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Crimson eyes, warm and full of life. A smile shining like the sun, a flash of red velvet hair, possibly similar in texture to the material as well. All of these features belonged to Tanjiro Kamado. His consideration for others and his bright energy were impossible not to like. He was beloved by nearly everyone in the demon slayer corps but more so by the Mist Hashira.
“If you do good for others, it might come around to help you.” Is what Tanjiro had said to him at the swordsmith village, reminding him of his father and inadvertently restoring his lost memories that he’d sought to recover ever since he’d woken up in the master’s residence.
Tanjiro had saved his life, allowing him to activate his mark and slay the uppermoon five, and for that: he was forever grateful.
His chest felt heavy even still. He was glad for his memories, glad he could remember, and happy for the kindness Tanjiro had shown him, as well as the blooming friendship between them. Though he felt hollow, full of an unpleasant feeling. He now remembered how he’d thrown stones at Tanjiro when he’d first met him, knocking him out and brushing him off when he’d already been gravely injured.
He was just trying to protect his sister.
Another memory flashed through his mind, this time he’d hurt Kotetsu—the small boy at the swordsmith village, and treated him as though his life had meant nothing. Tanjiro had been there too, asking him to let go of him and again he’d hit him and knocked him out.
His stomach churned, and he felt a weight pressing on his chest.
He breathed out through his nose, and gently tugged on the two hair strands by his ears. There had been so many people who’d tried to help him, to get to know him. Every single one of them he’d tossed aside not wanting to bother with them.
A bright smile came into his mind.
Why was Tanjiro so kind to him despite everything?
“You’re incredible! To become a Hashira so soon and so young? You’re so incredible!” First a slice
“For me? Really? You're so kind! I’ll treasure it!”
Then a stab
“You seem happier as of late, and I’ve noticed you’re more considerate towards other people than before.” Then a twist
“You’re such a wonderful friend.” Then something bled.
“You’ve got such a kind heart, Muichiro.” That one hurt the most. Tanjiro thought too highly of him, he wished he was even half the person Tanjiro thought he was, then he wouldn’t feel so guilty.
“I hope you’ll come back from your mission soon!”
He wanted to remedy all the hurt he caused, but even a thousand apologies he felt wouldn’t be enough. He wanted to be the friend Tanjiro thought he was, the friend he deserved, to be the kind person he used to be. Tanjiro was kind and he wasn't, it hurt more when Tanjiro did call him that—kind, and looked at him like he was the best person in the world. He tugged his hands down the strands of hair.
A few days ago he’d come to the butterfly mansion to bid Tanjiro farewell. He'd been sent on a mission, and didn’t want his friend to worry. He wanted to at least extend him the simple courtesy of saying goodbye before leaving.
Tanjiro’s eyes widened, the grass in his hands dropping as he stood up reaching his hands out to rest on his shoulders.
“But you’ve only just healed from the poisoning Upper 5 gave you, Shouldn’t you rest a few days more?” There was concern evident in his eyes, even a bit frantic. Muichiro put his hand on Tanjiro’s in reassurance.
“Don't worry, I recovered much faster than you think, the past few days were just extra rest, and I’ve already been off duty for a week so I need to get back soon.” He removed his hand
Tanjiro looked at him, as he worried his lower lip.
“When are you coming back?”
“I'm not sure, a few days from now, my estimate is about three, maybe four.” Muichiro responded
Tanjiro squeezed his shoulders before completely releasing his hold.
The light breeze suddenly felt much colder.
“Alright. I understand; be careful.” Tanjiro gave a light smile, Muichiro returned it with a smaller one. “I’ll try my best, see you in a few days.” he strode toward the front gate of the butterfly estate, hearing Tanjiro’s voice once more.
“I hope you’ll come back from your mission soon!”
Now he slipped down from the branch he was sitting on to face the same gate that he’d been walking out of just five days before. He walked through into the courtyard, seeing Aoi sweeping the engawa. She looked up from her work hearing his footsteps.
“Good morning Tokito.” She said bowing “If you’re looking for Lady Kocho she’s—“
“I can see her later, there’s nothing urgent to take care of, I was actually wondering if Tanjiro is still here.”
“Tanjiro?” She pursed her lips “I think last I saw him he was in the garden, that was about half an hour ago though.”
