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Today Willy appeared on the girl next door’s doorstep to give her some basic tips on fishing, since, apparently, she hasn't been fishing since he gave her the rod on her second day in Stardew Valley. Banarcle clad ladies man. Of course she hasn't gone fishing, you old coot, her talents lie in the metaphysical disciplines. I saw from my perch on top of my tower, saw with some satisfaction, that the training rod he gifted her immediately went into her whitewashed shipping bin. I must come up with filler for the next letter. Something to draw her in. Perhaps another mysterious offer of help? Let me sweeten the deal with a mushroom or two.
🌲🍄🌲
Sending a mushroom in the mail is very fiddly, even for a wizard. I had to squish it in. It's one of my favourite purple mushrooms too. Hopefully the farmer (farmeress?) understands the clue and gives it back to me. Surely she will, in all these years none of the drabs round here have managed to speak to the junimos roosting in that broken down old ruin perched above town. Anyway, time to polish my letter:
Farmer, you possess great but harnessed talents in the magical arts. Won't you pay me a visit, again? I have much that I might teach you…
P.S, I promise not to poison you this time. And here, have a mushroom.
-M.Rasmodius, Wizard
A little bit of flattery, a little bit of indication that I do not utterly detest her presence. A magic mushroom. There is no way she will refuse such an invitation.
🌲🍄🌲
Two weeks. Two weeks before the door to my chambers is flung open by a girl in a tuna shirt and layered blue skirt, her black hair all a mess with twigs and bird droppings, axe in left hand, ancient basket slung over her right forearm. Her terrifying red eyes pin me to my cauldron like one of the butterflies I've spied her collecting in the forest.
“Farmer, you've come.” I make no mention of the time discrepancy. She's a very busy woman after all, single-handedly running a gigantic farm all by herself in between fetching and carrying for the three towns in the area. I also offer her no mushroom cake, since I dropped it on the floor just this morning. It's fine for me, but I would never attempt to woo a woman with such a thing. I've learnt that terrible lesson.
“Sorry I'm late.” The farmer doesn't elaborate as to what exactly has been keeping her away, but I need not ask the question, since I've been conducting a full-scale spy operation ever since she arrived in the valley, if not before. I need to get to her before that old water dandy, Aguatros, does. The scientist has been sending her Ridge totems, an ominous sign.
“You have a little spell to teach me? Is it face changing?” she offers me the mushroom I stuffed in the mail.
“No. Drink this.” A goblet full of pine needles and moss all blended into mush with the essence of fairy is offered to the little woman, by me. Sadly, she does possess a flaw, and that is leaping face first into everything, no matter what it is or who's offering whatever dubious thing to her. As before, she simply drinks the potion because I tell her too. Only this time, instead of experiencing visions of dancing trees, she turns into a tiny black bunny.
🌲🍄🌲
“Believe it or not, but this was not my intent.” I say, to the bunny snuffling her tiny pink nose at me. Holding her under the armpits makes her even more adorable, but I dare not bring her too close to my face lest she bite my nose off. The farmer is violent, every night I've watched her slay the armies of bats and zombies which pop up on her farm as soon as the sun sets.
Bringing out the ol’ crystal rabbit hutch and changing the bedding, I placed the bunny in it with some fresh greens. The farmer immediately began munching on a carrot, tiny ears laid on her back contentedly. I suppose I should brew an antidote lest young Sebastian not receive trout for his bad knee.