Archive of Our Own

The last thing Andrew expected to hear near midnight was frantic, desperate knocking on his front door. He didn’t live in the city, he lived in one of the more comfortable low-income suburbs befitting a prosecutor who had never lost a case, but was still humble about it. He wasn’t supposed to get these kinds of wake up calls. He wasn’t scared, no, he could take care of any sort of burglar no problem. But he was startled awake with an indignant snort.

He grumpily snatched his phone, flipping it open to reveal the time. He grumbled, before snapping the vintage flip phone shut at yet another round of pounding on his door, and a crackle of sharp thunder.

Andrew grabbed his silk robe off the back of his desk chair and made his way across the small house to the door, where the knocking was getting less and less frantic and much quieter. The sound however, was becoming increasingly muffled by the worsening winds and thunder. Whoever was out here in this storm at this time of night, was an imbecile. For a brief moment, he cursed himself for not having a peep hole as he flipped the porch light on.

Before opening the door, Andrew took a deep breath in and slid a hand down his face, trying to massage the exhaustion out, and put on an award winning smile.

With barely a creak, the ornate wooden door opened and slammed as the wind forced it the rest of the way open. Andrew braced an arm against his face as sharp rain and bitter cold began to bite at him. Instantly, however, a familiar sniffle caused him to lower his arm.

Instantly, an unfamiliar feeling of concern, and an odd mix of surprise and “of fucking course” washed over Andrew as he gazed down at the familiar sight before him- Varian, helpless, crying, and alone.

The small boy looked up at him with his painfully big blue eyes, one obscured by overgrown and wet bangs. Rain hit his skin in a way that was surely painful, and if he didn’t come in soon he would succumb to the elements, seeing as his face was bright red under the dim lighting. He was huddled in on himself, looking so small, like helpless prey, not the confident spitfire he tried to be. A strong gust of wind howled, and the boy shivered harshly and stumbled as he was pushed oh so slightly.

For once, Andrew was (very briefly, mind you) at a loss for words. It appeared his…companion was as well, as his mouth gaped like that of a fish, and his eyes darted everywhere but towards Andrew’s.

In an instant, Andrew recovered. He laced his voice with concern as he allowed his eyes to soften. Varian’s shoulders untensed by just a fraction.

“What’s going on? What are you doing out here so late at night?” He made a show of looking out past Varian's shoulder, acting like he was noticing something he hadn’t immediately known. “Alone? And where’s your car- did- did you walk out here?” He asked incredulously.

A wet, gross sniffle sounded before Varian’s weak reply. Andrew resisted the urge to grimace.

“I’m sorry I didn’t- I didn’t know where else to go I’m- I can leave I know I’m not exactly, ah, wanted, I just…” Varian trailed off and gazed at him with big eyes, and the older man clenched his jaw at the familiar guilt trip. Of course Andrew wouldn’t turn him away, he knew that.

Except it has been years, and the kid has clearly gone through something that would put him on his sworn enemy’s doorstep at twelve in the morning…maybe Varian actually thought he could turn him away. The small grip of control put him at ease.

Andrew cooed and reached for Varian’s shoulder, his brow furrowing at the sharp flinch, and led him inside. “Of course you can come in V, I’m not letting you stay out in this storm. Come on, there’s a cup of hot chocolate with your name on it.”

This did little to brighten Varian’s mood as he simply nodded and offered the tiniest thank you in response, and let Andrew lead him inside the warm house. He let Andrew remove the oversized Letterman jacket, something that surely did not belong to him, and he stood awkwardly in the hallway, staring up at Andrew like a spooked deer.

Andrew has known the kid for a long time. And sure, he hadn’t actually seen the kid in years (he wasn't, however, a stranger to internet stalking on his office computer, but that was his business) but this was an achingly familiar scenario. Varian, angry and hurt, running off into the arms of his knight in shining armor. Any inconvenience to Andrew was an afterthought as he showed up and demanded his attention and affection.

Andrew loved it. He could barely restrain his glee.

“So-” he drawled, spooking Varian out of his inner monologue surely “-what brings you to my humble abode at this time of night after so long? In the worst storm of the season no less.”

Varian bristled, and the older man made sure to keep his posture relaxed and his eyes kind. Any semblance of annoyance would send Varian running off back into the storm, especially considering everything that had happened between them. The fact that Varian had even shown up on his doorstep years later was a bit of a miracle. An expected one, but a miracle none the less. The kid was nothing if not predictable and easy.

Varian sized his old friend and current enemy up, before deflating and mumbling a soft “I didn’t know where else to go. I’m sorry to intrude. If I had any money I’d get myself a hotel room. Or if I could use your phone I could call my dad-“

Andrew quickly cut Varian off with a fake coo “you’re not a burden, you can stay here for tonight. I just want to know why you’re here.”

Varian tilted his head to the side, and Andrew could see a dark bruise forming around the eye his bangs had previously hidden. And in the light, without a heavy jacket around his shoulders, he noticed faint, finger shaped bruises around Varian’s neck.

He didn't even have to fake a look of disdain, his lips thinning and eyebrows furrowing of their own accord. While Varian was looking away, surely deep in his own mind, Andrew gently grasped his chin and cradled him in his long fingers, gently tilting Varian’s head to the side. He brushed Varian’s bangs away to reveal an ugly black eye, dark and swollen.

