Work Text:
the chime above the door of the panda lin doesn't so much ring as it does clatter. the cheap metallic sound echoes through the unnervingly still dining room. much like outside, the air inside is warm. the only difference is in the smell of sesame oil, citrus floor cleaner, and the faint, sweet tang of marinated pork. at the counter, a boy who looks to be about your age jolts upright, nearly knocking over a lucky cat figurine whose golden paw continues to wave rhythmically. scrambling to look professional, he smooths the wrinkles out of his cherry-red polo shirt and clears his throat.
he greets you with practiced enthusiasm. you tell him you're looking for mike, the manager who you're supposed to be meeting at one. the boy's shoulders drop. he doesn't say anything else before disappearing through the swinging grease-stained kitchen doors. a moment later, he returns, followed by a scruffy looking older man. the cashier returns to his original seat.
the older man, mike, tucks his stained collared t-shirt into his old jeans. he eyes you dubiously before asking you for your resume. you fish through your bag, fingers tangling with your keys before finally snagging the edge of a crisp green folder. you pull your resume and hand it over to him.
mike's greasy hands grip onto the white paper as he scans the lines quickly. he asks you brief questions and you answer all of them in the same way. you try to make a joke, but he doesn't even crack a smile. your prospects of getting this job are dwindling until mike folds your resume and tucks it underneath his arm. he starts going on about their summer plans and how he thinks business will pick up. behind his shoulder, the cashier slowly catches your eyes. he glances at mike, than back at you and shakes his head at whatever mike is saying.
a tiny smile tugs at your lips. you try to refocus on mike before he catches you, but he's a lot faster than he looks. he snaps at him. "caleb! i'm not paying you to sit all day and play games on your phone. go wipe down some tables."
"i just did that thirty minutes ago." caleb retorts.
"then find something else to do."
caleb gets up begrudgingly and disappears once again through the kitchen doors. mike lets out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. after a moment, he looks back up at you and continues the interview. to your surprise, he offers you the job, telling you to come in tomorrow.
with that, you leave the restaurant.
the heat of the parking lot hits you like a ton of bricks. you head for your mom's sedan, doing your dorky little celebratory dance as you search for her keys in your bag.
"did you get it?"
you jump, a yelp escaping your lips as you spin around. caleb is standing by the side of the building, a heavy black trash bag sagging in each of his hands. the sun catches the messy highlights in his hair, making him look more like the love interest in a teen beach movie.
"jeez!" you breathe. "you really shouldn't sneak up on people."
"noted."
"and i did get it."
"good," he nods. he turns and starts the long trek towards the dumpsters at the edge of the lot.
he's weird, you think as you watch him go. you find your keys and slide into the car, the vinyl seats burning the back of your legs. you drive home with the windows down.
the next morning you arrive at the restaurant at 10am sharp. when you walk in, caleb is already there. he greets you, calling you 'new girl'. you counter with your actual name, sliding to the back of the counter beside him.
he clasps his hands together with a loud smack that reverberates through the empty restaurant. he tells you that mike isn't coming in today, so he's the de facto manager. he opens the door to the kitchen and you slide past him.
caleb shows you around starting with mike's locked office door. the kitchen, belonging to ms. lim, the chef. and the tiny door-less closet that was supposed to be the break room.
for the rest of the day, caleb continues his tour. he introduces you to ms. lim, who comes in an hour later. he shows you all the supply closets, the bathrooms, and the corners of the restaurant that don't have security cameras, "just in case you ever need to use them," he tells you with a wink. he takes you on a tour of the strip mall, showing you the boba place that gives 20% discounts to other employees of the complex. he teaches you how to use the register, how to take orders, how to read them out to ms. lim.
at the end of all of your training, five hours later, the two of you end up sitting in a booth. ms. lim brings out a plate of noodles for you to share, telling you that you've worked hard today.
caleb dives in, probing you about why you decided to work at panda lin of all places.
"i have an unhealthy shopping addiction and i need to fund it somehow."
"you said you were in school?"
"yeah, it's this tiny little performing arts school in whitesand bay."
