Chapter Text
To my Dearest, Atsumu. I am going to die. I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything, but, I wanted to live in the moment with you. I wish you came to see me. You are the love of my life and that will never change, even after death.
This is everything I've written since the past four months. I hope you do find this. I'll always be in France.
Love, Omi.
They diagnosed me with CJD and they say there isn't a lot of time, which I obviously fucking knew. But they said I should make the most of my time and even record my thoughts. This is me recording my thoughts. What do I even write in an entry log? When I met you, I knew I'd want to remember you. Even when my memory starts fading— I want to keep you in my heart and mind forever. So I listened to my therapist and I decided to start writing in this journal.
Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease (CJD) is an incurable, invariably fatal, neurodegenerative disease belonging to the transmissible spongiform encephalopathy (TSE) group. Early symptoms include memory problems, behavioral changes, poor coordination, visual disturbances and auditory disturbances. Later symptoms include dementia, involuntary movements, blindness, deafness, weakness, and coma. About 70% of sufferers die within a year of diagnosis. And on top of that, CJD is a fucking bitch. I'm only 22 years old. I've barely lived the way I wanted to.
All I did in my life was seek validation from my family— which I will no longer do with my remaining four months.
Sakusa Kiyoomi's List of Boring Shit To Do Before He Fucking Dies
- Watch the sunrise
- Go to the beach
- Get hammered
- Go to France
- Tell my family i'm gay
- Fall in love
- Find peace
They don't know it, but I'm terrified. What comes after death? Will God punish me for being gay? Am I actually going to fucking die?
The fact that in a year from now, I will be nothing but a memory, a forgotten friend, a lingering memory, haunts me. I haven't told anyone yet, and I don't plan to. I'm going to live my life they I want to. I won't let this control me. Fuck it.