Chapter Text
1995
Jonathan Davis, was a loser no denying that he had no friends and he’s the school bullies biggest target.
He didn’t mind people avoiding him. He was used to it but by the time he got to middle school he couldn’t help but wonder why it had to be me? Was it his long hair? the way he kept to himself now whatever it was he hated it and wishes that changed.
Jonathan thought walking from English until people grounded him back to reality “move out the way you freak!” one stammering he hated the way people talked to him at least it’s the ending of eighth grade..This year sucked. Jonathan thought as he walked to his next class just a few more
weeks. Walking down the halls “Why can’t i just be normal?” Jonathan thought to himself sitting down in math class Mrs.Smith was a total bitch and her math homework never made sense. She talked too fast and always chose favorites. He was obviously not one of them; he didn't care although it would be nice if someone cared for him. At lunch it was always the same thing.
same empty table with nobody to talk with, Jonathan was used to it “God I just want friends” he would mumble to himself he knew people didn’t like him.
He was ready for this damn school year. All year it had smelled like weed blood and rust he was already zoning out by the time he sat in his seat for chemistry. Chemistry class was probably the worst probably because the teacher was 50 or 70 who knew.
The guy was balder than anyone Jon knew, worst of all he was probably deaf and or blind if he didn’t notice all the shoving and laughter people taunting him when he would be partnered up with a classmate..
Last damn class of the day, thank god one last test about the periodic table I mean how is this bullshit supposed to be useful down the road?? Who knows maybe he’ll strike a job at burger king flipping patties and shit maybe if he even got lucky to score a job there
Once that bell rang he was gone free at last bit he couldn't help but feel a little excited for the summertime so many plans to rent so many movies stuff like that Jon really didn't know what his summer would look like he just hoped it was good.
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July 1st 1997
Summer time roughly around one month ago school ended Jonathan has never felt more comfortable with himself like how he liked to paint his nails talk to people on the internet even though it drains his fuckin parents bank account.
Jonathan now goes out more the liquor store is his favorite spot not far from his house he stands by the parking not close enough to get hit by a car his mom thinks he developed a love for alcohol because of how much time he spends there which isn't true. Sure most of the time there’s tweaked out junkies in the parking lot but once in a while he sees people who look so cool.
He grew an envy towards them being so outgoing he never admitted to himself It was envy but maybe hidden resentment towards them people that are so much better than him in his eyes.
Jonathan began a routine of just hanging out at the liquor store by himself; he went out not even bothering to say goodbye to anyone at home. Nobody really bothered to question where he was going to go anyway, Jonathan began his walk he thought about how he almost brought his Sony CD player he was glad he didn’t he would most likely get beat for it he had gotten it for Christmas last year
Besides he had one CD the first and only he’s ever had, Specula specifically the album Roots as Jonathan approached the side of the liquor store parking he saw a group of guys laughing, smoking and looking like they were having a great time. In the moment Jon felt a moment of spite
a deep desire for him to have his own friends Jon didn’t look that cool he tried to hide his hands a rush of shame came over him his nails painted “a sign of weakness” like his father said words that haunted him Jonathan ends up looking back and started walking back to his house he had enough of just admiring those guys. He looked like a weirdo doing so
Until he gets called “Yo come over here dude!” The words made Jonathan jump he was focused on just getting out of there he turns back to look at them to see if they were even talking to him a guy looks straight at him
“Yeah you come here” all the color drained from Jonathan's face in his mind he was prepping for the worse “Yeah I’m done for their gonna rock my shit and get laughed at im totally fucked.” He thought
his mind flashed with possible scenarios that could happen he snapped out of it though.
One of the guys had long curly dirty blond hair. He blew smoke in Jonathan's face. He couldn't tell if it was on purpose or an accident. "So I always see you hanging around this liquor store.”
“What, are you some kind of alcoholic?” Jonathan laugh's a nervous one you do when you can’t say anything or can’t think of anything. One of the other guys spoke, his voice low “So are you just not gonna say anything or?”
Jonathan finally speaks up “No I’m not an alcoholic.” Wow what a great way to start a conversation he thinks “Names Noah what bout yours?”
Jonathan face flush’s I mean the name Jonathan seems like him a basic white guy name he felt ashamed but he tells Noah “Uh it’s Jonathan.” Noah laughs “that’s nice but you’re either Jon or Nathan” he looks at him “I’m kidding.” Jonathan laughs a big fake one unamused
it was awkward they both just stood there till Noah broke the silence “You smoke?” Noah asks Jonathan he paused “No..” Noah looks at him really closely “Seriously like never?"
Jonathan sighs “Yeah? just its whatever.” Noah lit up a cigarette “Try it.” Jonathan looks Noah in the eye. Nicotine doesn't get you high like weed does so what’s the point.
Yet Jonathan still grabs it with the red and yellow tip lighting up on the top ash already starting to form Jonathan lightly taps it then he presses the cigarette to his lips, inhales smoke filling his lungs he holds it exhales and then coughs a rough feeling in his throat for a moment it hurt then it just goes away.
“Oh wow that’s nice.” Nice, not mediocre, not bad and not super good. Jonathan felt like his dad making him feel uneasy. He's not like his dad right? That feeling of uncomfortably went away a rush of euphoria hit him like a weight off his back but the fear still lingered.How did he give in so easily these guys could’ve easily drugged him. But that all went away quickly Jonathan loved the rush he felt he knew he couldn’t become addicted to something as stupid as cigarettes.
“Sooo how are you feeling now man?” Noah asks, giving Jonathan a pat on the back like a proud dad who’s son won a football game.
“I’m fine.” Jonathan’s voice was flat, almost calculated. Noah opened his mouth to speak till he was cut off by one of Noah’s friends “Hey Jonathan you seem pretty queer to me I mean look at yourself. You have a slim frame, you paint your nails I mean are you a fa-“
”Why don’t you just shut up?” Jonathan asked his voice now filled with annoyance, who says shit like that ? Noah nudges him on the shoulder “Don’t talk to him that way he’s got a point are you?” Jonathan laughs a sharp mockery to the people around him in that moment he knew he had changed. In school he would’ve cried this time he wanted to lash out on the guy and Noah then adrenaline got to him
he lunged at the guy tackling him to the hard concrete he barely knew Jonathan didn’t even know his name who he was a random to him, that didn’t stop him, Jonathan was just tired,he wasn't doing it for himself right there in that moment instead of the weak,naive version of himself tired of getting belittled tired of being a victim.
Everything felt like slow motion for him all he could feel was his knuckles pressing against this guys face heard all the yells, pleads to stop by the time Noah pulled Jonathan off him his knuckles were bloody
He looked at him, his nose bloody, busted lip blood a powerful sight to Jonathan finally he gets to be the bad guy, a turn of events sort of. “What the fucks your problem dude!” Noah yelled out loud enough for the guys inside the liquor store to hear probably. Jonathan shrugged like if it was a yes no question the guy he fought sitting down with blood on his shirt
Noah grabbed Jonathan’s wrist “What’s the matter with you?” Jonathan pulled his wrist back out the grasp from Noah
He got up and stepped back Noah looked at Jonathan, He looked straight at him all Jonathan could think about was his opportunity to make friends he had threw away. He walked off walking away from his problems like he always does. Noah didn't put up a fight Jonathan looked back one last time from the corner of his eye he saw Noah help his friend up. The rest of the other guys had left probably thought they were next Jonathan giggled at that thought.
The walk home felt longer than the four minutes it usually takes. He looked at his knuckles he hadn’t wiped the blood from the earlier kind of gross but he felt something else
satisfaction.