Chapter Text
I walk across the street of my small town, bundled up in a pink scarf and fluffy earmuffs, with gloves hiding under the long sleeves of my big jacket. It’s early and still dark but there’s snow lightly falling from the sky. The street is quiet, I pass the city’s center where the shops are lined up, the bakery is the only one with lights on. I smell the sweet scent of fresh bread and sweets being prepared.
Since moving into my own home, slightly far from town, I take walks through my old neighborhood. It’s not like I never visit, or never see my family, quite the opposite actually. But it’s comforting to see everything slowly, a new paintjob or a different car sitting infront of a home. Willows Point never really changes, until one day when you finish your school and suddenly haven’t seen your parents for weeks because your so busy with jobs and moving into your new apartment.
Luckily I don’t have to worry about not seeing my family often, since it’s almost Christmas I’m staying in my parents house for two weeks. My sisters and my aunt, my aunt and uncle with their two kids and my grandparents are also staying with them, we have done this every year since I can remember, it’s hectic and overwhelming but also so amazing every time the two weeks are filled with laughter and joy. Today I’m bringing over my stuff from my apartment to the house, I very much need this little walk for the upcoming chaos.
I arrive at the center, the heart of Willows Point, our little church. It’s got three peaks, round tinted windows and is decorated with garland and light up stars spread all around the church. We’re a pretty progressive town but this church has been around for decades and continues to be our center. Besides the church, there’s a bar, a restaurant and a community center. Hyde’s bar is now owned by the third Hyde of the family, they’re an unusual family, slightly obsessed with passing the name Hyde down.
I can get on quite nicely with Hyde junior junior, we just call him Harry.
The restaurant isn’t family owned, it hasn’t changed owner in five years but they say it used to be a barbecue place, it sells quite literally everything. Even the inside slightly resembles a hotel dining room with an all you can eat buffet, except you order the food. The restaurant does have a real name, but since it’s the only restaurant we just stick to the restaurant.
The town spreads out a bit more, not to forget up the hill. But for my walk I just stick to my usual, apartment —> center.
I walk back down the street but my path is blocked by a red convertible, one from the 80’s. The headlights shine brightly in my eyes but I can’t see anyone inside the car. I walk to the side and see a woman leaning on the back of the car frantically typing and swiping on her phone. The light of her phone lights up her face, she’s a little pale but I notice a birthmark on her left cheekbone. She has black, maybe dark brown hair, it’s hard to see. Then I notice her eyes, dark hazel and looking right at me. Oh shit she’s looking right at me.
“Uh- hello, sorry.” I say slightly (really) stressed. “Hey, uhm my car broke down. Do you know someone, maybe?” She asks. I forget to answer for a second, slightly mesmerized by her voice. “Oh there’s a mechanic here.” I say trying to not sound like a weirdo but a really nice social person. “I can call him, they open in an hour but I’m sure he’s already awake.” I say.
She looks me up and down and I suddenly realize how I’m dressed and how she’s dressed. She has a leather jacket on, with a grey hoodie sticking out and baggy jeans that are wet from walking in the snow. Meanwhile I look like a pastel pink snowman with my long white coat that comes to knees.
The woman, putting her red hands in her jacket is looking me in my eyes again. “Thank you so much, what’s your name?” She asks. “I’m Sage,”
“I’m Hannah, nice to meet you Sage.” She smiles, I hope she thinks my flushed cheeks are from the cold. Reminded of the cold and her red hands I take off my knitted gloves and hand them to her. “Here, you must be cold.”
She looks surprised at my pink gloves, ones my grandma made. She takes them and smiles again. “Thank you.”
“I’ll call Richard.” I take out my phone from my pocket to call our mechanic. Richard Heft owns Heft and son’s Garage in our town. “He has a tow truck so we won’t have to wait in the cold.” I call him and after a minute he answers. His deep old man voice strongly contradicts his appearance, Richard truly looks like an adorable garden gnome. “Goodmorning Sage, everything alright?” He asks. “Hey Richard, I know you’re still closed but there’s a woman here and her car broke down. Could you come down to the,” I quickly look around when I see the bookstore next to us. “the bookstore.”
