Chapter Text
_/1\_
Given the fact that he had just become the first openly LGBTQ player in the NHL, Jack should have anticipated the amount of attention he would be getting, but truthfully nothing could have prepared him for the reaction his coming out received. It was one thing to lie in bed imagining all the possible ways people could respond to the news, and entirely another to actually read the comments and see the reactions firsthand. Without Bitty at his side, Jack doubted he would have been able to handle it.
Of course there were the negative responses, those Jack had taken extra care to prepare for, and to shelter Bitty from. All the scrutiny and insults and assumptions, Jack was used to those, but he never wanted Bitty to have to go through any of that. They had both agreed to take a break from social media the day or so after their coming out, hoping that things would settle somewhat in their absence. The boys and Lardo had promised to keep an eye on things, and Ransom had even prepped a spreadsheet on Excel to keep track of the general trends in reactions.
Initially Jack had planned on looking at the reactions on his own, and just showing Bitty the ones he thought he would like, to protect him from the hate that was bound to come their way, but Bitty had insisted that he could handle it, and this was something they should do together. That was something Jack was working on, trusting Bitty when he said he was fine, and in turn only telling Bitty he was fine when he really was.
When they finally did brave social media to see how people had taken the news, there was a lot they both realized they hadn't been prepared for. For starters, the sheer number of people who now knew about them was almost unfathomable. Given the amount of likes and comments on his Instagram post, Jack estimated that the number of people who knew about them couldn't all fit in an arena, and something about that was terrifying to him. His whole life had been measured in those types of crowds, and to think that a part of his life that only a handful of people had known about was now the topic of conversation for a group so large he couldn’t even visualize it was deeply unsettling. This was getting more coverage than his overdose ever had, the story of his and Bitty’s relationship was news beyond the hockey world, beyond Bitty’s blog and his internet following. Even people who didn’t care about hockey wanted to hear about ‘the first gay hockey player and his cute southern boyfriend’.
That was another thing Jack hadn’t anticipated; the complete erasure of his sexuality. Despite the fact that the statement released on all the official Falconers’ media sites stated that he was bisexual, all anyone could talk about was him being the first gay hockey player. It was a small detail, but it mattered to Jack, it had been a long journey for him to figure out his own identity, and now that he was finally sharing it with people, he felt like it was being ignored and altered to fit a narrative. He tried not to let it bother him, he knew most people weren’t doing it on purpose, but it felt too close to things after the overdose, the way every story and comment was based on personal opinion and speculation, and the person they were talking about wasn’t him at all.
_x_
Though the proverbial dust had yet to settle, Jack and Bitty were letting their lives go back to normal, Jack focusing on his personal training and photography in the few weeks he had before pre-season practices started, and Bitty with his new part-time position in a bakery downtown. Of course they couldn’t ignore that things had changed, they were being stopped on the street more often now, and not because of Jack’s career, like they used to. Now, it was teens thanking them for inspiring them to come out themselves, or hockey fans in the LGBTQ community who were so grateful that they weren’t alone anymore. It was rarely something negative, not in person, that seemed to be reserved for the internet, where every kind of vile insult and violent threat was hurled at them. It made Jack ache, less for himself than for Bitty. Bitty who was taking all of this in stride, who managed to stay so calm and collected and positive, who was keeping him sane, Jack owed Bitty so much.
Which was why, when George forwarded him an email from the PR department detailing all the people and organizations that wanted an interview with him, he hesitated rather than just telling her no thanks. Jack didn’t recognize most of the names on the list, but he knew there was a high probability that Bitty knew all of them, and probably followed most of them on Twitter, so he brought it up at dinner that night.
“Sweetheart that’s amazing! Who are they? Do you think you’ll agree to any of them? Does George want you to do any-“
“One question at a time, Bits.”
Thankfully, Jack had already pulled up the list on his phone, because there was no way he would have been able to remember any of the names and it didn’t look like Bitty would be able to hold in all his questions for much longer.
“Well there’s someone named Tyler Oakley, doesn’t he do videos like you? And Buzzfeed-aren’t they the ones who made that article about my first selfie? That was nice. And there’s that Ellen lady and a guy from…”
Jack trailed off as Bitty’s eyes grew almost comically wide, mouth opening and closing a few times before any words actually came out.
“That Ellen lady? As in Ms. DeGeneres herself?! Jack, you have to go on the Ellen show, she’s interviewed Beyoncé for crying out loud!”
“I’m not going to be able to say no to this one, am I?”
“Not if you still want pie on your cheat days.”
_X_
It was no secret that Jack hated interviews, anyone who knew anything about him knew that he avoided them like the plague. But after several meetings with George and the PR team, and some pep talks from Bitty, who was also going to be in the audience for the show, Jack had to admit that he wasn’t as much of an anxious mess as he predicted he would be about the whole thing. Thanks to Bitty’s encyclopedic knowledge of all things mainstream, Jack had gotten a pretty comprehensive education on the format of interviews on the show, and the type of questions he was likely to be asked. Two years into their relationship and Jack was still shocked by just how much Bitty was willing to do for him, all without him ever feeling like he was being coddled.
When the actual day of the taping arrived, Bitty seemed more nervous than Jack was, even though he was only going to be sitting in the audience. Oddly enough, Jack felt almost completely calm at the prospect of discussing his sexuality and relationship openly. For the first time, he would be facing the world as his whole self, no more leaving part of himself off the ice or away from the cameras.
