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“…and I know you won’t forget me babe,
I’m worth a fistfight against the devil,
Try it sometimes,
You’ll only lose your mind, yeah.”
One last chord on her guitar, a final beat from her drummer, and the crowd cheered.
Natalie smiled as she caught her breath, throwing her head behind and letting the applause pervade her body.
“What’s up, Hartford!”
Loud cheers answered Natalie, and she theatrically bowed to the crowd of the bar. The fringes of her sleeves brushed against her legs, her guitar still vibrating against her core, becoming one. Her cheeks hurt from all the smiling, her heart pounding in her chest with the excitement of the crowd. In the chaos of a bar that only knew her for that one night, Natalie felt in the right place. Something untangled in her chest, the uncertainty and the bitterness of a broken heart leaving place to the moment.
“Thank you, thank you. We’ll be back after a short break. Don’t go anywhere, yeah?”
Natalie nodded back to her drummer and bassist, and they smiled back, certainly sharing the adrenaline boost. She took the guitar off her shoulders to gulp down the forgotten beer from earlier, and fixed her eyes on the crowd. Now, where did he go…
Ah, there he was. The boy with blond hair and a Rolling Stone’s t-shirt, that had entered the bar mid-concert and hadn’t let Natalie out of his sight ever since. Maybe she’d been keeping an eye on him, too. Right now, he was taking a sip of beer (watery, Natalie found it) as his friends talked all at once—he just listened. He looked like a listener, not a talker. Their eyes met, and she took in his blushing cheeks with pleasure. But he didn’t look away. Not even when Natalie raised an eyebrow, in between curious and amused. His eyes didn’t leave her.
Interesting.
Natalie looked away with a raised chin, curious, turning around and discuss the next songs with Jean and Therese, the players accompanying her on tour. She tried not to think of how his big eyes resembled her ex’s and how they’d been looking down at her during their last conversation. This dream is too big for you, Talie. When she looked back, the boy’s eyes were still on her. Different, she realized. His eyes were different—shy, but challenging. Natalie needed change, and she needed freedom. And God, she was on her first tour. Who was she to deny herself the attention of a pretty blond. Well, good thing she was already wearing blush. She finished the beer in one gulp and switched the mic back on.
“For the next song,” she called, “would the tall handsome boy in The Rolling Stones t-shirt please come to the front of the crowd.”
The crowd’s response was immediate, locating and pushing the boy up front, his friends following him with huge grins as they howled his ears. The boy was blushing, smiling, bending his neck back to look at Natalie, towering over him from the stage. He must have been tall, and yet, Natalie thought he’d never look down at her. A violent kind of heat overthrew her, seeing him so close and so…at her feet. At her mercy.
“What’s your name, handsome?”
A half-chewed smile. Eyes always on her. “Kasey. Kasey Winter.”
Natalie smiled, switching the electric guitar with her ukulele and sitting on the high stool. “Well, Mr. Winter, we don’t know each other, but I hope it’s alright if I sing this next love song to you. You okay with that?”
The crowd clapped, someone whistled, people jostled Kasey. And Kasey Winter smiled, hands going his pockets a little in nervously, as he nodded. Eyes on her. “Yeah, that’s fine with me. As long as I can take you to dinner some time.”
Natalie smiled against the microphone.
…
Kasey remained at the front the whole time. Natalie couldn’t sit at the edge and whisper to him every romantic line she sang, but God, she wanted to. She really did, and didn’t know what to make of it. A part of her was still mending the sharp edges of a broken trust, a million others told her it was a bad idea. She didn’t know the guy. But one, small voice pushed her to be her true self and do what she did best: fuck around and find out. In the back of her mind, as the concert neared the end, a song about magnets and bars was already finding a rhythm of its own. A low beat, she envisioned. Kasey looked like, smiled like, watched her like a low, teasing bass beat.
Once the show was over, and the late hour had sobered the spirits, Natalie looked around—the crew was dissembling their instruments, and the players had sealed with a nod the plan for tomorrow night’s concert in the next town. After a quick goodbye with them, Natalie dared to glance at the empty bar. No, not empty.
He was sitting on a stool, drink in hand.
“So, you really intend to keep your promise,” she smiled as she walked over to Kasey, keeping her chin up and trying not to make it sound as a question.
He turned, grinning as he stood up. “I’m a man of my word, Darcy.”
Natalie arched an eyebrow, amused by the shy, teasing, romantic boy. Low beat, low beat. Crescendo.
“Well, Mr. Winter, I doubt we’ll find a restaurant open this late. But I’m hungry and in an unknown city.” She smiled, taking his arm—God, the muscles. “Lead the way.”
…
They ended up in a churro shop at two a.m., the only place still open for their antics. Natalie’s combat boots were starting to hurt, and she noticed the badly suppressed yawns Kasey tried to hide—he’d mentioned practice earlier that day. But neither of them seemed to be willing to call it a night.