He gave a slight nod in thanks and she returned to her work as he strode away in the direction of the garden.
Even walking in the direction towards the garden the floral scent was strong. When his shoes touched the lush grass he could see marigolds, zinnias, periwinkles and irises, those were the only few he could name from the large assortment of flora sprawled out in front of him. Butterflies wings blinked at him, gliding from the shade to the sunshine, landing on various blooms. He nearly missed Tanjiro sitting up in one of the trees, his green checkered haori made him blend in with the foliage.
Muichiro took a moment to admire him from afar, his sun kissed skin was dappled with the light filtering from the leaves, a small smile was on his face, as if he was thinking fondly of a past memory. His wine red eyes were focused on the chain of flowers in front of him, deep in concentration. He handled the flowers delicately, yet he expertly weaved the blue and red flowers together.
A periwinkle fluttered down from the tree and Tanjiro tried to catch it, missing by a centimeter. The flower was picked up by a pale slender hand, twirling it between its fingers.
“I’ve always thought this color was quite nice.”
“Muichiro!” Tanjiro leaped immediately down from the tree, and embraced his friend. Muichiro lived through his shock at the sudden action before returning it.
Tanjiro pulled away too quickly but with the largest smile on his face. “You’re back!” He chirped happily.
“Yes, It took longer to actually get to the forest where the demon was than it did to kill it, I'm sorry for making it back later than I thought.”
“It’s alright, I have my friend back now!” Tanjiro smiled, Muichiro felt something unpleasant swirling inside him. “I know you said you dealt with it quickly but are you injured at all?” He asked, his smile faltering a little.
“That’s what he was supposed to see me about.” A soft melodic voice cut in, Shinobu strode towards them, graceful as ever, hardly making a noise as her feet touched the grass.
“Well I’m pleased to see that you two are together again, poor Tanjiro was worrying about when you’d come back, Tokito.” Shinobu said sweetly. “He kept asking every day that you were gone if you’d come here, though I told him he had nothing to worry about.” She said it in a teasing manner as an older sister would, though to anyone else she still maintained her usual professionalism.
“Ah, ha.” Tanjiro flushed a color not dissimilar to his hair and Muichiro gave him a sidelong glance, twirling the periwinkle still between his thumb and index finger.
“Is that so?” Guilt crawled up in the pit of his stomach. He wished Tanjiro didn't care so much sometimes, it’d make things easier.
“Well Tokito I do hope you’ll come to me if you’ve sustained any injury, though judging by your appearance I should think there’s not much to worry about, hmm?” She smiled. What she really meant to say was if you are injured and you don't, I will make you come.
“Yes thank you.” His words felt deeper than the conversation at hand. Thank you for taking care of me, Thank you for worrying about me when I was never kind to you, I’m sorry.
“I’ll be off then. I have some other patients I need to tend to.
Once she was out of sight Tanjiro spoke up.
“I’m sorry about that, I just. You’re—we’re friends and—when you still didn't—“
Muichiro couldn't recall a time when he’d heard Tanjiro stutter so much.
“It’s quite alright, what were you working on before?” He asked, diverting the conversation, he’s not sure if it was more to reassure Tanjiro or to distract from the heavy feeling in his chest.
“Oh!” Tanjiro suddenly remembered the flower chain in his pocket and fished it out. “I needed something to do, and the butterfly girls were showing Nezuko and I yesterday.” He presented the chain to Muichiro, it was made up of red Lycoris and the Periwinkles, green leaves interspersed throughout it.
“Here.” He took Muichiro’s hand with his palm facing up and let the chain drop into his hand before gently pushing his fingers to curl over it. The feeling came back. Tanjiro shouldn’t be giving him things when he had done nothing to be a good friend to him. Tanjiro was so good, and Muichiro…was nothing like him, he’d hurt people, he never apologized, not even to the one who called him his friend.
The periwinkle in his other hand had long been crumpled.
“It’s yours now.” He smiled happily, studying the young Hashira’s face for a reaction, he got none. His smile changed into a frown when he smelled something sour in the air, it had been there before, faint yet, his keen nose could catch the faintest of scents, and when he’d given the flowers to Muichiro the scent intensified. It was familiar to him: guilt, but why did Muichiro feel guilty? He had nothing to be guilty for.