Once he was through hair and makeup, which was still a bizarre experience for Jack, though Bitty seemed to love seeing him with his hair styled, he had to wait in a green room while Bitty sat in the audience to watch the show, and that’s when the nerves set in. As he had been advised to do by his boyfriend, Jack took a quick selfie and posted it to his Instagram with a caption letting people know he was about to do a big interview. They hadn’t really been posting much online since they had come out, but almost immediately Jack’s phone was flooded with alerts, and he was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who were rushing to congratulate him and wish him luck in the interview. He did his best to respond to as many of the kind comments as he could, and when a crew member came to escort him to the stage, he felt a lot calmer. His hands still shook and his mouth was dry, but Jack felt like he could keep it all at bay, because there were people who wanted him to see him succeed, so he would.
They played that one Beyoncé song about butts for his entrance music, he remembered hearing it at kegsters and on Bitty's workout playlist, and Jack sought Bitty’s eyes out in the crowd, because he knew his boyfriend had something to do with this. Bitty had informed him that most people danced during their entrances, but all Jack could manage was an awkward shimmy and shuffle before he gave Ellen a hug and sat down. He shoved his hands under his legs so no one could see them shaking, and it took a few moments for his voice to even out when he started talking, but he hoped no one had noticed, especially not Ellen. She seemed friendly and genuinely interested in hearing what he had to say, and that put Jack somewhat at ease, and he was ready when the inevitable assumption happened.
“So you’re the first openly gay NHL player in history, how hard has that been to adjust to?”
“I’m actually not the first gay player. Well, I am in the broadest sense of the word, but as it says on the team’s website and twitter, I’m actually bisexual. I know a lot of people are calling me gay as an umbrella term, but given how much erasure there has already been in the media, I think it’s important to point out that I’m bisexual.”
It was a response that Jack had rehearsed every night while lying in bed since the day he accepted the interview, and thankfully it seemed to go over well. He didn't stutter or freeze up, and some of the tension that had been pulling at his muscles eased up. Ellen apologized and they moved on, talking about the response his announcement had received, and how he thought it would change his life both on and off the ice. Before long, the topic turned to his relationship, and the picture of him and Bitty kissing in front of the Stanley Cup flashed up on the screen to a chorus of ‘awws’ from the audience. Jack caught Bitty’s eye from the crowd, both of them flushing as Ellen started to talk.
“So you kept you relationship a secret from everyone for two years?”
“Just about, yeah. Our parents knew, but that was about it. And I’m very lucky that Eric was so patient with me, he went back into the closet for two years just so I could have my career, and I don’t know many people who would be willing to make sacrifices like that. I am so grateful to have him in my life.”
There was more cooing from the audience as Jack spoke, but he kept his eyes on Bitty, who was blushing and covering his face with his hands as Ellen announced that he was in the audience and a camera was turned on him. The audience cheered as Bitty raised a hand to wave shyly, still red as a beet, and in that moment Jack swore he fell just a little bit more in love.
To his surprise, Ellen actually had some clips from Bitty’s vlogs that were played on the screens, from videos before they were dating. Even after he had been given the go-ahead to watch Bitty’s videos, Jack hadn’t gone back too far, it felt like too much of an invasion of his privacy, considering Bitty had originally made those videos thinking that no one from Samwell would ever see them. Jack smiled at the clips of younger Bitty, his hair floppy and his frame so much smaller. They played clips from when he had just started at Samwell, and then some from when he and Jack had finally started spending time together, and it nearly took Jack’s breath away to see how even then, when he had treated him so coldly, Bitty had cared so much for him.
When the interview finally came to an end, Jack walked off the stage to cheers from the audience and waited for Bitty to join him as he collected the gifts Ellen was sending home with them, a beautiful bright blue stand mixer for Bitty and a new camera for Jack. Once they were finally out of the studio and in the car, Bitty exploded with all the excitement he had kept contained for the duration of the shoot.
“Sweetheart you were amazing! And you even managed to dance a little at the beginning, I’m so proud of you. I can’t believe Ellen knows who I am! And she showed some of my videos. God, I can’t believe millions of people just got to see me pining over you! And can you believe that she gave us gifts? I mean, I know she gives people things when they come on the show, it’s like, her thing, but can you believe it?”
Jack let the sound of Bitty’s voice wash over him, easing the rest of the tension from his body and settling the nerves in his stomach as he drove them back to the hotel they were staying in, happy the interview was over but also proud that he had gotten through it. Soon Bitty’s ramblings turned to the topic of what they were going to do with the rest of their day in LA, since they didn’t fly back to Providence until the next morning, and Jack was happy to contribute to that conversation, since he was more than excited to try out his new camera.
_X_
When the interview aired, the whole group chat got on Skype to watch it together, and the chirping, as predicted, was merciless, though Jack suspected that they were doing it more to distract him from his own anxiety than to tease him. Shitty cried at least four separate times, mumbling things like ‘what a fucking beaut’ and ‘so damn proud of you two’. The whole group collectively screamed at the song choice for Jack’s entrance on the show, though Ransom and Shitty were both critical of his dancing.
“You can’t call that dancing, bro.”
“Yeah, that was like, half of a dance move.”
By the next day, his appearance on the show was being talked about on pretty much every social media site Jack knew of, and probably a few he didn’t. People were praising him for speaking up about the general erasure of his bisexuality, and that made Jack feel like he had accomplished something. If he could make people feel like they were being represented, like he had their backs, then he had achieved more than he ever thought he could when he was young and scared and looking for someone like him in the media.
And of course it took less than a full day for the internet to go wild over his ‘dancing’ and the choice of song for his entrance, and he was sent the link to a Buzzfeed article about his butt by almost everyone he knew within a few hours. At this point it wasn’t really a surprise anymore, and it made Bitty smile, which was all that mattered.