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Ilya was mad, and hurt, mostly hurt, just a bit of mad. He really doesn't know what he is feeling. Shane walked out because of their stupid fight.
The day started with bliss, Ilya woke up with Shane wrapped around him. With his chest pressed to the latter's back. It was peaceful. The sunlight fully covered their room through the floor to ceiling windows. If only said windows are open, you'll see the fluid motion of the thin curtains as wind blows. Ilya felt at ease. He was contented, and Shane is softly snoring.
At 8:00, Shane's alarm blared, finally disturbing the peace that Ilya was bathing in. Successfully, Shane opened his eyes. Hair in disarray and Ilya still thought of his boyfriend as ethereal. How someone can be perfect yet vulnerable.
It was moments like this where Ilya feels an overflowing pride and overprotectiveness. Shane's vulnerability are only always visible in Ilya's vicinity and Ilya took great pride in it. He's proud and honored that Shane feel so at ease with him. It was something he cherished most.
"Good morning, Sunshine" Ilya muttered.
"Good morning, my Ilya" was the reply that he got. Early in the morning and Ilya was already willing to cry in happiness. Most of his life, after his mother's death, Ilya's good morning gets ignored. Then, he grew up, moved to a different country with no one and his ignored good mornings doesn't get said anymore. No one to share it with, no one to tell it to. Suddenly Shane happened and Ilya get to say his good mornings again and Shane is always ready to say it back to Ilya. It may not be everyday because of their scheduled but this is one of the stolen moments that Ilya loves - add it to Shane's vulnerability.
They spent their morning lazing around, making up for most time and creating new memories for their pandora's box.
By lunch, both Ilya and Shane are sat in front of the tv with a reply of Montreal vs Boston years ago. For Ilya, it was a white noise as he lay his head on Shane's leg. Encouraging the latter to play with his hair. For Shane, the video olaying is a way for his to study the Boston's move. It is obsessive, he knows, it was embarassing, he thought. Because he knows for a fact that Ilya knows what he is really watching, or who.
"You should play Ottawa" said Ilya, eyes closed, with fingers still playing with his curls. "You are only watching it anyway for me so go watch Ottawa, I look more handsome there"
"Shut up" was Shane's immediate reply. His cheeks immediately turning red.
"Moy pomidor".
"Ilya"
Ilya doesn't like to lie, yes, he ommit truths here and there, evading questions he doesn't want to answer. Ilya rather change the topic than lie and Shane knows it. So when dinner came and Ilya is suddenly quiet, Shane just had to ask.
"Are you okay?"
"Don't worry about it, my love, it's nothing" and Ilya is really a bad liar, specially in front of Shane, but he is good when deflecting, and that is what he attenpted "Yuna asked me if I want to have lunch with them when you're back in Montreal"
"Ilya" Shane has started, he wants to let if go but he doesn't know why he decided not to. He knows that he needs to go back tomorrow and he feels that it might have something to do with Ilya's sudden change of mood. He doesn't want to assume. "Please let me in. What's bothering you?"
Ilya tried to brush it off, preparing his ammunition for deflection. However, after a brief contemplation, decided against it. He wants to tell the truth.
"My love, you know that I love you, right?" With the sudden change in Shane's eyes, Ilya suddenly realized how wrong of a sentence start that line was. "No... no. No! Shane? My love, I'm not dying!" was Ilya's immediate follow up.
When Shane breathing calm down, Ilya decided to continue with what he is saying.
"You know my team right? I wanted to tell them about us, about you" he said quietly.
"Ilya, you know we can't" Shane replied, "at least, not yet"
"Shane, I promise you, they will understand" Ilya's voice was prelutant, like he wants his point to be said, and he needed it. "It's lonely without you, my love. When you are with your team, I am alone in this house without you. I know you are scared and I am, too. But I want to risk it for you. I want to risk that my team will support me and that they'll keep this secret."
"I don't know Ilya, what if they don't" Shane whispered. He wants to say yes, but he really don't want to risk it.