“Muichiro, you have nothing to feel guilty about.” he voiced aloud.
The younger boy froze, staring at Tanjiro “What?”
Tanjiro gently tapped the side of his nose and realization dawned on Muichiro. “I'm sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Tanjiro reiterated “You’re a wonderful friend, not to mention you’re an amazing swordsman, and I love spending time with you, and you’re one of the nicest people I—“
Muichiro shook his head desperately, the weight in his chest felt like it was crushing his lungs. “Stop, stop, don't…call me that.” He breathed. “You shouldn’t be calling me that.”
Tanjiro stopped talking, the scent of guilt burned his nose. “Why not?”
Muichiro bit his lip painfully. “Because I’m not kind, I’m cruel and horrible.” His voice cracked. Tanjiro took his hand, running his thumb over Muichiro’s knuckles. Had the situation been different, he’d probably think twice at the intimate action. Instead he looked at Muichiro asking him to go on.
“I never apologized to you or anyone, or thanked anyone for that matter. You were the one who helped me regain my memories, you know?” Tanjiro’s eyes widened but he said nothing, Muichiro breathed out a sad chuckle. “I remembered my family and all the good memories I had with them, but then I remembered how I treated everyone.” He swallowed. “I never cared about anyone, even if they tried to be kind to me, I never reciprocated. Tanjiro, I threw rocks at you!” His voice was cracking more. “I hurt you! I knocked you unconcious—you were already injured!” he exhaled exasperatedly.
Tanjiro paused to look at him, he was feeling this because of him? Tanjiro had long forgiven Muichiro for that. He should have told him sooner instead of leaving the younger boy to stew in his emotions.
“Mui-“
Tanjiro was interrupted by Muichiro’s rambling “—then at the swordsmith village I almost beat Kotetsu! He’s a child, and just because I wanted to fight the stupid doll, and I—“ It was so unlike him to sound this way–like a child– but he just needed to say something. “I knocked you out then too! I didn't care about you…and you…” he took in a sharp breath and Tanjiro wrapped his arms as tightly as he could around his friend, his friend who had been bottling up all his regrets.
“Tanjiro, why would you call me your friend? Why…?” His voice was wavering and continued to break. He was hesitant to lean into Tanjiro’s arms but Tanjiro gently nudged his head into his shoulder. Usually Muichiro was so strong and composed, but he could now feel the way he slumped under the weight of his regrets and past actions. An ache formed in his own chest thinking about all the sleepless nights Muichiro might’ve had, his mind refusing him rest over these things.
“Muichiro, I know you think you aren’t, but feeling bad about these things means that you are good, you regret it and now you’re trying to make things better.” He said gently “I never held any of those things against you. You’d forgotten who you were, so naturally you’d be confused and frustrated.”
“That doesn’t excuse anything, why would you even bother befriending me after…?” Much less love me, his own thoughts startled him briefly, his heart ached.
Tanjiro smiled. “After you regained your memories your demeanor changed completely, you helped me slay the upper moon when you tossed me the sword, and you saved Kotetsu, Mr. Kanamori and Mr. Haganezuka. You were completely different to how you were before, which tells me you changed. I wanted to be your friend from the beginning, you seemed lost and lonely…like you needed someone.”
“And I forgive you, even if I never held it against you. I'm sure Kotetsu has too after you saved him.”
“But why?” Muichiro was almost pleading now “I just don’t get why you would choose to just–” He exhaled frustratedly.
“Because I wouldn’t judge you only based on first impressions, everyone deserves a second chance and also because…” he trailed off as his ears burned furiously “because I really like you Muichiro.” he squeezed the other’s hand for good measure.
Muichiro gave a half chuckle, still not quite meeting Tanjiro’s eyes, yet he squeezed back.
“I really like you too Tanjiro.” his gaze lifted a bit “I promise that I’ll make it all up to you one day.” There was still so much he wanted to say but for now that would have to do. He ran his sleeve across his face.
Tanjiro smiled: bright and warm like a sun “I promise I’ll remind you every day how special you are to everyone, to me. Even if you don’t believe it now I’ll remind you until you do.”
Muichiro breathed in Tanjiro’s charcoal and cinnamon scent as they embraced each other.
“Thank you, I’d like that.”