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It was a regular day, one like any other, save the stresses of school. There was nothing to do but sit around and relax, following whims that came to mind if the motivation was there. Miles cherished the time he had off from college. It was always good to have a little bit of time to yourself when school stress followed you like a plague.
Laying on the couch and mindlessly scrolling was Miles preferred way of destressing. The perfect way to have his mind settle was letting it pick and choose what to think about as he watched video after video, looked at post after post.
The only other way to spend his free time to rival that was being with his friends. He was forced to be alone today though because Azure and Felix were having a date and he had stayed over at Birdie’s place three days ago; it would have been a little clingy for him to ask her to come over so soon. He was sure she had better things to do.
But, god, did he wish she was here. He was never bored with Birdie around; an odd thing because he found that it took a lot for his mind to settle for long. She took up his entire focus so easily though, as soon as she walked into the room. Something about her more stern, self-assured personality soothed his own chaotic one. He tended to be a bit clumsy and awkward, but Birdie never had trouble speaking her mind.
And was it so bad for him to admire that? To fall for the instinctive pull he felt between them? Well, maybe it was so bad because he was pretty sure she had no idea of his feelings towards her, much less reciprocated them. He was such an idiot to think someone like her would think of him as anything more than a friend. To him, it was a miracle their relationship got that far! And it was all thanks to Felix and Azure.
Miles huffed, dropping his phone on his stomach to rub at his eyes in frustration. He was supposed to be relaxing and here he was, pining like an idiot teenager. To be fair, he was barely out of high school, but it was the principle!
He wasn’t sure what else he could do now to occupy his brain. Once he thought of Birdie once, Miles couldn’t get her out of his life depended on it. It was so frustrating! Maybe if he picked up that new game he bought it would-
Knock knock knock
Oh shit! That was Birdie’s knock! (Another embarrassment: he could tell it was Birdie based on her knock).
Miles then scrambled to sit up on the couch and dashed down the hall to the front door, checking the bird’s nest that was his hair in the mirror on the way. He tried to fix it up a bit before he got there since he didn’t want to look like a total laze to a girl that always looked flawless without even trying.
Now that he was at the door he wondered what to do once he opened it. Ugh, why was he suddenly very aware of his hands? And why were they so sweaty?? Maybe he should lean against the doorframe? Fuck, no. He would look like a dumbass, not cool; this wasn’t a movie. Okay, he just needed to pull himself together.
Another, more curt knock made Miles jump out of his skin. Fuck! Birdie was still waiting for him to open the damn door!
He let out a quick sigh before unlocking and opening the door, plastering on what he hoped was a casual smile. “Hey, Birdie. What, uh, what’s up?”
The girl stood stiffly for a minute as if, for the first time, she didn’t know what to say or do with herself. That in itself made Miles even more nervous because Birdie never let anything get the best of her.
“Hi, Miles. I have something that you left at my house the other day,” she said stoically, holding out her hand.
Miles frowned, not aware he forgot anything, and when he looked down to see what it was she had, he almost choked.
His fucking. Journal…
He left his JOURNAL at BIRDIE’S house. Ohhhh, what the fuckkkk was he going to do?! That’s so embarrassing; she must think he’s so lameeee.
“Oh, that’s cool,” he blurted out, taking the book from Birdie, their fingers brushing ever so slightly, “I don’t even care. Ha, I need to throw this old thing out.”
His free hand came up to rub at the back of his neck nervously. He prayed the heat he felt on his cheeks wasn’t showing.
“Miles,” the woman cut in, her face intentionally blank, “I wouldn’t lie to you, so I won’t now. I read some of it.”
Miles’s heart stopped. She did what? What parts did she read? What had he written? He knew he wrote about her quite a bit; it was the only way to get her out of his head most of the time. He thought he was going to throw up until she spoke again.
“Do you…” Birdie started before clearing her throat, looking him dead in the eyes with a new resolve, “do you really love me?”
Something about her in this moment was different than any other he had seen her. Birdie looked the same as always and she sounded the same, but she felt different.
Looking into her eyes, Miles could tell she was laying more on the line than her exterior showed. Something extremely vulnerable was being shown to him, and it made Miles’s heart flutter. He thought the saying “the eyes are the window to the soul” was a kind of bullshit saying, but now he felt like he was seeing Birdie’s soul. Anyone else would think that was ridiculous, but he knew her so well that it was entirely possible to him.
