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It was a rather depressing week for chuuya. By that I mean he’s on his third bottle of Petrus and second bottle of Rosé in the last three days. Chuuya was pretty fucking drunk. For the past three days he’d been drinking and in his haze of drunken thoughts he’d always think of his partner. No… now ex partner Dazai. Osamu disappeared to who knows where, his car blew up, and now he was drinking himself to oblivion. Definitely not a good week for Chuuya
He’d always think of Osamu his dear partner. The last of the people chuuya held close to him. The only person that made him feel human after the rest of his closest acquaintances…no his friends had all died. Now he was gone.
Osamu Dazai the last of Chuuya’s closest friends was now gone from the port mafia.
He had his mentor but she wasn’t a friend to Chuuya so much as she was like the mother that Chuuya never had the chance to have.Tonight was again another one of the nights Chuuya has decided to drown his sorrows out with his most prized possession, his wine. He thought of Osamu’s endless teases how he knew if Osamu had seen him at this point he’d probably say something among the lines of “Typical Chibi drinking so much even though he’s such a lightweight.” Chuuya let out a soft defeated chuckle at the thought.
He would never admit how he longed for dazai to just come back already. He’d never admit he missed Osamu….but he did. He missed that shitty mackerel. The way he teased him, the way he laughed, his voice, how he was so smart, but also such an idiotic jackass, Chuuya missed all of Osamu’s antics. Chuuya found himself doing the one thing he’d now never do sober. As Chuuya typed Dazai’s number into his phone he felt tears forming in his eyes again.
He’d always had his partners numbers memorized. All of them his main phone, his burner phone, the one mori didn’t know about, his other spare one mori didn’t know about, all of them. Engraved into his memory. He called Dazai’s main phone. The phone rang once. The sound of the ring made Chuuya’s head ache but he couldn’t stop now. The phone continued to ring. He then realized Dazai was smarter than he led on and probably burned or somehow destroyed the ones Mori gave him or knew about. Chuuya called the first of Dazai’s burner phones. Then the second and third. Then finally on the fourth the phone rang once before the ring stopped followed by a voice.
“Chibi..?”
The voice that belonged to Dazai now soft and concerned. A manipulation of his vocal cords that Chuuya didn’t know was possible. Dazai had too recognized both of Chuuya’s phone numbers his main phone, and his other phone mainly used for stuff that wasn’t work. Chuuya took a second before realizing that his partner picked up on the other end, but was quick to respond.
“Samu…when are you coming home?”
He had asked through his drunken haze. There was a silence on the other end. After a minute or so Dazai recognized that Chuuya was most definitely drunk but before he could respond appropriately Chuuya asked again the clear tiredness in his voice almost as persistent as he was.
“when are you coming home? I’m tired..”
Another minute passed by before Dazai had answered Chuuya, he was slowly starting to grow more impatient waiting on Dazai to respond to his question.
“I…I won’t be home for a while…”
Dazai felt horribly guilty. He knew he wasn’t lying, but then again he wasn’t telling the entire truth. Dazai had spoke up again before Chuuya had the chance to respond.
“Don’t wait for me…go drink some water and get some sleep.”
Chuuya didn’t want to part from Dazai’s sweet voice. It was oh so attractive when he wasn’t using it to relentlessly tease him and even when he was teasing him. Chuuya was always the defiant type when it came to Dazai when he made him do stuff so he was quick to respond defiantly. He puffed his cheeks and huffed.
“Why should I? I don’t wanna.”
Dazai audibly sighed. He didn’t love how defiant Chuuya would be most times when he asked something of him. He didn’t want to continue this call. It was breaking his heart. Chuuya expected him home. Chuuya wanted him home.
“…Chibi for me..? Please just get some water at least.”
Dazai had asked Chuuya softly. Chuuya didn’t know why but Dazai’s softened voice made him feel an indescribable feeling of sadness, but also made him feel content in a strange twisted way. He didn’t want to give in to Dazai’s command even if Dazai was pleading him. He just wanted his Osamu home. But that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
“…Samu come home..please…”
Chuuya had mumbled out through little tears. He really wanted his shitty mackerel Dazai Osamu. Dazai felt a horrible sensation of heaviness in his chest and a lump forming in his throat. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to comfort his slug, but…he couldn’t. He wouldn’t give him empty promises. No he couldn’t do that to Chuuya. He knew the only way he could really get to his stubborn slug was to make him believe that he was going to come home. But he couldn’t that would be too cruel even if Chuuya was so drunk he’d have probably forgotten in the morning Dazai couldn’t make himself do it.
“…Chuuya you know I can’t…I love you, but I can’t bear it any longer there….its not your fault..”
Dazai had done it now. He’d finally choked out his sorrowful response. His terribly weak response. He wanted to come back to comfort Chuuya but he couldn’t go to the port mafia. Back to Mori. He couldn’t. His hands were shaking just thinking of it. Chuuya just barely heard Dazai’s weak response and wasn’t pleased with his vagueness about where he was and why he wasn’t coming back.