Varian choked on a panicked noise, and his eyes widened in fear. Andrew put on the most empathetic and comforting expression he could, which wasn’t hard because the fact that someone tried to choke Varian was, in fact, a little bit concerning.

He was a brat but not that much of a brat.

Well, most of the time. There were moments in their friendship even Andrew was ashamed of.

Tears welled up in Varian’s eyes and he took a step back, shaking off Andrew’s grip before he could make a concerned comment. He quickly followed his last words up with a reassuring “but you don’t have to right now.”

“Yeah um, okay yeah sure. Thank you, really. I know it’s late and I’m intruding. I’m sorry.”

Andrew moved with practiced ease and softened his smile “go get yourself comfortable on the couch. Have you eaten yet? I have some leftovers from dinner. I know you don’t like salad though, I can see if I can put together something else?”

Varian shrunk in on himself and darted his eyes away “I don’t want to be a burden” he mumbled “and my clothes are kinda wet.”

Andrew rolled his eyes, but this was routine “I’m offering, Varian. How about you go take a shower to warm up? You can have a spare change of clothes. And in the meantime I’ll fix you something hot to eat, hmm?”

Varian looked up at him, his deer eyes softening, and Andrew knew he was getting through to him. Even after years of not seeing him, it was nice to know that basic human decency and a nice enough tone still made Varian putty in your hands.

It made him feel fond, in a way. He cupped the freezing freckled cheek, and Varian leaned into the touch. Varian offered him another halfhearted “thank you.”

Andrew hummed as he squeezed the cheek fondly, and let go. Varian stood there awkwardly, sizing the man up and studying him like he had when they first met.

And, just like when they first met, Andrew gave him his kindest, most assuring smile, and Varian gave in.

The ravenette smiled warily at him “thank you, I really appreciate it. I’ll be quick.”

Andrew smiled, “don’t worry about a thing, Varian.”

Slowly, Varian made his way to Andrew’s upstairs bathroom, still knowing his way around after years. Andrew made his way into the kitchen to heat up an old can of tomato soup. He turned his radio on, and listened as old crooners peacefully filled the air, a shared favorite of the two men.

An odd sense of calm was washing over him. He couldn’t help but smile as the sound of the shower upstairs roared, along with the comforting sound of rain turning into sleet, and the smell of Varian’s favorite food.

It was a nice feeling to have Varian back in his home again.

He missed having this kind of control, this kind of power, over such a valuable asset. He was going to thank any and every god that put the kid back on his doorstep.

