Work Text:
“Why are you sitting in the dark, Ensign?”
Hoshi gave a start, having overlooked the sound of the door opening - she’d heard it, but it hadn’t registered. The lights came on, but to only twenty percent. And the man now standing beside the couch moved so silently, even her ultra-sensitive hearing often struggled to pick up his steps.
“I’m sorry, sir. I was thinking and I just … forgot.”
“Those must have been some intense thoughts.”
She smiled weakly, knowing it looked fake, but unable to muster her usual grin. “I suppose so,” was all she could find to say. “Um, anyway, I should probably—” She made to rise, and a gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder.
“You look like you need someone to talk to.”
Hoshi risked a glance up at the lieutenant. His expression was concerned, the kindness in his grey-green eyes more soothing than she might have expected, especially from a senior officer known to be strict and often awkward. She could do with some kindness right about now. Her insides felt scraped raw, her joints ached, as though she’d been taken apart and put back together all jumbled, and her hands kept trembling; but the thought of unburdening herself to those kind eyes was infinitely appealing. He hadn't turned on the lights to full, after all, seeming to respect her need to hide. Still, she felt if she opened her mouth, she would burst into tears. So instead, she simply nodded.
Malcolm looked at the comms officer’s woebegone face and felt his heart constrict in sympathy. She looked well and truly devastated. He didn’t blame her; after all, both he and the captain had fallen for Rajiin’s sob story - he, a truly suspicious man who would barely trust his own father if the old man told him the sky was blue and grass was green, had been taken in by a pretty face and a tale of woe. And the outcome had been an attack on their strong, eminently capable Vulcan first officer that had left T’Pol unconscious in her quarters, the ship being boarded by Xindi, and scans taken of several crew for who knew what purpose?
He’d worked late into the night, reviewing the Xindi weapon left behind by the suicidal attacker, as per Captain Archer’s orders; and was finally taking a break for a short while, having had a cup of coffee and a bite to eat. The lower observation deck on Deck F was close to the Armoury, unlike his quarters, and far enough to allow for a sense of privacy, a place where he could rest. It was rarely used, unlike the upper observation deck; perhaps that was why Ensign Sato had chosen to sit here, in the dark, unnoticed.
Well, he had offered, however obliquely, to be a listening ear, so he might as well start now.
Malcolm moved around the couch and sat down beside the communications officer. She looked so vulnerable. Sometimes he forgot how much younger than him she was; a full nine years, if he remembered correctly. Just barely turned thirty a few weeks ago.
If he was feeling as flayed as she looked, he would crave human contact even more than usual. So he lay his hand on his knee, palm up. "You can hold my hand if it makes you feel better."
Hoshi looked at him, a little startled; Lieutenant Reed was offering physical comfort? Of course he would; she remembered how he had lifted her into his lap and held her close in that Lazothian prison, letting her share his warmth and feel protected by his confidence. So she slowly reached out her hand. Her touch was tentative on his palm, hesitant and careful as the tips of her fingers slid across it. He stayed still, wary of alarming her, and eventually she clasped her fingers around his. He studied her hand as he closed his own fingers around hers; it was soft, smooth, delicate against his own larger, scarred, work-roughened hand, but he knew well how confidently she used it against opponents larger and stronger than herself.
Which meant that whatever had rattled her must have been beyond her innate capabilities to fend off, and he felt a surge of protectiveness run through him.
For long moments the ensign remained silent, so he did the same. If she didn't want to talk, he wouldn't force her. He simply looked out of the view-port and held her hand instead.
“I found Rajiin at the transporter and we walked into the turbo-lift together.” Hoshi hesitated and looked away, her hand spasming in his. He had expected something of the sort, but still felt a wave of resentment against the alien. “She took my hand, and—and I don’t remember what happened after that, but when I woke up, I was alone in the turbo-lift, she wasn’t there any longer, and I was so confused. My whole body ached; it still does. My brain was cotton-wool. I felt—I feel—wrong. As though—am I dreaming? Is this a dream?”
Malcolm let his hand tighten on hers, encouraging her to continue, fighting the anger that rose unbidden in his mind. “It’s no dream, Ensign,” he said reassuringly. “You’re as real as I am.”
She nodded, accepting him at his word, then sighed. “But the worst was—" She hesitated again, swallowing hard. "The worst is … I think—I think I brought it on myself.”
“What makes you say that?" He kept his voice soft, being as encouraging as he could.
"I—I was—I felt an … attraction to her. I told her I’d love to learn her language. When she took my hand, all I wanted was to be close to her.” She spoke so quietly he could barely hear her, halting and unsure. "I think—I think I must have encouraged her somehow, let her think I was—that she could—" She stopped, unable to continue for a moment. Watching her reflection in the view-port, Malcolm recognised the look on her face; he’d seen it in his own mirror enough times. Shame. Self-reproach. Guilt. Over what? She’d had no control over her actions.