I hear him grumbling a little. “It’s blocking the road.” I say and I hear him sigh, he’s probably rubbing his eyes right now. “Alright, alright because it’s Christmas.”
“Thank you!” I hang up and give a thumbs up to Hannah. “He’s on his way.”
“How come you’re in Willows Point?” I ask Hannah. “Do you have family here?”
“No, I kinda just..” she seems a little embarrassed. “I ride around the country. Go places, you know?” She asks, but I don’t know. I’ve always been in the same place. I guess I looked a little confused because she tried to explain it again. “I live on the road.”
I stay silent, not because of anything negative, but I’m admiring. I invision her in the convertible, music playing and the wind blowing through her hair, living her life just as she wants to live it. “That’s really cool, I couldn’t imagine how free that would feel.”
Our slightly awkward sweet conversation is stopped when Richard’s green truck arrives and stops right infront of us. He steps out in a flannel shirt and a leather vest his white hair is slightly ruffed up and he smiles big at us. “Goodmorning girls, that’s the car?” He says and points to the convertible. “Yes, It suddenly started driving really slow, when I pulled in there was a small bang and then it started smoking.” Hannah explains.
The old man nods and starts to take a look in the car hood, he mumbles something and then turns around again. “I’ll have to take a better look at it can I take it to the garage?” He asks. “Sure, please.”
The car is attached to Richard’s truck and he rides away telling Hannah to see him at the shop tomorrow. I wave him goodbye and we’re left alone together.
“Is there a motel here? Or Airbnb?” Hannah asks, she doesn’t have a place to stay and her car is in the garage till atleast tommorow. I contemplate inviting her to stay with me but the house is pretty packed with twelve people and I don’t want to shove her in a house with a bunch of people she doesn’t know. “We don’t have motels but I think Christina rents out a small place, I can check for you.” I answer. Christina is a woman who moved here a few years back, she’s pretty reserved and nobody really knows what she did or where she came from.
She has her own house up on the hill but owns a small apartment that’s stuffed inbetween two shops in the center.
I find the listing on Airbnb and show it to Hannah. “Is this okay?” I ask and she seems relieved. “Yes it’s great, what’s the price?” She asks. “I can take care of the costs, don’t worry.” I answer, her car needing to be fixed and the Airbnb aren’t cheap together.
“You don’t need to that, it’s fine.” She says stepping a bit closer to me. “No its fine, it doesn’t cost much.” I answer. We go back and forth, “I insist.”
I raise my head up to her, she’s taller than me. Her eyes are dark, looking more brown than before. There’re snowflakes on her hair, I can see how she looks clearly. In the light of the moon and a streetlamp hanging over us, i see her hair in shaggy layers, another birthmark under her bottom lip. I notice how her lips are slightly curled and how her eyes are twinkling.
We’re standing close together, I start to stand on my toes, inching closer to her mouth. She doesn’t resist and I feel a hand on my lower back slightly pushing me closer. But when the streetlamp suddenly goes out and out of the corner of my eye I see the lamp of the bookstore go on and the blinds roll up I push myself away from Hannah. I take a step back and avert my eyes to the ground, looking back up at her puzzled expression I whisper ‘sorry’.
Hannah confusingly smiles at me, sweetly. “All good, could you bring me to the apartment?” I look at her surprised but quickly answer. “Of course.”
We walk up to street and I show her the small apartment, already having paid for the Airbnb while walking Chrisina had sent me a message saying the keys where under the rug. I hand the keys to Hannah and she opens the door, she enters a small hallway that immediately leads to the living area. She turns back to me still smiling, “I’ll see you around Sage.”
“You too Hannah.”
-
I walk into my parents home carrying my travel bag, my father is rolling the suitcase in the living room. The whole house is decorated, there’s a big Christmas tree filled with glittering and shining ornaments and lights, a singing angel stands on the peak. The living room is filled with nutcrackers, shooting stars, elf’s and Santa’s. A red blanket with white snowflakes is spread over the couch and there’s a pillow with ‘happy holidays’ printed on it. Lights and tinsel fill the walls, going up all the stairs and continuing through the house.
Even the front of the house is filled with lights. My mom already made her new wreath, something she does every year, and it’s hanging on the front door.