Varian could be his again.

~~~

Andrew has known Varian for years. He was, for over a year, Varian’s only friend. The kid was an expert at pushing everyone away, if anyone even tried to get close in the first place. He was pathetic, awkward, and hard to socialize with. He hated his dad, he had no friends, and he lived in the middle of nowhere. The poor thing was desperate for companionship. He would do anything for someone to be by his side and tell them they were proud of him, that they loved him. He would bend over backwards and nearly kill himself for approval from the person he deemed his provider.

And Andrew was, once, that person. And who knew being the favorite person of a suicidal and manically depressed child with developing bpd could be so rewarding? The kid would have done anything for Andrew’s approval. And the kid was smart and useful. He was a perfect Separatist, willing to be jailed for the less than peaceful protests he partook in. Willing to provide for their cause.

At worst Varian would hiss and spit at him, or say no to a particular idea, but Andrew became skilled at making those end in tears and apologies and begging for forgiveness; and Varian willing to do anything to earn it.

Varian was perfect, and it was, admittedly, Andrew's own hubris that finally pushed the kid away. Mostly Varian’s own pride and wavering morality. But Andrew was capable of admitting to himself he messed up oh so slightly, that he played a part in causing Varian to leave the Separatists. But not for good, he knew it wasn’t for good, it was just a matter of how long Varian was willing to hold out; before caving in and coming back to the only person who ever understood him. The only person who genuinely loved him despite his many, many unending flaws.

He saw that Varian had reconciled with his dad, and currently lived with his cousin. He saw that Varian claimed to be happier and better than ever. But he knew Varian, he knew it was all a lie he built in his head so strongly that he believed it wholeheartedly. It would all come crumbling down and he’d go back to where he was, and he’d come crawling back into Andrew’s arms, where he belonged.

And now, it seemed, the time had come.

A little bit of coddling and meaningless reassurance, some easy pampering, and maybe a day or two of undivided attention, and Varian would be eating out of the palm of Andrew’s hand.

The soft sound of feet padding down the wooden steps, and Andrew smiled as he sipped at a glass of wine. The fireplace crackled in front of him, and the radio softly played in a corner.

The golden light of the fire illuminated Varian’s tiny form, clad in Andrew’s much larger silk pajamas. He resisted the urge to snort at the sleeves hanging over Varian’s hands.

Varian stood awkwardly, and Andrew beckoned him over by gently patting the space next to him. Varian’s eyes darted to the loveseat across Andrew, before conceding and sitting next to the man, leaving plenty of room for Jesus.

He curled up, bringing his knees to his chin. Andrew decided to fill the silence.

“Feeling any better?”

Varian nodded.

“Are you hungry? I’ve got some soup and wine for you.” He said softly, cocking his head in the direction of the table holding the aforementioned dinner.

Varian’s eyes lit up, and he, surely unconsciously, looked over to Andrew for approval before moving to grab, and Andrew smiled at him. Varian nearly launched himself to the coffee table.

God, the kid was easy. Old habits were setting in fast.

Varian settled back into the plush white couch, and he was the picture of contentment. Curled up in his pajamas and a large bowl of soup, glass of wine on the end table. He wiggled slightly in his excitement, an adorable habit of his. The tiniest little smile formed on his lips, the first genuine smile of the night.

Andrew could have kissed and pinched his cheeks senseless in the moment. He missed the kid more than he had thought.

The two sat in silence. Andrew tried to avoid staring at Varian too overtly, choosing to sip his wine and gaze into the fire; and Varian devouring the soup like it was the first thing he had eaten in days. Andrew didn’t even chide him on the slurping sounds, a true testament to his good character in times of crisis.

Barely even five minutes later, and Varian was setting an empty bowl on the table, wiping his mouth with his sleeve like a degenerate.

The two sat in silence for another moment or so. Andrew could hear the cogs turning in Varian’s brain, the little war that was raging in his head. He wasn’t quite as hunched in on himself as earlier, but he was still curled up, and his eyes were cold and mistrusting. He was painfully quiet, a stark contrast from his normal talkative and fiery self.

“So are you ready to talk? Because if so, I'm here. But if not, let me know how I can help.”

He turned to address Andrew, before a jaw cracking yawn interrupted him. Andrew chuckled.

Varian’s eyes were sad, deeply sad. He had clearly gone through something horrific. Andrew resisted the urge to scoop him up into his arms.

Despite Varian’s quiet demeanor, he predictably began to vent, and Andrew paid as close attention as he could. With his knees close to his chest, and his eyes looking everywhere but to the man next to him, Varian began to speak with a heavy voice laced in dried tears.

“My uhm, my boyfriend Eric, I was staying with him. We’ve only been together for a few weeks but you know, Eugene, my cousin, really doesn’t- didn’t like him. He kept telling me he was bad news and I needed to break it off before it was too late. And heh, uhm, I mean he was right I guess but-“

Varian’s voice cracked and he nuzzled his face in between his knees, the rest of his sob story coming out a bit muffled.

“We had a fight, a bad one. We don’t usually fight, but when we do they’re not this bad. And I said some really shitty stuff I didn’t mean, and the worst part is that everything he said was right. And I was really angry at him and myself and everyone… so I ran away, again.”

Varian lifted his head to reveal silent tears rolling down his cheeks, glints reflecting off the fireplace he was staring intently into.

“I ran to Eric’s to stay and he was annoyed which just made me even more mad, so we were both pissed off, so we got into a fight and he…”

Varian broke down into tears, unable to finish his sentence. The sentence Andrew obliged in finishing.

“He attacked you.”

Varian nodded, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to choke back the onslaught of tears. Andrew cooed affectionately.

Varian began to sob. And while the kid had always been a crier, this was worse than usual. Varian had been hurt by two people he loved, had been attacked and then cast aside to wander the cold November rains in the middle of the night. He was so hurt and exhausted, so desperate for any sort of validation and affection he was choosing to seek it in the arms of the man he claimed to be his boogeyman.

Andrew could barely hold back his grin.

Andrew knew he really wasn’t taking a risk, but he enjoyed the thrill either way, as he wrapped his arms around Varian, pulling him close. He delighted in the feeling of Varian wrapping his arms back just as tight, and nuzzling his snotty face into Andrew’s chest.

Hiccuping sobs joined the fireplaces crackle, Andrew’s gentle cooing and fake condolences added to the cacophony. It was nostalgic, in a way.

“He- it’s my fault. I pushed him because he was getting really close to my face and yelling and I fucking- I pushed him. So he hit me. And I hit him back, why did I hit him back? Why do I keep hurting the people I love?”

Andrew only cooed and hummed as Varian hysterically cried. He ran his hand through raven locks in a soothing rhythm. Eventually, after many tears and incoherent rambling, Varian began to quiet slightly.

Varian’s face shifted from Andrew’s chest slightly, his cheek now squished against him. His eyes were red and puffy and his entire demeanor was exhausted and sad. The familiarity and adorableness, the borderline charm, didn’t quite take away the genuine shock that his next words brought.

“I deserved it when he choked me.”

Andrew’s hand stopped.

“Excuse me?”

Varian gazed intently at the couch cushion in front of him, Andrew’s grip just strong enough to keep him from moving his head.

“I bothered him and made him mad, and then I pushed him away, it’s my fault he lashed out. And then I hit him, he was just defending himself and I kept- I kept fighting him and-“

Tears choked his words “All I do is hurt people and make them mad. And then I lash out. And I’m so tired of being like this. I’m so tired of myself.”

Andrew sighed, and contemplated his next words, deciding what route to take with his comfort.

He could confirm Varian’s fears. Tell Varian to his face what an angry coward he was. How he was, in fact, someone who used and pushed people to their brink- either intentionally or not. How his rage would surely be his eternal downfall. This would for sure break the young adult down, obliterate any confidence or fight in him. And Andrew could pick up the pieces, mold him into a Varian of his own design. A much more compliant and nicer person than he was. One who wouldn’t rat him out and run off with a light sentence.

But a small part of him couldn’t bear to do that to the broken little pet in his arms. Most people he could kick while they were down, but Varian was a little harder, what with those big sad eyes and innocent laugh. If anything, he could kick Varian later, when he wasn’t so…fragile.

