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Jiyong couldn’t get his meeting with BSS off of his mind. Mainly off of the eldest member. Yes, spending the day with them was like spending the day with children. Their high energy tiring Jiyong out, but there was something about Soonyoung, the hyper energetic eldest member.
They had originally met four months earlier at the MAMA Awards although only briefly. Jiyong remembers Soonyoung excitedly greeting him backstage.
“Hello, great work today. You were so cool today, so cool. Great work today. Get home safely.” The younger had said, his eyes shining in wonder as if Jiyong held the answers to the universe.
Although Jiyong barely remembers meeting Soonyoung the first time he does remember thinking he was cute. At first he just thought that it was just because the younger was so excited to meet him, but now that it’s been months since their first and second meeting and he still finds Soonyoung incredibly cute. He’s not so sure. Jiyong isn’t sure why Soonyoung has been on his mind so often.
During his meeting with BSS Seokmin, another member, had asked for his phone number and he willingly gave it. Eventually the number was given to Seungkwan, the third member, and Soonyoung. Soonyoung had jokingly asked if he could casually call Jiyong. The other two members joined in and it led to them joking about creating a schedule to call him.
In the couple of months since this incident he and Soonyoung had been in regular contact. Soonyoung didn’t call as often as he implied he would, but they did text almost everyday. With Soonyoung there was never a dull moment. Most of the time he just texted Jiyong about his day, like rehearsals or other idol related events, or he asked for advice. Every once in a while he would just talk about himself.
Jiyong had become accustomed to waking up to a text from Soonyoung. Often just a ‘Good Morning’ or a life update. Occasionally it would be a question or a meme. It was always a little sad on the mornings he would wake up without a text from him. He understood that he was an idol and it meant that he was busy, especially since his main band Seventeen had a comeback happening soon as well as their 10 year anniversary.
Jiyong has considered sending ‘Good Morning’ texts on the days when he receives none. He doesn’t understand the gnawing feeling he gets in his chest when he deletes the messages instead. He always waits for Soonyoung to text him first. He tells himself it’s because the younger is more invested in their friendship and not because he’s nervous about how he feels about the younger.
H e will admit his feelings towards Soonyoung had changed drastically. At first he had seen all of BSS as annoying younger brothers who had too much energy. He cared about all of them the same. He doesn’t know when his feelings changed, but now that he knows he can’t stop thinking about it.
It had been about a week since Soonyoung had texted him and Jiyong wasn’t going to say he was restless, cause he wasn’t, but he was uneasy. It wasn’t normal in the months they had been texting for Soonyoung to not text him at least once a day. He hated the way that this had made him feel. This ugly feeling that had started to swirl around inside of him. His chest felt tight, his throat was dry, and it felt like he had a swarm of bees in his stomach instead of butterflies. He could barely sleep staying awake thinking about scenarios of why Soonyoung wasn’t texting.
Everyone around him was getting concerned. Rightfully so, he had snapped at people for harmless mistakes and was pacing around constantly checking his phone hoping that maybe this time there would be a message. There never was.
Once it officially hit the two week mark of radio silence from Soonyoung Jiyong was done. He was exhausted and full of worry. He has spent every night just staring at his phone waiting for a message. Every morning when he woke up he wondered why he was feeling the way he was.
Fifteen days of silence had passed before Jiyong was ready to admit why Soonyoung's silence was affecting him so much. He knew it wasn’t just because it had become routine and he knew it wasn’t because the younger admired him. Jiyong had feelings for Soonyoung.
He did not freak out about this. He handled the revelation like a totally sane rational guy.
He did freak out about it. He did not handle it in a sane and rational way.
He spiraled immediately.
At first he tried to rationalize his feelings. He tried to convince himself that it was just a mutual respect and brotherly bond that he felt for him. He failed.
He then spiraled about the other aspects of his feelings for the man. First of all, the fact that he was a man. Jiyong had never really considered liking men. Ok maybe he had considered men hot before and he had a small thing with Seunghyun, but he’s never had feelings for a man before. Secondly, he was nearly 10 years older than Soonyoung. He knows it’s not that big of an age gap but it still felt like a lifetime between the two.
He ends up texting Soonyoung
He wasn’t expecting a reply. He truly wasn’t. Especially not one so fast.
He had texted the younger just checking up on him asking if he was ok. He wasn’t expecting the paragraph that hit his inbox. Soonyoung had apologized for not texting and explained everything that he had been doing. He was filming content for his 10th anniversary with Seventeen and he was so exhausted that most days he had fallen asleep completely forgetting to text.