My father, wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that’s filled with glitter, pompoms and all sorts of ribbon, puts my suitcase by the staircase . “Do you need help getting it up, sweetheart?” He asks. “That’s alright dad I’ll do it later, who’s here already?” I say, I’m staying in the attic with my sisters so pushing my heavy suitcase up three stairs is something that can wait. “Selena is already upstairs,” Selena is my older sister. “Sydney is still driving,” Sydney is my younger sister, she’s going to a college much farther away than the one me and Selena went to. “Your grandparents will be here quickly, your mother is helping them with their luggage.”
“And what about aunt Brooke? And Lauren and Jim with the kids?” I ask my father, seeing as everyone lives in the same place they should get here quickly. Aunt Brooke, my mother and aunt Lauren are sisters. Brooke is in her thirties and lives alone in a cabin up the hill, Lauren is married to Jim and they live in a house like ours with their two kids Olivia and Oscar. They only live a street away.
“They should all be here soon, no stress. Lauren will probably be late, but the kids are still young. And we know exactly how that feels.” My father laughs to himself. “You know we programmed the lights differently this year and we used special ones that light up to music!” My father starts talking enthusiastically about his lights, he never lets anyone else do the lights. I listen to the twenty minute story about how he found the lights, how they work and then he showed me them lighting up and changing colors to about five different Christmas songs.
“Sage!”
I look behind me and see Selena smiling brightly at me. “Selena!” I walk over to her and give her a big hug. “I’ve missed you.” She says squeezing me. Me and my sisters are very close, we’ve had our fair share of fights of course, but I love my sisters. Just like me Selena has blonde hair, she always puts it in a ponytail or a bun. “How’s work?” I ask her. “Busy, lots of kids get sick this time of year.” She says, Selena works as a nurse but mostly cares for kids. “I’m very glad you’re here.” I say and hug her a little tighter.
Then we hear a car pulling up infront of the house, it honks three times. The door swings open and I hear clattering of a suitcase hitting the door. “Be careful Sydney!” My father yells from the couch, already knowing it’s my little sister. My sister ignores the comment and with much effort and concerning sounds finally gets her two suitcases into the hall. Selena and I walk over to the hall and see our not so little anymore sister.
“Your hair!” Is he first thing Selena yells, I didn’t even notice but Sydney had dyed it brown with small red streaks. “Do you like it?” She asks. Selena goes to touch it and like a detective inspects Sydney’s hair. “I love it!” I yell and give her a hug.
After about half an hour everyone arrived. Chairs have been placed by the couch and the living room is packed, my grandparents are sitting on the couch next to my parents. Me and my sisters are sitting on a my aunt brought with her. Olivia and Oscar are playing together and the rest are sitting on chairs.
We’re talking over each other, about Sydney’s college, Brooke’s revamped bathroom and the Christmas light show that’s being held in the center.
We stay talking for a while and eventually we start cooking, with we I mean me, my sisters and aunt Brooke are talking about school on the couch. And the rest are helping with cooking or setting the table. Even the kids are putting cutlery on the big table. “I used to sell cigarettes in college, great way to make money.” I turn my head quickly to Brooke. “Don’t do that Sydney.” I say.
“Yeah, yeah right don’t do that.” Brooke quickly says. Most of our family is blond but Brooke is the only one with natural brown hair, she’s always been different. Unlike, kind of everyone in Willows Point, she left the town. She went to study in New York, stayed there for six years and then came back. ‘I always missed town, couldn’t bare not seeing family for so long.’
I don’t remember anything from then I don’t think I was even born, but my mother always said that Brooke came home every Christmas, even when she couldn’t pay the flight tickets or had important stuff for school.
“Dinners ready!” My grandma announces and we all gather around the table.
-
The next morning is slow, I wake up after only a few hours of sleep. Sharing a room with my sisters after so long really evoked nostalgic memories, we stayed up talking and laughing as if we where ten again. Sydney and I shared the bed, she kept pulling the blanket off me, and Selena slept on a blow up mattress next to us. Lauren and Jim slept in my old room while the kids slept in Selena’s bedroom, my grandparents slept in my parents room. Originally Brooke was supposed to sleep in the small guest room, which only fit one double bed and had a drawer stuffed in a corner but she insisted to switch with my parents. Saying that them sleeping on the couch would be ‘just sad.’
