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There were four separate occasions where the universe had forced Yoongi and Hoseok to cross paths.
The first was in the back corner of some dingy nightclub with terrible music and sticky floors. Yoongi was only there to meet one of his informants, the flashing lights and sweaty bodies not really his scene.
At least until his eyes landed on Hoseok in the centre of the dance floor, moving his body so skilfully to the music Yoongi couldn’t tear his eyes off him.
By the time Yoongi’s informant arrived, he had little care for the drabbles of information being whispered into his ear. How could he when Hoseok was watching him now, too, a fire in his eyes that Yoongi wanted to burn in.
With a single nod of his head, the man whispering in Yoongi’s ear disappeared, scurrying out of the door as quickly as he had arrived.
Still, Hoseok did not approach him, seemingly revelling in the newfound audience in Yoongi’s gaze.
If there had been other people on the dance floor, Yoongi had not noticed.
“You not gonna dance with me?” Hoseok had said when he finally stepped out of the techno lights and into the dim corner Yoongi was occupying.
”I don’t dance,” Yoongi had replied, leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as though Hoseok’s presence didn’t affect him (it did).
“I saw you watching me.” Hoseok pressed his palm against the wall above Yoongi’s shoulder, face a hair's breadth from Yoongi’s ear as he leant in. “I know you wanna dance with me.”
Yoongi turned to look at him, eyes playful but voice assertive as he repeated, “I don’t dance.”
“Why not? Scared word might get back to your boss that Min Yoongi’s hips don’t lie?”
Yoongi’s jaw clenched, a slight subtle movement in the dark but Hoseok caught it all the same.
“Yeah, I know who you are. Everyone ‘round here does, pretty.”
The pet name caused Yoongi to raise an eyebrow, not used to people feeling comfortable enough around him to use such familiar terms. But the word dripping out of Hoseok’s mouth did more than just amuse him.
”Then you know you should stay away from me.”
It felt like a game that night, Yoongi sending a warning while the space between them slowly lessened, Hoseok not heeding it, responding with a smile so bright Yoongi already knew he was a goner.
They went home together that night. And Yoongi spent the next two weeks falling asleep to memories of sunshine smiles and a gentle hand running through his hair.
The second time they met Yoongi was nursing a black eye and split lip, feeling sorry for himself over a cold glass of whiskey. He was too many drinks deep to remember what number he was sipping on. Yet somehow still sober enough to recognise the voice sliding into the seat next to him without turning to look.
“You look terrible,” is what Hoseok chose to open with as he settled into the chair.
“You should see the other guy,” Yoongi had joked, regretting it almost instantly when his small smile stretched his lip enough to split the cut that had barely begun to heal, flooding his mouth with iron. He winced as he washed it down with another long sip of his drink, the alcohol no longer affecting him enough to leave a burn as he swallowed.
Hoseok didn’t respond, but he watched Yoongi with far more care in his eyes than he ought to.
The bar was empty that night, no one there but the two of them and the sleepy bartender paying them no mind. They sat in silence, both sipping on their drinks, letting the quiet flow undisturbed. Yoongi always preferred it like that, enjoyed drinking late at night when the city was asleep and his mind could finally rest. Usually, he found solace in drinking alone. That night he happily made an exception.
“Why are you here?” He eventually asked, the question unintentionally coming out accusatory. An occupational hazard.
Hoseok shrugged, leant back in his chair and plastered on a smile much too bright for four in the morning, in a dingy bar on the wrong side of Seoul. “Am I not allowed to be?”
Yoongi scoffed. “I’m pretty sure even if I said no it wouldn’t stop you from being here.”
“I guess not.” His smile dimmed slightly, but he still radiated a warmth Yoongi wanted to climb inside. The kind people like Yoongi aren’t used to. “I just got off work. Was walking past when I saw you sitting here. And as you straight up refused to give me your number before kicking me out last time, I figured the universe was giving me a redo.”
The reason Yoongi had refused Hoseok’s advances had little to do with not being interested and all to do with their reality. Yoongi’s been walking this path for long enough now to know the universe doesn’t give him nice things and lets him keep them. And he’s not sure how long he can fight a warmth as strong as Hoseok’s before he lets it pull him into his orbit. The only course of action was to make sure he never saw Jung Hoseok again.
“What d’you do?” The question was out before Yoongi could stop himself, knowing all too well that the last thing he should do was find out anymore about the man who shines brighter than the sun.
“I’m a nurse,” Hoseok said. “A&E.”
Yoongi laughed at this, actually threw his head back and let out a loud cackle—because it’s too ironic, far too on the nose for Hoseok to be working the night shift fixing up the people Yoongi most likely put there.