"Shane, you've got people on your corner, your parents know and your bestfriend know" He knows that he should stoo. Ilya knows that he is threading a very thin ice now but he couldn't stoo himself. "I've got no one. No one knows about you. No one I can celebrate your wins with. I've got no one when you are not here, Shane."
Ilya wanted to take it back. As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to take it back. Like after seeing the last second of a bittersweet ending of a movie. Ilya saw the hurt flashes on Shane's eyes. Within seconds, he felt Shane tensed from under him. Ilya misses Shane already despite them laying on too of one another.
"I think I should go tonight".
"Shane, my love" Ilya wasn't shy of pleading. He'll do it right in this instant "Shane, we can stop talking about it. Just please stay."
Despite his pleading, Shane gathered his bag and was already at the door in matter of minutes.
"I'm not mad, I just want to think about it" was the last thing Shane said before he closed the door behind him.
Ilya spent the night crying. He wants to go to Shane, he wants Shane to go to him. He wants him back, Ilya wants Shane with him all the time and now, he don't know if he'll have it again. His reprieve came hours later when his phone dinged.
"Just got home" Shane's text started. " Good night, my Ilya".
With a simple text, Ilya feels like a huge burden has been suddenly lifted off from his chest. "Goodnight, my love, dream of me."
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It was months after their disagreement when Shane and Ilya got outed by Hayden's fanmail video.
Shane was in the locker room when the news started gaining traction. By noon, when they were back from lunch, the news already reach a boiling point. Shane remained unaware until one if the rookie asked about it. Hayden has no idea what he is talking about, but then he saw Hayden the video and Shane, who's quietly taping his stick looked up.
"Shane" Hayden started "Buddy, I'm so sorry!"
Shane only gives Hayden a confused look. Then suddenly, he's already wide eyed and having a panic attack.
"Ilya." Within seconds, Shane is already rushing for his phone. Wanting to get hold of Ilya as soon as possible. "Ilya, please answer the phone". Shane was muttering to no one. He doesn't care that he is giving the entire locker room a scene. He doesn't care because all he care about in this moment was Ilya.
"Shane, he must be at practice right now." Hayden was saying, trying ti get the attention of his friends. In the background, what the fucks are being said. Hayden wants to give explanation to their team, but his focus was on Shane. His bestfriend who's having a mental breakdown right now because of him.
"Hayd" Shane's eyes are already wet with unshed tears and Hayden immediately reach out to him. "Hayd, I need to go to him. I need to see him." This is the most emotion Shane has shown him and his team. Shane looks like a little kid, scared and pleading. Like a teenager that wants a validation from the grown up that surrounds him. Like a son who, despite the age still hates that he might have disappointed his parents.
"You are in no condition to drive buddy," Hayden was rubbing Shane's back. He wants his focus to be on his bestfriend. But the comments being said by their teammates are really testing his patience. When Shane insist that he could and he should, Hayden decided then and to just fuck it. He'll deal with their teammates later. "Come on, I'll drive you."
Without telling anyone with what's happening, Hayden dragged Shane away. From the pying eyes of their teammates. Away from the locker room that Hayden couldn't trust anymore. No one in there offered comfort for Shane. No one lend a hand for their captain when they saw him breaking down. Hayden would like to think that he is a nice guy, but he knows that he can be someone else for the people closed to him. Shane is one of Hayden's people and their team's reaction towards his bestfriend speaks volume.
After 2 hours, Hayden was walking behind Shane as they tried to find their way to the centaur's ice rink. Ilya, still unaware of the chaos, was shocked to find Shane approaching. All of their phone are left in the locker room. Harris and Coach Weibe are out for the day, leaving the facility and practice with Ilya's capable hand. With complete disconnect, the group are left unaware on what's happening throughout the day.
Ilya was immediate to rush toward Shane once he realized that the latter's eyes are red and puffy.
"What happened?" Ilya questioned.
"Are you okay, Ilya?" Shane seems to be hyperfocus on making sure that Ilya is real. Ilya concluded. Ilya tentatively reached out his hand. Making sure that Shane gets to touch him.
"I'm alright, Shane, what's happening?"
This time, it was Pike who replied.
