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“…and then Mike slipped and fell. Almost cracked his head open on the pavement. I think he needed stitches.”
“God, that explains so much.”
Max Sinclair grinned as her friend Nancy Byers laughed. Shooting the shit about Mike with his older sister was always fun. Nancy had childhood memories of him that Mike would never have shared otherwise. And since Max and Mike still engaged in ribbing each other – though friendlier now – Max delighted in the prospect of having more ammunition.
Nancy’s living room was neat, but lived in. A blue sofa sat in the middle of the room, with a beige plush carpet underneath. Shelves and shelves of books lined the wall. A desk – no doubt Nancy’s – sat in the corner, littered with papers and folders. A floral-patterned throw lay flung across the sofa. The entertainment center with a large TV sat across from it.
Max currently sat in the Byers’ lounge chair, her swollen feet up on the footrest. She was pregnant, about thirty-eight weeks along. Her husband Lucas, predictably, had become increasingly anxious over the past month, and she had done her best to reassure him. Especially since Max had been much more intentional about being active during this pregnancy. She had tried all the old wives’ tales, too: raspberry leaf tea, dates (which she hated), pineapple (which she hated even more). She had been wary of labor early on, but this was only because her fifteen-hour labor with the twins had been so excruciating. At least if this one’s labor dragged on, Max would have more tools to deal with it.
The kettle from the Byers’ kitchen started to squeal.
“I’ll get that,” Nancy said, standing up and walking into the kitchen nearby. As she moved around in the kitchen, Max felt the baby roll over inside her. She exhaled forcefully, rubbing her belly.
As Nancy re-entered the room, she paused, surveying Max with slight concern.
“Are you sure it’s okay for you to be over here?”
“Do I need permission?” Max scoffed.
“No, I mean – ”
“ – Lucas is at work –”
“ – I’m surprised he let you out of his sight. Seems like by the eighth or ninth month he’s more…hovery.”
“Normally, you’re right,” Max agreed. “But I made my needs known, very loudly and deliberately.”
Nancy walked over, handing Max the steaming mug of raspberry tea.
“Thanks. Don’t worry, Nance. Lucas is on guard. If anything were to happen anywhere, at any time, I promise he will not let it go unaddressed. I just needed some air.”
Max waved her hand at Nancy.
“Sit down, will you?”
Nancy smiled a little bashfully, sitting on the sofa across from Max.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that…you’re so pregnant.”
Max took a healthy sip of her tea.
“Funny, I hadn’t noticed.”
Nancy laughed.
“Jonathan and I have been discussing if we want to have more kids.”
“And?”
“Neither of us are sure, honestly. Money is tight enough as it is. Journalism and photography aren’t the best-paying jobs in the world, though I know Jonathan was considering medical photography. That pay is decent. But that’s not the only thing. I also have to consider if I’d be ready to have my body cut open again. If it came to that.”
“Just because you had one c-section doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need another one,” Max shrugged.
“I know, but there’s always a risk. And I’m not in any hurry to experience a two-day labor again. A lot of things would need to fall into place before we had another baby.”
“That’s what Lucas and I thought too, and, uh…here we are.”
They shared a chuckle. As they did so, Max felt a twinging, squeezing feeling radiate in her lower belly. She winced, inhaling sharply.
Nancy frowned concernedly. “Max?”
“Yes, I had a contraction,” Max said dismissively. “I had one earlier this morning too. Braxton-Hicks happen in the last month before the baby’s born.”
“…and your due date is when?”
“I’m not due for another two weeks. Nance, I’m fine.”
Nancy didn’t seem convinced.
“We should call Lucas.”
“Let’s wait. If I have more contractions, then we can call Lucas. Please don’t terrify my husband sooner than we have to.”
Max grinned.
“You know who we should call? Robin.”
Nancy exchanged a look with her and they both started laughing.
“Look, I love her, but you know how she is,” said Nancy. “Talking too much, pacing around…she’s not always the greatest under pressure.”
“Speaking of pacing around. I’m going to stretch my legs. Help me up?”
Max could see Nancy bite back an urge to refuse.
“I promise you, I’m okay to walk,” Max emphasized to her, slightly softer. “I haven’t let myself sit around during this pregnancy, and I’m not about to start now.”
Nancy only hesitated another moment before helping her up out of the chair.
“Uncomfortable?” She said finally, as Max exhaled forcefully.
“Yeah, my back hurts.”
She took a deep breath, then turned and walked into the kitchen.
Walking helped her back, and the cool kitchen floor felt nice on Max’s feet. She glanced at her watch. 11:42 am. She should probably get home for lunch soon. Thank goodness the house was within walking distance, or Nancy would likely insist on driving her home. She might try to insist that, anyway.
Max made a few slow laps around the kitchen before she rejoined Nancy in the living room. Nancy sat at her L-shaped desk in the back corner, the lamp shining a warm glow onto the dark wood. Her pen was scratching away, her brown eyes thoughtful over her black reading glasses.
Max was slightly startled to feel another twinge radiating into her hips. It wasn’t overly strong, but it was enough to make her pause, exhaling, her hands on her belly. Nancy looked up from her desk.
“What’s up?” she said uncertainly.
“Well…” Max glanced at the clock on the wall. “About fifteen minutes ago, I had a contraction, and I had another one just now.”
Nancy stood up.
“You think it’s time to call Lucas?”
Now Max was the one hesitating. If it was a false alarm, she didn’t want Lucas to leave work early for nothing. But if it wasn’t a false alarm…
Max sighed.
“Okay. But don’t freak out about it. He’ll just get nervous. Tell him very calmly that we think I might be going into labor. Emphasis on might.”
Nancy pulled her phone from her pocket and tapped a few times on the screen. It rang once, twice, and then Max heard Lucas answer.
“Hey, Lucas, it’s Nancy. Yeah, no, everything’s fine. We think Max might be going into labor. Uh-huh…last contraction was just now, the one before was about fifteen minutes ago.”
Nancy nodded as Lucas’ muffled voice sounded from her phone.
“Got it. Can I do anything?”
She spoke to him a few more moments before telling him goodbye and hanging up.
“Okay, Lucas is coming to pick you up. He’s about thirty minutes away.”
“Fuck, the kids are at school,” Max realized aloud. “I have nowhere to put them.”
“I’ll pick them up,” Nancy said at once. “I’ll have to swing by and get Josie anyway. I can let them know what’s going on. Do you need to sit or lie down?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Max paced around the Byers’ home. Just keep moving. She had half a mind to slip out the back door and walk home, but she knew Nancy would have a heart attack. Instead, Max enlisted Nancy’s support during the next contraction, which took hold about fifteen minutes later.
“Don’t panic,” Max told her friend as she rested her palms against Nancy’s shoulders. “They’re not painful, I’m just practicing breathing for when they are. If I’ve been doing the breathing the whole time, that helps me to relax when things get intense.”
Nancy nodded, seeming more at ease. “Got it.”
Max closed her eyes, letting her head fall forward as she started her deep breathing. Nancy seemed to recognize that silence would be more appropriate than talking, so she stood quietly without moving. Max felt Nancy’s slender hands rest on her arms as she breathed. The contraction really wasn’t that bad, just some pressure. As it slacked off, Max gave Nancy a nod, opening her eyes. Nancy nodded back, and Max resumed her pacing.
Another fifteen minutes had almost passed when Max’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw it was a text from Lucas.
Husband: About to pull in
Max texted “ok” back before making sure her phone and keys were on her person. In what seemed like minutes later, a knock sounded on the door. Nancy went to open it at once.