“…where are you..?”
Chuuya had asked really only responding to hear Osamu’s soft voice. He would admit for a boy Osamu had the best vocals Chuuya had ever heard. At the question Osamu broke even more.
“You know I can’t tell you…”
He had whispered into the phone tearing up himself now. He had missed Chuuya just as much if not more than Chuuya missed him, but to be honest both of them would deny they missed each other. Chuuya let out a soft yawn. He was tired but he wasn’t going to bed just to stay on the phone with Osamu…just a while longer Chuuya had thought to himself when he considered giving in.
“Please slug go get some water it’s not good to only excessively drink wine.”
Dazai asked Chuuya again before Chuuya had a chance to even think of what to respond with to his last sentence. Chuuya was now considering following what Dazai had asked of him. But then he realized how did Dazai know he hadn’t eaten or drank anything but wine that entire day…?
“How’d you guess that..?”
Chuuya asked dumbfounded on how easy it was for Dazai to guess how his day went. He hadn’t woken up till almost noon due to staying up so late the night before, crying over Dazai and of course drinking. He hadn’t had breakfast and didn’t feel like making himself lunch. He also didn’t feel like ordering takeout. That’s how it went for at least 2 days now for Chuuya. It was very rare of Chuuya to not go into work so it was very tough on him. By dinner time Chuuya had been taking swigs of rosé right from the bottle trying to drown out the thought of Dazai. He could find himself thinking of that insolent brunette in everything. He couldn’t think without Dazai clouding his thoughts. That’s what led to this sorry excuse of a call.
Dazai let out a soft defeated chuckle before answering Chuuya with one of his signature teases but this didn’t feel like his normal teasing…it felt sad, tired, and weak.
“Chuuya kun is so predictable I know my dog so well”
Dazai said but immediately felt a strange feeling, a sense that he maybe should’ve not said that. Chuuya felt safer hearing his tease. Finally the Osamu he knew instead of the cold and distant voice of Dazai he’d been hearing.
“...I love you Osamu…”
Chuuya whispered a drunk confession of his true feelings towards Dazai. Even if it wasn’t reciprocated he’d still love him. He’d still be loyal. For loyalty was Chuuya’s biggest strength, but a paradox at the same time; also his biggest weakness. Like how he was loyal to both the port mafia and Dazai, but of course was generously more loyal to Dazai. To Dazai Chuuya’s revelation was already painfully obvious but he was thankful Chuuya had said it now. It felt like he was reassuring him that he didn’t royally fuck up by teasing him just now.
“I know Chuuya…I know.”
Dazai responded in that soft loving tone Chuuya would’ve never guessed he even had. But Chuuya didn’t want that fuckass reply. He wanted him to say it back. He wanted Dazai Osamu to say that he loved Nakahara Chuuya back.
“Say it back..”
Chuuya had stubbornly demanded. Not at all content with Dazai’s answer to his love. Dazai was surprised he told him to say it back. He wasn’t expecting Chuuya to demand him to say he loved him back. He softly smiled though Chuuya couldn’t see it.
“..I love you more Chuuya..”
Chuuya finally had it. He finally felt content. This was it what he’d wanted to hear most from Dazai.
“..will you go get that water now chibi?”
Dazai reminded Chuuya to get some water to make his hangover in the morning less horrible, but this time Chuuya was finally willing to listen. Chuuya sighed before he attempted to roll off his couch to get up. This action resulted in a loud thud and a pained curse escaping Chuuya’s lips.
“Fuck..!”
Chuuya had exclaimed from the pain of hitting his wooden floor. This elicited a giggle from Dazai, but Chuuya didn’t care Dazai was giggling at his misfortune. Nothing could make him hate the sound. He proceeded to pull himself up by grabbing his couch’s armrest. He was barely standing from the sheer amount of wine that he drank but he nonetheless grabbed his phone and struggled his way to his kitchen.
“That sounded like one hell of a fall chibi, you okay?”
Dazai asked half teasing half genuinely concerned. Chuuya sat his phone on his fancy ass kitchen counter. Then almost tripped over his pants making him gasp before he caught himself. Sighing heavily Chuuya mumbled something to Dazai.
“…M’fine..”
Chuuya had mumbled his voice tired and his words ever so slightly slurred. Dazai knew Chuuya would do something stupid like getting a glass cup when he was drunk and extra clumsy, but he didn’t want Chuuya to accidentally hurt himself dropping the glass on himself or something.
“Get the bottle I got for you. I don’t want you breaking a glass or something stupid.”
Dazai called out to Chuuya. Chuuya heard him and mumbled a quick ‘uh huh’ before reaching for the cute little brown and orange water bottle Dazai had gifted to him for seemingly no reason. It was his favorite bottle he had among the sleek and clean looking ones he owned it was the eyesore that stuck out like a sore thumb and Chuuya loved that. Chuuya filled the bottle with water, put the lid on with a small struggle, then he started to take small sips from it.