Trying not to wake my sisters I quietly open my suitcase, and change into a pink fluffy sweater with a snowman on it. I pull my light jeans over my legging, it gets unbelievably cold in our small town so thermal underwear is a must. “Sage?” I hear someone groaning behind me.
“I’m just getting ready, you can sleep.” I whisper. I turn around and see Sydney already sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Her bangs stick up and I can’t help but laugh a little. She dramatically falls back onto the bed and pulls the blanket over her face. I hear a muffled sound from under the covers. “I’m gonna make breakfast.” I whisper. Suddenly the blanket is thrown away from Sydney and she jumps up with a grin.
I laugh and she shushes me, I laugh again and then we both start giggling.
A loud groan comes from the bed, Selena turns around and looks grumpy at us. “Shut up.” She says her voice raspy. “Sorry, do you want breakfast?” I ask. She sighs, but after a minute of sitting up in silence finally stands up to join us. So my sisters in their matching pajamas and I walk down the stairs as quiet as possible.
-
“You cheated!” Shouted Lauren. “Did not!” Yelled my mother. “Calm down, it’s just a game.” Jim said trying to calm down the fight. But calm down doesn’t really help because everyone started yelling at each other even louder. Monopoly really has a way of breaking up families.
We had started playing boardgames after lunch, but we’re still playing the same round monopoly and it’s already been three hours. People stealing money from the bank, putting a house down or taking two cards. There have been five fights in these three hours but we still keep playing for some weird reason. “If you guys can’t play then we’ll just watch television.” My grandma walks back to the living room with a tray of sweets. “Nana no please I’m winning!” My sister begs her.
I go to put on the radio, Christmas music plays and all the fighting stops, everyone is suddenly very busy with singing along to the song. My grandma winks at me, she taught me that trick when I cried once because of the boardgame fighting.
We finally finish monopoly, Selena ended up winning. The radio is still on, we’re sipping hot cocoa, enjoying the cozy and chatting. The bell rings, my mother jumps up to get the door, almost bumping into Lauren cleaning Olivia’s sweater after she spilled her hot cocoa on it.
“Hello!” I hear her say. I try to look over but Jim is blocking the view to the hall. “Sage!” My mother yells and I frown, who’s here for me? “There’s someone here, come!” She yells again and I walk over to the hall.
“Hey.”
My heart skips a beat, then I feel my face burning up and burning up even more because of embarrassment that it’s burning up. My mother looks at me confused. “Hi, Hannah.” I say trying to act normal.
“Uh mom this is Hannah, she’s visiting town for a little, on accident.” I say stuttering. “Do you have family here?” My mom asks and I feel like i can sink through the floor. “No, my car broke down. Sage helped me, she called the mechanic.” Hannah says, her voice lifting me up a little.
“Nice to meet you, feel free to join us!” My mom says and she walks away back to the living room. I look back at Hannah, “What, uh, what are you doing here?” I ask. Hannah grabs something out of her jacket, my pink knitted gloves. “I wanted to return them, i asked Richard where I could find you, sorry if that’s creepy.” She says blushing a little too now. It’s not creepy at all, it’s sweet and considerate. “Don’t worry it’s really sweet,” I take the gloves and our hands graze. My mind flashes back to infront of the bookstore, how close we where. “You know you can join us, we have hot cocoa.” I say smiling.
“Sure.” She answers to my surprise, we walk back in together and everyone looks at us. “Hello, I’m Hannah.” She says, some people look confused. But my very extroverted sister stands up and greets her. “Hello Hannah, I’m Sydney. Nice to meet you, how come you know Sage?” She asks.
I hope it wasn’t a mistake bringing Hannah here. But she answers everyone’s questions, nana even gives her a cookie and before I realize we’re all sitting together talking and laughing.
It’s as if Hannah has known my family for years, she fits in automatically. I can’t help sitting close to her, our shoulders touching and moving in sync when we laugh. Olivia bombards her with questions, that don’t make any sense, but she answers them, one by one. When my mother and Lauren start bickering about monopoly again, even when the game ended long ago, Hannah and I sit back softly laughing at the situation.
