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The doorbell rings. Joshua doesn't rush - doesn't plan to. But taking his time will only inconvenience the courier, it won't reach the senders.
So he leaves the mug on the counter and walks to the door. He takes the flowers from the young man at his door and thanks him, checks if he got a tip. He did - a generous one. Joshua hums in approval because he knows that it, too, won't reach the senders.
He closes the door and unwraps the bouquet. Thumbing at the smooth, pure white petals of the lilies, he feels his heart flutter and his stomach knot. His resolve, however, doesn't falter. He can't waver this soon.
It makes sense now, however, the day he received the big vase. It seemed random, a mistake, and he should've known better. He won't make the mistake of underestimating his husbands again, he thinks as he prepares the flowers and lowers the lilies into the vase to join the yellow carnations and purple hyacinths. Looking at the growing bouquet, he wonders whether he'll start receiving duplicate flowers once these start to wilt.
He should wait and see.
Returning to his mug, Joshua allows himself to bend his principles enough to check his phone, go through his messages. Nothing. So he turns away and throws away the teabag feeling only a hint of sadness. Then he reminds himself that he has nothing to feel sorry about.
It started with chocolates. Pralines from high-end businesses, only small and well curated selection that suited his taste perfectly and that he could enjoy as a treat when the day turned into night. Only a few boxes, couple of days between each one, timed so that a new one would only arrive once he finished the previous, eating only one praline a day. Or sometimes two, and even though it should be his little secret, his husbands seemingly saw through him.
It's frustrating and it also makes staying mad at them slightly harder.
He received other gifts. A new ring that he took to right away, not a fancy one - Joshua couldn't find the ring anywhere when he tried to search for its origin, which makes him wonder where Jeonghan found it. Seungcheol sent him a perfume, the scent unusual but perfect to layer with the one he's been using frequently lately. A lucky guess? Did Seungcheol have to ask for help picking it? He's curious about it as much as he is about the ring. His intrigue isn't enough to break his silence, however.
Joshua also received a lot of meals. Maybe it was cheating - but if so, he was only cheating himself. Putting in an order that he didn't finish or pay for, only for it to pop up miraculously at dinnertime. The wonders of sharing a delivery app. The couriers were always friendly and grateful, as if being generous to them would somehow also placate Joshua. And maybe it did, a little. Then again Seungcheol and Jeonghan were always like that.
The letters are, by far, his favorites. Joshua didn't think they'd go that far. Handwritten letters. On a nice paper that's honestly wasted on anything less than a beautiful cursive writing which his husbands' handwriting comes nowhere near to, but there's a certain charm in it.
Sometimes there would be a pressed flower hidden in the envelope, or a four-leaf clover. The letters themselves are of course what matters most, but Joshua can't say he wasn't waiting with bated breath if there would be a small surprise waiting for him. He knows them. He knows they'd never delegate anything that concerns him to anyone else. Each flower and each clover they had to find and press themselves, find the time for it, think about it. As if Joshua wasn't painfully aware of how much he's on their mind - after all, aren't they on his too?
The silence must be getting to them. That much is apparent from the letters getting longer and longer each time. Even if they say nothing of much importance, they mean more than could be expressed. Those that say nothing important at all, those might be the most precious to him.
The silence is definitely getting to them. And maybe he's being cruel - scratch that, he knows he is. But this once, he thinks they deserve it.
It's pink roses this time.
Joshua has to admit he likes this new routine. Receiving flowers every day, caring for them and admiring the growing bouquet. Even if his heart starts to hurt imagining the flowers slowly wilting, like a meadow dying in sections. He looks at the carnations, the hyacinths, the lilies, the daffodils, and the roses. His heart aches and it longs.
So he decides to throw the dogs a bone. It's about time anyway, his anger now simmering and sure to dissipate completely soon enough.
It takes him an embarrassingly long time to come up with a composition he likes, to pick an outfit and pose he thinks will have the best effect and will show off all the beautiful flowers. He applies a little makeup too, just to make everything as perfect as he can make it. He wears the new ring from Jeonghan, and he makes sure to tilt his head, his hair tucked behind his ear, to reveal the earring he received from Seungcheol on their last anniversary.
He works the light as much as his apartment allows, he experiments with the angles and finally sets the timer and takes a few pictures to choose from. He takes some selfies too, even if he really doesn't feel like it. After all, he doesn't want to post them, so taking them is meaningless. Unless he plans to send them to his husbands, which…
First he's going to post the photos. Then he'll see.