“Now what is an A-class citizen like nurse Jung Hoseok doing spending time with notorious crime lord Min Yoongi?” The smile Yoongi wore as he spoke was dripping in an irony so thick he’s surprised his words didn’t trip over it on the way out.
“You looked lonely.”
It stopped Yoongi in his tracks, his drink lifted mid-way between the table and his mouth. When he turned to look at Hoseok, it was with furrowed brows and a sharp tongue. But the words vanished, and his face relaxed when he was greeted by a genuine softness that made Yoongi uncomfortable to be the recipient of.
For months now Yoongi had ended his nights drinking alone, never once being bothered by anyone—not even the bartender tried to make small talk. If anyone registered how lonely Yoongi was, how miserable he seemed, they didn’t mention it. Instead, they kept to themselves and left him to wallow in the misery of his own design.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled, letting his hand resume its path and lift the glass to his lips. This time when he sipped, he savoured the drink, letting it sit in his mouth for a moment, swilling it over his taste buds before he swallowed.
“You seem it.” Yoongi followed Hoseok’s eyeline towards his fist, the skin tender and raw. “Maybe next time you’re feeling lonely you don’t have to drink alone?”
It’s a weighted question. One Yoongi refused to shoulder. Instead he stood, his chair scraping against the concrete, and gave Hoseok a cocky grin as he walked backwards towards the exit.
“Maybe in another life, Hoseok.”
As he walked home that night, he cursed the universe for giving him something he couldn’t keep.
On their third meeting, Yoongi hadn’t slept in over twenty-four hours.
He blamed the sleep deprivation for why he had the smart idea to approach Hoseok first this time. Instead of staying inside the shop until Hoseok had passed like he knew he should, the moment he caught a glimpse of that recognisable side-profile he thanked the man behind the till and hurried outside.
By the time he’d made it down the steps and out onto the path, Hoseok was already halfway down the road.
(If anyone had accused Yoongi of running to catch up with Hoseok, he would have insistently denied it. Min Yoongi doesn't run to catch up with anyone. And when he finally did catch up with Hoseok, the reason he was panting for breath had nothing to do with the speed at which he had approached him, and he won’t stand for any slander saying it did.)
Hoseok was waiting at a crossing when Yoongi sidled up next to him, the other man's eyes were too distracted on the road to notice Yoongi’s presence.
“I didn’t know you had a dog.”
The visible startle at Yoongi’s words forced a low chuckle out of him.
“Sorry,” he said, still smiling. “I didn’t mean to make you jump.”
Hoseok’s eyes were wide, more in surprise at seeing Yoongi rather than due to the accidental jump scare.
“What?” Hoseok asked.
“The dog.” Yoongi gestured to the large golden retriever at Hoseok’s side currently sniffing at a fallen leaf on the ground. “I didn’t know you had one.”
“Oh.” Hoseok blinked. “My sister’s. She’s out of town so I’m dog sitting.”
“That’s generous of you.”
Hoseok smiled at the compliment and leant over to ruffle the fur atop the dog's head. “Do you want to come to the park with us?”
“No.”
Despite his refusal, Yoongi crossed the road with them, listened to Hoseok chat about his plans for the weekend as they walked down the path side-by-side. Yoongi was a good listener, and he liked it like that, enjoyed not needing to contribute much to the conversation other than a handful of hums and laughter when required. Especially when he was barely able to keep his eyes open.
The further they walked the more Yoongi’s mind got distracted, pulling him away from the conversation and into dangerous thoughts about how nice it would probably be to reach out and link his hand in Hoseok’s. To walk the rest of the way hand-in-hand, their clasped fists swinging between them.
It was a startling thought. The kind he knew could get him in trouble. Get Hoseok in trouble.
Once they reached the park, Yoongi didn’t go his separate way. Instead, he followed down the gravel path next to Hoseok, and watched the golden retriever run off into the trees before returning with a prized stick balanced in their mouth.
When Yoongi could no longer stifle his yawn, eyes tearing up at the force of it, Hoseok had laughed.
“Not get much sleep last night?”
Yoongi shook his head, wiping a hand down his face as he groaned, “Haven’t slept in uhh—” he squinted at his watch, “—almost twenty-eight hours now.”
“Yoongi!” Hoseok’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline, his voice drenched in concern. “You need to go home and rest. Staying awake for that long is dangerous.”
It nearly made Yoongi laugh, the amount of concern radiating from Hoseok.
It nearly made him cry when he realised how long it had been since that kind of care was directed towards him.
“Nah.” Yoongi waved him off. “I’m not even that tired.”
Hoseok deadpanned him. “You nearly split your face in two by the size of that yawn.”
It had gotten to the stage of sleep deprivation where Yoongi’s vision kept filling with black dots and his balance was slightly off. But being in the park was good for him. He felt more alive than he had all week. It must’ve been the fresh air.
