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Today's night sky is adorned with a full moon. It is a pretty sight, even if the city lights drown most of its silver shine. Maybe because of its presence, on this delightful night, Sakayori Iroha seems rather sensible.
It is to be expected that full moons are a thing that upset Iroha, but it sure is rare to see her crying. Most of the time, she was a composed woman, calm and collected, looking at her problems with her head held high and clawing her way through with determination. The most negative emotion her friends have seen her have— in person, at least —was when she lashed out at her equipment when something didn't go her way, but even then she just would collect herself fast.
Yet, after a drinking party with all their friends, Roka Ayatsumugi had Iroha right in front of her, crying her eyeballs out like a baby.
But, how we got to this situation, you may ask. Well it's quite simple, actually. Hours ago, Mikado had sent an invitation to her dear sister for her to relax a little, then, in a spark of genius, he also invited Roka and Mami, knowing full well that they would help his endeavours in making Iroha take a well earned— and needed— break. It was a fierce battle, but in the end they achieved their goal with a little hand from a virtual idol that was also concerned for Iroha's well being.
When they started drinking it was all laughs and giggles, but a few cups in, Iroha started to ramble and say some pretty incoherent stuff. Then, some minutes after, she started crying out of nowhere, babbling about something that nobody in the table could understand. She was wasted, and for the party to go on— also to let Mami enjoy the time with her favourite streamer — Roka offered herself to deliver the drunken Iroha safely to her house. A not-so-long trip after, she was going to leave Iroha at her door, but she stumbled onto the furniture while walking inside and fell off to the floor, then started crying again.
And that's how we get to the present.
“Are you okay? Gosh, if we’d known you were this much of a lightweight drinker we could have just taken you to karaoke or something…” Iroha didn't drink at all, so most likely she was doing it because everyone else was pushing the idea onto her a tinsy bit too much. Having said that, drunken Iroha was a cute memory to have. “Let's go, grab here.” Her voice softly flew through the obscure apartment as she leaned to Iroha, grabbing her by the arm and letting her support herself to walk.
“But I can… *sniff* … walk by myself” The tearful woman protested, balancing herself using Roka’s shoulder anyway.
“Yes, yes. Whatever you say, miss can-do-it-all” She chuckled a little, then slowly made her way to the coach in the living room. The apartment was enormous, probably a gift left behind by the moon princess. It was a shock when Roka and Mami visited for the first time, but she felt pretty comfortable walking around now. “You should get some rest, I'll…”
The words got stuck in her throat as she felt a slight tug on her clothes. Iroha was grabbing her, looking into her eyes with an expression she had never seen before. “Don't go…”
Roka gulped. Those green eyes staring at her, crystallized by the tears rolling down her red cheeks. She was pouting, like a child that didn't want her mom to go to work. “I’ll brew some tea, is that ok?” A gentle tone covered her words. How could she be this cute? It's just so unfair…
“No, no… I can do it myself…” Iroha declared while getting up from the couch, clumsily walking towards the kitchen at a slow pace. Roka giggled, an amusing sighting indeed, but if she walked around by herself she would trip at any time, so the sober friend stood up and grabbed her arm carefully. “Hey. What…?”
“I don't think it is a good idea. How about you go change yourself to pajamas. Can do that for me?” Roka talked with a soft tone. Old habits die hard, and Iroha was an embodiment of that. It's true that, little by little, she was relying more and more on her friends and family, but now, at her most vulnerable, it was obvious that she was still that kid trying to do it all. A ‘yeah’ came out in a low voice, and Roka smiled broadly. “Well then, while you do that, I'll prepare some tea so we can chat, ok?”
“...‘k” Iroha mumbled, her brows slightly furrowing as her path diverted to her room. Roka watched over her until the sulking woman disappeared into the room, the sound of the light switch making clear that she could manage herself for the time being. So she made her way into the kitchen.