"performing arts?"
"yes, i'm an actress."
"you've been in anything i've seen."
"not yet," you giggle. "i should say i'm trying to become an actress. what about you? why are you working here?"
"i'm taking a gap year… well, two gap years to save up for aviation academy. i want to be a pilot."
"my uncle works for silverbay airlines." you take a sip of your fountain drink. "he's a pilot too."
"yeah, i'm not really commercial." caleb takes the last spring roll and cuts it in half. he places one half on your plate. "here you go," he shoves his half in his mouth and stands up. "see you tomorrow."
for the next month, you a caleb spend every day together. since your interview, you've seen mike probably three times, but caleb tells you that's normal. he's usually never around. but whenever he's around, the two of you try to keep busy. you sit at your ordained booth marrying sauce bottles, refilling salt and pepper shakers, refilling napkin holders. you wipe down the same tables over and over again every time he comes out to the dining room.
most of the time, when mike isn't around, the two of you are eating leftovers that ms. lim makes. over orange chicken, he questions you. he says he's just doing his due diligence to find out who this new person working with him is. he asks you about your life in school, your major, your friends. he asks about your life at home, or lack thereof. your mom and stepdad moved here at the end of the summer last year, so you don't really know anyone in this town. you don't have any friends, so other than work and helping your mom out at the library on sundays, you don't have much of a social life here.
caleb is surprisingly very vulnerable with you, someone he just met. he does calls himself an open book. he shares a lot about his dad, who used to be a fighter pilot before he got sick. caleb proudly recounts his father's tales with a shimmer in his purple eyes. he tells you about his grandmother who raised him after his father died. she was kind, he says, but you could tell she didn't want the responsibility of raising a child at her age. on his 18th birthday, she handed him the keys to his father's house and a letter telling him that she's moving further south.
one day after work, he takes you to his house. he shows you his admittedly impressive model airplane collection and his childhood bedroom covered in glow-in-the-dark stars. the two of you watch a movie together, but you're pausing every five minutes to dissect the scene. at the end, you notice how dark it is outside. you slide off his bed and leave his room.
the next day, at the end of the work day, caleb convinces you to come out with him to take out the trash. he tells you it's for "moral support", but when you ask how that makes sense since he's been doing it long before you started working there, he just drags you along with him. he tosses the two large trash bags into the dumpster with a heavy thud and turns to face you, wiping his palms on his jeans. you're leaning against the gate on your phone, your bag already slung across your chest.
"are you busy tonight?" the two of you begin walking back to the restaurant.
"i'm never busy."
"good, do you want to come to a party?"
"who's party?"
"i'll pick you up at 9."
"that didn't answer my question."
"i'll see you tonight." he says with a smirk and disappears through the doors.
when you get home, you spend two hours getting ready for caleb to pick you up. you turn your entire bedroom around, trying to find something to wear that says you didn't try too hard. the floor of your room disappears under a sea of discarded fabrics until you settle on something casual (jeans and the only 'going out' top you own). you wait on the edge of your bed, staring at your phone for a text from caleb.
five minutes later, to your surprise, the doorbell rings instead. you rush downstairs, shoes clicking against the hardwood, bolting past your parents who are curled up on the couch.
"where are you going?" you stepdad asks you.
"hanging out with my coworker." you answer breathlessly, already reaching for the doorknob.
"what time will you be ba—?" your mom asks you but you're already out the door and pushing caleb back to his car.
"woah, eager." he exclaims.
"hey," you take a deep breath, trying to steady your heart rate. "are you ready?"
he opens the passenger door for you with a bow. you slip into the seat, the scent of his cologne filling your lungs.
the drive to the city is unusually quiet. the only sound is the quiet hum of the ac and the faint vibration of tires on the road. you try to ask caleb where you're going, but he seems to be in his head, his fingers drumming a restless beat against the steering wheel.
"you're not taking me to some forest to kill me, are you?" you joke, hoping to break the tension.
"there are no forests anywhere near here." he says, curtly, his eyes fixed on the road. he pauses for a second, the corner of his mouth twitching. "and besides, why would i want to kill my favorite coworker?" he adds with a smile that finally meets his eyes.