“Hey, Lucas.”
Lucas came through the doorway, crossing the room in three strides toward Max.
“Hey,” he greeted her somewhat breathlessly.
“Hi,” Max replied, smiling slightly.
“The car’s running. Let’s hop in and get home.”
She felt another wave start to build, and she shook her head.
“Wait just a second.”
Max slowly walked in place, arms curled around her belly, closing her eyes again to concentrate on breathing. Lucas’ gentle hands pressed to her hips. Once the wave had started to lessen, Max let her eyes meet his.
“I’m okay,” she reassured him.
“How bad are they?”
“Not bad. Just some pressure right now.”
“How long ago was your last one?”
“Besides just now, fifteen minutes. But I want to get home anyway.”
“I’m picking up your kids from school,” Nancy informed Lucas as he slipped an arm around Max.
“Thank you,” he told her.
“I want to walk to our house,” Max requested.
“Absolutely not,” Lucas and Nancy said in unison.
“Do you both have to baby me?”
“It’s just a quick drive,” Lucas implored. “Let me get you to the house. Then I promise you can pace around as much as you need to.”
Max wanted to stand pat, but she didn’t feel like putting up a fight. And she was outnumbered, anyhow. As they walked slowly out to the driveway, Max begrudgingly allowed Lucas to help her into their car. After thanking Nancy again, Lucas pulled out of the Byers’ driveway, driving at a crawl down their street.
Roscoe was there to greet Max and Lucas as they came through the door.
“Roscoe, no jumping,” Lucas told him, half-shielding Max from Roscoe’s eager paws. “Come here.”
As Lucas put Roscoe in the garage, Max walked into their living room, cradling her belly in her hands. As she slowly circled the room, she stared out of the bay window. Gentle rain was tapping the leaves on the trees outside. The sky wasn’t overly angry, just a moderate cygnet gray. The water made the plant life look dark and saturated. She heard Lucas’ steps on the stairs and continued to pace.
Max couldn’t explain the peace that had now settled within her. The pressure was bearable, but it wasn’t even that. She was in tune with her body’s natural rhythms, the cresting and dying of each wave. She was just reacting instinctively. Not tensing her muscles, not allowing fear to pollute the space. Just letting each surge move through her with full and total acceptance.
Lucas soon rejoined her, some clothing slung over his arm and a cup of ice water in his other hand.
“I figured you’d want to do this in more comfortable clothing.”
She pecked him on the lips, taking her clothes from him.
“Thank you. Help me?”
They moved away from the window. Lucas helped Max slip off her jeans and casual blouse so she could then slip on her Blondie t-shirt and maternity pajama pants.
“Oh, that’s so much better,” Max sighed, pulling her long hair out of the shirt collar.
“Drink your water and I can braid your hair,” Lucas offered.
Max took a few generous gulps of the ice water as Lucas drew up behind her, starting to separate her long red hair into sections. She pulled her spare hair tie off her wrist and handed it to him.
“So, what do you think?” She asked him. “Boy or girl?”
“I think it’s another boy,” Lucas replied without hesitation. Max smirked.
“You wish, Sinclair. We’re too old for three boys. They’ll eat us out of house and home. I think we’re finally gonna give Christine a sister.”
He chuckled. “We did say we’d try to, didn’t we?”
“Yep. So I’m telling myself it’s a girl. Unless this one turns out to be twins again. Then maybe it’s two girls. We’d have you and the boys outnumbered.”
“Ha, ha. I think we would actually lose our minds if we had two more babies right now.”
“Don’t worry. You know I made double and triple sure on the ultrasounds. It’s one baby.”
“It doesn’t matter to me what we’re having. As long as it’s with you.”
“Oh, it is. You’re stuck with me.”
Lucas finished tying off her braid, then leaned forward and kissed her cheek.
“I sure am.”
Max felt the next wave start to intensify, and she beckoned him closer.
“Contraction,” she informed him. Lucas drew up behind her, his hands resting on her middle as they swayed together, Max allowing her head to fall back against his shoulder. The contractions were slightly more urgent now, though still more pressure than pain. Max slid her fingers through his, doing her deep breathing. Lucas said nothing, pressing his lips against her temple.
The contraction subsided, and Max sighed calmly, staying in her husband’s arms.
“Let’s call Dawn and give her a heads-up,” Lucas murmured against her skin.
After a few more blissful minutes Max reluctantly detached herself from him, getting her phone from her pocket and tapping Dawn’s name in her contacts.
Dawn picked up on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Dawn, it’s Max.”
“Oh, hi! What’s up?”
Max’s hand traveled absentmindedly to her belly, rubbing up and down.
“We think I might be in labor.”
“Are contractions consistent?”
“Yes. The last one was ten minutes ago.”
“Have you lost your mucus plug?”
“Not yet.”
Max was startled to hear load groaning in the background of the call, followed by rustling and movement.
“I’m at another birth at the moment,” Dawn informed her, presumably reading into Max’s shocked silence. “So I’m hoping that your labor will afford me enough time to finish up here.”
“I know it’s hard to predict, but do you have an estimate of when you’d get here?”
“It is hard to predict, unfortunately. This patient’s baby is overdue and quite large…we could be here a while. I’m only about thirty minutes from you, so once I do leave, it shouldn’t take me too long to get there.”
“Okay.”
“How about this. You or Lucas send me text updates as you go, just to keep me in the loop. I’ll contact Lucas when I’m getting ready to leave.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
“Great. Just remember what I told you. Stay relaxed, stay open. Labor without judgment. Accept the experience for what it is, and take care of your needs through it.”
“Gotcha. Thanks.”
“Of course, Max. See you in a little while.”
The call disconnected, and Lucas’ eyebrows went up as Max re-pocketed her phone.
“Well?”
“She’s at another birth right now. A rough one. So she’s not sure when she can get here. But she’ll leave directly from there to come here once she’s done.”
Lucas nodded.
“We’ve probably got some time if your contractions are still ten minutes apart,” he noted. “What can I do?”
“Can you go get my iPod, please?”
He pulled it out of his pocket. “One step ahead of you.”
The rain continued to patter quietly outside as Max tried to lose herself in her music.
She hadn’t had a specific artist or genre in mind for labor, so she just played the first album she could think of: Enya’s Shepherd Moons. Dreamy, fluid, gentle. As Enya’s hauntingly beautiful voice started to sing Caribbean Blue, another contraction started. Max rocked her hips side to side, arms curled around her belly, her eyes closed as she exhaled slowly. She tried to imagine herself floating in blue water, smooth as silk, clear to the bottom. This visualization seemed to help the pressure a bit, and Max clung to it in her mind.
The atmosphere in their house was calm and quiet. Apart from Lucas. Any time Max opened her eyes again she saw him moving from room to room, cleaning things up, taking supplies upstairs. Though he seemed to be trying his best not to show his anxiety, Max could feel it. Her heart softened a little. She didn’t deserve him as a husband. He was so attentive to her, so ready to do whatever she needed. Max reminded herself to comfort him. This labor was, so far, much easier than her last.
Max was rounding out another contraction as Lucas finally came to a stop in front of her.
“How are we doing?” He tested as she paused her music.
“It’s just pressure,” Max told him, taking out one of her earbuds. “When a contraction starts it feels like I’m gonna explode from the inside.”
“Well, that’s delightful.”
“Yep. But I’ll take that over pain. What time is it?”
“Right around one.”