“Listen to me,” he said, giving her hand a little shake. “You did nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with being friendly and showing interest in someone’s language, especially if it’s your special interest. You didn’t ask to be taken advantage of. To be scanned against your will, or have your mind messed with.”
Hoshi’s head remained down, focusing on their hands, but the little squeeze told him he’d been heard.
“If it’s any consolation, you’re not the only one to have been taken in by her act.” He squared his shoulders and laid himself bare. “I’m the head of security and I let myself be tricked.” Malcolm shook his head ruefully. “Didn’t even realise it until it was too late, and she got away.”
“You couldn’t exactly go against the captain’s wishes,” she said, her voice a little stronger. He smiled to himself. As soon as she was defending someone - even from themselves - that fierce note entered her voice. Good; she needed to cling to that.
“Come on,” he said, tugging gently at her hand as he stood. She looked up at him, confused.
“Where are we going?”
“To see Phlox. Something happened to you, something that's left you feeling unsettled, and you need to be checked out.”
Hoshi considered that, then rose. “Okay; if you promise you’ll go and have a proper rest in your quarters.”
“Are you giving me an order, Ensign?” He kept his voice stern but teasing, knowing she'd pick up his intent; no one understood him as well as Hoshi did.
“Just looking out for my friend. Sir.” She flashed him a smile that held a hint of her regular mischief. Now that was better! He steered her toward the door, still holding her hand. As they reached the door, she hesitated, pulling at her hand. He looked around at her.
“Is something wrong?”
“No—well, not really.” She fidgeted, looking uncomfortable, then seemed to steel herself. “May I … um, may I have a hug?” Noting his look of surprise, she gulped. “Please? I don't trust myself and, well, you’re the ship’s protector, and—” Her ramble was cut off as Malcolm released her hand and stepped close, enfolding her in his arms.
“Of course you can have a hug, Hoshi; you have only to ask.” His voice was gentle. “I’m usually not very good at offering comfort, so I’m afraid you’ll have to ask me if and when you need, but I have no problem helping out a colleague and—most importantly—a friend.” He rested his cheek against her hair as she wound her own arms around his waist and let herself relax into his embrace.
Rubbing soothing circles into her back, Malcolm thought ruefully that he was deriving as much comfort from this human contact as she was from him. For her part, Hoshi drew solace from feeling shielded - just as he had made her feel in that faraway prison cell. It was the feeling of knowing beyond doubt that this man would put his life on the line to protect her and the rest of the crew. And, she thought, maybe he could draw some satisfaction from knowing that his position as ship’s guardian was appreciated in some small way.
They stood together for a while, quietly drawing reassurance from each other, before Hoshi finally sighed and gave him a quick squeeze. Correctly interpreting it as an end to the hug, Malcolm released her and stepped back, offering a smile in return to her own.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “That made me feel a lot better. Grounded me.”
“I won’t lie, Hoshi, it helped me, too,” he admitted. “We’ve all been so on tenterhooks, I didn’t realise how much I missed human contact. Even just sitting crammed against someone while we watch a movie.”
“You do?” She was surprised, and scolded herself; she really shouldn’t have been. Lieutenant Reed was plain old Malcolm when they were off-duty, not as strict as he was on shift, and many a time they’d fallen asleep leaning against each other, or Travis, or Trip, sitting in each other’s quarters.
“I do indeed.”
Impulsively she reached up and kissed his cheek. “Well, then, I’ll try to make sure we spend time together with the others at least once a week. I think we could all benefit. I know I would.”
Thinking back to the days before they’d entered the Expanse, and how much closer they’d all been, Malcolm realised that he was a fool; he hadn’t noticed just how important his interactions with his friends were until he was almost depleted. Now he felt much better, recharged, more able to face the day - or night, as the case might be. He leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Hoshi’s forehead.
“Thank you. I didn’t realise just how much I needed that, and how much I missed us all spending time together.” He turned and guided her toward the door, one hand at her back. “Silly of me; I’ve always been a loner, but you lot seem to have ruined me.”
She grinned up at him as they stepped into the corridor. “I’d apologise, but I don’t feel bad at all.”
He sighed dramatically to entertain her, enjoying hearing her chuckle; it had been too long since he’d heard the sound. “It’s a trial, but I’ll just have to deal with having friends, won’t I?”
The sound of Hoshi’s laughter echoed down the corridor, and Malcolm’s step felt just a little lighter as he accompanied his friend.