"does ms. lim know that? she might get jealous."
"ms. lim knows that my love for her is different." he chuckles as the city skyline begins to tower over the car.
the car pulls into a cramped space in front of an old, red-brick apartment building. "we're here."
caleb leads you up the four-floor walk-up. the stairwell smells like cheap cigarettes and mildew. when you reach a large brown door, caleb pushes it open to reveal a party. as soon as you walk in, he reaches back for your hand, fingers locking firmly with yours. he holds it tightly as you navigate through the crowd of sweaty bodies. you feel the thumping bass of the vaguely familiar song in your chest as he pulls you toward a small, dimly lit room at the back of the flat.
he walks in first, still tugging you along.
"oh, look who decided to join us." a girl with bright red hair and silver rings says when she sees him. she doesn't wait for a greeting before she shoves a lukewarm drink into his hand.
"hey, guys, this is y/n," caleb introduces you, his thumb grazing the back of your hand. "she's my…"
"ooh, the coworker." the girl cuts him off, her eyes scanning you with curiosity. she takes you away from caleb and leads you to a makeshift bar. "i've heard so much about you."
"oh?"
"yeah, he talks about you all the time." you glance back at caleb, who is suddenly wrapped up in conversation with some of his friends. "i've been so excited to meet you. you're like a legend. i'm gretchen, by the way." she continues.
"oh, i'm not–"
"here." she hands you a drink. she grabs hers and clinks your plastic cups. you take a sip of the drink. it's sweet at first, but then the alcohol burns your throat.
"thanks," you choke out.
gretchen leads you over to the beanbags, where some other girls are seating. you look around the room. it's hazy with smoke, filled with people who all seem to have known each other since childhood. you feel out of place, like trespasser, watching from the sidelines. the girls try to include you, but it's hard trying to pretend to understand inside jokes or recognize the characters in their stories.
"so, what's up with you and caleb?" a girl seating across from you nods at you.
"me?" you ask incredulously. she nods again. "uh, nothing."
she hums and the other girls share looks. gretchen turns to face you. "just a heads up," she swirls the ice in her glass. "there's a lot of history with his ex. he says there's nothing there, but it's always back and forth with those two. so, um, be careful."
you feel a small prickle of discomfort. you watch caleb playing darts with some guys. he throws the dart and it his the board right in the middle. you turn back to the girls and offer a dismissive shrug, trying to play it cool. "it's not like that." you tell them. "caleb and i work together. we-we're just friends."
after a few hours of cramped apartment air, you and caleb decide to call it a night. the drive back home is almost the same as before— silent, except instead of tense, you're just exhausted and a little tipsy. you're resting you head on the cool glass, eyes fluttering shut when the car drives under a streetlight.
caleb is the one who breaks the quiet. "hey, thank you for coming tonight. i know my friends can be a lot, especially when they start gossiping about stuff, but i think they really liked you."
"i liked them too," you respond softly without opening your eyes.
the rest of the drive and much of the weeks that follow is a blur. you and caleb spend more and more time together. every weekend, you escape to the city to meet his friends and caleb drops you home long after your parents have already gone to bed. during the week, you find yourself doing the most mundane things with him. the two of spend a lot of late nights sitting in his car in the park, sharing a bag of chips or gummy bears, talking until the sun comes up.
after your shifts, you go on long aimless drives down empty back roads. caleb always lets you pick the music, and he never complains when you play the same song three times in a row. it's on these nights, with the windows cracked to let the cool night air in, that you realize you're feelings for caleb are changing quickly. you're watching him laugh at a dumb joke and suddenly you feel an ache in your chest.
one night, sometime in at the end of july, he's dropping you off at home. "my friend, patrick, is throwing a party this weekend for his birthday."
"cool,"
"alright, i'll let him know you're coming."
"are you sure it's okay? i feel like i've been tagging along whenever your friend are hanging out and i don't know, i don't want them to think i'm weird."