“Let’s go upstairs. I just need to stay on my feet.”
Lucas nodded, his eyes somewhat distant. Max walked toward him, resting her hand on his shoulder.
“Are you nervous?”
He shrugged. “Maybe a little.”
“It seems like more than a little. You haven’t sat down once since we got home.”
Lucas gave her a sheepish grin.
“Maybe a lot,” he admitted.
Max leaned forward and kissed him gently.
“Don’t worry. I promise I feel much more at peace than I seem.”
She saw some of the worry melt away in Lucas’ eyes.
“And,” she added, “You worrying will make me nervous. And that’ll make the pain worse.”
Lucas straightened up slightly, caressing her face in his hands.
“I’m sorry.”
“No sorries,” she corrected him at once. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. Let’s go upstairs now.”
Max turned on her heel before Lucas could reply. The two of them slowly made their way up the stairs, toward the bedroom. Once they had crossed the threshold, Lucas hung back slightly.
“Are you hungry?” He asked her as she paced around.
“Not really.”
“Well, I’m bringing you some broth anyway. You need to eat.”
Lucas left the room, and Max put her earbuds back in. She wasn’t sure how much broth she could stomach, but he was right. Giving birth would be a lot more difficult on an empty stomach. Max knew there was a possibility she’d throw it up later, but she was willing to take the chance.
The next contraction took her by surprise, sooner and significantly more intense than the last one. Max tried to sink back into her music, swinging her hips side to side.
“Oohh,” she vocalized quietly, trying to return to her ocean visualization as Enya’s ghostly voice echoed against the music. Yes, imagining herself floating was helpful. Weightless. No gravity, no pressure. Max kept her hands on her belly, rubbing slowly up and down, mentally invoking motivational statements. Me and my baby are working together. Every wave brings her one step closer to me. The anxious excitement she felt at this sentiment helped to temper some of the discomfort.
As that wave started to die down, Lucas emerged in the doorway, holding a mug. Max paused her music and took out her earbuds, pocketing them before taking the steaming mug from Lucas.
“Thanks.”
He turned and walked into the bathroom.
“I had a contraction while you were downstairs,” she reported.
“That was sooner than ten minutes,” he replied. Max could hear the bathroom closet door open and close.
“Definitely,” she agreed. “More like five.”
Lucas came back into the room, a stack of towels under his arm.
“You think it’s about time to text Dawn?”
“Just see where she’s at with the other patient,” Max answered.
Lucas sat down on the bed, discarding the towels as he took out his phone. He mumbled the words as he typed.
“Hey Dawn, it’s Lucas…contractions are…five minutes apart…are you able to…come over now?”
Max heard the whoosh of the sent message sound from his phone. She forced herself to continue drinking the broth, small sip after small sip. Eventually, she became restless standing still, and set the mug on the end table closest to her, starting to pace again.
Lucas surveyed her.
“Take a minute to rest, babe.”
Max shook her head.
“I can’t sit down. I have to keep moving.”
Lucas’ text tone dinged, and he glanced down at his screen.
“Dawn said she’s still at the other patient’s house, but she thinks they might end up transferring her patient to the hospital. She’ll shoot me a text when she’s on her way.”
Max nodded in assent.
“Let’s call Nancy. I want to check on the kids.”
Lucas followed suit, tapping his phone screen and putting it on speakerphone. The phone clicked on the third ring.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Nance,” they both said in unison.
“Hey. How’s it going?”
“It’s going,” Max responded. “Kids okay?”
“School pick-up went fine. They’re all hanging out in the living room.”
“Don’t let them know I’m on the phone. I don’t want to excite them. Where’s Louis?”
“He’s listening to his music and coloring. Josie and your other two are watching Oswald.”
Max felt another wave of pressure coming on.
“Hold on a sec,” she managed. To her eternal credit, Nancy did not speak again as Max hummed and swayed and groaned, stepping in place, her eyes closed. She heard Lucas duck out of the room.
“I’m gonna give her some space. Yeah, contractions are pretty regular now. As I’m sure you just heard. Uh-huh…”
The contraction was stronger than the last one, and so Max allowed her vocalization to intensify along with it, leaning down onto the mattress to press her forehead into her arms.
“Oohhh,” she keened in a wavering voice. “Ooohhh…”
After a few more moments the surge finally started to slack off. Max heard Lucas re-enter the room shortly thereafter.
“…yes, if we need anything, we’ll call you. I promise. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye.”
No sooner had Lucas hung up with Nancy did Max feel his hand between her shoulder blades.
“Still five minutes?”
“Yeah,” Max nodded, her eyes still closed. “Whew. I’m starting to feel hot.”
“I’m going downstairs to grab you a washcloth from the freezer.”
“Shit. I haven’t put any washcloths in the freezer.”
“But I did,” Lucas reassured her, patting her back. “I’ll be right back.”
As he slipped quietly out of the room again, Max took off her nightshirt, discarding it on the floor. Now clad in only her undergarments, she pressed her hands to the bed, her head hanging, her eyes closed. When Lucas rejoined her, placing a frozen cloth on the back of her neck, she looked at him.
“How long ago did you do that?” She asked him, mildly impressed at his foresight.
“They’ve been in there a week. I just had a feeling, I guess.”
Max gave him a nod.
“I asked Nancy to reach out to our friends. Let them know what’s going on.”
“Okay. Do we need to let your parents know what’s happening too?”
“Nope, I sent a text a while ago. Don’t worry about that, baby. Just focus on breathing.”
Max gave him another nod before the next contraction hit her. She pressed her hands to the mattress as she let herself vocalize again. Lucas sat there, rubbing her arms.
“You sure you don’t want to lie down?” He asked quietly.
Max shook her head.
“I’m worried you’ll get tired – ”
“Lucas, no talking.”
He quieted. Max groaned louder, swaying her hips side to side. She could feel pieces of hair falling down by her face but she just didn’t care.
Once it started to ease up, she gave Lucas a disconcerted look.
“I’m not sure we made it to five minutes that time.”
“Yeah, that did seem quicker. Do you feel any different?”
“Just more pressure.”
Once she was sure another contraction wasn’t about to hit, Max straightened up.
“I think I want to take a shower,” she told him.
“That might be nice,” Lucas agreed.
“Take a break,” Max encouraged. “Nap, read a book…”
Lucas gave her a nod, and she plodded into their bathroom, opening the shower door and turning the faucet.
Once she was sure the water was warm enough, Max stepped into the shower. The hot water hit her back, and she let herself exhale. A few minutes later, Lucas entered the bathroom and started laying towels down on the tile floor. Max watched him through the glass shower door as she washed her hair, soaped up her body. Even though he was calm, not making a fuss, she knew it was taking everything in him not to hover. She swallowed her annoyance. The twins’ birth had been a little scary in certain moments, particularly with Louis being breech, and Lucas had held as strong as he could. He was probably laying towels down now just in case they stayed there in the bathroom for a while. Or to ensure she didn’t slip and fall. Or perhaps a combination of both.
Max was so lost in thought that the next contraction took her a little by surprise. She reached for the handle of the glass door and hunched over slightly, her other hand on her thigh as she hummed through it. The warm water on her back was more calming than pain-reducing, but Max was grateful nonetheless.
Once the contraction passed, Max finished up her shower and got out, fetching her dark blue plush bathrobe from the hook on the door. Okay. The last two contractions had been about three minutes apart by her count. Perhaps that’s where they would stay for now.