He knew full well how much of a beating Varian could take before he broke. And he couldn’t take much more right now.

He began to pet the dark hair again “it sounds to me like you were upset and needed shelter, and the person who’s supposed to provide for you refused to. He intimidated you and you acted on instinct to protect yourself. He’s the one who lashed out at you, Varian. I mean, no matter how mad he was, he never should have grabbed you by your neck. That’s not self defense, that’s attempted murder.”

Varian swallowed harshly at the words, hand instinctively reaching to ghost his fingers over his neck. He twisted his head to gaze towards the fire. Firelight was reflecting beautifully off the tears in his blue eyes.

“He wouldn’t kill me.” Varian whispered mindlessly, as if unintentionally.

Andrew frowned “I’ve been in public service almost my entire life. I can tell you right now that the second a man lays their hands on you, he no longer cares about your wellbeing. Varian, don’t try to defend him. He’s clearly abusive, he should have never done what he did to you.”

Andrew hoped Varian’s mind wouldn’t drift back to one of their more…bitter fights. Their last fight. That didn’t count, the circumstances were much different. Andrew was the one defending himself and their cause.

“I pushed him…”

“Did you push him because you were mad at him? Or because he was trying to intimidate you and you were acting in self defense?” Andrew asked, genuinely earnestly.

Andrew could see Varian’s lip tremble, before he blinked and tears came rushing full force.

“I was scared” he sobbed “he was in my face and yelling and I didn’t even know why. I don’t know what I did wrong I just wanted a- I just wanted a place to stay for the night. I don’t even remember what I said to make him so angry. He was mad the second I knocked on his door. And he kept, he kept being rude so I got short with him and then we fought and-“

Varian sniffled “I don’t know why I expected him to want me. I’m not wanted. I’m never wanted.”

Before Andrew could respond, Varian whispered “the only people who ever want me I push away.”

Andrew didn’t comment on that, letting his silence speak for itself. Varian cried harder, painful whimpers and gasps that broke Andrew’s heart, just a little.

As useful as it was, the situation was a bit upsetting, he had to admit.

“Even if you upset him, he overreacted. I think you should leave him. Honestly, you could probably get a restraining order with those bruises.”

Varian grumbled “No. No police.”

Andrew hummed his approval. It was still worth throwing out there. Whoever this Eric was, was someone who needed to be out of Varian’s life. Both for Varian’s own wellbeing, as he was clearly a physically abusive man; but for Andrew as well. The less close people in Varian’s life, the better.

“Either way, he attacked you. He instigated the fight by simply being mean to someone who needed him, and then he intimidated you. And I’m sorry, but it sounds to me like he tried to kill you. Give me your phone, I’ll block him for you.”

Varian sighed dejectedly, pausing for a few seconds before responding.

“He broke my phone.”

Ah, right. Varian mentioned he needed Andrew’s phone earlier. How could he forget a detail like that? He had gotten so wrapped up in the theatrics and therapy session.

Varian lifted his head and his eyes drifted towards Andrew’s, and the man quickly plastered on a disapproving scowl. Varian wilted, as if Andrew were mad at him. And yet, he didn’t pull away from the embrace. He was practically draped against the older man, with Andrew’s arms firm against his back and skull.

“I pulled my phone out to get an uber or something and he took it and smashed it. Which is funny cuz- cuz I thought he didn’t want me there, but then he wouldn’t let me leave.”

“He sounds like a terrible person who took his anger out on you.” Andrew murmured.

Varian sighed “I think he might’ve been drunk.”

“That doesn’t make what he did okay. Even if you were being a bother to him, he shouldn’t have done anything to you. He lost any credibility the second he laid his hands on you.”

Varian didn’t respond, but that was okay.

The most perfect bait, the line that would ensure the catch, formed in Andrew’s mind.

Andrew made a move to sit up straighter. Not quite pushing Varian off him, but signaling to the kid he wanted to get up.

“Actually, I have half a mind to go to his place and sort this out myself. No one gets to lay their hands on you and get away with it, and those uniformed pigs won’t do shit.”

Varian made an alarmed noise and sat up, detangling himself from Andrew. “Wait! No don’t, that’s not necessary.”

Andrew got up from the couch, committing to the act. “Don’t worry Varian, he won’t ever bother you again.” He said in his best Dad Tone as he made his way to the hallway leading to the front door.

Predictably, Varian ran after him.

“Andrew I’m serious. I don’t need someone to fight my battles.” He pleaded weakly, voice still raw and legs trembling as he followed Andrew.

And then, the quietest little sound came out of him “I…I need you here, I can’t be alone right now.”

Andrew bit his lip to keep from smiling before he turned around. He really should take up theater.

Andrew sighed sadly, reaching out to cup Varian’s cheek. He leaned into the affection, eyes downcast and sad.

“I just hate the idea of someone so brutally and mercilessly attacking you, and getting away with it. He should have to suffer.” He ended the sentence with a dark tone, rubbing his thumb under Varian’s black eye.

Varian tried to laugh, but it came out more as a whimper “I got some hits in, if that makes you feel better.”

Andrew smiled sadly. Varian stepped closer, sizing the man up slightly, before hesitantly leaning against him. Andrew wrapped his arms around him and embraced him tightly, resting his head on fluffy black hair that now smelled like bourbon and vanilla shampoo.

“No matter what you think, I care about you Varian. Deeply. I just want you to be okay.”

Varian wrapped his arms around Andrew in turn.

“I’ll be fine. He wasn’t even that cute anyway.”

Andrew didn’t even try to pretend to laugh. He just hugged Varian tighter.

“You should try and get some rest, it’s late. I can go make up a guest bedroom, if you want. Or you can sleep on the couch.”

Varian made a soft sound of disapproval, an upset sigh and grumble.

Andrew chuckled “it’s been a long night, you’re exhausted and hurt, and I don’t even know how long you were out in that storm. Get some rest and we can figure everything out in the morning…together.”

Varian nodded his head slightly, still very much dejected. He made no move to pull away from Andrew.

Andrew got the hint, he knew what Varian wanted him to ask.

He wanted to toy with his food a bit, push a little bit, make Varian feel a little more less-than. Make Varian feel like a burden so he wouldn’t truly overstep-

But honestly, Andrew was exhausted. It had already been a long day, and now it was nearing two am as he had spent the night playing therapist to an emotionally unstable twenty year old. And in all honesty, he did want Varian to be comfortable right now. He was distressed and he needed Andrew, might as well just give in.

He could get back to work on fixing and rewiring Varian later, right now getting Varian comfortable and trusting was most important.

“Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” He asked, rubbing Varian’s back in soothing circles.

Varian’s muscles untensed slightly “…I don’t want to be a burden.”

Andrew rolls his eyes, thankful Varian still kept his head down.

“I’m offering Var, it’s big enough, I don’t mind. I know you don’t want to be alone right now.”

Varian nodded “please.”

With an arm around Varian’s tense shoulders, Andrew led them up the stairs of his log cabin and into the master bedroom, lights dim and comforting. Varian waited for Andrew to sit on the bed, before awkwardly shuffling to the other side and lying down as close to the edge as possible.

Varian was facing away from him, curled up in a fetal position, making himself as small as possible. He was tracing his fingers over the stitching of a quilt, his other arm tucked under his head.

Varian caught Andrew staring at him from the corner of his eye, but made no comment. Andrew could feel the exhaustion radiating from him.

He had no idea how long the kid had been out, especially if he had somehow walked from the Capital down to Andrew’s small suburb just outside Old Corona.

Three hours in freezing rain in the middle of the night…the thought made Andrew genuinely uncomfortable.

Andrew grabbed the vintage quilt, tugging it slightly from under Varian, and tucked the younger man into bed. Varian didn’t respond to the gesture, simply hugging the thick covers closer to himself.

“Get some rest” Andrew whispered softly. Varian hummed almost inaudibly, and Andrew turned the glass bedside lamp out.

As much as Andrew wanted to muse on the situation and formulate a plan, the darkness and Varian’s quick snoring, and the entirety of the day and night’s events forcefully pulled him into sleep.

Varian was here. Everything was going to go back to normal. Andrew was going to be able to live the life he deserved.

Andrew slept, the slightest grin on his face.

Varian would be his again. Andrew was nothing if not patient.