"what? my friends love you." he pulls to a stop at a red light and turns to look at you. "and i want you to come. i like having you around. it feels different whenever you're not there."
your heart rate is spiraling out of control. your stomach is doing olympic level flips. you tuck a loose strand of hair behind your hair and stare at your lap for a little too long, tracing the seams of your jeans. the words are right on the tip of your tongue— something cool and smooth that you've picked up from hanging out with his friends. you open your mouth slightly, but the moment shatters when his phone buzzes in the cup holder. the screen lights up with a notification. he glances at the phone and scowls when he sees the message. he grips the steering wheel tightly as the light turns green.
caleb drops you off at home. "i'll see you tomorrow," he says as you step out of the car. he waits until you've opened the door and waved goodbye to him before he drives off.
the next day, you arrive at the panda lin and caleb is nowhere to be seen, in his place, behind the cash register, is mike. you ask him about caleb, but he just grumbles something about calling out last minute this morning and stomps off into his office, the heavy door slamming shut behind him.
you pull out your phonw to text caleb: hey, are you sick or something?
you check your phone every hour during your shift, but there's no response from caleb. after work, you drive past his house, but his car isn't even in the driveway. you text him again before you go home.
caleb doesn't show up at work the next day, or the day after that, or even for the rest of the week. you want to text him, call him, maybe even send a carrier pigeon, but after your sixth message went unread, you decide to let it be. you call gretchen instead. she always seems to know where all her friends are.
"oh, uh… caleb is great!" she answers when you ask about him. the inflection at the end of her sentence tells you that she's lying.
you press, anyways. "oh, he just hasn't been at work all week. have you heard from him or talked to him or anything?"
"yeah, he had some things come up, so he's out of town, but he should be back tomorrow, i think."
"okay, thanks." you try to sound like you're not disappointed, but you're not sure how convincing you actually are. gretchen doesn't seem to notice, or if she does, she swiftly changes the topic.
"i'll see you next weekend though, right?"
"this weekend?"
"for patrick's birthday party?"
"oh, yeah. i guess. i don't know yet."
"what do you mean you don't know?" she asks like you just said the dumbest thing ever. "you're coming. i'm going to pick you up at 6pm on friday night, okay?"
"do i have a choice?"
"no," she giggles. "and don't worry about caleb. this is normal. for him. he goes off the grid when he's out of town."
"right."
caleb finally comes back to work on monday and it feels completely different between the two of you, and it's mostly from him. he doesn't join you in filling napkin holders or ask you to follow him to take out the trash. it's like he's avoiding you and you don't know what changed in the past week. when you do try talking to him, he responds in short sentences. the only time he starts a conversation is when it's work related. whatever happened when he was out of town flipped him like a switch and it's clear that caleb now has no interest in talking to you about it. so much for being an open book.
friday rolls around like a slow-motion car crash. when gretchen's car honks from your driveway, the butterflies in your stomach flutter up a tornado. going to caleb's friends party without caleb feel weird. even though gretchen promised to be by your side all night, it doesn't feel the same as when caleb is around and you and him are good like before.
the party is at a sticky, little bar that anyone could miss, except on a night like tonight. bodies spill out onto the streets and the music from inside thumps so loud, you can hear it from two blocks away. you didn't know patrick knew this many people. when you walk in, gretchen disappears for a second to grab drinks, leaving you hovering near a wall decorated with peeling posters. yout ry to look buys, fumbling with your phone, or smoothing out yoru top, or pretending to be searching for something in your purse, but you can't help but glance at the door every time the heavy wood swings open and cool air seaps in.
after the third group of people floor in, he walks in shortly after them.
his smile is bright and a complete 180 from anything you've seen on his face this week at work. his hand is stretched backwards, fingers curled around someone else's and you soon see why.
behind him is a girl. she's stunning, literally drop dead gorgeous. she has a face that belongs on a billboard, with sharp, high cheekbones and skin that glows even under the grimy lights of the bar. her long black hair cascades down her back in heavy, silky waves, moving in perfect sync with her as she navigates the bodies until they reach the bar.
gretchen returns with two drinks in her hand. you take one from her and practically chug it. the sharp medicinal burn of the alcohol hits the back of your throat before you can even taste it.