Max wandered over to the toilet to relieve herself. As she did so, she felt something discharge from her. As she stood up, she looked down to see a pinkish-gray blob in the toilet. Her mucus plug. Max exhaled. Well, they could be completely sure she was in labor.
She paused in the doorway leading to their bedroom. Lucas was reading Jurassic Park for the umpteenth time. When he noticed her in the doorway watching him, he set the book down on the bed and walked toward her.
“Good shower?”
“Great,” Max responded, tying her wet hair back into a braid. “But, uh…I lost my mucus plug.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. I think we already knew I was in labor, but now we can be extra sure.”
“I don’t get the impression you needed the reminder.”
“I didn’t.”
Lucas followed her into the bathroom, and Max heard him gag slightly from behind her.
“Yep,” he managed, turning away as he clearly tried to play it off. “You’re definitely in labor.”
“Looks that way,” Max replied, giggling a little. “Is the miracle of life too gross for you?”
“This part of it is,” Lucas’ eyes were squeezed shut. “Can we flush that, please?”
Max rolled her eyes, reaching over and pushing the handle down.
“It’s gone now, you big baby,” she told him, and Lucas opened his eyes as the water swirled around the bowl. “You can handle me giving birth, but you can’t handle a mucus plug?”
He gagged again. “Please stop calling it that.”
Another contraction started to build, and she huffed a little, still smirking.
“Fine,” she conceded. “Come here.”
Max looped her arms around him, her head against his shoulder as she swayed and rocked. Her groan came out as a wavering monotone sound, now coarser and longer than before. Lucas didn’t talk, just pressed his lips to her temple, swaying with her. It wasn’t until the contraction eased up that he spoke again.
“You’re amazing. You’re doing so good.”
“Remember the fabric sling I told you about?”
“I think so?”
“I bought the fabric and the door attachment a few weeks ago. It’s in the closet, on the shelf where I keep my work shoes. Go grab it.”
Lucas disappeared and soon returned with the equipment. It was easy enough; the door attachment was designed so that the closed door held it stable. Together they hung the swaths of soft green fabric from the doorway, making three giant adjacent loops that hung down. Max allowed the fabric to gently cradle her lower back, and she took the upper parts of the sling in her fists. She continued to vocalize during the next wave, so as not to lose the momentum of her focus. To further capitalize on this, she doubled down on her mental mantras. Relaxed. Open. Acceptance.
“Oohh god…ooooooohhh…”
“Good. Good. Breathe.”
Max was sure Lucas could hear how much more urgent that contraction had been. Sure enough –
“That one sounded worse.”
“I want to push,” she told him.
The flash of alarm in Lucas’ face was brief.
“I’m calling Dawn,” he replied, running to the bedroom.
Max leaned into the fabric sling, her groan loud and low and coarse as she swayed. She could hear Lucas leaving a voicemail in the other room.
“Hey, Dawn? I know you’re either busy or driving right now but Max is telling me she wants to push. Call me back as soon as you can. Bye.”
Lucas rejoined Max in moments.
“Are you comfortable there? Or do we need to move?”
“I’m fine right here,” Max responded.
Even as the wave died down, the immense pressure in her lower pelvis lingered, and Max tried her utmost to keep up her deep breathing. Her heart was pounding, her mind racing. Okay, she tried to calm herself down. She’s coming. That’s okay. Breathe down and relax. Let her come.
Max let her chest open, let herself breathe downward. She closed her eyes, re-centering herself, reminding her muscles to loosen. She made sure that her vocalizations were low and her jaw relaxed as she groaned through the contraction, swaying in the sling. If Lucas said anything, Max was barely tuned into it. She had entered that suspended state exclusive to women giving birth. The inner ether that reminded her of this divine, natural process that her body was completely equipped for.
Just as Max was convinced her nether regions were about to explode from pressure, she felt the familiar warm gush of liquid, the fluid coating her thighs.
“My water broke,” she told Lucas. Almost immediately Max felt the pressure return, but this time it was the urge to push.
“Let me go grab my phone,” Lucas started to pull away. “I’m gonna call Dawn again.”
“Wait, stay there,” Max shook her head. “I really want to push now.”
“Okay. Are we staying right here, or are we moving?”
“Run the tub,” she requested. “Hurry.”
Lucas hastened over to the tub, turning the faucet, and Max felt a slight swoop of anxiety at the sound of the water thundering out. No, she reminded herself. No fear. Just acceptance. Fear will make the pain worse.
Another surge mounted, as if to test this theory, and the need to push intensified once more. Max breathed forcefully, clenching the sling fabric in her fists. Don’t push. Don’t push. She wanted to give birth in the water, and if she could help it, that’s what was going to happen.
As soon as the contraction ended Max straightened up, walking toward the tub. She knew they had very limited time before the next surge, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to resist pushing much longer. Lucas keyed in at once, taking her other hand and helping her step in. As Max sank into the hot water, getting on her knees, Lucas knelt in front of the tub. She grabbed his arms, pressing her forehead into his shoulder. This was the position that made her feel the safest. The most in control.
They remained there for a few moments, waiting for the next wave, letting the tub fill. Lucas rubbed Max’s back as she inhaled and exhaled forcefully, trying to regain control of her breath.
“Do you want me to go call Dawn?” Lucas inquired. His voice was calm and level.
“No, stay here,” Max replied breathlessly, her grip on his arms tightening. She couldn’t handle Lucas being away from her right now. “She’s coming.”
Lucas leaned over slightly and Max heard the faucet switch off. The tub wasn’t completely full, but it would do. Max tried to drink in Lucas’ tranquility, exhaling in a long, wavering breath.
“It’s okay, babe,” he whispered. “Everything’s okay. Big deep breath. You can do this.”
Max gave a jerky nod, taking another breath and letting it out slowly. Breathe down. Open. Relax. You can do this.
The next wave began, and she tapped his arm, drawing back slightly as her breathing quickened. Without pause, Lucas rolled back his sleeves and plunged his arms into the water. Max could feel his hands near her thighs. She didn’t think she’d ever loved him as much as she did in that moment. No fear, no anxiety…just acceptance and support. Exactly what she needed right now. And this time, when the urge to push returned, Max gave in to it, her groan becoming strained. Lucas was murmuring quietly, his gaze now focused on the water.
“Good, Max…good job, babe. That’s it.”
Every pressure impulse in Max’s body was moving urgently downward, and even as she paused for a breath, her muscles below contracted almost immediately after, and she started to push again, that low, primal growl vibrating in her chest.
Once the contraction had released her, Max tried to catch her breath. Lucas patted her thigh under the water. She leaned forward and kissed him, knowing it would be both a natural analgesic and a way to stimulate a contraction. Without hesitation, Lucas kissed her tenderly back, and they exchanged slow, gentle, quiet kisses.
The next wave started, and Max clenched the edges of the tub in her hands as her muscles contracted again. It was no time at all before she could feel the familiar burning, throbbing pain of the baby’s head down below, though the water made it much more manageable.
As that contraction dissipated, Max addressed her husband.
“You see her?”
“Uh-huh.”
This knowledge seemed to prompt another contraction almost immediately, and Max went right into another push.
“That’s it, big push…good,” Lucas told her, concentrating intently. “Good job.”
Tears started filling his eyes.
“Max, she’s right there.”
Any reprieve was short-lived. Max’s body wouldn’t allow it. More pressure gripped her and she just needed to push. She knew she was losing that battle, so she just let her body take over, the primal growl growing louder and more urgent.
“Ooohhhngh…”
“That’s it…that’s it, easy. Easy.”
