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“Joker…!”
Not taking his eyes off the screen in front of him, Joker sighed heavily. “If I could make the ship go any faster, Vega, don’t you think I would?”
Vega opened his mouth to make some smart-ass retort… then closed it again without saying anything. He knew Joker was doing everything he could to get the Normandy back to Earth. Three days had passed already. Three days, during which they’d been stranded on some planet while Shepard was…
His hand went to the dog tags tucked under his shirt. They’d swapped one of the pair the night before the final battle. “For luck” Shepard had said as she pressed one of her tags into his hand.
He knew Shepard was a fighter – she’d beaten his ass enough times over the months – but with each day that passed, his hope dimmed just a little. Even with all her upgrades, she was still only human. How much punishment could one body take before…?
Quickly, he pushed the thought from his mind. He had to believe Shepard was going to be found… that she was going to be alright. A small rectangular piece of metal couldn’t be all he had left.
-x-
“Spirits!”
It wasn’t the single word Garrus said that caught Vega’s attention, but the way he said it. Slowly, he looked up and out through one of the windows. The Citadel, or what was left of it, was nothing but a twisted misshapen mockery of its former self.
Vega stared at the mangled mess and swallowed thickly. How could anyone survive that?
Feeling a weight on his leg, he looked up. Liara was watching him earnestly, her grey-blue eyes holding his so he found it almost impossible to look away.
“We will find her James. No matter what, we will find her.”
He nodded mutely, noting subconsciously that the asari hadn’t said they’d find her alive. It was an outcome he didn’t want to think about, but one that had crept constantly into his mind during the weeks they’d been trying to get back.
“Just looking for a place to put this thing down. I’ll get you as close as I can.”
Getting to his feet, Vega moved to the door ready to exit the shuttle the moment it landed.
Noticing a flux in the man’s vitals, Garrus got up and stood beside him. “Everything alright, Jimmy.”
Vega looked at the turian. “I need to find her, Scars, but what if…”
“Then we’ll find a bar, drink to her memory and move on… somehow. And this time we’ll make sure the galaxy doesn’t forget her.”
The hint of a smile tugged at Vega’s lips. He knew Shepard and Garrus were close, though never in that way. He’d questioned her about it once, after a few drinks, and she’d responded by telling him it would have been like “screwing her brother”.
-x-
Making their way through the remains of the Citadel was slow work. They moved carefully… methodically, each of them hoping Shepard had been found by one of the earlier search teams. If not… Not of them wanted to consider “if not”. Even Garrus with his turian “death is a part of war” mentality kept the thought firmly from his mind.
“Picking anything up, Scars?”
Garrus shook his head. Even over the comm he could hear the fear in Vega’s voice. “Not yet. But we’ve still got a lot to search through.”
The further into the once impressive structure they got, the more difficult things became. Twisted metal tangled with the broken limbs of the dead, and at each body the trio stopped to see if it was Shepard. Time and again it wasn’t, and they breathed a collective sigh of relief whilst trying to ignore the very real prospect that the next body could be.
Squeezing between some rubble and what looked like it might once have been an air duct, Vega took the opportunity to glance back at the other two. His plan had been to do this alone… just in case, but he was glad they were there nonetheless. He really didn’t think he could have gotten past the first body alone, let alone the next five or six. And who knew how many more they would have to examine before finding the truth.
-x-
“James. Garrus. Over here.”
Human and turian glanced at each other, then hurried over to where Liara was crouching near a pile of rubble. They’d been searching for close on three hours now. Stopping for five minutes every half hour to take a drink and force down an energy bar.
“Did you find something? Is it..?”
Straightening up, Liara held the object she’d found out to Vega. Taking it, he swallowed down his apprehension and looked down at his hand. His stomach dropped.
“It’s Shepard’s…”
He glanced up at Liara and Garrus, waiting for the obvious question. It never came, and for that he was thankful.
Turning away he pocketed the twisted piece of metal. He remembered the night he’d given it to her; the way she’d joked and the soft brush of her lips against his skin. They’d been at her apartment, alone, sharing a bottle of wine and a brief respite from the war. All they’d had was an hour, but damn if they hadn’t made the most of it.
“I shouldn’t have let her go alone.”
Garrus placed his hand on the man’s shoulder; a gesture of sympathy and understanding. “You know she wouldn’t have let you do that. If there’s one thing I learned quite quickly about Shepard, it’s that she always protects the people she loves.”
“I know. It’s just…” Sighing, Vega glanced down at the floor where the object had been found. “Why couldn’t she let someone try and protect her for once?”
-x-
Another hour past… and then another, and still the only sign they’d found that Shepard had even been there was the twisted piece of metal in Vega’s pocket. Five hours of searching and they were still no closer to discovery what had become of her.
Anger starting to overtake the fear, Vega slammed his fist into the remains of a wall. “Damn it, Lola, where are you?”
“We still have some more places to search, James. We could still find her.”
Vega turned on Liara. “And what if we don’t? Or what if we do, and she’s…” Collapsing onto a pile of rubble he dropped his gaze to the space between his feet. After a few seconds, he looked up. “Sorry, Doc.
“This is hard on all of us, James. I understand.”
Forcing himself to stand again – the whole experience had drained him both physically and emotionally – Vega wasn’t sure which prospect he found most disquieting: finding Shepard’s body and having some form of closure, or not finding her and possibly spending the rest of his life in some form of limbo. For ten years he’d kept to his ‘no fraternising’ rule… and then he’d met Shepard and the one rule he’d adhered to throughout his career had taken a running jump off the nearest cliff. It wasn’t that he’d been living the life of a monk during those ten years, but those women had been nothing more than a distraction… and sometimes an ego boost. Shepard on the other hand was… She was the woman he wouldn’t give up on; the woman he would spend the rest of his days searching for if he had to.
-x-
Vega held Shepard’s hand, kissing the tips of her fingers as he tenderly brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face. He pressed his lips to her palm, her chin, and her broken and battered lips; to every inch of skin that was exposed, in an effort to let her know he was there. And he no longer cared that other people were there… that they were seeing this gorilla of a man break down and cry.
Placing one last kiss on Shepard’s temple, he got to his feet and walked away. Stopping after a few steps he looked back; his next words were no more than a whisper
“Save a dance for me, Lola…”