“So, what is it like?” Kasey asked after they stopped laughing over Natalie’s misadventure on a tour involving too many martinis. “Touring around.”
Natalie dipped a churro in Nutella, much to Kasey’s ‘just sugar and cinnamon, thanks’ judging eyes. She thought about it as she took a bite, then smiled. “I mean, it’s fucking great. I still can’t believe it’s happening. People seem to like what I do. I’ve been doing it for free for years, and now I actually get paid to do what I love—it’s insane.” She shook her head, looking at the half burrito soaked in chocolate. She straightened her back and added, “But I’ve worked hard for this.”
Kasey nodded, his head tilted in a puppy-like way that Natalie found cute. There was a focus in his eyes, a thirst for grasping. Impatience. She kicked his leg gently.
“Hey. You’ll be the one working on the road one day. I know it.”
Hockey goalie, he’d said— Natalie could see it. He stood big, attentive. She could smell the shower he’d had before rushing to the concert. I’m not even in college, he’d told her. I work at a bar, sometimes I get called to play. Working on getting a steady contract. Low beat, crescendo.
The shy, gentle giant in front of her had the nerve to blush and chew his cheek in a small smile. Broad shoulders shrugging. “Dunno. It’s a pretty selective industry. Hard to get noticed.”
Natalie hummed, remembering well the dread of waiting for a call. An email, a text. Any signs from the universe that she was doing something right. She watched Kasey throw their cartons in the trash and nod on their way out. She wondered how he looked on the ice. She got down her stool.
“You know, a wise woman once told me that, if I had fun along the way, it would be worth it anyways.”
The raised eyebrow Kasey sent her, together with the last churro in his mouth, made her smile again.
“Why do I have the impression you’re the wise woman, Darcy.”
“Because I am a wise woman, Winter.”
Kasey shook his head, back to his chewed smiles, and opened the door for her. As soon as they were out, the cashier switched off the lights and locked the door. They shared a look and burst out laughing as they resumed their walk.
They walked with no destination until three. They passed by the fountain, closed shops, and the cathedral. Then Kasey escorted Natalie back to her van, hands in his pockets, and eyes bigger than the night. Pressed against the van door, Natalie watched the boy in front of her, feeling the crescendo in her chest.
Natalie couldn’t help but wonder—if she didn’t have to leave. If Kasey had been accompanying her to her flat instead of the cramped van she toured onto. If they had the time. The doubts of a career, of a life of distances and movement mixed with whatever those quiet, big eyes were doing to her into something inflammable.
And still, she dared. Dared to imagine a future of rushed texts, sent in the middle of band practice or before a game. After a concert or in a locker room. A lonely, complicated future—too ambitious, that’s what had drew Gabriel away. But Kasey had that shine in his eyes. They were both aiming high, too busy to be afraid of the fall.
The cold air of the night sent a chill up her arms, and she realised she’d been staring at his neck the whole time.
To her surprise, he hadn’t noticed—he was staring at her lips.
“You still haven’t tried to kiss me, hockey boy.”
Kasey’s breath hitched. His eyes moved on hers, and finally, a full and open smile appeared. “Well, I’m a gentleman, rocker girl.”
Natalie straightened up, daring the distance. “Good thing I’m not.”
The kiss started, indeed, very gentleman like. But it only took Natalie to get on her tiptoes for Kasey’s hands to grab her waist and tilt his head. Oh, there it is. Natalie had watched the low flame of Kasey Winter all night, studying his calmness, and wanting to ignite it. There it is. Rock solo.
Natalie could feel the broad shoulders curving down to meet and engulf her, and the softness of Kasey’s lips on hers. The brows furrowed in the focus of being gentle. When they parted, her heartbeat was in octaves, and she took a second, a hand finding Kasey’s chest—they were in sync. When she felt his forehead against hers, she smiled. Smile against smile against kiss against tongue.
“I’m so tempted to drag you inside my van,” she whispered to the empty parking lot.
“Very rockstar movie like,” he agreed, kissing her hair, her cheek.
“I want to,” she repeated on his lips, “But I won’t.” Her hand found his check—his eyes were calm and smiling. As if he already knew—and agreed. “Because I want a date with you, Winter. A proper date. I want to see you on the ice. I want you at more concerts. I already have a song in my mind about you, which, by the way, fuck you for taking so much space in my mind.”
“A wise woman’s mind.” A bare smile, again, soft and warm. Fresh snow about to get stepped on.
“Yes,” she laughed, nose against nose. “I’ve known you for five hours, who gave you permission.”
“Not gentleman of me at all,” he nodded, kissing her again.
Natalie couldn’t stop herself from melting against him. In the back of her mind, she was rushing to find the last time she’d felt this way with someone. So carefree, so out of control of her own emotions. Totally at Kasey’s mercy. Vulnerable.
“I like your smile,” she breathed.
“I like your everything,” he blurted out, then looked down in panic. Natalie brought her hand to his cheek, and the open eyes that found her broke the last defence wall in her mind.
Oh, wise girl, you’re done.