~~~

Andrew normally woke up as the sun began to rise, even on a weekend morning like this. But the late night he had meant he was in bed as the afternoon sun was shining brightly. He groaned slightly, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.

He looked over, sure that his companion would probably sleep until three in the afternoon.

But Andrew awoke to an empty bed, and he cursed.

He grabbed his robe and tied it as he made his way down the stairs. Maybe Varian hadn’t left yet and was still collecting his clothes.

Andrew cursed to himself. All that work and the thing was apparently no better than a skittish cat. All the love and care and effort and he can’t even stay for-

The smell of breakfast foods wafted as Andrew reached the bottom of the steps. He furrowed his brow as he made his way into the kitchen, relief deflating him instantly.

There, at the stove, Varian was humming to himself as he chopped fruits. In a pan were cooked eggs. In another pan were fried potatoes, and he had a large bowl of oatmeal on the counter.

Andrew smiled to himself. Varian was perfect. Barely one day in and already cooking for him.

Varian must not have sensed him. So deep in his own mind and work, that he jumped when Andrew greeted him.

Andrew cringed slightly. Varian’s eyes were wild and his shoulders hiked up.

“Hey, it’s alright. I was just saying good morning.”

Varian breathed deeply, pouting and darting his eyes elsewhere.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just, I’m just a bit jumpy, after…yaknow.” He snorted dejectedly.

Andrew smiled sadly “I understand, I’ll try not to spook you again” he chuckled as he ruffled fluffy raven hair. Varian leaned into the touch, a small, goofy grin on his face.

The hand fell on Varian’s shoulder. Andrew knew if he looked, a small flush would be on Varian’s cheeks. He kept his gaze focused on the food.