"woah, are you alright?" she asks you.
"yeah," you lie. you glance back at the bar and she follows your eyes to where caleb is standing there with the girl. he isn't trying to get the attention of the bartender like everyone else around them. he's only looking at her, his hands firmly planted on her waist, pulling her slightly closer to him.
the sight of his fingers resting there, rubbing small circles into the fabric of her dress, makes the ache in your chest, flare. it's suffocating.
gretchen brings you back to earth. "oh, mckenna is back?"
"mckenna?" you choke out.
"his ex. i had no idea she was coming tonight, or that she was even in town." you look back at them. caleb is laughing at something she says, his head thrown back. you chug the rest of your drink and set the cup aside on the table beside you.
gretchen looks at you with pitiful eyes. "let's go somewhere," you nod and she takes your hand, dragging you further into the party.
the rest of the night passes in a blurry, nauseating haze. you do a good job of avoiding caleb and mckenna. you don't see them again, and you hope they also didn't see you. you spend the party dancing with gretchen on the opposite side of the room, or escaping to the bathroom whenever you see them approaching the group. between that, you're traversing to the bar, accepting any drink you're offered.
the crowd begins to thin out around two am and the bar finally starts to feel bigger. you find yourself stumbling towards the back hallway to find the restroom.
inside, you turn on the sink and let the cold water run over your hands. you stare at your reflection, glossy-eyed and flushed, you almost don't notice the bathroom door creak open behind you. until you see a familiar dress and you freeze. mckenna hurries in, heels clicking against the tile. she flashes you a polite smile before darting toward the open stall and slamming the door shut behind her.
your hands are still under the running water, your skin prickling as the cold numbs your fingers. your heart is beating so loudly, you're convinced she can hear it through the thin metal stall door. the sound of her shifting inside the stall makes your stomach twist. you consider drying your hands and bolting out the doors, but your feet refuse to move. they're rooted to the grimy tile, awaiting your humiliation ritual.
the stall door opens again. you shut off your faucet and dry your hands.
mckenna steps out, smoothing down her dress casually. up close, she's somehow even prettier. she washes her hands beside you, glancing up at you through the mirror like she's just realized she's not the only person there.
"hey," she says, like she's an old acquantaince. "y/n, right?"
"yeah," you swallow.
"you're really popular," she continues. you blink. "everyone was talking about you, but i didn't get to see you out there."
she purses her lips, rinsing the soap from her hands. you stare at her as she reaches across your sink for the paper dispenser. she dries her hands with the paper towel and leans back against the counter, studying you as well. you try to match her energy, also leaning against the counter, but it feel foreign and awkward.
"i'm mckenna," she stretches her hand out, and you take it. "it's nice to finally meet you, y/n."
you nod. the bathroom suddenly feels too small for the both of you. "yeah, you too." you slur.
the silence returns. she stares at you for a moment, eyeing you, but it's not judgmental, and in a way, it kind of makes it worse. you wish she was mean, that was you could justify not liking her. after what feels like an eternity of being under her scrutiny, you finally find the strength to turn towards the door. "i'm gonna go," you mumble.
"yeah,"
you leave the bathroom and as soon as you turn the corner, you see caleb standing there, his back against the wall. he's staring at his shoes, with a purse in his hands, presumably hers. he looks up and catches your eyes.
"fuck," you say under your breath.
"you're here?"
"i'm leaving," you start to walk away, but he pushes himself up from against the wall. you stop.
"how did you get here? do you need a ride back?"
"i came with gretchen."
"you know gretchen is very drunk, right?"
"i don't have to work tomorrow, so i'm spending the night at hers." you respond, looking away from him
"y/n," he starts, taking a step towards you. if you didn't know any better, you'd think the softness you see briefly is a sign that he's back to normal and he cares for you, but then he stops abruptly, and you realize you were having momentary delusions. he eyes flicker to the end of the corridor, where mckenna is standing.
