Work Text:
Scribe: Lucia Wallace Date: 01/09/16 Notes: opened with an awful wailing and sound of metal claws against a chalk board.
*static* ... and that was the end of that. We made it. Thank smiling god we made it. And we will never speak of it, again.
Great. Boring news DONE. Now I have some exciting news, some wonderful news. Listeners I am proud to say that today I became… a father. Yesterday evening, whilst Carlos and I were enjoying a leisurely brunch, we were both struck dumb by an apparition. A planet of enormous size and dark turbulent oceans lit by no sun. And in that moment of terrifying engagement I felt a kick and a pain in my abdomen. When we came back to our senses Carlos was still terrified but I was prepared. I was writhing on the floor in pain the whites of my eyes completely blocked out by my grown pupils, but I was ready.
We went to hail a cab to go to the hospital, but instead were met by a black Sudan. Out of it emerged a man who was not short, followed by a man who was not tall. “This way please.”
“Where are you taking us?” I hissed, Carlos was now confused.
“To the hospital” Replied the man who is not short, grinning. Before we realised exactly what was happening, we were sitting in the back of the car whilst my voice on the radio broadcast my voice from the car, live. I was of course, reading the news of the day in between contractions. Personal matters should not be put before radio without explicit permission of station management or one of their familiars.
We were heading out of town, into the scrublands and the sand wastes when there was a slight hitch, a slight delay, in our journey. The man who was not driving turned to the man who was not a passenger and said “Damn it you missed the exit.”
“That’s not the exit you fool. This is the exit!”
“No, that is a drive way, that leads to the Waterfront recreation area, turn around.”
“Why are you always a back seat driver I-“ At that moment a deer ran in front of the car. The man who was not a passenger slammed the breaks hard. To my delight, Carlos threw himself over my heavily pregnant, glowing, form. He is my hero, he is a scientist.
We all exited the car. “You almost hit that realtor!” Said the man who was not short, gesturing at the deer. They began to argue like children fighting over nothing important, like a toy or a life. Then, my loving perfect Carlos, who had been silent for the majority of the trip, spoke up.
“You are incompetent excuses for human beings! You are the worst representatives of a vague yet menacing government agency I’ve ever met”
“Not that we’ve ever met anyone from or have even heard of your organisation.” I said, covering his tracks
"You almost harmed my boyfriend. You almost harmed my child! You aren’t even taking us to a hospital are you?” The two men before us began shuffling their feet and mumbling under their breaths. They were still like children. Carlos shot them one last glare before saying, “Cecil we should call cab.” I nodded, then we both howled the Friends theme tune, to indicate that we needed a cab.
After we escaped the two agents, we arrived in the hospital. Now listeners I thought that Carlos would feel right at home in a hospital, with all the white coats and chemicals. But when we arrived I was surprised to see that our doctor was actually wearing a tan jacket, and had opted to keep all of his surgical tools in a fly filled deer skin briefcase. I don’t remember what he looked like, or his name, or what happened next. I was in too much pain and Carlos far too concerned with my well being to notice much. But listeners when I came around 16 hours later in that bath tub filled with ice my heart was soaring.
At 25:01 last night I gave birth to an exact, infant, copy of myself, only they had perfect hair and were wearing a clean white lab coat. “They’re going to be a scientist.” I said, tears of happiness pricking my eyes. Carlos hugged my shoulders and looked down at our child together. “They look just like you. So they will be perfect.”
Well listeners, this was a perfect end to an imperfect day. Days are like that, you may be visited by an other earthly being, kidnapped by agents from a vague yet menacing government agency, and even greeted by a man in a tan jacket. But at the end of everything, you may come away unscathed, unscarred and in our case, with more family members than you used to have. What I’m really saying today listeners is that, though a journey may not go according to plan, if we just keep travelling, if we just keep on that road, we will for certain end up at our desired destination. Good night, Nightvale, good night.