"I'm so sorry, Rozanov, it's my fault"
"What did you do Pike?" In an instand, Ilya's eyes hardened. Ready to fight for Shane.
"They know, Ilya." Shane has started, totally cutting off Hayden. "They all know about us now. Someone posted it"
Ilya still felt like he is not understanding anything.
"You'll need to stay at my cottage, Ilya, I'll look for other property, I can make it happen in three months. I'll hide you." Shane is becoming more frantic as the time goes on. He is not making sense but Ilya loved the thought. "We can stay for a week in places until we process all your papers. We won't stay in one place to make sure that you are safe. We can-"
"Shane, please, can you tell me what's really happening?"
With this, Ilya reached out his hand towards Shane's cheek. This time, Shane was able to get out from his own mind. He looked around, first, he realized that Ilya was in front of him, looking at him like he was the sun, touching him like he was fragile and lastly, Shane realized that all of the centaurs are watching the exchange with curiousity. No one saying anything. Hayden still standing guard behind him.
"There's a video showing us making out"
"Oh" was all Ilya could reply. "It's okay, my love"
Ilya knows how important Shane's privacy is. He knows that he is scared of being that gay player. Gay hockey player. Hockey is Shane's life and Ilya knows how hockey reacts to gay players. There is one, but he knows, without a doubt, that it isn't going to be an easy road. Scott Hunter may have paved the way, but the road is still a bit bumpy.
"Everything's going to be okay, my love"
"I don't care about me, Ilya." Shane is very forceful when he said it. Like, with his tone carries a conviction that he is, in fact, is telling him the truth. "I care about you. I can't have then getting to you, Ilya"
No one knows, and even Ilya doesn't think he knows nothing on what is Shane's real reason on why he doesn't want to come out.
"I don't want to care about hockey, Ilya, but it involves you and hockey. Hockey is known for having a hard time catching up with the social issues. But since you are a hockey player, they can pull you out, leaving you vulnerable for Russia to get you. I can't have that Ilya. I can't let them get you, I wouldn't allow it."
For the second time that day, Hayden gets to see his bestfriend breaking down. Explaining everything. Laying out all of his fears.
Ilya, on the other hand was so moved, he wrapped his arms around Shane, tucking his face on the other's neck. He let Shane rambles. Ilya wants him to let it all out.
"I can't Ilya. Please don't let them take you away from me"
"Never my love, never"
"You can't know that"
"Yes, I can, we'll do everything right Shane. Yuna and I is already processing everything months ago. We want it to be a surprise for you."
"But what if" Shane started, still couldn't believe it, unless a hard proof that Ilya isn't going anywhere is presented in front of him.
"No more what if, my love"
With a comedic timing of a veteran comedian, Bood shouted "Come here, Pike, view is better here" patting the ice beside him. Trying to lighten the mood. It works for a bit when Ilya gives him a finger.
This is the first time that Hayden gets to be with the centaur outside of a match and with the smiles on their face despite the revelation, Hayden is pretty sure that their room is a lot better compared to theirs. With this, Hayden also come to accept the fact that it's only a matter of time before Shane follow Ilya to the centaurs.
With this, Hayden accepted the thought, becuase he knows that it is the reality. Ilya let go of his motherland for Shane and Shane will let go of his home for Ilya. Like a simple of statement that the sun does shine and wind blows. Hayden also come to the realization that if given a chance. He'll follow Shane to the centaurs. He wouldn't allow it for his family, Jackie and his kids to be in a olace where he couldn't fully trust anymore.
"I promise you, we'll talk at home with your mother. We'll tell you everything."
Ilya was cradling Shane's face as he said it. Like a true showman that he is, he ended the encounter with a loud smooch. Making sure that his entire teammates heard. In response, the entire centaur boo. They're boisterous, loud and unapologetic. Someone even asked "are you sure about that one Hollander?"
Ilya replied was not through words. He didn't flip then. Instead, he planted a loud one once again, this time, accompanying it with a loud slap on Shane's behind.
Once again, the roar boos echoed.
Shane on the other hand can only shout in embarassment.
"Ilya!!"