To be honest, even if it wasn't the most dignified side of Iroha, she really was happy to witness her dear friend acting so childish and needy. The tug on her clothes and that yearning expression… Her heart skips a beat when that memory repeats itself, so vividly because of the short time that has passed.
The fire from the stove felt warm. If only that reaction wasn't just a by-product of the alcohol.
She quickly shook the thought out of her head. It was a dangerous one given the situation. “Really unfair…” Her smile was tinted by the frustration of it all. Days like this weren't rare, since a few years ago, the weight over her heart grew heavier as Iroha's obsession for her work did as well. Before Kaguya, Roka never felt this way, but after she disappeared, the feeling became something inescapable. One that, for a long time, hadn't a name. But now…
*THUD* “Ughoo…”
From Iroha's room, a heavy sound finally cleared all the thoughts over her head. Roka swiftly made her way over, and when standing in front of the door, she found herself with a trapped Iroha, trying to pass her head through the arm hole of her pajama. The sight was funny, you don't get to see a woman in her twenties struggle to do basic stuff so often, but this one in particular was sobbing underneath all the cloth, so laughing was a little difficult. “My… Hang in there Iroha, let me give you a hand” the words came out in a slightly delighted tone.
In no time, Roka guided the shirt into place, and Iroha's face could be seen once again, frowning deeply while tears rolled down. “Thanks…”
Roka’s head tilted a little to the side. It was like seeing a puppy pouting or something like that, so cute. “Did you hit yourself hard?” Almost instinctively, her hand landed on Iroha's hair, patting the dark hair while asking.
“No, I…” She paused mid sentence. Her face lowered as the silence reigned over the small room. “I just can't do anything, do I?”
Down to her knees, Iroha's voice was shaking, so low that even in the quiet it almost escaped Roka. “What are you saying?” She almost didn't believe her ears. How could she, the perfect student and incredible scientist Iroha, say such a ludicrous thing like that.
“It's been… How much? Almost 5 years by now… And I have nothing…” Now that she was a little more sober, her rambling became a lot more clear. It was about Yachiyo. Of course it was. “She… she has been waiting for god knows how long and I can do something as simple as…!” Iroha’s hands turned into fist, as if she was going to start punching the floor. Her tone was more frustrated than sad now, but still shaking. “I…”
Seeing her this low was a first, and it made Roka's heart tighten. She slowly kneeled in front of her, wrapping her arms carefully around her friend's body while the side of her face rested over Iroha's head. Her hair was soft, and it smelled good even in such a bad state of mind. “Don't talk like that, ok? You are the most talented, hardworking, passionate and kind person I’ve ever met” Her hand stroked slowly and gently on the dark hand, as Iroha slowly placed her hands on Roka's back.
“I just want to feel her again…” Of course. Wouldn't you like to hold the one you love in your arms? Roka's hand stopped.
“I… *sniff* I don't think I can wait as much as her and it's frustrating…” Waiting is hard, she can only look at her from afar. Never really feeling her warm no matter how close they are. Isn’t that awful? Roka felt herself trembling.
“Why does it have to be so unfair…!”
Why indeed.
Iroha's grip strengthened as her words filled the bright room. A whirlwind of emotions filled Roka's head as the words stuck in her throat. ‘I’ … “We are here for you. If you need a hug, if you need a hand. Yachiyo isn't going to disappear if you take a little more time, so you can take a break when the work feels like it isn't going anywhere, you know?”
She went back to stroking Iroha's hair with care. “We may not have thousands of years of love in our hearts. But we all love you too, Iroha, and we believe in you…” Her tone, soft and slow, flew into Iroha's ears, making her hands loosen the grip.
Suddenly, the sobbing girl let her face fall in between Roka's shoulder and collarbone. “I'm tired…” She stated in a low voice.
“I know…” Because of her clothes, Roka couldn't feel it properly, but Iroha's heavy breath was tickling her a little, so after a moment hugging down on the floor, Roka stood up, now holding Iroha's arms and prompting her to do the same. “Let's go have that tea and then go to bed, yeah?”
