Archive of Our Own

"You lied to me again, Matt!" Foggy yelled as he paced in front of Matt's couch. "You promised me you'd tell me the truth. You said you'd keep me in the loop. You promised!

How could you make that promise to me, and then ask me to take on our afternoon court appearance alone, claiming you were sick, when you were really going to take on Wilson Fisk alone?!?

Not to mention you didn't tell me that he had broken out of jail! I didn't know until hours after you had left!

Really, Matt, how do you justify keeping me out of this? Fisk hates me just as much as he hates you! I had a right to know!"

Matt stayed silent.

"Say something!"

Matt turned his face toward the ground, but still didn't say a word.

"I don't understand, Matt. If you would only trust me with everything that's going on, I would be your ally. I would help anyway I could. Even it was just listening so you didn't have to carry around such a big burden.

Don't think I haven't noticed how this is affecting you. You've been weighed down and upset.

I would be the person in your corner, if only you'd let me."

A slight shift in weight was the only acknowledgement that he got from Matt, and suddenly he was furious again.

"I think I've proved to you that I would follow you to the gates of hell and back!

I opened a practice with you, even when it meant that I had to live in the office for the first month it was open, because I couldn't afford an apartment. Then, after you essentially stopped showing up and told me to shutter the doors, I restarted our practice when you asked me to. I've scoured rooftops for you when you didn't come home, and I've run out into gunfire when I thought you were hurt.

What more do I have to do to show you that you have my loyalty?!? What more will it take for you to trust me?!!"

Matt opened his mouth, but then snapped it shut again.

"Still nothing?! You still have nothing to say?"

"Why do I even try?!" Foggy continued, his voice breaking. "We keep ending up here, and I'm not even entirely sure how.

I keep getting clobbered. I keep thinking this time is going to be different, but I keep ending up being the one whose heart gets broken!"

"Then again, I guess that answers my initial question.

I keep trying, and my heart keeps getting broken, because I love you. I love you, and apparently I don't know how to show it, because every time I try to express my love for you, we both end up miserable."

"Nothing? I'm pouring my heart out here, and you've got nothing to say?!?"

Foggy sniffled and wiped away a few tears.

"I guess that it doesn't matter what I say, I just can't get through to you. None of my words seem to reach you.

You'd really rather just go through life alone?"

"Why would you choose that?! Why would you choose isolation and loneliness?!

I've always been in front of you, promising that you'd never have to be alone. All you have to do, is let me in!"

"Didn't you notice?"

No answer.

"Do you even care?"

Silence.

"I can't do this anymore," Foggy whispered, his voice breaking.

He broke down into sobs and then continued, "I can't keep coming back to this argument, especially when you won't even engage with me now.

I can't be the one you keep leaving to pick up the slack, but never the one you trust to tell what's actually going on. I can't keep being the one left to pick up the pieces. I can't.

I love you. I will always love you, and that probably makes me a fool, because you never felt the same, but despite how much I love you, I can't stay. I can't keep holding onto hope where there isn't any, and I can't keep having my heart broken.

I'm sorry. This is good-bye Matt."

Foggy turned to leave the apartment for what he knew would be the last time, unaware of the internal struggle going on within Matt behind him.

I was a fool! I didn't tell you, because he threatened you, and I wanted to keep you safe! I was hoping to find him and get him put back in prison before you ever knew, so you wouldn't have to worry. I hate it when you're scared.

I never mean to shut you out. I'm just afraid that if I tell you too much, or let you get too close you'll get hurt. You would do anything for me, even run out into gunfire, and I'm terrified that's going to get you killed. What I do isn't safe, and I don't want you to be caught in the crossfire. I could never forgive myself if that happened.

I'm also not good at knowing what to do or say. I've never had someone like you. Someone I trusted, and knew would be there no matter what. I know I can rely on you, and I take it for granted. I don't mean to.

I never mean to cause you pain, I hate when you're hurt. I hate that I've broken your heart, and it breaks my heart too.

I love you too, but I'm afraid to tell you, because you love so unselfishly. You would follow me anywhere, do anything, give all that you have, and I would let you. I would let you, because I'm selfish, and I would never give back even a fraction of what you give me. You deserve better than that.

Letting you go is probably the most unselfish thing I can do, but I don't want to. I want you by my side. I want to be better for you, but I don't know if I can.

I just don't know what to do.

"Foggy, wait!"