Chapter Text
Hikaru didn’t know how it ended up like this. He and Yoshiki had been eating popsicles when Yoshiki said something really weird.
“You ain’t the real Hikaru, are ya?”
What could that possibly mean? Of course, he was Hikaru. But why did his insides start to shift? Why did they start to leak out of his face? By ‘his’, he means Yoshiki obviously; Hikaru’s own insides were perfectly inside him.
Wait, what?
“The real Hikaru woulda realized I’ve been foolin’ him this whole time.” What the hell could Yoshiki mean by that? Has Yoshiki been keeping something from him? Damn, how’d he not notice? Hikaru just hopes it’s not about Yoshiki’s parents; he’s not too sure how he’d go about attempting to comfort him and all. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I was s’posed to be a perfect imitation of ‘im…” Yoshiki’s ‘insides’ were melting through the outside of his face, leaking into the very air he was talking to.
Did Hikaru take too much adderall this morning? His mom did warn him taking too much without much sleep could cause hallucinations.
Yoshiki started hugging him, hugging Hikaru. That was weird. They were both boys, and they couldn’t really do that anymore now that they would be called queers by the townsfolk.
“This is the first time I’ve been able to truly live @s @ h^m@n… sch**l, fr!$nds, !c$ cr$@m- !’m enj*y!n’ th$m @ll f*r th$ f!rst t!m$ $v$r… ! m@y b$ b*rr*win’ th!s b*dy @n’ p$rs*n@l!ty… b^t my feelings for you are all real…”
Feelings? Yoshiki had feelings for him? Being a queer in a town like theirs was serious business; you had to be careful about things like that, Hikaru would know.
“So please… I don’t want to kill you…”
Hikaru gently pushed Yoshiki away, then took his hand and held it.
“Ya won’t have’ta kill me, but we gotta keep this on the down low.” Yoshiki looked shocked, but still squeezed his hand back moments after.
…
That night, Hikaru did dream of Yoshiki, of how Hikaru’s dad had to talk to Yoshiki that one weekend and how Yoshiki had to go up to the mountains. Had to leave him, of how unfair it was. Why did his dad need to put Yoshiki in danger anyway? He should’ve just let Hikaru do whatever it was.
But Yoshiki was back now anyway, so it didn’t matter anymore. He walked to Yoshiki’s house in the morning for school like always. Yoshiki’s mom had been shouting something before shoving Yoshiki outside, but Hikaru was busy zoning out, looking at a weird-looking tree.
“Hey there, Yoshiki, mornin’!” Hikaru started talking to Yoshiki on their bike ride to school. Yoshiki spoke up sometimes, but mostly just stared at Hikaru in wonder. Hikaru wondered what that was about.
…
During class, they were watching some dumb flick; it was one of the most boring movies Hikaru ever had the displeasure of watching for a fifth time. However, when he looked over at Yoshiki, he was fighting back tears- odd.
“What’re ya cryin’ for? This movie is the most dumbest shit ever. She coulda left him earlier, but went outta her way to try and ‘fix him’ herself. Besides, we’ve seen it so many times already.”
“It’s just too sad, the poor thing. Even if she coulda left, it’s still sad to watch her be mistreated. Even if I have memories of watching it, this is my first time really watching the movie.”
It was surprisingly deep. Hikaru hadn’t thought about it that way. Even if someone made bad decisions, it’s still sad to watch them suffer from them.
…
They went out and got street food after school, and Yoshiki was trying to act like it wasn’t really good. Yoshiki had his face all scrunched up, and Hikaru just couldn’t take it anymore.
“BWAHAHA- WHAT- What is THat faCe??!!” Yoshiki’s face then looked even cuter when he started to pout.
“You’re bein’ way too loud.. And could ya stop makin’ fun of me?” No, Hikaru would not stop making fun of him; it’d be impossible.
“Oh, look, my favorite cat in the whole wide world! Mincemeat, how are ya? Did ya get even fatter from all the food the butcher’s been given’ ya?” He reached down and stroked the cat’s fur. Yoshiki was reaching to do the same when-
“HISSSSSSSS!” The cat then dashed away, weird.
“HAH- Ya see that? That cat really can book it, huh?”
“Uhm, maybe it’s cuz I was eatin’ a mince-meat cutlet?” There was a pause after Yoshiki spoke, of dead silence, before-
“HWAHAH! Yoshiki ya really outdid yerself with that one!” Hikaru patted Yoshiki on the back. Yoshiki needs to tell these kinds of jokes more often! “Do ya wanna go anyplace else in town?”
“Oh. You’d go with me?” Now, why would Yoshiki be so shocked at something like that?
“‘Course! Yer my best bud, why wouldn’t I?” Yoshiki looked startled for a second before it morphed into a… lovesick expression? He really didn’t take ‘on the down low’ seriously, huh?
“Uhm, I’m okay with just goin’ home, we only have that shabby diner or the Mion Mall anyway.”
“Good point! Oh, look a dragonfly!” Hikaru pointed at some reddish dragonfly buzzing past them.
“It’s a summer darter, a red dragonfly, even if it ain’t that red yet.”
“A red dragonfly, huh, in the summer?”
“The one associated with fall is an autumn darter; this one’s a summer one…”
“What’s the difference then, smarty pants!”
“Well, it’s hard to explain; they look nearly identical, but they’re two entirely different species.” For some reason, Yoshiki had a downcast look on his face while staring at the ground.
“Wow, no wonder our classmates call you ‘Emil’, heh…” Yoshiki’s been acting pretty weird lately, all sad and shit. Hikaru didn’t say anything wrong, did he? He feels like this all kinda started with Yoshiki asking him if he was the real Hikaru.