When a timer suddenly goes off on my grandmother’s phone, we all look surprised at her. “Toby time!” She yells. Toby’s gameshow is a mix of every famous show and has all types of challenges, it’s been on air for a few years now and I’m surprised it’s still going seeing as nobody except my grandma really watches it. She switches the tv on and flicks through like twenty different channels to finally get to Toby’s gameshow, yes it’s official name.
My grandma leans forward, concentrating on the screen. Everyone is quiet, besides the Christmas sleepover our family has another weird tradition, when we watch Toby’s gameshow you have to act as if you’re a contestant. Toby reads the question and you yell out the answer. Our whole family is extremely invested, Jim is in charge of keeping points and is already writing stuff down in a little notebook he grabbed out of nowhere. I look to Hannah who is extremely confused at the sudden shift. She gets startled when my grandma yells out: “Amphibians!” Extremely loudly. A person on the tv buzzes in with the same answer as my grandma. “Correct!” Toby says and my grandma cheers. Jim scribbles a point in his notebook and I hear Hannah laughing to herself.
“It’s a tradition.” I whisper to her, our faces stay still a little too close but I quickly pull away when Toby asks another question. “Who is the richest man in the world?” Toby asks and gives a list, I sit up straight and start paying attention, I read this once. He finishes the multiple choice answers and I yell out: “D! Elon Musk! Write it down Jim!” I hear people chuckle from the couch. My answer was correct and the game show moves on and ends with my grandma winning, as usual, Brooke getting second and me as third. Jim stands up grabbing something out of his bag. “For the winners,” he pulls out three little bags with chocolates wrapped like Santa’s.
Brooke shares her chocolate with Oscar and Olivia, my grandma gives the losers each a chocolate. I lean against Hannah, “You wanna share?” I ask her.
We eat the chocolates together and the atmosphere quickly goes back to normal, cozy and warm.
Hannah tells me that her car is gonna be in the garage for atleast a week, because of Christmas Richard can’t open all the time. Secretly I’m glad she’s staying a little longer.
-
It’s dark and I’m walking Hannah to her apartment. “That was really fun, I haven’t had a Christmas like that in forever.” She says. “You know before you arrived we had a huge fight about my mother cheating in monopoly.” We laugh.
We arrive at the apartment, I don’t want to say goodbye to her just yet. “There’s a Christmas market in two days here, do you wanna go together?” I ask her.
“Yeah that sounds really fun.” Hannah replies, “let’s exchange numbers, if that’s alright?” She asks and I grab my phone. We exchange numbers and when i walk away she gives me a little wink.
I wink back, unaware and the fact that a gorgeous woman just winked at me not sinking in. When I turn around, it does. I’ve never felt like this, flustered, blushing and I actually enjoy spending time with her. My friend Mable, while talking about her boyfriend, once told me how she noticed every little thing he did. So why do I notice things about Hannah? The way she fidgets with her fingers if she’s new to something, like while introducing herself. And the way her eyes change color, from brown to green to a mix, if the light makes them shimmer or not. Or her cold red hands, when we first met. She’s not my girlfriend, I don’t like her like that.. I think.
_____________________________________
I wake up in the extremely small apartment, light shining through the sheer curtains. It’s been a weird three days, but they’ve been so fun. I’m going to a Christmas market with Sage today, I look forward to seeing her. When I think of Sage I think of softness, her perfume, her gloves, this girl radiates warmth on cold days. I’ve been thinking about her a lot, the morning we met, when we almost kissed. Or when she leaned on my shoulder during the gameshow, how her hair smelled like cinnamon. I think of cinnamon a lot now.
I won’t be here for Christmas Eve, but even these few days have filled me joy enough to hold on to for the next years. I started living on the road when I dropped out of college, I didn’t have any parents growing up. I always felt like nobody wanted me, so I decided that I would be the only one to want me, to love me. I bought the convertible a year into my trip, realizing too late that i wouldn’t be able to sleep in my car anymore. I took small jobs, often worked with some random teenagers, I would save up enough for a few nights in a dingy motel. Holidays were something I left behind me, or did all alone.
I like to live in the present, not stressing on where to go. But enjoying the time I’m having, like spending a day with Sage.
