Chapter Text
Leviticus 18:22
“You shall not lie with a male as with a woman, it is an abomination"
Ever since Whitaker was little, that’s all he heard. His parents would repeat this to him daily. So Whitaker would repeat it daily to himself.
Every morning and night, he would get on his knees and pray for forgiveness. He couldn’t help it, he was attracted to men. He hated it, so so much.
He was disgusted by himself. If he could wish for anything, he would wish to be normal.
He wishes he was normal so his parents would take him back. For them to love him again, to pray for him again.
It was 7 Am and the ER was already buzzing. Dozens of patients were stacked in the hallways of the hospital to make up for the lack of rooms. People arguing with nurses, people arguing with their kids, it was like this most mornings unfortunately.
Whitaker tiredly, tapped his code into his locker until he heard that dreadful beep that signified the start of his shift. He opened it and spotted a rosary shoved to one side, it must’ve fallen out of his coat pocket the day before. He scooped it up and slid it into his scrub pocket, before shoving his rucksack in and shutting the door.
He made his way to the nurses station to pick up his first patient of the day, that’s when he saw Robby.
He swallowed hard before gripping the rosary in his pocket, he tried to push away all the sinful feelings he had. It never entirely worked.
He hesitantly walked closer to him, he was trying to get a view of the patient board without disturbing Robby and Dana’s conversation. But as he walked past Robby, they made eye contact.
Whitakers heart skipped a beat, so he instantly averted his eyes and looked up at the patient board. He could still feel his eyes on him.
”Good morning Whitaker, how are you?” Robby asked leaning onto the counter in front of him. Whitaker shot his eyes back towards Robby, hearing him say his name caused butterflies to erupt in his stomach. Disgusting. Why was he feeling that, he’s his boss, he’s a man.
”Uh yeah, fine.” His response was delayed, he tried to brush over it, make it seem like he was just tiered. But clearly Robby could see straight through him.
“You’re with Joy and Olgilvie again today, sorry kid but no one else really wants to do it. Plus you’ve seemed to warmed to them a lot more than the rest of us.” Robby chuckled. “Well with joy that is.” Everyone knew Ogilvie was always trying to compete with people, at the moment he was trying to outshine Whitaker since he’d caught on that he was Robby’s favourite. But the problem was, Whitaker wasn’t competing, so his competition is himself.
”Great, another full day of hearing those two bickering.” Whitaker copied Robby and leant on the nurses station head in hands. He soon felt a hand find its way to his shoulder, it almost made Whitaker hurl butterflies.
Robby had a habit of placing his hand of Whitakers shoulders or the back of his neck. He hated to admit it but it made him feel secure.
”Have fun.” Robby chuckled as he patted he shoulder and walked off. Great, now he had to find the two med students. Hopefully they’ve already killed each other so he doesn’t have to deal with them.
“Hey! Stop arguing, please.” Recently Joy and olgilvie have just been nonstop arguing. Olgilvie just doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, always bringing up stuff that he knows will get on joys nerves.
The patient was this elderly man, he didn’t understand why the two just started bickering for no reason. Initially he thought it was his fault for brining up how he was planning on starting a business. The elderly man couldn’t hear very well, so he didn’t understand why they were arguing.
They were arguing because Olgilvie brought up that he doesn’t like elderly people. For the old man’s sake, Whitaker was glad he couldn’t hear very well. This ticked Joy off, she started an entire debate with him, and rightly so. What Ogilvie said was completely wrong.
”Everything ok in here?” Robby asked leaning on the door frame, he’d clearly heard all the arguing from down the hall. He didn’t look impressed.
“Everything’s fine Dr Robby.” Ogilvie spoke over Joy as she was trying to finish their argument. He always wanted to make Joy seem like the instigator in the situation.
”I wasn’t asking you, I was asking Dr Whitaker.” Robby responded, he didn’t say it in any harsh manner. He only said it because it was the truth. He didn’t care what Ogilvie had to say.
”Apart from these two arguing, yeah. Mr Mead here is free to go.” Whitaker explained, gaining full attention from Robby.
“Good job.” Robby nodded, his eyes lingered on Whitaker before turning and looking at the two med students. The more he looked at Ogilvie the more annoyed he got. He then took his leave.
Whitaker seemed to be in a trance as Robby walked out, he was only focused on Robby.
“Erm.. Dr Whitaker? You ok there?” Ogilvie snapped Whitaker out of the trance that he didn’t even realise he was in. It made him incredibly uncomfortable, realising he was just mesmerised by what Robby said.
Whitaker took out the rosary from his pocket and slid it around his neck. He thought that it would help keep his thoughts and feelings at bay.
”Yeah, sorry about that. Let’s go find another patient.” Whitaker tried his best to change the subject, he didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea.
Last time it got out that he supposedly like a man, was back home. Although it was just a rumour, his parents lost all respect in him and started ignoring him, as if he wasn’t part of the family. Even though he was only just 11.
Their next patient was a middle aged woman, she had been complaining about a chest pain for a while. She claimed that it came and went.
Whitaker immediately ordered for an ECG and blood test to rule out any serious issues. And just like before Joy and Ogilvie started arguing.
”I’m just saying, you don’t seem like you want to be in this line of work.” Ogilvie stated, crossing his arms to make him seem more assertive when it only makes him look more stupid.
”I might not seem it, but you definitely aren’t suited to work here. I mean on your first day you almost killed someone with a small shard of glass.” Joy snapped back.
The comment stuck with Whitaker. He remembers his first day, he remembers the first patient he lost. His first day haunts him, even 10 months later.
Before Ogilvie can respond, the machines start sounding this deafening alarm.
The woman was having a heart attack.
Before Whitaker knew it she had flat lined and he was on top of her doing CPR. He yelled at Joy to go get help and she sprinted off. It wasn’t even 8 AM Whitaker couldn’t loose a patient, he couldn’t.
He heard Robby voice echo from behind him, he was shouting orders. People were scrambling around everywhere trying to save this woman. But Ogilvie just stood and watched, he was useless.
In the end they couldn’t save her, she passed away. She only came in with slight pain, she probably wasn’t expecting to die. But then again, who is.
”Whitaker, what happened?” Robby was slightly frustrated. Usually heart attacks can be treated with the right medication to prevent it until a more permanent treatment is needed. He was confused on how Whitaker, someone who is so thorough, could miss something like this.
“I ordered the test, I was just waiting on them and she…” Whitaker ran a hand down his face. He then felt a hand rest itself on his shoulder, there was a very subtle rubbing motion. It comforted Whitaker.
But soon that comfort would be ruined. Whitaker looked towards the woman, however, someone caught his eye. Olgilvie. He was staring directly at Whitaker, eyebrows furrowed.