Work Text:
“Can’t you just admit it? We’re lost!”
“We can’t be lost, this is a museum. Look, there’s a sign right there!”
☈ Atrium
“…What the fuck is that arrow??”
“Uh… I’ve never seen that before. I guess we go straight, take a sharp right, then sort of… zigzag back down and to the right?”
“Are we going to the atrium?”
“I don’t think we have any choice. I don’t remember the way back.”
“Oh, that’s just great, The Ball.”
“Well, do you?”
“No! This was your idea, so I was following you!”
“... Fine. Let’s go to the atrium.”
…
“Oh, look, another sign.”
⟲ Restrooms
⭮ Gift Shop
🔄Hall of Curiosities
“OK, what the fuck. Seriously. What. The actual fuck?”
“Calm down, Fabian!”
“No! Look me in the eye, The Ball, and tell me what these mean.”
“I, uh… well…”
“They’re all circles. Surely that means that we should be at the restrooms, gift shop, and Hall of Curiosities! But look around, we’re in the atrium and nothing is here!”
“Maybe it’s how you do it? Like… maybe if I turn counterclockwise… Hey, yeah! I can see the restrooms!”
“What, really? Let me try. … Well, I’ll be damned! Now explain the others, since you’re so smart.”
“Well, obviously you turn the opposite direction for the gift shop… There it i- Wait, where’d it go? I saw it for a brief second… Let me try again. There! Ah, it’s gone again! Hold on, let me look at this sign…”
“The circle’s not closed. I think… let me try. A-hah! I’ve outsmarted The Ball!”
“What? No fair, Fabian! What did you do?”
“The circle doesn't close, so you don’t turn around as much.”
“That can’t be… holy shit, you’re right. That’s… confusing.”
“You’re the one who chose to come here; what did you expect? …Now, how about that last one? Don’t you want to see the Hall of Curiosities?”
“Not if it involves more spinning in circles, I don’t. Let’s just go into the gift shop, buy a magnet, and be done with this place.”
“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day, The Ball.”
“Har, har.”
…
“...Why on earth are they selling teleportation scrolls for… 100 GP!? What a rip-off!”
“Hey, The Ball! Check out this shirt: ‘I got befuddled at the Museum of Confusion.’ I’m going to get this for you.”
“I’ve got myself a magnet, let’s find the cashier.”
“That’s just the word ‘Confused’ printed out of a label maker stuck on a magnetic strip.”
“Yeah, I think it sums up this place just fine. Let’s go.”
⮀ Cashier
“Ok, I think I’ve got this. We need to go left first, and then right, and then we should be able to find the cashier.”
“This shirt is not worth this hassle, but fuck it, let’s go. …Oh, come on now!”
“What is it, Fabian?”
“They’ve got one of those shitty AI self-checkouts. They never do anything right and just mess things up- Oh… well, that checks out for this place, I suppose.”
“Yeah…”
Your total comes to:
“No. Nope. I don’t care. Just take my money. I’m done with this place.”
“Oh, easy for you to say, Fabian. I’ve got a budget to consider.”
“No you don’t, because I’ll pay for it, too, if we just get out of here before I lose my mind!”
“Ok, alright, sheesh! Here. Someone’s crabby.”
“We’ve been going in literal circles to see this insane place they call a museum!”
“Point taken. … Thanks, Fabian.”
“Don’t mention it. Now, let’s get out of here.”
Exit:
A petal’s soft flight
From the cherry tree to ground
Believe in being
“This is all yours, The Ball.”
“Um… you know, I think I’m starting to understand why they were selling marked-up teleport scrolls in the gift shop.”
“Don’t tell me you’re giving up on this.”
“Just fork over the money and let’s get the hell out of here.”