As expected, the moment the post is published, his husbands see it and let him know they've seen it. Whatever they do publicly he has little interest in, but he nearly drops his phone when it finally vibrates with notification of messages flooding their chat after weeks of silence.
He reads all of them, then rereads them. Over and over again. Even if there's nothing of significance. Compliments. Sweet nothings. They don't need to say they miss him for him to feel it written over each and every line they send. They don't need to say they love him either, but they do. They always do.
Joshua sends them one of the selfies he took. The one where he's smiling even if his eyes watered pathetically just at that moment. It's the only reply he sends.
He misses them too. Too much to come up with a way to say it without saying it.
After a few days of silence, it's white tulips.
The couriers look devastated when Joshua tells them that the hyacinths have already wilted and his bouquet will never be complete. Then they exchange a look and one of them uncovers the hand he's been hiding behind his back.
So after the never ending silence, it's white tulips and blue hyacinths.
"It won't be the same," Seungcheol says carefully, "Will these do?"
Joshua feels unfit to make any decision, or rather: he doesn't feel he can consider holding on to the grudge in the first place. If his husbands do one thing better than anyone, it's taking the ability to make bad choices away from him.
"They'll both do," Joshua smiles gently. He takes the tulips and the hyacinths, cradling them in his arms and breathing in their scent.
This time when he turns around to walk into the kitchen, he doesn't shut the door.
He's done putting the flowers into the vase when he finally hears the door close and a pair of hesitant steps approaching him. They linger in the living room, so he joins them with a fond sighs falling from his lips.
"You look beautiful," Jeonghan muses as he watches him with a soft expression on his face. Joshua scoffs.
He wasn't expecting them. To be honest, he didn't even check who's at the door, fully expecting just another delivery. There was no reason for him to change from his comfortable sweats and the silly shirt he got on one of their vacations - one that matches similarly silly ones they got for themselves.
"It's true," Seungcheol adds, "You seem happy. You're glowing."
"Must be all the flowers," Joshua shakes his head, his lips curl up without any permission, "I really loved that. Getting them was the highlight of my day."
They exchange smiles that don't feel polite or forced. It's a relief, even if the silence that follows feels oppressive.
Finally, Seungcheol licks his lips.
"I'm really sorry," he says.
"I'm so sorry too," Jeonghan obviously tries to hide the tremor from his voice, forgetting how well Joshua knows him, knows them both, "We'll give you more space if you need. We just needed to see you and apologize again."
"You apologized enough," Joshua sighs, "And I'm sorry too. I should've at least paused the argument while you were away. It must've been so hard on you."
Seungcheol takes a step forward, asking Joshua for permission like he's not about to fall to his knees if Joshua was to say no. He has no intention doing that, fortunately for his husband.
He opens his arms and feels a flood of relief when Seungcheol walks right into them. The scent of his cologne washes over him, overwhelming him with memories that it awakes in his mind. Seungcheol holds him like he'll disappear - tighter than when he comes to pick them up at the airport.
"And me?" Jeonghan chuckles. His eyes might as well make heart as he's watching them.
Joshua invites him to join them, soon getting crushed twice as hard. He always scolds them for being embarrassing in public but in his living room he realizes it's just really sweet.
"I missed you," he finally confesses, "I loved reading the letters. I really wanted to write you some back but I wasn't feeling very romantic."
They laugh. Seungcheol kisses the side of his head before reluctantly letting go. Jeonghan takes the opportunity to have Joshua for himself for a while.
"Maybe later then," Seungcheol suggests - Joshua immediately recognizes the badly hidden hopefulness in his voice - "It was fun for us to write them too."
"Mhm, that was the most surprising part about all this," Jeonghan agrees. With one last stroke down his back, he pulls back to hold his hand instead like he can't quite let go yet.
"I'll definitely try it," Joshua promises, squeezing Jeonghan's hand.
Seungcheol can't stay still, kissing Jeonghan as he passes him, kissing Joshua once he reaches him. Joshua laughs, happier than he's been in the past weeks. Taking Seungcheol's hand, he guides them to the kitchen.
Joshua makes dinner despite their insistence they should order and relax now that they're together again. Once they start helping him out, though, they warm up to the idea quickly. There's no doubt in his mind that it's because now they can be very inconspicuous with the little touches, brushing against him whenever they pass him or hand him something, and the not so smooth moves when they back hug him for a minute, claiming they got tired.
To be transparent, this was Joshua's plan all along.
He only wanted his husbands to stop being awkward with him. He only wanted to be with them again.
That's no crime.