He asked.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
I don’t know.
My mind was blank.
When I hesitated, he waited.
He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t push either.
“...I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
I whispered.
“That’s okay.”
And he still smiled at me.
He wasn’t disappointed, he wasn’t upset.
I think it was that moment that it really set in how much I loved him.
ᯓ★
I never really left Two’s side after that.
I was surprised that he didn’t seem to mind, in fact he actually seemed to enjoy it.
He was so perfect, in my sight.
Two months went by in the blink of an eye.
He told me he loved me over and over every day.
The sun was setting, and we sat under our tree again.
This time, I laid on top of him with my head on his chest while we talked.
I watched his facial expressions, just how content he seemed.
Maybe I was ready.
So, I sat up and just stared at him for a moment.
“You alright, love?”
No more hesitating.
“...Can I kiss you now?”
He looked shocked for a moment.
I thought he might say no, and I don’t know if I would’ve been relieved or disappointed.
But he just nodded and wrapped his arms around my waist, so I leaned down and pressed my lips to his.
I felt like I was short-circuiting when he held me tighter and moved his lips against mine. It was like nothing I had ever experienced, and I felt closer to him than I had ever felt before.
It was heaven, and I never wanted it to end.
We stayed like that for a while, until the moon had long since risen and the others were fast asleep.
“...I love you.”
I whispered as we laid against the grass next to eachother.
I wanted to say it a thousand times, but I settled for just once.
“I love you too.”
ᯓ★
Everyone knew we were together.
Apparently, Two had told the others how they felt before they told me.
Even if they hadn’t, it really wasn’t easy to hide things around here. I mean, you’d have to be stupid to not know everything that was going on around this place
Well, just about everything.
There were some things that nobody else knew, some things that were just between us.
They knew I didn’t like being called a girl.
And I knew they didn’t like being called a boy. ‘Non-Binary’, they told me. Just ‘they’ instead of ‘he’.
It was exciting, almost, that we had something that no one else in the entire universe knew about.
“You’re the best boyfriend I could ever wish for, even if everyone sees you as a girl still.”
They helped me figure myself out. They helped me find the terms that made me feel good, and the ones that didn’t. Never once did they question my choices, or tell me that I was meant to be a girl.
I did the same for them.
I never felt forced or pressured to be a certain way, like I felt with the others.
Everyone else told me that I needed to grow up, that I needed to become the woman that Infinity had created me to be, but I didn’t feel rushed like that with them.
I don’t know what I did to deserve them, but I would never have it any other way.
ᯓ★
“Yo, wassup everyone!” Nine skated in on that skateboard she took everywhere.
She tried so hard to seem cool, but most of the time she just came off as whiny and attention seeking in my opinion.
Of course, I would never say that though.
I’d been hanging out with their friends more lately.
Three was really energetic, and I thought he was a girl for a while because of his long hair. He was probably my favourite out of the group, he was just generally nice.
Nine was like a 2000’s skater boy, ‘bro’ or ‘dude’ were every other word in her sentences. I imagined that she probably slept in her sunglasses and cuddled up with her skateboard.
Seven was X’s older brother and dressed like a scene girl, even kinda having the body shape despite being a guy. I didn’t really like him much because he always referred to me as ‘Two’s girlfriend’.
Eight said ‘whatever’ a lot, and all I really knew about him was that he liked rock music.
I always felt kinda awkward around them, as I never was really the social type. Also, everyone teased eachother a lot, including Two, and I could never tell when one of them was joking or not.
I did learn a lot about Two from their friends, though. The group loved to tell embarassing stories, and it was always funny because they seemed so perfect to me.
I slowly got used to them.
Of course I still hung out with X, he would be with the group sometimes too because of Seven.
Everything I did with Two, from hanging out with their friends to stealing kisses behind trees, it felt so right.
I had always felt like I wasn’t meant to be where I was, like this body wasn’t mine and I was living someone elses life, but with them everything made sense.
ᯓ★
Ten was hosting a party at his place.
A formal party.
“You wanna be my plus one?”
Two asked me.
Of course I said yes. However, I didn’t consider that that probably meant I would have to wear a dress.
