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“Hey Yoshiki, ya favourite Master x Master character is Killian, right?” Hikaru asked as he perused the volumes of the manga that were arranged on Yoshiki’s bedroom shelf.
“Yeah!” Yoshiki responded immediately from where he sat on his bed, keeping his eye on Hikaru’s handling of his collection.
It was a no-brainer. Killian was easily the best character of the show; a prodigy assassin who had the strength and skill to make it out of almost any fight, wielded a power that took the form of electricity, and a skateboarding ability Yoshiki wished he could replicate. He was a way cooler twelve-year-old than Yoshiki was.
“Ya needa get a load of this, then!” With a volume in hand, Hikaru darted across Yoshiki’s bedroom to sit beside him on the bed. He leaned closer into Yoshiki, bringing his free hand up to cover his mouth from the side. “I once heard one of the girls in our class say that she thinks he’s in love with Ron!”
As Hikaru snickered, Yoshiki’s heart jolted to a stop. Within an instant, a topic Yoshiki loved had veered into something he immediately wanted the both of them to escape. He couldn’t identify why it made him so uncomfortable, only that the feeling was plunging down into his stomach. His nausea was suddenly dependent on each additional second of Hikaru’s words and actions, of which Yoshiki dreaded witnessing. Hikaru hadn’t seemed to notice the effect on Yoshiki, too occupied with his own amusement.
“Really?” was the only response Yoshiki could manage. His mouth twisted into a grimace.
“I swear!” Hikaru said. “Can ya believe that?”
Hikaru’s eyes were fixed on Yoshiki now, one pair that felt like the pressure of fifty. Yoshiki was being tested, with an overwhelming sensation of there being clear correct and incorrect answers, high stakes, no reward.
“What makes her think that?” Yoshiki asked.
Hikaru placed his hands behind him on the surface of Yoshiki’s bed, leaning back onto them. Yoshiki snatched the volume that Hikaru had been holding from him, before Hikaru had the chance to crease it with his weight.
“She thinks how Killian acts and feels about Ron is too much for ‘em to be regular friends,” Hikaru said.
“Too much?” Yoshiki doesn’t look towards Hikaru, instead peering closely at the cover of the volume in his hand. Both Killian and Ron were side-by-side on the cover of that one.
“Yeah,” Hikaru said. “Like how Killian says that Ron is his light, and how he’d be willin’ to die for him and stuff.”
Yoshiki instantly recalled the exact scenes in question. His chest tightened as he pictured them; scenes that he himself had found to be emotionally compelling. It was no wonder Killian felt so extraordinarily deeply for his best friend, when Ron was the only person he had. The only boy his own age for Killian to make a connection. The only one Killian could both laugh and cry with when everyone else wanted to make Killian their own idea of who he had to be. Even if there were some sides to Killian that he still kept to himself, Ron was the person who understood him more than anyone.
Would it really have been so wrong if Killian was in love with Ron?
“I think she just doesn’t get how guy best friends work,” Hikaru grinned, playfully nudging Yoshiki’s side with his elbow. “I’d put my life on the line for ya if it came to it.”
Yoshiki finally faced Hikaru once again. Even when Hikaru was being an asshole, there was something about that stupid smile, crooked teeth and all, that prevented Yoshiki from being mad at him for too long. Yoshiki sighed and relaxed from the hunch he hadn’t realised he’d formed.
“Good to know,” Yoshiki said.
“Besides,” Hikaru added, unable to resist making more commentary. “Killian’s too cool to be gay, right? That’d just be dumb. If anyone’s gay in Master x Master it’d be like, the weird magician dude.”
Hikaru had to stop. He had to stop talking. The conversation had to stop.
Yoshiki stood from his bed and walked over towards his shelf to place the volume back in its place, gritting his teeth as Hikaru remained seated behind him. His jaw dropped back open however when he saw the state of how Hikaru had rearranged his manga.
“Hikaru, ya jerk, how’d ya mess up the order when the numbers are right there?!”
“Hey Yoshiki, do ya think Killian is in love with Ron?”
“Huh?” Yoshiki’s eyes darted up from the pages he was reading. He gripped the sides of his manga, holding it in front of his body.
From across the table where he sat, having been reading a storybook of his own choice, ‘Hikaru’ gestured to the cover of the volume in Yoshiki’s hands. A cover featuring Killian and Ron side-by-side. There was a familiar clench within Yoshiki’s chest as he stared at ‘Hikaru’, whose head was tilted, his curious eyes directed at Yoshiki. Yoshiki took a breath to stifle his immediate urge to become defensive; ‘Hikaru’ never displayed the malice to deserve it.
“Why do ya ask?” Yoshiki instead questioned back cautiously.
‘Hikaru’ placed an elbow on top of the table to cradle his head in his hand as he thought. “I dunno,” he said. “I thought he might be, because some things he does are the same as what romantic couples do and say in other stories. But I can’t really tell, so I wanted to know what you thought.”
Yoshiki’s breath slowly released in an exhale.
He hadn’t ever been given the chance to properly talk about what he thought before. Ever since the topic had been proven to bring discomfort, Yoshiki had avoided any risk of it coming up again, minimising any mention of Killian and Ron’s bond at all.
But what did he really think about it, after all these years, and after what he now understood?
“I think… he might be,” Yoshiki admitted. “I think Ron became his most important person, his everythin’, and his motivation behind all he does. He’ll always choose Ron before everyone else.”
“How can ya tell if he’s devoted like a best friend or devoted like a lover, though?” ‘Hikaru’ asked.
Yoshiki met ‘Hikaru’’s eyes across the table, dark grey with a flicker of an otherworldly red in the pupil when Yoshiki looked closely. Yoshiki closed his manga volume and placed it aside on the table as he considered his answer.
“I don’t think anyone can really tell that easily,” Yoshiki said. “Especially if Killian’s not going for romantic steps like kissin’ or datin’. But I don’t think he expects any of that from Ron. I think as long as he’s by his side forever, then he’d be happy.”
‘Hikaru’ nodded slowly at Yoshiki’s explanation. “I guess, even if we can’t tell the difference, they definitely have somethin’ special that nobody else has, yeah?”
Yoshiki smiled, the tension in his chest having long eased. “Yeah,” he said. “They sure do.”