The bell rings and I sprint over to the door, quickly putting on my jacket over my sweater. Sage is standing infront of me, her hair is half put up, she’s wearing earmuffs and a brownish jacket with a fur hood. She looks straight out of a magazine. “You ready?” She asks me excitedly. I nod and put on the gloves I had bought recently from a little corner shop that had literally everything. The snow cracks under my feet as we walk to the center. “Lots of townies set out a stand, there’s a homemade jam stand and there’s chrocheted stuff. Food, clothing, everything’s here!” Sage is hopping to the entrance of the center where there’s a big sign ‘CHRISTMAS MARKET’ it has lights and little candycanes painted on it. I see a big church, also decorated and a bunch of stands filled with all kinds of stuff, from bread to windchimes.
We walk hand in hand across the busy market, Sage is chatting to me about how she used to cry for a caramel apple and get one everytime. We get fresh cinnamon buns from the bakery’s stand and keep walking around. We keep a pace and only sometimes stop for a stand, but Sage stagnates when she sees a stand filled with jewelry. “Oh my god look at this one.” She says and pulls up a necklace with a golden clover and small gems. The necklaces are self made and the girl who owns the stall has filled the little table with all kinds of jewelry. Sage pouts a little and looks up at me. “I need to buy Christmas presents,” she stops and looks at the necklace again. “Oh! I’ll ask my mom to buy it for me.” She says smiling again, Sage takes a foto of the necklace and sends it to her mother. We were going to start walking again when somebody called Sage’s name.
“Mable!” Sage yelled back waving her arms in the air. She goes up to her friend and gives her a big hug. “The whole gangs here, come!” Mable says and she pulls the surprised Sage away.
“Alright everyone, this is Hannah.” Sage says as if she’s showing off a new car. Her friendgroup looks unusual, there’s a girl with red curly hair in a matching white set standing next to a longer guy in all black with his ear fully pierced. Mable has short brown and definitely looks like a friend of Sage. Everyone is full of smiles and says hi to me, we talk for a little while when eventually a man comes up. He has short dirty blond hair and is around the same age as us. “Hey Luke!” Mable says and hugs him.
“Hey guys, how are you all?” He asks them, he hasn’t noticed me yet so I stand there awkwardly listening to them talk about their lives. “Sage, your living in that new apartment building right?” He asks Sage. “Yeah, I moved in about a month ago. But I’m staying with family for Christmas.” She answers and they hold eyecontact for a second longer, smiling at each other. “I’ll visit you.” He says and then finally notices me. “Oh hey,” he says and the vibe turns awkward. I greet him back and we stay silent for a while. “I brought Hannah along, we met a few days ago, she’s really nice.” Sage says trying to soften the sudden awkwardness. “Oh nice, is she like your new Carmen?” He says with a smirk, the group chuckles and I feel Sage tense up next to me. I don’t know who Carmen is, but I don’t think Luke meant that to be a nice comment, it certainly didn’t come over that way.
We stay and talk with the group a little more, I learn that they used to go to highschool together and that most of them went to the same college, one a little far from town but where everyone goes to. After a long time music starts to play from further away, the group squeals yelling something about a winter talent show, Sage pulls me close to her and we run in the group to the stage. There’s a makeshift podium on a snowy field, children are making snowmen next to it and are having a snowball fight.
There’s a man on the podium with a microphone. “The winter talent show is here folks! Sign up flyers have been spread around town for the past few weeks and many people have signed up. Prepare yourself for pure talent!” The crowd claps and a group of old people come up the stage with trumpets, flutes and many more instruments. They play a mix of Christmas songs, all the singing and playing makes the crowd swing around and dance. Sage and I jump around, but the snowy weather betrays us when Sage slips and crashes onto me. “Oh god are you guys okay?” The red haired girl asks us.
Sages face is right next to me, her body ontop of me, I feel her heartbeat through my jacket. “Sorry Hannah.” She says, trying to push herself off of me, her hands slip away but just before her our heads smash into each other Luke grabs her by her shoulders and pulls Sage up. With flushed cheeks and wet pants Sage gives me her hand. We move to a safer part but the band has already stopped, “And now, you might remember them, the Newbies!” The man on the podium announces and the crowd starts cheering. Sage looks shocked at her friends. “You’re performing?” She asks her eyes wide open.