“I’ll sleep later,” he said. “I still have some work to do before then anyway.”
A handful of his best guys had been arrested on a drug raid a few nights before, and Yoongi had reason to believe the whole thing was a set-up. Which means he had a mole somewhere, and a large group of dangerous and now suspicious gang members on his hands. Which had led to Yoongi having his hands far too full, and something had to give. That ‘something’ being the precious hours he should have spent sleeping.
“You need to sleep,” Hoseok said, reaching out to rest a comforting hand on Yoongi’s arm. “Actually, you need a new job.”
Yoongi scrunched his nose up. “If only that was something I could control.”
Hoseok stared back at him in confusion, and Yoongi knew that was the kind of statement that highlighted the separation between their lives. Hoseok would never be able to understand the hopeless chaos that leads to a life like Yoongi’s. And in return, Yoongi would never be able to stomach the controlled easiness to one like Hoseok’s.
Yoongi never wanted this life. He hadn’t dreamt of being a law breaker, had never asked to join a gang. It just sort of happened. And once it did, there was no returning to your old life, no changing career once you’ve started climbing the criminal ladder. And unfortunately for Yoongi, he’s an excellent climber. Before he knew it he’d scaled the rungs fast enough to make more enemies than he had friends. Even if he tried to get out, there’s nowhere in this city he would be safe.
It’s all too far out of his control.
So he stomached it, day after day, broke laws and bones and tried not to think about it as he lay awake at night. Sometimes, during those restless nights in his fight to evade the atrocities he caused, his mind wandered to the ‘what-if’s’, to the life he could have lived had the universe led him down a different path. If he had managed to wrangle a slither of control.
Recently, those ‘what-if’s’ had been filled with a sunshine so bright he could trick himself into believing the warmth was real.
It was far too late when Yoongi realised the universe was toying with him, watching on with an amused grin as Yoongi was faced, once again, with everything he could never have.
He was walking home one evening, taking a different route than usual, eyes heavy with exhaustion when a car pulled up next to him. Not surprisingly, this was not the first time an unrecognised vehicle had stopped in the street within Yoongi’s vicinity. Normally, when Yoongi approached he’d be greeted with much more hostility than Hoseok beaming a smile his way and a pop song filtering through the speakers.
”Hey stranger,” Hoseok said through the open window. “Want a lift?”
Yoongi knew he shouldn’t get in. Was very aware that the only smart move was to keep walking.
As it happened, Yoongi was not feeling particularly smart that evening. So he opened the door, frustration only slightly smothered by his intrigue.
Nine million people live in Seoul. What are the odds that Yoongi would cross paths with the same stranger on four separate occasions, in four separate locations, weeks apart? He could probably have done the maths, but as he’d already decided—he wasn’t feeling particularly smart. He knew, though, that the odds were too low for him to overlook it. For him to mask the unfamiliar sensation fluttering in his stomach.
“Can I take you somewhere?” Hoseok asked, winding the passenger window up and merging back into the traffic.
Yoongi shrugged, didn’t care where Hoseok took him, he knew he'd go anyway.
“Why aren’t you scared of me?”
At Yoongi’s question Hoseok laughed, a sound so beautiful it made Yoongi’s chest ache.
“Why would I be? You’ve never done anything to make me afraid of you.”
The response is nothing close to what Yoongi was expecting. Most people don’t wait for him to hurt them to become afraid, his reputation alone does that.
“Yeah but… you know who I am. What I’ve done.”
“I do.”
“And yet you invited me into your car?”
“I did.”
“Why would you—“
“Yoongi,” Hoseok interrupted, taking his eyes off the road for a moment to look directly at Yoongi, “Can I offer you some advice?”
“I guess.”
“Stop thinking so much. Let yourself enjoy this, even if it’s only a moment.”
“Sound advice,” is what Yoongi responded with. But he knew he couldn’t let go of that tiny slither of control he had left.
They drove for a while, Hoseok hummed along to the music, Yoongi slowly relaxed the further away from his home they got. It was startling how at ease Yoongi was in Hoseok’s presence. A calm washed over him as he watched from the passenger seat, returning the small smile Hoseok offered him when their eyes met. And it was easy, so easy for Yoongi to feel normal like that. To forget he was a member of the most notorious gang in the city, that he was someone who didn’t get to bask in the tenderness of shy smiles or a comforting hand rested on his thigh at the stop light.
But he wanted to.
“How come we keep meeting like this?” His voice got stuck in his throat as he asked, the words coming out quieter and scratchier than he expected.
Hoseok’s eyes crinkled with his smile. “It’s weird, huh?”
