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Jake is surprised. For once, things actually started out well today.
When he woke up to his giggling children this morning, already getting ready to go god knows where with the chiefs kids, he only grumbled something along the lines of “be careful and watch out for each other", before letting them be on their way.
Awake now, he slips carefully out of the hammock and his wife’s embrace, and steps out of their marui to look out at the reef.
Things are still calm at this time of day.
The sun is rising slowly on the reef this morning, only slightly hidden beneath some clouds that promise for relieving shade during the hot afternoon hours later.
The wind is blowing perfect, gentle breezes that cool his damp skin, while still soft enough to not disturb the shiny surface of the ocean too much. Right now, it looks just like a mirror, reflecting the purples and reds of the early morning sky.
A quiet sigh of relief escapes him, and he feels a knot in his stomach loosen just slightly. It is still there, and it is painful and horrifying, but it relaxes a bit in that moment.
They are going to be okay. Out here in this new place, they are going to build a new home for themselves.
The beauty of it all is beginning to remind him of his first days on pandora, back when he had just begun getting to know this foreign world. He had struggled, but he had made it work. And now, he is learning to adapt once again, learning to view a new place as home.
Their children are adjusting, his family is learning to make themselves useful to the village.
They could make it.
Only a few minutes later, Tonowari promptly decides that some hunters are going to fish a bit further out at sea, to make use of this good weather. He had been hesitant to let Jake come along for these occasions, but he also realizes that the man is going to lose it if he is left alone in the village, with nothing to do but sit around braiding baskets.
So when he agrees now, Jake is buzzing with excitement at the prospect of actually getting to do something useful. “Thank you, Tonowari. I’ll get Neytiri and we’ll be ready in-“
“Are you sure your wife is ready to come along with us?”, the Chief interrupts him, his tone gentle but tense in a way that made Jake pause.
“What? Of course she is, she’s the most competent hunter I know-“
“She has not hunted out in the water with the others yet, Jake. She has not learned to ride a skimwing, and the ikran she flies with might scare off the fish-“
Jake feels his ears twitch, and closes his eyes for a second to calm his nerves. He knows that the man had a point, Neytiri had definitely been struggling the most out of all of them with the recent changes. And as chief, Tonowari was the one who made final decisions here, but…
“But maybe it will work out. Come on, let us try it out at least once”, he nearly begs.
Tonowari still seems unsure, but his gaze softens at the obvious desperation in Jake’s voice. He respects Toruk Makto’s dedication to his wife. It reminds him of himself sometimes.
“Alright. We will give it a try.”
He immediately goes to get Neytiri, but cannot find her in their marui. Next, he goes looking for Ronal, hoping his wife might be with the tribes tsahìk, but the woman has also not seen her.
A familiar flicker of fear is beginning to burn under his skin, making him grow restless. She had still been there when he left to find Tonowari, hadn’t she? She had just been waking up.
When he realizes that Sa’ata was not at the village either, he knows that their little fishing trip would have to wait. He quickly finds Tonowari to excuse himself, who nods in understanding and offers him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Something about his gaze makes Jake uncomfortable. It is somehow knowing, and sorrowful in a way that makes his heart feel heavy.
He doesn’t dwell on it too much, doesn’t have the time to, and quickly calls for Bob. Soon they are rising high over the reef and its neighboring forest, in hopes of recognizing a flash of a wing, a strand of braided hair in the wind.
Nothing. the world might as well still be asleep.
He sighs, mumbling under his breath while scanning the horizon.
“Come on baby, where did you go?”
It takes him twenty minutes to finally find a trace of her. Might as well have been days he spent looking, with how drained he feels. The uncertainty is what makes it so terrible.
He hears a shriek, undoubtedly Neytiris Ikran. Even Bob recognizes it, diving down into the forest towards it, without Jake even having to do anything. Or maybe he is so focused on finding his wife that his ikran moves automatically, through tsaheylu. The powers of it still have him at a loss for words sometimes.