A few steps in, Iroha stopped Roka by pulling her arm. Confused, the more sober one turned her head only to, suddenly, be pushed to the wall on aside from the entrance, hitting the light switch and making the room go dark. “What the… Iroha?”
“Can I…” Roka quickly turned around, but now she was cornered between the wall and Iroha. Without the lights on it was hard to make out what expression was drawn over Iroha's face, but her eyes were glowing intensely as their gaze met. “Can I touch you in her place, Roka…?”
Her eyes were wide open the moment her name came out of that mouth. Roka was under the assumption that Iroha was sobering up, but the sentence that came out from the drunken's mouth left her speechless. Was she the type to get affectionate when drunk? Well, given her attitude at the party, probably was more of a sad drunk. Why would she even say such a thing? “I can give you a hug if you want. There's no need to get all pushy, geez…” She brushed it off as a weird way to ask for another hug.
But… *I’m… I'm not looking for a hug…” In her words there was a little hesitation, but when focusing the gaze to see her closely, Iroha's expression looked serious, determined even. “If I can… Endure a little more..”
The feeling of a hand grazing her waist made Roka flinch. Iroha was searching for the hem, but her endeavours were cut short by Roka's hand. “Iroha.”
Her tone was serious. This outcome was one that she'd never even dreamt of, but again, it was all a trick from the alcohol. Roka saw through the fantasy easily, and stopped it before it could get out of control.
Because she knew what was best for Iroha. And if giving into her deepest dreams was something that could hurt her in the future, Roka was ready to give up every–”You don't want to?”
Even if she thought that her resolve was unshakable, that question was enough to give her goosebumps. Now, Iroha was just inches close to her face, up so close, Roka could see clearly the slightly red face of Iroha. She was pouting again. Something that Kaguya probably rubbed on her unconsciously.
“I…” Even if she was quick to stop her before, seeing those big puppy eyes and feeling her hot breath so closely was making her brain go numb. “Iroha, you…” She tried so hard to put some words out, but all her sentences scrambled in her head as Iroha's face slowly moved closer and closer.
Maybe this was the time to loosen herself a little too. Her eyes started to close little by little.
The moment to lift the weight over her heart, and give in, even if it was because of an illusion of love. Her lips parted in anticipation.
A moment of bliss, that she could blame on the alcohol tomorrow. She told herself, and her shoulders felt light.
Light.
Before her eyes could close, the silver light coming through the window made Iroha's silhouette seem as if it was glowing. The glow of the moon looked beautiful on top of her.
“What am I doing?” Just inches away from her lips, Roka snapped out of the trance and pushed a slightly disoriented Iroha by the shoulders.
“W-what are you–”
“Gosh, Iroha… Just how bad could you be handling alcohol?”
“Urk– I-I’m not tho. I–”
“You are stronger than this… You can't be all tipsy and disappoint Yachiyo like that, you know?”
Iroha's body stiffened, and Roka, now free from that awfully close call, turned the lights back on. “I… No, I…” She was going to cry again.
Roka giggled. “Hey. Nothing happened here, ok? You're going to keep those feelings for the one that you really want to feel. I don't think I am capable of giving you that kind of warmth… But she surely is going to”
An ample smile formed on Roka's face. Calm and soft, as always. Iroha on the other hand looked troubled, as if there were a thousand words that she couldn't articulate properly. But before she could even mutter a letter, a distant whistle alerted Roka from the open kitchen. “Ah! The water is ready now, so let's have that tea now. Sounds good?” Her tone was back to normal, she was fully composed once again.
“Uhm… Sure” Iroha on the other hand seemed a little wary still, as a little child that did something wrong. But Roka held her hand carefully, giving her a sense of peace.
“Let's go” She said, and Iroha nodded.
It had been a strange night, full of rare sightings and emotions. But in the end, she only needs to be strong.
As strong as she could be for her.