Her friends rush to the stage and leave us alone. The crowd cheers even louder as they bow and wave. “They have a band?” I ask Sage who’s mouth is still open in shock. “Yeah, in highschool they used to perform a lot. They’re pretty populair here, but when college started we never did anything anymore.” Sage tells me.
Some people push a drumkit and a keyboard up the stage and hand them guitars. The red haired girl is standing behind the keyboard, Luke gets a guitar, the tall guy goes on the drums and Mable stands in the front with a base and a microphone. “This is going to be so good!” Sage yells exitedly.
The group starts playing and the crowd erupts again, Mable starts singing a song and I hear Sage singing along and swaying with the music. “Are you not in the band?” I ask Sage who looks up at me with a big smile. “I was the roadie, I think any instrument would just combust if I stepped close to it.” She says and I chuckle.
They play three more songs, being the longest act of the talent show, and finally the group comes back to our spot on the field. Sage compliments them, “I did not except that! You guys were great!”
We stay to watch the other acts but none of them were as good as the Newbies, I’ll ask Sage about that name later. Luke says he has to leave, the others aswell. They are spending Christmas with their parents and family like Sage and don’t want to be late for dinner. The sun is already setting, even though it’s only late afternoon. Everyone hugs each other goodbye, but Luke, when saying goodbye to Sage, shocks me.
He kisses her, my heart drops. I knew he was flirting, did they have something? My mind races, I try to keep my composure but I can’t stop thinking. Why would he kiss her? Did Sage like it? Does Sage like him?
Mable laughs and gives the shocked Sage a hug, once again Sage and I are alone, but it’s not as comfortable as normal. I try to act normal, not disappointed. Even though I’m not even sure if Sage likes me like that. I know I like her. I try to decipher the expression on her face but it’s unclear, she hasn’t quite realized it yet I think. “I, uh, i gotta get going.” Sage says quietly. “Yeah, I’ll see you.” I answer, we don’t hug or really look at each other. Just go separate ways and walk to our houses in quiet confusion.
_____________________________________
Why? Why did he kiss me? I haven’t spoken to him in months, he just excepts me to be completely fine with that? For me to fall into his arms again. I feel sad, confused and angry there’s a deep nauseas feeling in my stomach, it’s gross and sick.
I feel bad for Hannah, while walking through the market with her I realized I absolutely love spending time with her. No matter if we’re silently walking around holding hands, or making jokes and leaning on each other. I saw how awkward she felt, after Luke kissed me.
I arrive home and see only my older sister on the couch. “Hey Selena.” I say. After hanging my jacket up and putting all my winter stuff away I go sit on the couch next to her. “How was the Christmas market?” She asks me and I sigh. She doesn’t expect and answer from me immediately so she keeps talking. “The rest of the family went aswell, I had to do stuff for work so I stayed here. Did you see them?” She asks.
“I didn’t see them, I was with Hannah mostly.” I say, my sister has a sense if something went wrong. She says she can see it in my eyes. “Did something happen?” She asks sweetly.
“Well, I saw my old friends, you remember Mable.” My stomach hurts again. “We also saw Luke, it was all really fun. The Newbies played at the talent show, that was great.”
“But?” My sister asks. I look at her and sigh, “Luke kissed me.” Normally Selena would tease me, but she sees how I’m upset. “Did you not want to then?” She asked. “No, I hadn’t seen him in a long time. We’re not together anymore, I have no need to be. He even kissed me infront of Hannah. So embarrassing..” I throw my head onto a pillow next to me dramatically. “Why does it matter that it’s infront of Hannah?” Selena asks me and I turn my head, realizing what I said.
I ignore her question and go on. “Luke also made a stupid remark of Hannah being the new Carmen. I knew Carmen when I was six! Like nobody gets flustered seeing an old classmate.” I mumble the last part.
“Carmen was that girl you wanted to spend everyday with in kindergarten right? Didn’t you kiss-“ I throw the pillow at my sisters face. “You’re supposed to make me feel better right now!” I say. My sister takes the pillow of her face and frowns at me. “There isn’t anything wrong with that Sage, and you didn’t answer my question.”