Max’s muscles contracted downward once more. But going along with her body’s cues was helping the process go more smoothly. So was breathing. As she exhaled in a long, slow rush of air, her body gave another push, and she felt the baby’s head come all the way out. Lucas breathed shakily.
“Okay, there’s her head. You’re incredible. Stop and breathe.”
Max let her muscles slack, blowing out her breath. She looked at her husband somewhat uncertainly.
“Does she look okay?”
Lucas nodded.
“She has dark hair…” he reported. “Um…”
He squinted into the water.
“I can’t really see her face from here, but I think the cord’s around her neck.”
“Can you feel how many times?”
“Um…it feels like just once. Is that bad?”
“Is she blue?”
“No.”
“Okay, just loop it off. It’s not a big deal.”
Max could feel him do so.
“I got her, Max. You can push if you need to.”
“Not yet,” she shook her head, exhaling another slow breath. She was taking advantage of this short break. The next push would likely be the last one. Max smiled as she met Lucas’ eyes, nodding reassuredly at him.
“You’re doing great,” he told her, and she saw his eyes were full of tears.
“You’re doing great,” she replied.
Lucas gave a little sob, sniffling as he craned his neck to wipe his eyes on his sleeve. Feeling the next wave start, Max gripped the edges of the tub, starting to pant. She locked eyes with her husband again, nodding.
“Ready?”
Lucas refocused his attention into the water.
“Okay, go. I got her.”
Max was then gripped by the contraction, and her body instinctively responded. With that last gentle push, the baby slid out easily into Lucas’ hands.
“Oh my god, there she is,” Lucas breathed, and then he started crying fully. “Oh my god, our girl. Our little girl.”
Max glanced at the clock on the wall. 3:26 pm. She reminded herself to tell Dawn. She then let her eyes fall on the baby as Lucas lifted her out of the water. It was indeed a girl, their second daughter. Her purple face was wet and slimy, covered in vernix, dark hair plastered to her head. She lay limply in Lucas’ arms. Not crying, not moving.
“Give her to me,” said Max at once. “Towel. I need a towel.”
Lucas passed the baby to her, and Max held their daughter against her chest as he grabbed the towel from next to him. Once the towel was in hand, Max covered the baby with it at once, rubbing up and down.
“Come on. Breathe,” she murmured.
Lucas was pale, terrified, his eyes glued to the baby as Max tried to revive her. When this didn’t work, Max reached down for the cord and pinched it between her thumb and forefinger. Mere seconds later, the baby jerked in her arms, and a powerful wave of relief went through Max as their second daughter gasped and coughed, color rushing into her face. She took another breath before starting to wail plaintively against Max’s skin.
“Oh, good girl. That’s a good girl,” Max smiled softly, rubbing her daughter’s back over the towel. Lucas exhaled deeply. Max moved closer to him, and he immediately pressed his lips to the baby’s dark wet hair, his hand cradling her head.
“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he mumbled.
Once Lucas seemed wholly convinced the baby was breathing well, he finally paused to look at her.
“Max, she’s so beautiful.”
Max grinned, leaning forward to kiss him. Lucas returned it, and she could feel the tears on his face. As they broke apart, he opened his arms.
“Come here.”
Max turned around in the water, and his arms enveloped them both. She sighed, her head leaned back on her husband’s shoulder, holding their new baby close as she closed her eyes.
They remained like this for several minutes. Max drank in the feeling of Lucas’ arms around her, his lips pressing to her temple, their baby’s cries starting to calm against her bare skin. From outside, the rain had begun again, and Max listened to the raindrops tapping against tree leaves. Neither of them spoke, basking in the warmth and safety of the golden hour. For that brief stretch of time, they existed in their own private heaven, where everything was soft and sweet and delicate. No beginning, and no end. If Max could live in this feeling for the rest of her life, she would.
Eventually, Max opened her eyes again, gazing down at the baby. Their daughter’s cries had finally quieted to intermittent mewling, and she moved a little as Lucas rested his hand on her.
“Hi,” he whispered.
“You were right. She is small,” Max noted aloud.
“Definitely smaller than Christine was. She’s probably closer to the boys’ size.”
Lucas rubbed his thumb over the baby’s back.
“She’s so calm,” he said.
“Yes, she is. Christine would have still been screaming.”
“You were pretty calm, too,” he told her.
“Are you kidding? That was way easier than Christine or the boys. She was so gentle.”
The mention of this jogged Max’s memory.
“Hey, Lucas?”
“Yes, dear?”
“You think you might want to go get your phone?”
Lucas blinked, then he got up and scurried out of the bathroom. Moments later, he returned with his phone in hand, slightly out of breath.
“Five texts and ten missed calls,” he informed Max. “Dawn was on her way around three, by the looks of it, and – oh, she’s calling again.”
He tapped his phone screen and activated the speakerphone function.
“Hey, Dawn.”
“Hey, there you are. I’m about to pull in, where are we at?”
“Um, we’re done,” Lucas told her. “Baby girl was born about ten minutes ago.”
Dawn sounded nonplussed.
“I was wondering if that would happen. Especially after you stopped responding. Is Max okay?”
“You’re on speakerphone, so Max can hear you,” Lucas informed her, and Max spoke.
“Hey.”
“Well, you’ve had an eventful day! Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. She was born at 3:26.”
“I’ll put that in my phone as soon as I’m parked. Let me let you go, and I’ll be there soon.”
By the time the doorbell rang, Max could feel the bath water starting to turn. She had Lucas give her a dry towel before he went downstairs, and as she heard Lucas answer the door, heard Roscoe barking from the garage, Max enjoyed a quiet moment alone with her new baby. She moved her daughter into the crook of her arm, wrapping her gently in the dry towel, filling her eyes with that gentle, sweet face. Already this baby seemed so much more delicate and fragile than Christine or the boys, even more fragile than Louis. Her skin was lighter, like Louis’, but her thin, wavy hair was dark like her father’s. Max pressed a small kiss to her daughter’s head, tucking the towel around her more snugly.
The baby’s limbs moved a little, her eyes opening. They were a serene blue, almost crystalline. Too clear and pristine for a baby. Max gazed into them, feeling the sense of stillness within her deepen. That strong, terrifying love coursed through her veins.
“Hi,” she murmured. “You scared us for a minute.”
The baby stared up in her direction, her mouth slightly agape, as if she were clinging to Max’s every word. Max’s mind kept going over her daughter’s face, searching for any blue skin, any sign her breathing wasn’t right. Her color’s fine, she had to remind herself. She’s nice and pink.
Lucas’ and Dawn’s footsteps could be heard on the stairs, and moments later, they had both walked into the room. Dawn wore a purple t-shirt and jeans, her graying hair tied into a loose bun.
“Well, this one wasn’t going to wait, was she?” She beamed, kneeling next to the tub. “What a little darling.”
“Cord’s still intact,” Max informed her, as if giving a nursing shift report. “She took a moment to cry, but we got things going. Her color’s good. I’d guess around seven pounds by the looks of her.”
Dawn nodded, rummaging in her bag next to her.
“We can go ahead and take care of the cord before I get a look at her. Lucas, since you were the midwife for the day, you want to do the honors?”
Lucas took the scissors Dawn handed him with trembling hands and snipped the umbilical cord. Dawn tied it off with a clasp.
“All right, I have to take her away for a moment,” she said apologetically.
Max nodded, handing the towel-wrapped baby to Dawn. As Dawn rested the baby on the bathroom counter, Max could hear her bleating cry start up again.
