Work Text:
The digital clock on Patji’s nightstand glowed a soft green, mocking him with the late hour. He was bored, the kind of dangerous boredom that usually resulted in questionable online purchases or, in this case, emotional warfare. He glanced at his phone, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he pulled up his messages with his boyfriend.
He had the perfect plan. A lyric prank. And not just any lyrics, Ariana Grande’s most suggestive anthem.
Patji tapped on the contact name:
💬 Ryujin Tinnapat (Active now•)
He started slow.
Patji: Hmm
(seen 09:19 pm)
Ryujin, ever the attentive, slightly overprotective partner, replied almost instantly.
Ryujin: Hey, baby, sup?
(received 09:20 pm)
Patji: You might think I'm crazy
(seen 09:22 pm)
Ryujin: Oya, not really
Ryujin: What's up, my love
(received 09:22 pm)
Patji bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud. Ryujin was so sweet, so unsuspecting. It was almost a crime to do this to him. Almost.
Patji: The way I've been cravin'
Patji: If I put it quite plainly
(seen 09:24 pm)
The three dots of Ryujin typing appeared, disappeared, then reappeared with frantic energy.
Ryujin: Hold up, I don't get it
Ryujin: Do you want me to come over tonight, baby?
(received 09:25 pm)
Patji leaned back against his headboard, deciding to dial up the heat. He typed the next line with a shaking hand, suppressed giggles vibrating in his chest.
Patji: Just gimme them babies
(seen 09:26 pm)
There was a long pause. Patji could practically see Ryujin’s brain short-circuiting on the other side of the city. Ryujin, the cool, composed bassist, was likely staring at his screen like it had just grown legs.
Ryujin: You want what, am not out of stock tho
(received 09:27 pm)
Ryujin: I've just checked it, I still have a lot of condoms
(received 09:29 pm)
Patji lost it, burying his face in his pillow to stifle a loud squawk of laughter. "Not out of stock? Really, Ryujin?" he wheezed.
Patji: So, what you doing tonight?
(seen 09:31 pm)
Ryujin: You crazy boy making me worry asf
(received 09:32 pm)
Ryujin: Doing nothing, resting after work, r u alright tho baby?
(received 09:32 pm)
Patji wiped a tear of mirth from his eye and went back in for the kill.
Patji: Better say, "Doin' you right"
(seen 09:35 pm)
Ryujin: What?
Ryujin: Are you fucking all right?
Ryujin: Stop, I'm horny
(received 09:35 pm)
Patji’s eyebrows shot up. Well, that escalated quickly. He ignored the blatant admission of arousal and stuck to the script.
Patji: Watchin' movies, but we ain't seen a thing tonight
Patji: I don't wanna keep you up
(seen 09:40 pm)
Ryujin: Fuck where the fuck r ya
(received 09:43 pm)
Ryujin: Where the f r u Patji
(received 09:44 pm)
Patji: But show me, can you keep it up?
(seen 09:46 pm)
Ryujin’s responses were getting faster, more desperate, and significantly more laced with profanity.
Ryujin: Of course I can
Ryujin: Do you mean s
(received 09:48 pm)
Patji: 'Cause then I'll have to keep you up
Patji: Shjt, maybe I'ma keep you up, boy
(seen 09:51 pm)
Ryujin: Fuck stop where the fuck are you right now
Ryujin: What the fuck r u doin
(received 09:54 pm)
Patji decided to take a brief detour into the "health and wellness" portion of the lyrics.
Patji: I've been drinking coffee
(seen 09:55 pm)
Ryujin: Oh yeah?
(received 09:57 pm)
Patji: And I've been eating healthy
Patji: Know I keep it squeaky, yeah
(seen 10:00 pm)
Ryujin was clearly reaching his breaking point. The "squeaky" line seemed to have sent him over the edge of rational thought.
Ryujin: Y'know u won't get away after this right, baby
(received 10:02 pm)
Patji: Saving up my energy
(seen 10:05 pm)
Ryujin: Where the fuck r u rn
Ryujin: You need to be responsible for this
Ryujin: I'm hard asf
(received 10:10 pm)
Patji took a deep breath. It was time for the chorus. The point of no return.
Patji: Can you stay up all night?
(seen 10:13 pm)
Ryujin: Of course, I can do you all day baby
(received 10:15 pm)
Patji: Fuck me 'til the daylight
(seen 10:17 pm)
The three dots appeared instantly. They stayed there for what felt like an eternity. Patji could almost hear Ryujin’s motorcycle engine revving in his mind.
Ryujin: That's it
Ryujin: that's fucking it
Ryujin: I AM COMING OVER
(received 10:19 pm)
Ryujin: I AM FUCKING COMING OVER AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME
(received 10:20 pm)
Patji panicked slightly but decided to finish the math.
Patji: 34, 35
(seen 10:22 pm)
Ryujin: Yeah, any positions
(received 10:23 pm)
Patji realized he might have pushed it too far. He tried to finish the stanza quickly, his fingers flying across the screen as a sense of impending doom (and excitement) washed over him.
Patji: Can you stay up all night?
Patji: Fuckk me 'til the daylight
Patji: 34, 35
(sent 10:29 pm)
He waited. Silence.
Patji: Hey
(sent 10:32 pm)
Patji: Prank
(sent 10:34 pm)
Patji: Lyric Prank
(sent 10:40 pm)
Patji: RYUJIN
Patji: TINNAPAT?
(sent 10:47 pm)
He began to sweat. Ryujin lived about twenty minutes away. It had been nearly thirty minutes since the "coming over" message.
Patji: OMYGHAD YOU'VE BEEN PRANKED BABY
Patji: U MAD! SORRY PLEASE SORRY TALK TO ME I'M SORRY
(sent 10:54 pm)
Patji: RYUJIN TINNAPAT
Patji: BABE
Patji: I'M SORRY 😐
(sent 11:05 pm)
Patji: I LOVE YOU
(sent 11:07 pm)
Suddenly, a loud, heavy thud sounded at his front door, followed by the aggressive vibration of his phone.
Ryujin: OPEN YOUR GODDAMN DOOR I AM OUTSIDE
(received 11:09 pm)
Patji gasped, jumping up from his bed. He caught his reflection in the mirror, he was wearing a silky, oversized robe, his hair a mess, looking exactly like the invitation Ryujin thought he was.
Ryujin: I SEE U IN YOUR ROBE, REMOVE IT
(received 11:09 pm)
Ryujin: NOW
(received 11:09 pm)
Patji stared at the door, then at the phone. He had set a trap, but it seemed he was the one who was about to be caught. He realized then that Ryujin didn't care about the lyrics, the prank, or the math. Ryujin was there for the "daylight" portion of the evening.
Patji gulped, a nervous but thrilled smile tugging at his lips as he walked toward the door. The lyric prank was over, but the night was clearly just beginning.
THE END.