“I appreciate all this, you didn’t have to do anything. You should be resting right now.”

Varian shrugged and spoke softly “you helped me out a lot last night. It’s the least I could do.”

Andrew smiled. Nothing has ever fallen into place so fast in his life before. He barely had to do anything and Varian was practically jumping into his lap like a well trained dog.

The elephant in the room still hung over them, coloring every interaction. Their previous fight, their hatred, the bitterness, the jail time, it weighed the atmosphere down. Andrew didn’t mind approaching it. He knew full well what happened hadn’t been his fault. Varian had overreacted and once again, placed the blame of his situation and failure onto someone else. Antagonizing others to avoid the guilt of his own dreadful actions.

But bringing all that up would probably just sour Varian’s fragile positive opinion of him. He’d just wait for Varian to crack. Either admitting fault and apologizing, or lashing out at Andrew hard enough that the guilt would suffocate him and he’d come to his senses as Andrew bent him back to his will. Either way, the man was prepared. He’d spent years ruminating on what he’d say to the kid if he ever saw him again.

No matter what, Andrew would come out on top with Varian just slightly beneath him. His beloved pet, or perhaps even sidekick. If not, he would stomp Varian down into the ground like dirt. He just hoped it wouldn’t quite come to that.

Andrew brought down two fine ceramic plates from the wooden cabinet doors. Varian plated the food and brought it over to the nearby cherry tree table as Andrew poured them both glasses of fresh spring water.

“Is everything in your house made of wood?” Varian muttered sarcastically as Andrew made his way to sit.

Andrew shot him a look, and Varian wilted slightly.

“I mean it’s nice, just, very rustic?”

Andrew snorted “it’s all homemade, Kai and I took up carpentry.”

Varian kept his head low as he sat right across from Andrew. His unbrushed bangs obscured half his face. His voice was quiet and awkward as he mumbled a short “oh yeah, how uh, how is Kai?”

So it seemed Varian would be the one to address it. He always was so impatient. That was fine with Andrew.

Andrew hummed, tone short “he’s alright. He got out of prison shortly before I did and started working at a dog shelter. He takes up carpentry as a hobby.
I think he also sells essential oils.”

Varian wilted further, “oh that’s nice.”

The tension could be cut with a knife. Andrew decided to prattle on. Make Varian feel guilty, make him hear about the consequences of his actions. But let him know about the lives his fellow friends were leading. How they succeeded despite him. How they were better than him- a simple high school drop out diner waiter- despite what he had done to them.

The rat.

Andrew took a deep breath to quell the long-simmering rage that was beginning to bubble up at the memories. Varian didn’t look at him as he poked at the eggs.

“Maisie lost his job at their university, as you know. So he’s a private tutor, he helps a lot of disabled students. Clementine still has her Wicca shop. And I hear it’s thriving. Juniper’s traveling, taking some time to find herself. I hear she’s doing well for herself.”

Andrew was lying through his teeth. Kai works for a pyramid scheme, Maisie was surviving on welfare, Clementine no longer owned her shop, merely a low-level employee, and Andrew had no idea where the hell Juniper was. But that didn’t matter. Because guilt was radiating off Varian like a sauna of pain. His face was twisted as if he were nauseated. He looked downwards, gaze pointedly avoiding Andrew’s near glare.

He was uncomfortable, good. He ruined the lives of the only people who cared about him. Turned on them, ratted them out, and sent them to prison. Running away from them with only a few months of juvie and a clean record by 18, despite having masterminded so much of their work.

“I’m glad they’re alright.” Varian said simply and quietly.

Andrew hummed in response. Varian looked like he was on the verge of either crying or vomiting. He was hunched in on himself like a scared cat.

Andrew sighed. Making Varian any more uncomfortable wasn’t going to accomplish anything, no matter how much he wanted to torture him by playing cat and mouse.

“How are you?” He asked "I've always wondered what became of you. You’ve always had a bright future. I’ve been thinking about you, worried. But, you know-“

Varian’s father had threatened a restraining order if he ever came near the kid. That, or he would just kill him himself.

Varian shrugged uncomfortably. “I moved in with my cousin in The Capital. He got me a job at the diner he manages. I got my ged and I’m in college, just the local university. I’m an engineering major with a minor in chemistry. I’m thinking about double majoring though. Like next year? I don’t know. Eugene told me not to, too stressful. But Rapunzel thinks it’s a good idea. I’m thinking about asking my dad but we haven’t talked in awhile. Which is fine, we talk a lot more than we used to, but we’re both so busy that-“

Varian flushed as he realized he had been rambling. He shut his mouth with an awkward glance to the side.

“-sorry uh, I’ve been fine.”

Andrew chuckled good naturedly. Letting Varian know he wasn’t a threat. Not yet, not right now.

Varian’s hackles lowered, and he smiled softly. “What about you?”

Andrew smiled earnestly “oh, I’m just living a simple life. I got my law license reinstated, so I’m back to prosecuting. I’ve been focusing mainly on environmental law. And I help manage a nonprofit that helps with pollution and housing for homeless people. I also help run a nonprofit that helps tackle race discrimination. And I help Kai at his dog shelter. And like I said, I’ve taken up carpentry. I’ve also been volunteering at the local library, I’ve become quite the bibliophile.”