“Hey, Lucas? Go lay some towels on the bed, and let’s help Max lie down on them. We still have to deliver the afterbirth.”
Lucas followed suit, ducking into the bedroom and returning at once. He picked up Max’s bathrobe off the floor and offered her his hands. Max took them, slowly standing up in the water.
“Easy,” he murmured, as she stepped one foot onto the towel-covered floor. “Nice and slow.”
Max shivered as she emerged fully from the water, wet and completely bare. Lucas slipped her arms through the bathrobe, wrapping it around her and tying up the middle.
“You think you can walk?” He asked.
“Yeah. But let’s do it together just in case.”
Lucas edged backward out of the bathroom, both hands in Max’s as she stepped forward. Walking really wasn’t that difficult, but Max secretly wanted Lucas to help her anyway. He did have to help her sit down on the bed, but once she successfully did that, he adjusted her pillows so she could be sitting up. Lucas then sat on the other side of the bed.
“Your turn for a name,” she told him.
Lucas, surprisingly, looked bashful.
“To be honest…until today I wasn’t banking on her being a girl.”
“I know we played around with a few boy and girl names…”
“Yeah, but the girl names we chose don’t feel right now. I know we wanted to name a girl after El, but this baby doesn’t look like a Jane.”
“I agree. Maybe we can convert one of our boy names.”
“Hmm…oh, we talked about Charles, after my dad. But she’ll never forgive us if we name her that.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Hmm…”
Max frowned pensively.
“Charles…Charlie?”
“No,” Lucas shook his head. “It doesn’t fit her. Charlene?”
“Ew. No.”
“Sorry to interrupt,” said Dawn, entering the room with the baby in her arms. “But…have you considered Charlotte? That’s similar to Charles.”
“Charlotte?” Max tested it. Lucas spoke her mind before she could.
“Oh my god. That’s perfect.”
As Dawn handed back the newly christened Charlotte, those clear blue eyes gazed up into Max’s, gleamy as the waters off the San Diego coast. Max and Lucas locked eyes, and Max nodded.
“Yep, her name is Charlotte. Lottie for short.”
“Lottie?”
“Yeah. Just as a cute nickname.”
Lucas smiled down at Charlotte, who had settled back against Max’s bare chest. Max was still in the newborn daze, completely unwilling to fill her eyes with anything but her daughter, and she planted another gentle kiss on Lottie’s head.
The placenta came shortly thereafter, along with post-birth contractions, and Dawn sat expectantly at the foot of the bed with a bowl. Max clenched Lucas’ arm, her other arm still around Lottie.
“Ow. Fuck,” she said quietly, her eyes closed.
“Don’t curse around the baby,” Lucas murmured.
Max was so taken aback by this that she started laughing, and it startled Lottie enough that she started to wail softly from Max’s chest. Max rubbed her back, trying to pull herself together.
“Okay, I’m sorry…shh…”
Lucas was grinning, pleased with himself. By the time Lottie had calmed back down and Max had fully recovered from the joke, the placenta was almost delivered. Max was unable to suppress a groan as she felt the unpleasant pulling sensation from below as well as the sharp pain. Thankfully, it was brief, and soon Max felt the afterbirth slip from her into the bowl.
“You sure you don’t want to make any smoothies with this?” Dawn twinkled at them as she held the bowl up slightly.
Lucas gagged to the point of coughing, turning his head away from Dawn. Max chuckled.
“I think my husband would sooner divorce me than partake in that.”
“And considering I’m never divorcing you…” Lucas’ face was still pale. “Whew. I don’t feel good.”
“Do you need to lie down too?” Max was only half-joking.
Lucas took a deep breath, shaking his head.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Don’t be brave. At least lean your head back.”
As Dawn helped Max slip on the padded underwear, chuckling, Lucas rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He really did look pale, Max thought, humming with sympathy. She rubbed his arm.
“Lightweight,” she murmured teasingly.
“I’ll be fine,” Lucas said, his eyes still closed. “This is nothing compared to what you just did.”
Lottie’s blue eyes surveyed her surroundings. Though Max knew her baby vision wouldn’t be able to pick up much.
“She’s right under seven pounds,” Dawn informed them. “Just a little thing. But in perfectly good health. Just know she may fall slightly underweight in the coming weeks.”
Max leaned forward and planted soft kisses on their daughter’s head.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Dawn was moving around in the background, getting things cleaned up. Lucas caressed Lottie’s little head.
“Here, hold her,” Max gestured. “I want you to get skin-to-skin contact.”
Lucas took his shirt off, taking Lottie from Max. Max’s heart melted to see Lucas rubbing the baby’s little back, Lottie snuggling into him. She looked even smaller in his arms, but just as safe, just as calm.
“I love you so much,” he whispered to her, planting tiny kisses in her dark hair. Lottie’s blue eyes swiveled in his direction. Max couldn’t help but smile to watch her daughter taking in everything around her. Christine had been angry to be out of the womb, but Lottie seemed to accept it readily. There was acceptance in her gaze that seemed far beyond her years.
“Christine’s going to be thrilled,” Lucas stated, smiling.
“Miles might not be.”
“He’ll warm up. You think Louis will too?”
Max shrugged. “Louis could go either way. You know how he is.”
“An entire universe within a four-year-old body?”
“Exactly.”
She smiled at him.
“You could make a decent career out of this, you know. You’ve already delivered two babies.”
Lucas’ face paled a bit.
“I’m gonna have to pass on that. Don’t have the stomach for it.”
Max could feel herself starting to slip into drowsiness, could feel herself sinking into her pillows.
“I’m really tired,” she said, and barely another moment had passed before she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Pain. Excruciating pain.
Max was only just aware of this sensation as she returned to consciousness from sleep. The bed was wet underneath her. Lucas was there, and she searched for him, but his voice sounded far away.
“Max? Max! Stay with me, baby.”
Max’s palm dragged across the dampened sheets. Her hand came away soaked with blood.
“I called 911, they just got here. You just have to stay awake for me, okay? Don’t go back to sleep.”
Max frowned confusedly. What was he talking about? She felt dizzy. Her heart was hammering so hard it felt like it would burst through her chest.
“Lucas…” she mumbled, but the rest of her words wouldn’t come out. Red and blue lights swam hazily into her vision. She heard people talking, she felt herself being moved this way and that – she thought she could even hear a baby crying –
The last thing she heard before losing consciousness was her husband’s terrified voice, calling her name.
A bright, blinding light.
Max’s eyelids peeled open. Fluorescent lights slowly came into sight above her head. She squinted. They were too bright.
Slowly the pale green ceiling bled into her consciousness. Where was she? Max didn’t quite know. She tried to move her legs. Searing, throbbing pain shot through the lower half of her body.
“Max?”
That sounded like her husband’s voice. Max tried to follow it, tried to reach for him, but she felt a pulling sensation in the crook of her elbow. An IV.
Immediately, a thousand memories came flooding back. Was she back in the coma? Still weak and dying in the hospital? Max’s breathing started to pick up, and she scrabbled at the needle in her skin. She had to pull it out, she had to escape –
Lucas’ voice again. Gentle hands.
“No, no, Max. It’s okay, you’re okay.”
Max sobbed. He felt so far away. But as more colors and shapes formed in her vision, Lucas’ face eventually joined them, and she could more clearly feel his hands on her – stroking her hair, holding her hand.
“Shh. Look at me, baby.”