When they land on a small clearing between the trees, Jakes gaze immediately falls on Sa’ata. She is sitting on a tree trunk near the ground, slightly hidden between some big leaves and glowing plants. She seems to be waiting calmly, but there was no Neytiri in sight. Still, Jake’s heart rate calms down a bit. If her ikran is here, this calm and composed, Neytiri was not far away, and ah was not hurt.
“Neytiri? Baby where are you?”, he whisper-shouts, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to himself. You never know what creatures might be lurking around. His first encounter with a palulukan had been enough to teach him that lesson.
‘Well, Neytiri wouldn’t struggle with that’, a little voice in his head offers, making him smile fondly. She really is a glorious woman. The first Palulukan Makto.
His thoughts are interrupted by a sudden flash of blue, right in front of him, and he stumbles back in surprise. A yelp escapes him, before he realizes that it was his wife who had jumped out of a tree, right in front of his feet.
“Ma Jake.”
“Neytiri! Baby are you okay?”
He races forward, hands grazing softly over her body, checking for any injuries. She seems to be unharmed, thank God. She is standing tall, bow in hand, looking at him through alert eyes.
“I’ve been looking for you! You can’t just run off on me like that, without any word!”
Her eyes shift towards the ground, and he feels a sudden stiffness to her posture. “I did not mean to scare you”, she offers, not making eye contact.
Something about this feels off.
“Are you okay? Neytiri, what is going on? What were you even doing out here?”
His hands are resting on her shoulders, and he feels them tense. Then, she turns around and steps away from him.
“I wanted to get some fresh air. Do some hunting”, she replies, her back towards him.
“Well, I was just about to come get you, for a hunt out at sea with the others. We could get some great hunting done-“
“I don’t swim.”
“…Well, you could take sa’ata-“
Neytiri interrupts him, voice sharp:
“I hunt in the forest! It is what I can do, what I am good at.”
Her hands run gently over her father’s bow in her hand, head hanging low. He still doesn’t see her face.
Jake’s eyes narrow. He feels a little unsure about how to handle this.
“But we don’t know this forest baby, and it might be dangerous for one person alone. And the metkayina hunt-“
Neytiri whips around again, eyes wide open. He sees that they are filled with tears now.
“I am not metkayina, Jake! I do not swim, I do not dive!”
She groans, hot anger in her voice.
“These people, they do not think I am capable. And it is true, down there I am not!”
Jake winces, holding his hands out in a hopefully calming gesture. “You heard what Tonowari said, is that it? Baby he didn’t mean it like that-“
A choked sob escapes her now, and Jake feels his heart practically break in two at the sight.
“I do not belong here, Ma Jake. I simply do not!”
“Neytiri, you are being too hard on yourself-“
She shuts him up with one move of her hand.
“Jake. I see our children laugh and play with the others, and I am relieved. I see you in the waters, learning to ride the water creatures, and I feel proud.”
She takes a deep breath, voice shaky.
“But I cannot follow you in these things.”
Jakes fingers twitch, the urge to grab her overbearing, to hug her and tell her it will all be okay. But he feels like anything he says or does might spook her off. And he has a feeling she isn’t done yet.
So he waits, and just looks at her, eyes wide.
She takes a deep breath, before burying her head in her hands.
“I tell myself I can do it, that I am strong and will succeed for this family. But…”
She looks up at him now, face twisted in inner turmoil.
“But I simply don’t know how. I feel like I am losing myself. And it scares me, Jake, because I-“
He steps forward now, and encloses her in a deep hug. The moment he embraces her, she stiffens, but then her shaking hands close around his back too. They are gripping like her life depends on it, like she thinks she will fall to her death if she lets go. And then she cries, quietly. He only holds her, strokes her head softly, murmurs sweet nothings in her ear. Whether she hears and registers what he is saying Jake doesn’t know, but he does it anyways. And although he tries to hide it, his own eyes fill with tears too. Out of grief for his wife’s happiness, her comfort and peace. But also out of a deep, personal sense of grief. Grief for their old home, their clan, their family and friends they had to leave behind. Their life they had built up together, with so much love and care, that was ripped away from them so violently.