He was the real Hikaru. But what does the question imply in the first place? What does being a real Hikaru entail? Is he real, or does he just believe he’s real because that’s all he’s ever been told and led to believe? What if this was the moment I had to realize that I was never real in the first place? Why did that sentence feel different? It wasn’t right, was it? It wasn’t correct, was it, huh? It was different, but why? What made it different? It was still his thoughts, so why did it unnerve you?
Hikaru has to calm down.
“Uhm, also, if next time we’re at my place, feel free to read more of my copy of ‘Master Master’…” Yoshiki was holding the back of his neck and was visibly nervous about offering such a thing.
Is this all about Yoshiki confessing his feelings for Hikaru? That would actually make a lot of sense… then Yoshiki genuinely didn’t understand what Hikaru meant when he said they could keep it on the down low. Hikaru swears his friend is so dense sometimes. How could Hikaru not like him back?
“Course! How could I not!” Hikaru made sure to give an overwhelmingly positive response so Yoshiki could stop doubting himself and being an idiot. The corners of Yoshiki’s lips quivered for a second before angling themselves upwards. Good, that idiot needs to stop doubting himself. Hikaru would be more obvious about his return of Yoshiki’s affection if they weren’t in the middle of town, so it’d have to wait til some other day.
“Uhm, how far did you read before?” Hikaru’s glad Yoshiki isn’t trying to walk back without talking at all; he’s certainly attempted to on multiple occasions.
“Ron got to the island!”
“The part where he had to start at level zero?” Hikaru nodded back at him, “Okay, but remember I only have til the third volume.” Dammit, he’d have to beg Yoshiki to consider buying the fourth one. Maybe Hikaru could chip in a few yen to sweeten the deal?
“We’ll work something out…” like bribery, “But I was kinda wonderin’ how come ya got eleven copies of the first volume-”
“HYEEAAA!!” Old Lady Matsuura was screeching her head off while pointing at Yoshiki like he was some abomination- wait. Did she know? Fuck, what could’ve given it away? “AH… ahhh… Is that the ‘Lord Brain Snatcher’ who has descended before me?”
What…? Has she lost her damn marbles? Hikaru thought she knew they were queers, never mind she ain’t no damn threat then.
“Whoa. Lord Game Hacker, scary.” The hell was this lady on about anyway? Actually, how does this old fart even know what a hacker is to begin with…?
“YEEEEEEK!! DON’T COME CLOSER! LEAVEEEEE!! Wow, Ms. Matsuura was really gross. Does she even brush her teeth?
“D-Don’t pay her no mind.” Yoshiki was looking all nervous before he made eye contact with Old Lady Matsuura, and suddenly his face was wiped of all emotion. He had the face of a corpse.
“Let’s just get a move on then.” Hikaru decided they would all be happier if they just ended this supposed ‘confrontation’. Yoshiki nodded before they headed back to his house.
…
“See ya tomorrow, Yoshiki!” It sucks to have to say goodbye so soon, but they spent hours out in the village, and Hikaru should get home soon.
“Hey… Hikaru, you know Yoshiki is dead, right?” Huh…-
“Huh…”
“This body has a pulse and warmth to it… But it’s already dead.” Wow, this is some deep shit. Yoshiki really does need to go to a Tokyo university; he should study philosophy or some shit. Is Yoshiki depressed? Man, Hikaru really hasn’t been doing as good a job as he thought at displaying his feelings for Yoshiki. “Do ya like me?” Damn, he really hadn’t been if Yoshiki had to question it like that.
“Course I do! I like ya so damn much, I’m crazy for ya.” Yoshiki obviously hadn’t been expecting that response, which is like really damn sad. Hikaru’s gonna have to step up his game even more. Yoshiki’s face went all flushed the longer the silence went on. “See ya!” As Hikaru went to turn away, Yoshiki grabbed his wrist and pulled him back around. Yoshiki looked around really quickly, before-
KIsSinG hIKaRU?? It was only a small peck on the cheek, but Hikaru would not be surprised if he ended up fainting. He certainly would’ve if he didn’t have his bike still as a support. Since when did Yoshiki have the guts to do something like that? Hell, he was even doubting that Hikaru even reciprocated his feelings like two seconds ago!
“I’ll see ya tomorrow, Hikaru.” Now, Yoshiki was the one to turn away, and Hikaru was the flustered mess. Hikaru just stood there for long enough to be called a creep before leaving, but he could’ve sworn he heard the rattle of Yoshiki’s door open as he was leaving. Maybe he was just taking the trash out?
…
“Stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away, stay away!!”
“Ms. Matsuura, I’ve got a delivery for ya!” The statement rattled through the Old Lady’s shack, ricocheting off the tattered walls as bullets. He was certain Old Lady Matsuura even ducked down as if trying to dodge them.
‘Yoshiki’ wasn’t one to take pleasure in something as annoying as this, but he couldn’t leave this old hag spouting nonsense about him and spreading rumors. “Ms. Matsuura?” What a silly old lady.
“Waahhh! Agh! I ain’t openin’ the door!”
“OHH? Maybe she just ain’t here…? HELLO??? Anyone hooooome?”
“Th-Th- There’s no way a package would come this late!”
“You are home, aren’t you. We are both going to be in trouble if I don’t deliver this package.” The old hag continued to huff and puff as if she were on damn life support. “Ms. Matsuuraaaaa!! Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. Ms. Matsuura. MS. MATSUURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.”
“EEEK!! I WON’T LET’CHA IN!”
“But Ms. Matsuura, I’m already inside.”
…