“Lucas, I can’t – help me – ”
“Max,” his voice had become very low and calm. “You’re here with me and you’re safe. Okay? Breathe. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”
Max locked her vision onto his face. Her anchor. Her lifeline. She felt her chest and stomach start to loosen as she gazed at him, felt her heartbeat start to slow. Lucas continued to run his hand over her hair.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I had to call the ambulance. You were gonna bleed out.”
“Is that why…I hurt?”
Lucas nodded, and she could see a shadow behind his eyes.
“I woke up and our bed was just…soaked. With blood. Doctors said it was a postpartum hemorrhage.”
Postpartum hemorrhage. Max could tell she was coming back into consciousness by her ability to understand the words Lucas was saying. That, and the pain in her nether regions which was increasing by the minute.
“Where’s Charlotte?”
“She’s completely fine. I called Vickie and Robin, and they’re with the kids.”
Max felt some of the tightness in her chest ease.
“So…when can we go home?”
“In a few hours, once you’re stabilized.”
“Stabilized?”
Lucas’ voice wavered on his next words.
“They said in order to stop the bleeding, they had to do surgery. Um…they did a hysterectomy.”
Max let her hand run down toward her lower belly, and she felt a few layers of bandages.
A hysterectomy. It didn’t hit her quite as hard as she thought it would. Perhaps if she had just given birth to their first child instead of their fourth, it might have felt different. There was still a quiet sense of loss, of something being taken.
“Well,” she gave a weak chuckle. “I guess we have enough kids already.”
Max watched Lucas’ eyes start to fill with tears, and he leaned forward, burying his face right below her ribs. She felt his chest start to shake, heard him start to sniffle.
“I didn’t mean to sound insensitive,” she apologized at once. “I’m sorry we can’t have more babies.”
“No, it’s not that,” he sniffled, then a fresh round of sobs started. When he spoke again, Lucas’ voice was thick with tears, muffled by her hospital gown.
“I thought I lost you again.”
Max rested her hands on the back of his head.
“You didn’t lose me,” she whispered. “I’m still here.”
Lucas raised his head to look at her, and she wiped the tears from his face. Max couldn’t surmise how much of his own trauma had been reawakened by this. She would have to check in with him later about it. Her own brain was barely functional at this point. Max tried to lighten the mood instead.
“Well, hey. Now I don’t have to worry about getting periods anymore. Not that I probably would have had them for much longer.”
The subject change did seem to help, and as Lucas straightened up slightly, he no longer looked burdened for the moment.
“Good point.”
Max’s thumbs stroked his cheeks.
“I think there’s another added benefit we should consider.”
“Oh? And what’s that?”
“We can have sex without me getting pregnant again.”
His eyebrows raised slightly.
“I had…not thought about that.”
“Well, that’s assuming my body will eventually put itself back together.”
Lucas leaned forward and kissed her neck.
“I’ll take whatever parts of your body I can get.”
“First of all, ew. Second of all, we can’t have sex now. We’re in a public hospital, and you’ll literally destroy what’s left of me.”
“Yes, I will,” he mumbled, grinning.
Max shoved him away, shaking her head.
“All right, Don Juan. Sit down and cool off.”
Lucas raised his hands, chuckling.
“Okay, I yield.”
A flash of white caught Max’s eye as he took his seat again, and she suddenly realized Lucas had a bandage around the crook of his elbow.
“What happened to your arm?”
“You needed blood,” Lucas responded. “So I offered mine.”
Of course he had. Lucas, her best friend, her husband…he would give his soul for her. Giving his blood would be second nature by comparison. It was a very Lucas thing to do. Max said nothing, but took his hand and pressed a kiss to it in thanks. Then she flattened back against the hospital bed.
“Remember when you told me a long time ago you were done with hospitals? Well, just always assume that no matter how done you are with them, I’m always a hundred times more done. I wanna go home.”
“If I didn’t think that we’d pop all your stitches open, I’d go to the nurses right now and insist we leave. But I promise you, as soon as we can leave, we will.”
Though Max wanted to be back in her own bed, back in her safe environment, her chief reason for missing home was the kids. Especially the baby. Charlotte’s sweet face swam into her mind, and all at once Max felt a sense of consternation.
“I’m not gonna be able to get up for a while,” she noted. “I still have to be there for Charlotte. I don’t want our bond to be affected.”
Lucas seemed to sense her sudden anxiety.
“We’ll figure out a system,” he reassured her. “Don’t worry. You’ll get plenty of time with her.”
“I need to see her. I just wanna see her.”
Lucas was interrupted in his response by one of the nurses, who poked her head in.
“Sir, visiting hours are ending soon. You can come back in the morning.”
Lucas raised a hand, to show he had heard.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” Max told him.
“I’ll bring the kids in the morning. I promise.”
She gave him a nod, and Lucas gave her a brief kiss before turning and walking toward the door. Leaving her in a dark, unfamiliar room.
The nurse who had dismissed him addressed her.
“Do you need anything, ma’am?”
“Something for sleep,” Max implored. “Anything. Please.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
As the nurse left the room, her steps fading away, Max closed her eyes.
Praying, somehow, for some sleep tonight.
Morning brought soreness and uneasiness.
Being a nurse herself, Max was compliant and polite with her morning nurse. It would do no good to unload her problems onto them. They wouldn’t understand how hospitals made her feel like she was trapped inside an invisible box. They did her vitals and gave her pain meds. They had not allowed her to take anything additional for sleep the previous night since she had already taken oxycodone. As Max soon discovered, it wasn’t needed. Once the oxycodone hit, sleep had soon followed.
This morning, however, Max had woken up anxious. She was able to beg the nurses for half a hydroxyzine. Just to take the edge off. Max could tell having to stay the night in the hospital had caused absolute chaos in her brain. She’d been practicing deep breathing all morning. Mentally reminding herself she was safe. When the hydroxyzine had finally worked its way through her system, Max reminded herself that the kids were coming. She would get to hug and kiss her children soon.
About an hour after Max had woken up, around ten o’clock, Lucas finally arrived, peering his head in through the door. To Max’s pleasant surprise, Robin was with him. They had all four kids in tow; Lucas with the older three, and Robin with Lottie nestled in her arms.
“You’re looking a little ragged,” Max said as Lucas leaned down to kiss her.
“Robin and Vickie’s couch wasn’t the most comfortable, but it was less their couch and more my long legs.”
“We have the comfiest couch known to man,” Robin added as she approached. “It just isn’t Lucas-sized.”
Christine was first to reach Max’s bed, and she slowly climbed up onto the mattress before hugging Max tightly.
“Mama, you scared me,” she mumbled into Max’s hospital gown. Max clung onto her, rubbing her back.
“I know. I was scared too. But the doctors took very good care of me, and now I’m feeling a lot better.”
She planted a kiss in her daughter’s dark curls. “I love you.”
Christine nuzzled against Max’s chest. Miles and Louis crawled into Max’s hospital bed with Lucas’ help. Miles, unable to get very close due to Christine, lay his head on Max’s shoulder.
“Come home, mama,” he demanded as Max leaned over to kiss him.
“I will as soon as I can, baby. I promise. I love you.”
Louis had wedged himself into her other side, burying his face in Max’s hospital gown and crying unabashedly.
“It’s okay to cry,” Max soothed him, stroking his gingery hair and planting a kiss on his head. “It’s okay. Cry as much as you need to. I love you.”
“He threw up this morning before we left,” Lucas noted as he drew closer, his eyes soft as he watched Louis. “I think he’s just really upset.”