"hey, y'ready?" her soft voice asks.
caleb glances back at you, then quickly looks away, his jaw tightening. his mouth opens slightly, like he wants to say something, but he shuts it again. he looks at her, then back at you, and his wall is up again, impenetrable. "i'll see you at work on monday," she says flatly. he doesn't wait for your answer before walking past you and following her out.
you wipe away the tear prickling in the corners of your eyes and go to find gretchen. she's clinging onto patrick. her eyes are shut as she badgers him with random questions. he guides the two of you home. gretchen crashes as soon as she flops onto her bed, while you text your parents to let them know where you are.
the next morning, you wake up, disoriented on her couch. the first thing to do when you come back to your senses is reach for your phone on her coffee table.
you have some missed calls from your parents, but most importantly, you have a text message from caleb: do you want me to pick you up from gretchen's?
you ignore it. at first, it feels childish, but after a few hours, it starts to feel like you're in control. like you're choosing yourself in a small way. like it's your turn to make him worry.
that evening, after gretchen drops you off, you still haven't responded to him. he has texted you a few more times since the morning, but you put your phone on silent so you could distract yourself from where it is burning a hole in your bag.
at work on monday, you're different. you're not pushing for him to talk to you like you were last week. you're distant and he's the one who is yearning for your attention. when he asks how you're doing, you answer shortly. when he cracks a joke, you smile politely, but it doesn't meet your eyes.
you keep yourself busy, but he hovers a litle closer to you than usual, like he's waiting for an open. but even when you don't give him one, he doesn't back off. it's something you simultaneously hate and love about him. he's never unsure of himself. he's always the confident one, the person who knows where to go and what to do. and even now, he's still so sure that you're going to break and warm up to him again.
but it's difficult to do that when mckenna is almost always around. she stops by after caleb's shifts, leaning against the counter while he cashes out. sometimes, she'll come by in the middle of the day and sit in a booth near the window, scrolling on her phone, legs crossed elegantly. whenever mike isn't around, caleb will sit with her, leaving you by yourself at the register.
you tell yourself that you don't care about her coming around what feels like almost every day. you tell yourself you're just being dramatic. but every time you see her, every time she leans across the table to whisper something to him, every time caleb laughs at something she says, you feel something tighten in your chest. she's always polite to you, of course. she's always smiling, asking how work is going, complimenting your hair. you really want to hate her, but you have no reason to, other than her proximity to a guy you have no claim to.
but just as she appeared, two weeks later, she's gone.
one afternoon, mike actually shows up, meaning you and caleb are stuck pretending to work harder than usual. you end up in your booth, building takeout boxes in silence. you rest your chin in the palm of your hand, staring at your stack of boxes on the side.
you pretend to ignore caleb staring at you, until he speaks. "you've been real quiet lately," he says carefully.
you shrug. "have i?"
"yeah, more than usual." he nods, as he grabs another piece of cardboard. "are you mad at me or something?"
you also pick up another piece of cardboard. "why would i be mad at you, caleb? i just don't have anything to say."
he studies you, squinting at you as you try to focus on the box you're currently folding. "you promise there's nothing on your mind?"
it honestly would be easier to lie and pretend like nothing is happening or like nothing happened between the two of you. however, you've been harboring these feelings and you've held it in for too long and you don't want to lie anymore. you set the box aside and look him dead in the eyes. "whatever happened to mckenna?" you ask.
he doesn't answer right away. he leans back against the booth, arms crossed loosely over his chest. you copy his stance, loosening your shoulders and crossing your arms over your chest too. "she left."
"left?"
"yeah," he continues. "she was here for just a little bit. helping me with something." you nod slowly, as though that answers everything, as though he's not being completely and frustratingly vague. you want to press but this is the longest conversation you've had with caleb in weeks and you don't want to push it. "why?" he asks.
"why what?"
"whay are you asking?
"i just realized i haven't seen her around in a while." you pick up the box you were working on, and finish it up.
"yeah," he also continues his box. "she went back."
"back where?"