So for a few minutes they just stand there, holding onto each other.
Eventually, Neytiris frame stops shaking, and her crying subsides. She stills in his arms, before bringing some distance between the two of them to look her husband in the face. Her own is stained with tears, and her eyes shine in the soft sunlight that reaches through the dense trees.
She looks hauntingly beautiful, and Jake is battling the urge to kiss her, to try and make it better somehow, even though he knows he could not. Another part of him wants to punch some poor tree in an attempt to let out his frustration, this anger about the world that dared make Neytiri feel hurt.
And like always, he pushes down the little voice in his head that whispers that he is to blame for this.
Jake lifts his hand, caressing Neytiris cheek gently. She closes her eyes, shaking her head slowly.
“I miss it, Jake. Our home.”
His heart aches, and he knows that his face shows. And although he wants to be strong for her, he realizes that he can’t, not in this situation.
“I know”, he offers softly.
“I miss my mother”
“I know”
“I miss our family, our friends.”
“I know, baby”
“I miss dancing, singing our songs together”
“I know”
“‘My forest, Jake. My home, I miss it. Everything here is different, and I miss our home”, she finishes with a choked sob.
For a moment he is quiet, because the words he wants to say are stuck in his throat. And because he knows he can’t keep the tremble out of his own voice anymore.
“I know. I miss it too”, he replies, voice quiet and shaky, his eyes filling with tears.
Neytiris ears perk up, and she studies his face now, alert.
“… I felt like you were getting used to all this much faster than me”, she wonders.
“I am not, trust me. I am trying, but that does not mean that I don’t miss what we had before”
Neytiri sobs again, visibly frustrated now. Jake gently lifts up her chin with his hand, their eyes on each other.
“Neytiri, listen. What we’re doing here, it’s not easy. And I know it might not look like it, but I am struggling too”
She remains silent. But her tense expression eases out just slightly.
“You don’t have to swim, and dive, and hunt with the others the way they do. You can go at your pace, and figure out your own way of doing things. They know that we learned things differently, and they will learn to live with that”
Neytiri still seems unsure, but the spark has returned to her eyes.
“I don’t think Ronal likes it when I do things my own way”, she offers pointedly.
Jake can’t help the soft laugh that escapes him at that.
The two women are both fierce, proud, incredibly strong willed. Similar in more ways than they would want to admit aloud. That’s what makes it the most difficult.
“You two will work something out baby. Just give it some time.“
Neytiri sighs, and nods slightly.
“I will try.”
She reaches for his hand and squeezes, reassurance in the gesture. She seems to have collected herself a bit.
“But I have a request, if you ask this of me”, she notes, a peculiar tone to her voice that makes Jake’s ears twitch with curiosity.
“Is that so?”
Neytiri only turns around, walking slowly towards sa’ata, still sitting on a tree trunk. His wife’s hips sway softly from side to side, the movement of her tail hypnotic.
“I wish for our Date Nights to continue here. I am sure Bob and Sa’ata miss it greatly”, she says, all casual and composed. But the tone of her voice has lowered, and her heavy gaze finds his.
Jake smiles. His heart beats faster, and he is quick to call for his own ikran to go wherever his wife so wishes right now.
All these years, and she still manages to turn him into an absolute idiot with just a whip of her tail.
“I think that will be manageable. Will try my best for sure”
“You better”, she smiles cheekily, before rising into the air with sa’ata.
Jake looks after her for a moment, the morning sun illuminating Neytiri like she is essence of life itself. Him and the sun agreee on that, then.
Jake follows her soon after with a yelp towards Bob. And while flying after his wife, the treeline beneath them glowing in the light of the morning, one thought in his mind calms all his doubts and fears: They would be okay.