Work Text:
To my partner,
Viktor. I don’t even really know why I’m writing this letter, I’ve never really been good with words, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t metaphorically put the pen in my hand. But I just have to put it into something tangible. I’ve left so much unsaid already.
I love you. More than anything, more than life itself and more than I could possibly express or describe. I loved you from the moment I first locked eyes with that honey-like glow your irises always have. From the moment you whispered my name like it was a prayer. From the moment you made me feel like a kid again, getting into trouble and not being afraid to make a mess and take up space. I loved you from the moment I saw you laughing, hovering in the air with the world at your fingertips, your wonder and curiosity at what we were able to make together; what I could not have not done without you. And I was stupid to not realize it sooner.
From those moments, and a million more I loved you. Never did a day go by when my chest didn’t ache at the thought of you, whether that be fondness, affection, concern, protection. You were and are my world, my reason for breathing, the reason my heart continued to beat long after I believed my time was up. You have a habit of doing that you know, of stealing every damn second you can, like time was worth more than all the money and riches in the world combined. And maybe you were right about that. I wish we had had more time. That I had gotten my head out of my ass sooner, that I had noticed the signs sooner, that I could have grabbed onto you and never let you go. But- I suppose what matters is that I did, eventually. I hope you can forgive me for taking so long.
There’s something I noticed though, about time. It’s both precious, but at the same time, meaningless. In only a split second I felt whole and complete more than I had ever before in my life, a single moment overwrote everything else and made it all worthwhile. To have you in my arms, to feel you close after I was so scared I had lost you forever. I had never been afraid of death, only of dying incomplete. I had already accepted my fate, and I would gladly and willingly die at your hand or by your side, there’s no place I would rather be. We were in it together, always— always in this dance of catching each other right before the fall, as if saying “you’re not leaving without me.” I could never let you die, and you could never let me go— even if the universe seemed determined to keep us apart.
That’s the strange thing about the universe, even now I can’t understand it fully. I don’t think I ever will. Ever expanding, ever creating: timelines, realities, our souls both intertwined with the fabric of the arcane and also scattered to the far reaches of anything comprehendable. Sometimes, I feel like I’m watching a million lifetimes unfold in front of me, at times I can focus on one— I feel the sun on my skin, air in my lungs, the solid earth under my feet again—- and yet other times, all I’m aware of is your presence, it’s everywhere and nowhere all at once, sometimes I feel solid enough to hold you close and feel your heart beat, other times I can’t tell where I end and you begin. Stardust that forever resides in eachother’s gravity as we hurdle towards the unknown. Maybe this is what death is, the afterlife not being some single place, but able to remember every breath I’ve ever taken in this multiverse, or maybe we ascended to some greater plane, to be one with the source of the thing we both loved. Maybe it’s both- but either way, it’s beautiful.
I see how much we are loved- loved beyond measure. Millions of people we haven’t met, and countless timelines by those we have. Every thought, every world spoken into being, it’s like a small piece of my soul is infused into it. Maybe this is immortality, all we ever wanted was to be remembered. And maybe we did get that wish in the end, albeit a little differently than we thought. But I wouldn’t change it for anything. Every time I get to experience the world again, every time I get to fall in love with you again, it’s like the first time.
Do I know where we are going next? Definitely not. Even now the future isn’t written in stone- even if I’ve been able to get better at predicting it. And that’s what’s exciting about it! There’s too much to learn than can ever be learned, there’s no top to reach. It’s just, learning, researching, putting the pieces together to understand how the arcane works- Hextech was a pitiful tip of the iceberg in retrospect. It’s not something we can ever hope to truly understand, it’s alive in its own right- but you already knew that, didn’t you Viktor? Ha— you’ve always seemed to understand the arcane more intimately than I ever could and I have always loved that about you. Maybe I’m a fool, falling in love with magic and inadvertently the mages who could wield it effortlessly.
I know this letter is starting to ramble- and maybe I’m fading back into that blissful sleep again, I can’t really complain, it’s pleasant and I know you’re with me, time means nothing these days. How long has it been? A year? Two? Decades? Lifetimes? Eons? Who really cares at this point you know?
I love you, Viktor, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
And thank YOU, reader, don’t think I didn’t see you there! I don’t think we would have been able to reach so many people and touch so many lives without you sharing our story, so please- keep creating, keep writing, and keep giving us new realities to explore. Remember we are always with you, and we love you all too, even if you can’t see us. Someday if you’re up for it, I’d love to learn about you too, after all, when time means nothing you have all the time in the world.
See you later, and see you soon!
~JT