"home."
you hum softly. your mouth starts moving before your brain can register the words coming out. "so, you guys are doing long distance now?"
his brown knit together. you dug yourself into this hole, so you force yourself to see it through. "long distance," you repeat, slower this time. "since she left?"
caleb snorts. "we're not together."
"oh," you swallow.
caleb straightens, but he's still chuckling. "y/n, what?"
"nothing, i just thought…" you shake your head. "actually, it doesn't matter." he leans forward, eyes locked with yours. you sigh." you guys were really close at patrick's party. i just thought you were getting back together."
"well, we're not together." he responds. "we haven't been together in a long time."
"okay."
"okay?"
"what do you want me to say?"
he opens his mouth, then closes it again. for once, he doesn't seem to have an answer ready. his gaze flicks down to the table, then back up to you. "i don't know," he admits. "i feel like you've been pulling away from me lately."
now it's your turn to laugh. "i was thinking the same thing."
"that's not fair."
"but ghosting me for a week is?"
caleb goes still. he takes a deep breath before he starts speaking again. "i didn't mean to ghost you. my grandma passed away and i had to go down for her funeral. it was just really crazy."
you reach across the table for his hand and he lets you take it. "i'm so sorry," you squeeze his hand.
"i'm sorry,"
"you don't have to apoogize."
"no, i do." he shakes his head. "i got your texts, i just didn't have it in me to respond to anyone. and since i came home, i've been trying to process everything and it's hard to be myself when i don't know how i feel. i didn't mean to ignore you, but i did. and for that, i am sorry."
"i'm not upset with you, anymore."
"promise?" he stretches out his pinky.
you hook your pinky around it. "promise."
who would have though a short conversation would fix everything between you and caleb? maybe, not everything. you are still hesitant to let him in all the way. you're going back to school in a month anyway. you don't need to get too attached like you did at the beginning of the summer, especially since you don't know the full story of what is going on between him and his ex. the best thing for you, you think, is to keep that wall up again. you cannot afford to have your heart broken twice in one summer by the same person.
nevertheless, you allow yourself fall back into the same habits with caleb. you see him almost everyday at work, obviously, and most of your free time is spent with him, in his car, at his house, or in the city with his friends.
one day, you're all hanging out at gretchen's apartment. caleb goes to the kitchen and gretchen takes that as an opportunity to pull you aside. "do you have something to tell me?" she asks you once you are in the safety of her room.
"not that i can think of." you sink onto her bed.
"you can't think of anything, concerning someone in the other room?" she plants her hands firmly on her hips.
you lean closer, "who?"
"caleb."
"what about him?"
"you're really going to keep hiding your feelings for him?"
"i don't have feelings for caleb." you respond quickly, suspiciously so.
"you don't expect me to believe that."
"yes, i do. caleb and i are just—"
she cuts you off. "what? just friends who work together?"
"exactly! and besides, even if i did, i think he still has feelings for mckenna."
"what makes you think that?" she sits on the bed beside you. "you should see the way he looks at you. he's never been like that with anyone since i've known him."
"yeah, well, you should see him with mckenna." you roll your eyes, trying to push the out thought of them giggling together in you and caleb's unofficial official booth from your head. "why did they break up in the first place? they seem perfect for each other."
"you should talk to him about that."
"and what am i going to say? 'caleb, i like you but i'm worried you're in love with your beautiful, stunning ex-girlfriend'?"
"ha!" she exclaims, causing you to jump a little bit. "so you do have feelings for him." she points at you.
"dude, that's literally not the point."
meanwhile in the living room, caleb goes back to sit between patrick and one of his other friends, gideon. "where did y/n go?" he asks.
"somewhere with gretchen." patrick answers, taking a sip of his drink and turning his attention back to the movie playing on the tv.
"don't worry, your girlfriend will be back soon." gideon teases him, poke his side. he swats gideon's hand away.
"she's not my girlfriend."
"do you know that?"
"what's that supposed to mean?"
"you treat her like she's your girlfriend."
"no i don't. she's my friend."
"you literally opened her drink for her." patrick pauses the movie to point out. gideon nods along.
"i did that for you, too. does that also make you my girlfriend?" caleb asks patrick.