Varian hung onto every word he said, his expression almost unreadable. With mere traces of guilt and the slightest hint of annoyance coloring his face. A small grin formed, however.

“That’s surprising, considering you can barely spell” he remarked playfully, yet still tense and unsure. As if he were testing the waters. Seeing if he could playfully banter yet.

Seeing if he could get out of this conversation, perhaps.

The older man playfully rolled his eyes and laughed “at least I finished high school.”

Varian’s lips pursed, eyes beginning to sparkle slightly “I finished! It took awhile, but I did. Eventually.”

“Eventually.” Andrew repeated “I’m proud of you though. You’re the smartest person in this generation. I hated to see you buckle under the weight of your mental health.”

Varian shrugged, much more casual than before.

“It was just homeschool gone wrong. But when I moved in with Eugene he was able to give me that support and motivation I needed to actually get my degree, instead of just sitting on my knowledge. Him and my friend Rapunzel, they’ve really helped me out. I wouldn’t be where I am, or who I am, without them. They kinda saved my life.” His tone was fond and smile wistful.

Andrew smoothed his face to keep from sneering.

It should’ve been him. That was him, at one point.

He wondered if Varian would turn on these people too. Probably, he was a coward at heart.

Varian frowned, he must’ve naturally sensed Andrew’s drop in mood. Andrew quickly commented to save the awkward, uncomfortable silence.

“So, not to be nosy or anything, but why aren’t you with them?”

Varian slumped in on himself.

“Not that I mind” Andrew corrected, voice kind and reassuring “but it seems like you’re really close with them. What happened that you had to run away from them?”

Varian was quiet for a moment, his plate almost completely untouched as he dropped his fork and folded his arms on the table. Andrew had already finished his breakfast, well, more like lunch now.

“I told you last night, we had a fight. He was telling me to break up with Eric, that I needed to take a break from dating, that I was being reckless and he was worried about me, I don’t take care of myself, yada yada whatever.”

Varian’s head fell into his arms.

“God, he was right. He wasn’t being mean, he was just trying to help me. And I got pissed and just made it worse.”

Before Andrew could say anything, Varian lifted his head up. Tears were already starting to form in his downcast eyes, lip quivering.

“He didn’t deserve any of what I said to him. He’s always just looked out for me.”

“I don't know why I do this, why I push the only people who care about me away.”

Once again, Andrew had to smooth his features to prevent his real emotions showing through. Right now, he could barely resist the urge to grin.

“Yeah, you certainly do have a bad habit of doing that.”

And oh god, the tears that began to spill over Varian’s cheeks were so beautiful.

His lip trembled and his breaths very loudly choked. Andrew faked a fond coo.

“Awe Var, look, it’s okay.” Andrew made his way to the other side of the table, getting down on one knee and enveloping Varian in a hug like the knight in shining armor he was meant to be.

Varian stiffened in the embrace, but didn’t pull away, only crying harder. Andrew held him tighter.

“You haven’t pushed me away okay. I know you’ve tried, but I’m still here. I still love you.”

Varian sobbed, burying his face into Andrew’s shoulder.

“You hate me!” He cried.

Andrew cooed once again, denying the truth.

“Varian, I don't hate you. I was angry, I was hurt, but I never hated you. You were like a brother to me.”

Varian’s crying didn’t quite rival his tears from the previous night, fueled by exhaustion, hunger, and fear. But each painful gasp and whimper still made Andrew’s heart sing. Varian was exactly where he wanted him to be right now.

He decided to continue “I understand you were upset and scared. I’m still hurt, yes. We all are, and we will be for a long time. Our lives have been drastically affected by your actions. But I still love you, I understand why you lashed out. The wound will heal, eventually. I want it to, at least.”

Varian wrapped his arms around Andrew, as tight as his little twig arms could go.

“I’m sorry!” He sobbed “I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt!”

“I know. But you hurt us, your family.” Andrew stressed, heart racing in excitement. He tightened the hug. Both assuring Varian, and preventing him from leaving.

Varian whimpered like a hurt puppy.

“I didn’t-“ he tried to argue, before giving up. Body slumping against Andrew like a puppet with its wires cut.

“I’m sorry.”

Andrew squeezed Varian tightly, holding him upright. He pressed a kiss to the younger boy’s temple.

“I think eventually, I’ll be able to forgive you.”

Varian was silent, but he buried his head deeper into Andrew’s shoulder.

Andrew smiled while petting Varian’s hair.