‘Weird’ was definitely one word for it. ‘Annoying’ was closer to what Yoongi was thinking. Annoying that he had to continue to be faced with a life he can’t have. Annoying that each time they met he could feel Hoseok burrow deeper inside him. Annoying that Yoongi wanted to let him.
“Just when I manage to stop thinking about you, you turn up somewhere again.”
It’s only half a lie—Yoongi hadn’t truly stopped thinking about Hoseok since that first night in the club.
“Do you believe in fate?” Hoseok asked
“No.” There’s no hesitation when Yoongi answered.
As aware as Yoongi may have been of his lack of control over his life, he couldn’t believe it was down to fate. He refused to accept there were no other options for him but this sorry excuse for a life, that he was a lost cause from the beginning. He needed to believe, for his own sanity, that he could’ve taken control if he’d had the motivations to.
“What would you call this then?”
He shrugged. “Coincidence.”
“That’s a lot of coincidences.”
“Yeah,” he hummed, biting the skin around his nails. “You… you think it’s fate?”
He’s not sure why he asked, he knew Hoseok’s answer wouldn’t change his mind. But there was a small part of him, something tiny, just a slither really, tucked deep down inside him that childishly thought maybe there was something bigger at play here.
“Maybe fate, maybe something closer to destiny,” Hoseok started, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on Yoongi’s leg. Yoongi didn’t think when he covered Hoseok’s hand with his own, linking their fingers together. “Whatever you want to call it, something keeps pulling us together.”
“I don’t think we’re important enough for destiny to care about.”
Hoseok gave his hand a squeeze. “Why do we have to be important to be happy?”
“You think that’s what this is? Happiness?”
Yoongi’s not sure he remembered how that was supposed to feel.
“I think it could be,” Hoseok said. “If you let it.”
It sounded so easy when Hoseok said it, as though all Yoongi had to do was give it permission.
They drove for a while longer before Hoseok pulled into an apartment complex and Yoongi silently followed him up the lift.
As he stepped over the threshold, a frown burrowed into his face. “You brought me to your apartment?”
If this had been anyone else, Yoongi would have been suspicious, warning bells would’ve rung through his head reminding him that there was danger waiting for him around every corner. But this wasn’t anyone else. And he didn’t need to ask Hoseok what his alternative motives were to know he didn’t have any.
“This is your city?” Hoseok asked when Yoongi approached the window looking out onto Seoul, the view similar to the one from his own window, but somehow marvellously more beautiful from Hoseok’s.
“I guess so.”
“Do you ever think about leaving it?” Hoseok’s voice grew more hushed the closer he got to Yoongi, stopping just behind him to rest his head on Yoongi’s shoulder and loop his arms around his waist.
The city looked breathtaking from this far away, the dazzling lights blinding them from the atrocities that take place below them.
“All the time.”
“Where would you go?”
Yoongi let out a long sigh and relaxed against Hoseok as his eyes fell shut, the city falling away behind them. “Anywhere.”
“Anywhere sounds nice,” Hoseok murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Yoongi’s neck.
“Would you come?” Yoongi whispered. He realised anywhere didn’t sound quite as appealing if Hoseok wasn’t there.
Hoseok let out a breathy hum, the warm air tickled Yoongi’s neck as Hoseok nuzzled into it. “The way things have played out recently, even if I said no, we’d still end up crossing paths somehow.”
It brought a smile to Yoongi’s face, something coy that he had tried to smother.
“Does it scare you?”
As he asked the question Yoongi realised how much it had terrified him. That this was yet another thing to add to the long list of things he had never asked for and had no control over.
Hoseok’s arms tightened around Yoongi, pulling him closer against his chest. “No.”
Yoongi stepped away slightly, only far enough so he could turn to face Hoseok, turn his back to the city he almost owned but had no desire to rule. His hands naturally came to rest against Hoseok’s chest, looping up around his neck when Hoseok pulled him closer again.
“But we can’t control it.”
“Then stop trying to,” Hoseok’s voice had dropped down to a quiet hush, as though he was sharing a secret.
It was a foreign concept to Yoongi, so out of his realm of possibilities that he felt slightly stunned by it, unsure of what other options there were.
“What should I do instead?” He decided to ask, knowing that he could lay his trust in Hoseok to guide him.
“Ride the feeling. Let it take us wherever it wants to,” he replied. “We can figure the rest out once we get there.”
Yoongi’s hair had gotten long recently. He had no spare time to cut it so he let it grow. Mostly, it annoyed him, falling into his face and tickling his neck. But now, as Hoseok runs his hands through it ever so tenderly, tucking the strands behind his ear in slow movements, he decides that maybe the universe is on his side after all.
So he swallowed, and whispered a simple, “Okay.”