Jiyong smiled at his phone, his chest filled with warmth. He was glad the other was ok. They continued to text each other for a bit. Nothing serious, just a few more life updates and some memes from Soonyoung. The next day there was a text waiting for him when he woke up.
He was doomed. He was so doomed. They were meeting in person again. It had been so long since they had last seen each other and this would be the first time they would be seeing each other since Jiyong had admitted to himself that he had feelings for the other man.
To say he was nervous would be an understatement. They were going out to dinner. Soonyoung texted him that morning saying he was free and asked if Jiyong had wanted to have dinner with him. Jiyong's fingers moved faster than his brain and he had already texted back an affirmative before his brain fully registered what he was being asked. Not wanting to be rude and cancel, Jiyong had resigned himself to a night of silent suffering.
The restaurant was nice. It was an upscale place that was on the more expensive side but wasn’t too unreasonable. The atmosphere was nice. The restaurant was dimly lit and there was soft music playing in the background. If he was honest it looked like the kind of place you would take a date not a friend. He started to panic internally. He tried to keep his face a mask of neutrality so he didn’t give away what he was feeling.
As the night went on he felt his mask slipping. Soonyoung was just so lovable. He was a big ball of energy and he hadn’t stopped talking the whole night. They eventually left the restaurant and decided to walk around for a while. They had found a bench and decided to sit.
The park was lit up by light posts spread far apart so there were pockets of darkness. The bench they were on was in one of those pockets but close enough to one of the lamps that it was slightly illuminated. Just enough to see each other but if anyone saw them they wouldn’t be able to tell who they were without getting close.
They sat on the bench and talked for a while. It felt so natural. It felt like Jiyong had known Soonyoung his whole life. They didn’t feel like they were just senior and junior. The bench wasn’t small but it wasn’t big either and Jiyong felt himself shifting closer to Soonyoung as they talked. They were sitting with their knees pressed together. A comfortable pressure.
He wasn’t sure when things shifted but Jiyong suddenly felt the urge to kiss Soonyoung. He looked up at the younger and caught his eye. His breath caught when he realized that the younger had already been staring at him. He felt himself start to lean in, watching as the Soonyoung did the same.
He felt the other's breath as it ghosted over his lips. Their lips connected. Jiyong felt his eyes flutter shut at the contact. Soonyoung’s lips were soft if a little chapped. Jiyong brought his hand up to the younger's jaw, holding it gently. He used his hand to tilt his head for a better angle. His other hand rested on Soonyoung’s thigh. Jiyong felt Soonyoung’s hands gently cup his face.
They kissed for what felt like hours. Jiyong got lost in the way Soonyoung’s lips felt on his. They way they slotted together like they were made to kiss Jiyong’s. He was addicted to this feeling. He never wanted it to stop. His thoughts were filled with nothing but the other and his lips.
Suddenly it was like his brain decided to come back online and he realized what he was doing. He stopped kissing Soonyoung and leaned back, disconnecting their lips. He abruptly removed his hands from the younger as if it burned him to touch him. He shot backwards leaving a considerable amount of room between them. Soonyoung jolted a little before pulling back. His face flushing red as he did. Embarrassment filled in face as he looked away nervously scratching the back of his head.
Jiyong felt a rush of regret and guilt wash over him. It was clear that Soonyoung had wanted to kiss him too. He didn’t regret kissing him, he was just unsure. His feelings for the younger scared him. He wasn’t used to having feelings for a man and the age gap was a major concern for him.
After a few moments of silence Jiyong apologized. Soonyoung didn’t take this well, he launched into his own apology and tried to get up to leave. Jiyong stopped him before he could stand. After making sure Soonyoung was calm and wouldn’t bolt, Jiyong voiced his concerns. The younger smiled at him and confessed his own feelings. They talked a bit more, Soonyoung soothing Jiyong’s concerns.
The night ended with them going back to Jiyong’s apartment. They didn’t do anything more than make out for a bit more, both agreeing to wait and go on more dates before taking the next step. The next morning Jiyong woke up to no ‘Good Morning’ text, but he woke up to something even better. Soonyoung snuggled up fast asleep in his arms.
After spending months pining for the younger man to have him in his arms was the best thing he could ever wake up to. He was perfectly fine trading his ‘Good Morning’ text for a good morning kiss.