A dress.
The party was in a week, and I had to figure something out.
“Hey, I can tell you’re nervous about something. What’s up?”
“Just…thinking about the party, I guess.”
I hesitated, before actually saying what I was worried about.
“It’s just, it’s a formal party. That means I’ll probably end up having to wear a dress, and you’ll have to wear a suit. Does it not…does wearing a suit bother you? Like, does it make you feel…less like you?”
“I mean, I was kinda thinking about the same thing. I’ve felt this way for years, but I’ve never told anyone.”
…
“...I was considering wearing a dress, and telling everyone that I’m nonbinary. I feel like it would just be a huge weight off of my shoulders.”
Telling everyone? I never thought much about that.
They were so confident, would I be able to do that?
I could wear a suit.
I could cut my hair, maybe. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while but just never got the confidence
…Yeah.
Yeah!
“...I think you’re right. It would be nice to at least have a chance for everyone to see me how I am.”
…
…
“You think the night of the party you could cut my hair for me?”
ᯓ★
At last, the night came.
Two cut almost a foot of hair off for me, and I had never felt more free.
I had bought myself a nice suit that completely hid my chest, and I also got a pink tie to match the flowy pink dress they got.
They looked gorgeous in it, pink was totally their color.
I was so scared, but I was also so excited.
As we walked up the steps to Ten’s house, I had never felt more like myself. I could see their face in the dim light of the moon, and they looked like they felt the same way.
“Remember, if you get overwhelmed you can always tell me. If at any point you want to leave, we will with no questions asked.”
I just nodded, there was too much adreniline rushing through my body to make words right now.
I held the door for them, we walked in with my hand in theirs.
“Woah, dude! You look awesome, Two!”
Nine spotted us immedideately, running up and looking us both up and down.
“Bro! You really went all out, damn!”
As we walked further in the room, I could feel all of the eyes on me like daggers in my back. I just squeezed their hand a bit harder.
We stood towards the side with all of their friends, everyone was already there when we arrived.
I felt more like myself than I had in years in that suit, and by the way Two smiled and laughed like they had no care in the world, I could tell they felt the same.
I really had been expecting people to laugh or mock us when we told them about the whole…gender thing, but everyone was pretty chill.
“Honestly, dude, that makes a whole lotta sense. Sorry if we ever made ya feel uncomfy, bro!”
Nine just fistbumped me, the rest of the group chiming in and agreeing with her.
It felt incredible, finally being seen for who I was instead of who I was told to be. I felt so much lighter that night. Maybe it was from the weight off my shoulders of maybe it was from the alcohol, either way it felt great.
We just talked, snacked, and drank for a while, until a slower song came on and some couples started dancing. Two glanced over at me as if asking silent permission, of course I grabbed their hand and let them lead me towards the dance floor.
“I-I’ll admit, I’ve never done this before.”
They laughed awkwardly as they wrapped their arms around my neck.
“Me either.”
I smiled back at them, my hands resting on their hips as we kinda swayed to the rythm of the song.
After a few moments, we finally found a pattern that wouldn’t end with me stepping on their dress or them tripping over my feet.
Looking into their eyes, it was if time stopped entirely. Their whole body seemed to sparkle under the lights, and I couldn’t help but wonder how I ended up with them. Getting to call them mine was a privelege I never though I could deserve, yet here they were.
“...Perfect…”
I whispered under my breath, pulling them a little closer. I didn’t know what going on, But I just needed them as close as I could get them.
Eventually, though, the party came to a close. We waved goodbye to their friends, well, they were kinda my friends too now, and stumbled our way out of the house. Two lost a high-heel somewhere along the way, but we eventually made it back to our spot behind the tree. The alcohol and party energy seemed to dull my usual nervousness, so I wasted no time in showering them with compliments and little kisses on their face. We toppled over onto the grass, laughing as they just pulled me onto their chest.
We were a mess, laying on the soft grass with dirt on our formal wear and alcohol on our breath.
There was no doubt that we would wake up the next morning exhausted and dirty, but that didn’t matter.
Tomorrow could wait.
All that mattered was the way their lips felt on mine.