Chapter Text
Shane knew Ilya. Even when they were ‘rivals’, Shane had spent hours studying the man, his expressions, his strategies, the persona he liked to show off. Now, after almost three years together, Shane knew Ilya better than Ilya knew himself.
Ilya was loud and boisterous, and declarative. He had been ready to proclaim their love to the world the day they’d gotten together. It was always Shane who had held him back for the reasonable fear of what the world would do to them. Now that their relationship was steady and Ilya’s visa situation had been resolved, Shane was ready to fight the world with Ilya by his side. He thought Ilya would have been excited, thrilled even. That’s why when Ilya spent the meeting where they drafted their coming out announcements pretty much silent, he knew something was wrong.
“Baby, if you aren’t ready, we don’t have to do this,” Shane said at breakfast the next morning.
“I’ve been ready, Hollender. Been waiting for you to catch up.” The emptiness in his words gave him away instantly.
“Ilya… What’s going on in your head?”
Ilya stubbornly shook his head. “You will not like it. I am fine. We do the announcement tomorrow.”
“I can take care of myself,” Shane said, his anger rising. “You can’t just keep things from me because I may have a different opinion than you!”
Ilya looked away, mumbling, “I want to go to Russia.”
Shane froze. “What?”
“See, I told you you won’t like it.”
Shane stood up, going around to stand behind his boyfriend, placing his hands on Ilya’s shoulders. “Hey, no,” Shane said, gently. “I wanna understand what’s going on. You’ve never expressed wanting to go in the past three years. It’s just unlike you.”
Shane caught the slight quiver of Ilya’s lips, panic jolting through his own body. He forced himself to calm down, knowing if he reacted badly, Ilya would just shut down again.
“Ilya,” Shane said, gently, placing a kiss on his hair. “You can go to Russia. It’s your home. I’m not going to stop you. I just wanna know where this is coming from.”
Ilya harshly wiped the tears that began to fall. “Once we do this— once we come out, I can never go back. I do not miss Russia. You are my home now. But my mama is buried there. I won’t see her resting place again.”
Shane took a sharp breath. His arms snaked forward, squeezing Ilya into a hug. He kissed Ilya on the forehead and stepped back. Shane grabbed his phone from the table and called Farrah. “Hey, we need to postpone the announcement.”
Ilya shot up, his eyes trained on Shane in surprise.
“Hello to you too, Shane.” came the reply.
“Sorry.”
She chuckled. “It’s okay. What’s going on? Getting cold feet?”
“No!” Shane was quick to say. He glanced at his boyfriend who was staring at him in bewilderment. Shane gave him a small, reassuring smile. “Ilya wants to go to Russia one last time.”
“Oh,” Farrah said softly. “Yeah, totally get it. I’ll cancel the posts right now. Let me know when you want the tickets booked. And if you’re going, you’ll need a visa.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep you updated.” Shane disconnected the call.
Ilya folded his hands on the table, placing his head between them as his body began to shake. Immediately, Shane strode over, stroking his back in comfort. Ilya turned, burying his face in Shane’s stomach. Shane held on, letting his boyfriend fall apart.