Max nodded, to show she’d heard. Louis had always been her most sensitive child. She knew the conversation with Lucas was looming. She wanted to get Louis tested for ADHD and autism. Max was fairly convinced by this point that he had one, the other, or both. It wasn’t that Lucas wouldn’t be supportive, because he definitely would, but he might not understand the far-reaching implications of it.
She heard Charlotte start to wail from Robin’s arms. No doubt she’d been disturbed by the sound of Louis crying. Max’s stomach clenched with anxiety. Would their skin-to-skin bonding be impacted by her brief absence? Would Lottie now struggle to bond with her?
Robin bounced Lottie a little.
“You want your mama, don’t you?” she cooed.
Max reached her arms out toward Robin.
“I wanna see her.”
“Christine, get off the bed for a minute so your mother can hold Lottie,” Lucas instructed her.
“I want to hold her too,” Christine replied.
“You’ll get a chance to hold her at some point, but mama gets her first. Off the bed, please. Boys, you too.”
Pouting slightly, Christine climbed down off the bed, going to sit in one of the visitor chairs. Miles went to sit in the chair next to her. Lucas picked up Louis and held him on his hip as Louis snuggled into his father’s shoulder. Robin came over to the bed at once and gently deposited Charlotte into Max’s waiting arms. Max uncovered the baby from her bundle and immediately placed Lottie on her bare chest, underneath her hospital gown.
“It’s okay,” She whispered, making sure Lottie was covered by the blanket. “I’m here now. Shh.”
Lottie continued to fuss. Max shot Lucas a worried glance.
“Keep talking to her,” he suggested. “Make sure she feels your hands.”
Max cradled Lottie’s head in her hand, continuing her gentle consolation. Almost immediately after doing this, Lottie’s cries started to calm, and Max’s eyes filled with tears of relief as the baby finally started to relax against her. Her tiny hand curled against Max’s skin.
“She cried on and off most of last night,” Robin noted, and Max was suddenly aware of the dark circles under her eyes. “We bounced her, gave her a bottle, sang to her, talked to her…nothing. Vic finally managed to get her to sleep a little bit - some totally genius nurse trick - but even that only worked for a short time. This is the first time she’s really been calm.”
Max felt her lungs expand in relief.
“My Charlotte,” she whispered into Lottie’s hair. “Mama’s here, baby. I love you. I love you.”
Robin was beaming down at them, her eyes slightly misty.
“Max, if you end up in the hospital again, I think your husband’s gonna stroke out from stress.”
“Well, as I told my husband…I’m trying my best to stay out of hospitals. Should be a little easier now that I’ve had my last baby.”
“God willing. Oh, speaking of…I told Vickie I’d call her when I got here…”
Robin fished her phone from her pocket and tapped the screen. It rang twice before there was an answer.
“Vic? Hey, babe. I’m here with Max and Lucas at the hospital. Hang on…”
She pressed the speakerphone button on her screen.
“Okay, you’re on speaker.”
Vickie’s voice filled the space.
“Max, you okay?”
“Yeah,” Max replied. “They had to do a hysterectomy.”
“I heard. But hopefully they could get you the dissolving internal stitches so you don’t have an open wound. What pain meds did they give you?”
“Oxycodone, but I’m only gonna take it if I need to.”
“I swear, they give that shit out like candy. Tylenol should work just as well. If not better.”
Max grinned.
“Critiquing the doctors’ work, Vic?”
“Only because I never trust them. They’re doing right by you or I’m marching in there and threatening malpractice.”
Robin smiled fondly as Vickie continued.
“Well, Lottie got formula from one of us every two to three hours last night, and she was fed right before Lucas and Robin left, so don’t worry about that. You’re good for at least another hour or two. She’s also been changed twice.”
Max felt a smile blooming onto her face before she could stop it. She never wanted to take her friends’ support for granted. And this was one of those times where it meant the most. Who else would have just taken all four of her kids on a moment’s notice?
“Thank you. Truly.”
The Sinclairs were home before sunset that day.
Max was ordered to bed at once, and she was only too happy to oblige. Once she was up and moving, the pain from her recent procedure became all the more noticeable. The kids were excited to have her home, constantly gamboling around her to the point where Lucas had to provide some gentle boundaries so Max could rest.
The mattress had been stripped and cleaned. A faint smell of what Max assumed was peroxide or baking soda still hung in the air, but otherwise, it was almost as if no blood had been present at any point. As Max got comfortable in the bed, Lucas brought Lottie to her, along with a peanut butter sandwich in a bag and a bottle of water.
“If you want to feed her up here, I’ll give the kids dinner.”
Max nodded at him, and within minutes, Lottie was nursing.
And so, the Sinclair house was reasonably quiet for an hour or two while everyone ate and regrouped. After Lottie had finished eating, Max gently burped her before she dozed off.
A quiet knock sounded on the door.
“Come in.”
Christine poked her head around the door.
“Can I hold the baby?”
“Where’s dad?”
“He’s coming. Miles and Louis are coming too.”
Max nodded, patting the bed next to her.
“If you can climb up here quietly, then yes. You may.”
Christine followed suit, sitting next to Max and Lottie.
“Do you remember how to do this?” Max inquired.
“I have to hold her head up.”
“Yes. Here…”
As Lucas and the boys quietly entered the room, Max adjusted Christine’s arms so that Lottie’s head rested in the crook of her elbow. Lottie squirmed slightly but remained calm. Christine gazed down at her, wonder and awe and emotion mixing in her expression.
“She’s my sister,” she whispered.
Max exchanged a quiet smile with Lucas.
“Yes,” she agreed. “That’s your sister.”
“She’s so small.”
“Even smaller than you were,” Lucas added, as the boys climbed up on the bed.
Christine looked at Max inquisitively.
“How small can babies be?”
“A healthy size is about seven to ten pounds.”
“How small was I?”
“Eight pounds, four ounces.”
“What about Lottie?”
“Right under seven pounds.”
“Oh,” Christine turned her gaze back on Lottie. “Does that mean she’s not healthy?”
“She’s fine, honey. Just small.”
Miles and Louis both drew up near Christine and Max. Neither one seemed sure how to react; in fact, Miles looked apprehensive about the whole thing, which was very unusual for him. Max beckoned him forward.
“You can hold her next if you want to,” Max offered.
Miles shook his head, shrinking away. Louis moved up closer.
“I want to.”
After a few more minutes, Max enlisted Lucas’ help in transitioning Lottie from Christine’s arms to Louis’. Lucas sat behind Louis, his hands around Louis’ arms to ensure he was holding Lottie correctly.
As Lottie stirred and opened her eyes, Louis simply stared at her. Max could see the gears turning in his head. Studying his baby sister. Wanting to understand how nine months in Max’s belly had created what he saw before him. They’d have the conversation soon enough. Max was sure he’d ask lots of questions.
Louis reached out and touched her dark hair.
“I think she likes us,” he observed.
“I think so too,” Max encouraged him. “You can talk to her if you want to.”
He gave her a quizzical look.
“She can’t talk. Or listen.”
“But I’m sure Lottie would like to hear your voice. Even if she can’t understand what you’re saying.”
Louis gave Lottie a half-smile.
“We’ll help you learn words,” he reassured her.
As their other kids gathered around Lottie and Louis, Max felt Lucas slip an arm around her middle. She squeezed him.
“They’re gonna be so much trouble together,” he murmured near her ear.
Max grinned.
“Well. They’re definitely our kids.”