“Oh wow…” he muttered, not really sure what to do, “uhh, this is crazy. I don’t know what to say, actually.”
Birdie’s eyes looked at the ground, moving as if she was reading hidden words there. Her brows furrowed and her lips pressed together; her thinking face, Miles noted in his mild panic.
“I didn’t mean to snoop, but I don’t regret it,” she stated firmly. “It’s difficult for me to describe it, but you have to try to understand my heart’s intention.”
Miles was still struck by the entire situation. Birdie was not only here just when he was yearning for her, but she had his journal he apparently left at her house. On top of that, she looked through it (and he didn’t know how to feel about that quite yet) which was how she now knew he liked her.
This was all too stressful. He needed to sit down. So much information was processing at once, how could anyone handle this?
Just as he was about to say as much, the woman in front of him glanced to the side and turned to leave.
“Forget I said anything. I’m sorry for being nosy, and I understand if you want to go our separate ways,” she murmured. There was an inflection in her voice, her shame and sadness clear. She tilted her head to the ground before saying more firmly as if she shoved her emotions deep down and was pretending not to care, “goodbye, Miles.”
Hold on. She couldn’t just go. They had to talk about this. That was the mature thing to do, right?
Without too much thought, moving on instinct, Miles’s hand reached out. His fingers just barely grabbed onto her sweater’s sleeve, but it was enough to stop her from walking away.
“Wait a minute!” he pleaded, the thought of never seeing her again creating a pit in his stomach. “You can’t- I guess it’s not that big of a deal. The- the journal thing that is.”
He trailed off, very unsure of how to go from there. Miles’s free hand ran through his hair, hoping it would help him to sort all of this out to get some of his anxious energy out.
“Look, I get it. I get that it’s probably weird for you. Me having feelings for you is weird,” he started to ramble, “You are WAY out of my league, but I just can’t help it. And, you know, I would never want to stop being friends with you. Unless you want to because this makes you uncomfortable!”
He groaned, hating that he couldn’t find the right words to make this all better and felt like the biggest bumbling jackass in the world.
“Birdie… what you read is true. I have feelings for you. I guess I should clarify that. But it doesn’t have to change anything, unless you want it to. That’s… the short and not-so sweet of it, I guess.”
Miles finally willed himself to look the girl in the eye, finding that even now her presence soothed him. He didn’t know what he expected to happen now that everything was laid out, but he hoped she would have mercy on him. He waited for disgust, anger, or even apathy.
For what seemed like forever, the only thing he could read from her was that she was thinking. The more the seconds ticked on, the more desperate he became for some kind of response. Miles felt like he needed to do something now.
Once again very self-aware, he remembered he was still holding her sleeve. He looked down at his hand, blushing as he released her sweatshirt
“Sorry, uh, I didn’t mean to- I’ll just let go now. Wha…?”
Miles was surprised by the feel of a hand cupping his jaw, gently guiding him to look in Birdie’s eyes again. The woman looked at him with such intense sincerity that it made his heart hurt a little. Her full attention on him made him enraptured in her like nothing else.
“Miles, I love you too,” she whispered, relief clear in her tone.
Then her lips were on his. It was nothing like he had ever imagined (and he had imagined it an embarrassing amount).
Her lips weren’t silky smooth like they always described in the books. They were smooth, sure, but also rough at the same time. As much as she seemed like a fantasy, Birdie was a person just like him. Hundreds of butterflies bloomed in Miles’s stomach as his hands reached up to card through her wavy hair. He didn’t pull her closer or push her away, too scared to ruin the moment by doing anything but hold her and make it last just a little bit longer.
They stayed like for a while, mouths moving against each others on his doorstep without a care who saw them. It wasn’t overly passionate or lame, it was simply them. It was real. Eventually, they finally parted for air and looked at each other.
“You know, I was just thinking about inviting you over when you knocked,” Miles awkwardly said, his lips quirking up in a shy smile.
“Well, I’m here now,” Birdie responded with a smirk, pulling the man into his own house.
They would figure it all out later. For now, they had each other and time to kill before their break was over.