Varian would be his again, Andrew didn’t even need to be patient.

~~~

Andrew didn’t own a tv. A fact Varian felt the need to ask about as Andrew settled the boy onto the couch.

“It rots your brain,” he said simply. Varian quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing more.

Andrew settled next to him, and watched as the younger brought his knees up to his chest. He glanced out the nearby window, watching as the elderly neighbor trimmed the hedges.

Varian was silent, likely monologuing in his own head. That was fine, Andrew liked the silence. It was rare with Varian after all.

He mused on his next course of action. Getting Varian to admit fault and even apologize, had happened much, much sooner than he had anticipated. He knew it was likely due to Varian’s fragile state of mind, and guilt from the previous fights he had instigated the previous day, but Andrew would gladly take it.

Sure, he may rescind the apology and go back to hating Andrew. But that seemed less and less likely with every passing minute. Varian was weak right now. He had no confidence, he hated himself. He may have burned bridges with his only friend, and definitely wasn’t going anywhere with his current boyfriend. Dad seemed to still be barely in the picture.

Right now Varian was weak, alone, insecure, easily suggestible, desperate for approval. He was like clay for Andrew to mold.

Just like the day he met him.

Only this time, Andrew knew full well the right techniques to use. How to properly shape this weak puppy into the perfect attack dog.

He needed to be a little bit more patient, play the long game.

Eric was pretty much gone. He didn’t need to put any effort in there. Quirin wasn’t difficult to get rid of when the time came. Right now, Andrew needed to press a little on the Eugene Wound.

“I’m sorry about your fight with your cousin.” Andrew said softly, breaking Varian from his thoughts.

Varian glanced at him before looking down “Thanks. I mean, it was my fault. I’ll um, I’ll apologize to him today. God, I really hope he’s not still mad at me.”

Andrew gave him a soft grimace.

“What?” Varian muttered.

Andrew sighed “nothing it’s just, well. It sounds like you two had a really nasty fight. You said it yourself, you lashed out, said a lot of things you didn’t mean, while he was just trying to protect you.”

Andrew could see Varian’s jaw clench while he looked at him intently. Andrew sighed once again, rather performatively.

“I’m just saying, maybe you should give him some space. He’s probably really hurting right now.” Andrew sealed the blow with a soft hand to Varian’s shoulder.

Varian’s brow furrowed in offense, before slumping his shoulders and lowering his head.

“Of course, you know him better than I do. But maybe some space would be the best for the two of you.”

Varian didn’t respond, Andrew let the two sit in silence for a minute, let Varian argue in his own mind before conceding to Andrew.

And concede he did, with the smallest slump against Andrew’s side.

Long, tan fingers began to play with Varian’s dark hair. Occasionally moving to soothingly scratch at his scalp. Varian’s hand was close to Andrew’s thigh, his pinkie finger looping into the pocket of the black jeans he had changed into after breakfast.

“You’re probably right.” Varian muttered almost inaudibly.

Andrew pulled Varian closer.

“I don’t mind you staying another day if you need.” Andrew said softly. Varian didn’t respond.

The tiniest bit of panic sparked in Andrew’s gut, and he pulled out a risky move. Purely to dissuade any remaining suspicion in Varian’s mind.

“Are there any other friends you could stay with? I could give you a ride?”

Please say no please say no please say no god all this work only for him to-

“Not really. At least, no one who isn’t a mutual friend of his. They probably kinda hate me right now too.”

“Probably” Andrew parroted sadly.

Varian’s demeanor only turned more glum. Like the human embodiment of spilled ice cream.

Andrew smiled encouragingly and bumped his shoulder against Varian’s. “Hey, chin up kiddo. They won’t be mad at you for long. And until then, you can stay with me.”

Varian looked up at him with his painfully big blue eyes, not quite mustering up a smile. “You don’t mind?”

Andrew playfully rolled his eyes “I honestly didn’t even have anything planned this weekend. This will be a nice change of pace. It'll be nice to catch up and spend some time together, like old times.”

The tiniest, most pained smile graced Varian’s tear-stained face.

“Yeah, like old times. That sounds- that sounds nice.”

~~~

Thank every star in heaven that Varian was on fall break. Meaning Andrew had him until Tuesday. At least, that was what the two had agreed Varian’s stay would be.

It was possible Varian would decide to stay with his dad at some point. But from what Andrew could tell, their relationship wasn’t quite sunshine and roses just yet, even if they had gotten closer since Varian had been in juvie. Despite the possibility, though, Andrew would still get the kid settled in.

He’d have to go buy Varian a shirt or two, and a pair of jeans. And definitely a toothbrush. Knowing Varian, he had probably used his last night. Ew.

Getting Varian out of the house would probably do him some good. He needed fresh air. And maybe if the kid was good, he’d spoil him with one of those painfully unhealthy sugary drinks he was so fond of.

The thought of getting Varian a cheap burner phone crossed his mind. The kid was planning on staying with him a few days, and he currently didn't have any contact with the outside world aside from a handful of neighbors that were rather spread apart and not very chatty. He was essentially reliant on Andrew at the moment.

Varian didn’t need a phone.

The older man grabbed his keys and made his way to the seating area where Varian was reading one of his books on the Civil War.

Andrew spun his keys on his finger, the sound getting the kid’s attention.

“You going somewhere?” Varian asked softly.

“Yeah I’m heading out. I need to pick up a few things. And I thought I’d pick you up a toothbrush and a change of clothes or two; if you wanna come with.”

Varian’s brow furrowed “you don’t have to-“

Andrew ruffled Varian’s hair before he could finish his sentence “oh hush, it’s nothing. Now come on, fresh air will do you good.”

Varian bit back a grin.

“Thank you, Andrew, for everything. Really, I-I appreciate it a lot.” Varian’s smile was soft and earnest, much like the one he had always given him all those years ago.

Andrew smiled back at him, soft and earnest as well.

“Of course, kid.”

Varian would be his again. He pretty much already was.