"i'm way out of your league. you couldn't bag me."
"you guys are ridiculous."
"who's being ridiculous?" the door to the bedroom opens and gretchen walks out with you trailing behind her.
"it's nothing."
you go to sit down between caleb and gideon, oblivious to gideon and patrick sharing looks across the couch.
in the car ride home, caleb asks you what you and gretchen were talking about in the room. you deflect, saying she wanted to show you something she got recently. caleb accepts that answer and turns the radio up a little. the lie is eating at you, but you don't want to be so forward. once the car merges onto the highway, you reach for the volume dial, turning it back.
taking a deep breath, you start. "i have a question for you." caleb hums in response. "you never told me what happened between you and mckenna."
"that's not a question." he jokes.
"okay," you roll your eyes. "why did you guys break up?"
"she moved away when we were 15, and we didn't want to do long distance."
"but there are still feelings there?"
"this is your second time asking me this."
"i don't think i believe you."
"why not?"
"because she's beautiful and kind and funny and you guys look good together."
"and she's my oldest friend. i love mckenna, but we're just friends, and we're better off as friends anyways."
"like you and i are friends?"
he turns to face you. you're looking at him directly in the eyes. "what do you mean by that?"
"i mean, you say that you and mckenna are friends—"
he cuts you off. "cause we are."
"and you say you and i are friends."
"are we not friends?"
"i don't know what we are, caleb. you confuse me."
"i could say the same thing about you."
a long silence stretches until you reach your house. the car pulls into the driveway and caleb puts it in park. you unbuckle your seatbelt and grab your stuff. you reach to open the door, but caleb stops you.
"by the way, mckenna and i aren't friends like you and i are." he says. "i don't know what it is, but i feel very differently about you."
you glance down at your lap, rubbing your sweaty palms agsinst the harsh fabric of your jeans. caleb continues. "i really like having you around and whenever you're not around, i'm thinking about you and wishing you were there. even when i was away, all i wanted to do was come back to you."
"yeah, that's why you ignored me for a week afterwards?" you chuckle.
"honestly?" he leans back in his seat. "i was embarrassed that i didn't respond to you when i was away and i didn't know where to start. you can ask mckenna."
"you talked to mckenna about me?"
"i talk to everyone about you." he takes a deep breath then turns to face you. reaching for
"i really like you, y/n, like a lot."
"i…" you try to look anyway to avoid his eyes, but caleb lifts your chin so you're forced to meet his eyes.
"you what?" he inches closer to you until your faces are mere inches apart. your breath hitches as his eyes search yours for a response.
you swallow before you speak again. "i… i really like you too." caleb takes this opportunity to close the gap between you, bringing your face closer to his untl his lips crash onto yours.
he kisses just like you'd expect— just as you've imagined. he's so sure of how you're going to react to him. as his fingertips softly brush against the nape of your neck, you melt further into the kiss. your hesitation melts away with every passing second and all you can think of is how you could possible be closer to him, however the console between you prohibits you from doing that.
caleb has the same thought. he pulls away from the kiss reluctantly. "do you want—"
he's interrupted by your phone ringing. it's your mom. with a pout on your face, you answer the call. "hi, mom." you greet cheerfully, suspiciously so. caleb's hand slips down to yours, locking your fingers with his.
"no, i'm in the driveway. yeah, caleb just dropped me off." you continue. "mom, we were just talking. i'm coming up now… see you soon." you hang up.
"i have to go, but i'll see you tomorrow." you say, going back to get your things.
"i'll see you tomorrow."
you lean over the console to place a soft kiss on his lips. "see you tomorrow."
you start to leave again, already halfway out the door, but caleb grabs your arm, tugging you back gently. "you already said that." he pulls you into another kiss.
it's only when his lips trail down to your neck that you find the resolve to pull away. "caleb," you whine. "i have to go." caleb sighs, still peppering your skin with light pecks.
"one more kiss?" he pleads, jutting out his bottom lip.
"one kiss?"
"and i'll let you go, i promise." you sigh, but then you get comfortable in your seat and lean over the console again.