I wanted to be oblivious and act dumb, but Selena is great in these conversations so I reluctantly tell her some stuff about Hannah. “She’s really pretty and kind, you’ve seen how funny she is. I mean she’s considerate and just, I just.” I look over at my sister, she looks at me amused. “I might have almost kissed her.” I say quickly and Selena’s jaw drops. It’s silent but I can already hear her questions. “I don’t know why okay.” I say to her.
“I know you like to be in denial but I think you like Hannah.” She says. “Like, like.” Selena exaggerates and grins at me. I guess it would make sense, it’s not like I didn’t kiss Carmen years after kindergarten. But why would Hannah even like me back? Even if she did, she totally wouldn’t after Luke kissed me today.
An hour goes by and my family enters the house, Oscar and Olivia are jumping around and chatting about all the sweets they ate. “Hey girls.” My mom waves at us. “How was it mom?” I ask her and she tells us about cute coasters she had bought and how our neighbor had a huge stand filled with paintings from his late wife. As she says this my grandpa slams a nail into a side wall, we look over to him, he’s putting a painting of sunflowers up on the wall. “We bought one.” My mother says. Brooke is the last to enter the living room slightly stumbling and balancing on anything infront of her. I raise an eyebrow. “Marian had a cocktail stand.” My mother says going over to help Brooke balance and bring her to the couch.
Brook puts her sunglasses on her head and looks at me, “why do you have sunglasses, it’s winter?” I ask her and she frowns as if I asked a really stupid question. “It’s my signature item Sage, can’t live without it.” She says. Brooke leans her head back and closes her eyes, the sunglasses fall of her head.
Most of the family is preparing dinner, most meaning once again my sisters, Brooke and I are sitting on the couch except this time my grandma is also taking a nap next to Brooke. I sit patiently on the couch, can’t help but think about Hannah. The Christmas radio goes on and I can zone out, focusing on the music instead of my feelings.
The doorbell rings and chaos emerges from the kitchen, “I’ll get it!” I yell and I stand up from the couch to the door. When I open it, “Hey.” It’s Hannah.
“Hi.” I say with a probably very derpy smile. “The day kind of ended weirdly, but I did want to show you something.” She says and I look at her smiling and intrigued.
Hannah reaches in her pocket, and pulls out a little clear bag. “Here.” She hands it to me and I realize what it is. The clover necklace, the one I really wanted, with little gems. I feel tears prick in my eyes, “This is so sweet, Thank you.” I take the necklace out the bag and look up at Hannah, her eyes shimmer in the moonlight. “Do you need help?” She asks, I nod and turn around. Her hands graze my neck as she puts on the necklace, my back is almost pressing against her. I can smell the amber perfume from her wrists.
I turn back around and our faces are close again. “You look great.” She says quietly. “Thank you, I’m sorry.” I whisper back, she takes a little step closer. “What do you mean sorry?”
“Luke kissed me, I, I didn’t want..” I stutter, it’s embarrassing how much u want her to stay close. But she takes a step back, putting her hands on my shoulders. “You don’t have to apologize for that, if you wanted to or not.” She says. “I didn’t want to kiss him, I wanted to kiss..” I step closer to her, we’re standing outside together, my door still open.
Our faces are inches away, I feel her breath on my lips. My arms are wrapped around her neck, her hands are rested on my hips and she pulls me even closer. We kiss, first it’s soft and careful. I feel butterflies swarming in my stomach, it’s elegant and sweet. Our lips intertwine and I pull myself even closer, wanting to feel her warmth. There’s something very special about a kiss, it can be anything you’d like. The start of something new, or something already part of routine. I know for sure I’d like this to be routine with Hannah. We stop for a second, staying in our embrace. Hannah slowly puts her hands up to my face, tracing my lips. I kiss her again, this time she deepens it, our bodies slowly morphing together and our tongues gliding softly against each other.
I completely forget about my family on the other side of the wall, lost in the moment with Hannah. When Hannah slowly pulls away I frown. “Sage.” She says and she motions to the door. I slowly turn around, one arm still wrapped around Hannah’s neck. There I see Selena, leaning on the door frame with a grin. She mouths ‘I called it’ to me and I chuckle. “Dinners ready.” She says. “Can Hannah eat with us?” I ask with my best puppy eyes. “I think so, sure.” Selena says and I smile.
“Wanna join us?” I ask her, she gives me a small kiss. “Of course.”