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Haru is rarely stressed. But you know exactly what to do when he is.
At first, it was hard for you to tell when he was experiencing any negative emotion versus when he just didn’t care. After all, he was always so quiet. So stoic. So straight-faced. So cool. Back when you two were kids, at least. But he grew up. And so did you. And while yes, he’s still those things. And yes, he hasn’t really gotten any more outwardly expressive over time. But the two of you have grown closer. He’s learned to trust you. To let his guard down around you. And even if that does manifest in almost infuriatingly subtle ways, you’ve done your best to learn how to read him and his little moods.
So you can tell just by looking into his pretty blue eyes when there’s a storm brewing inside of them or if he’s just a little bored. And you can tell just by his posture if he’s starting to feel tired or if he’s feeling a little curious.
And you know if he’s upset or confused just by how slight his frown is. The same way you know how hungry or annoyed he is by the slightest twitch of his fingers. You can read him. You can read almost everything about him. The hum of his voice. The shortness and the volume of his breath. How long his eyes linger and how narrow they are as he peers at something. Hell, even his energy when he enters a room that you’re in. You can read it all. You know it all.
And because you can detect it all, you can respond to it. You can respond to him. Exactly in the way he needs you to. Like, he needs you right now simply because he’s stressed. And there’s only one person who can ever help him when he’s like this: you.
Not that he would ever say this outloud, of course.
So when he finds you today, enjoying the breeze of a nice, warm, and sunny day as you quietly flip your way through a book, he doesn’t say a word. Instead, he just makes a beeline for you. And when he’s close enough for you to detect him, you greet him the same way you always do. A friendly smile. A quick hello. The normal sort of thing. But as he gets closer and closer, and you spot the expression on his face, you know that there’s something on his mind that’s pulling him down.
You can do your best to think of all the things it could be. You can wrack your brain and try to see if it’s about an upcoming competition or a problem with the club. Maybe it’s something with his friends, family, or even Rin. Perhaps it’s school-related. Perhaps it’s something to do with swimming as a whole. Or perhaps it’s something that’s completely beyond you at the moment. Something he has yet to tell you about in any shape or form. But knowing him, he won’t tell you.
He won’t complain. He won’t vent or shout or rant or speak one word towards you, for that matter. In fact, you might not even get a sigh or a huff out of him. Instead, he’ll just creep closer and closer to where you’re sitting, and he’ll settle down right beside you. And before you even know it, he’ll be taking off his jacket and placing it on the ground right beside you. All so he can close his eyes and lay his head on your lap.
If this were the first time he did this to you, you might have felt a little shock. In fact, the first time he did this without any words or warnings to you, you distinctly remember the quiet sort of panic that took over as Haru made himself comfortable in your lap and closed his eyes to rest a little bit. But this isn’t the first time he’s done this to you. Nor is it the second or third or fourth or even the fifth time this has happened. So when the initial surprised feeling you got at his sudden appearance wears off, you find that you’re not shocked. And you’re panicking. Not even a little bit.
In fact, as Haru lays his head in your lap and lets out a deep, deep breath while he crosses his arms over his chest and prepares for his nap, you make a mental note of the page you were last on. And once you’ve done that, you flip to the beginning of your book, and you start to read. Out loud. And for him.
And almost instantly, something in him changes.
The second your voice starts to filter through the air as you read from the book, the energy around him shifts. Any heaviness that was once there seems to have evaporated into thin air. Though the fact that you’re currently reaching out and carding your fingers through his hair like he’s nothing more than an overgrown, grumpy yet loving house cat might have something to do with that. But it doesn’t change the fact that you see all the telltale signs of you doing something right. He doesn’t push you away. He doesn’t open his eyes and glare at you. He doesn’t even move a muscle for the first few moments you have him there, trapped in your little bubble of tranquility. Designed just for him.
No, instead, he calms down. The stress from his features doesn’t dissipate. At least, they don’t all disappear all at once. But ease up. They fade away. The release him from their hold. And all of this? It’s all because of you. All because of your presence. And perhaps most importantly, your voice.
You’ve heard it be called many things throughout your time growing up. ‘Soft’ is a common one. You hear ‘quiet’ very often, too. But you’ve also heard ‘sweet’ and ‘melodic.’ ‘Warm’ and ‘inviting.’ ‘Picturesque’ and ‘comforting.’ And so many, many, many more from friends and family and peers and strangers alike, all sharing something that they like about your voice. Something about your voice that they couldn’t help but love.
That said, Haru has never told you that he likes your voice.
In fact, he’s never commented on it. And you never expected him to. You didn’t think he had the words in him, really. But as you both grew older, you both changed in your own little ways. He became taller and stronger. Faster and better at his beloved sport. More so than you could ever manage. And you? Well, a lot has changed about you. But your voice in particular grew softer. Sweeter. More pleasant sounding than it was when you were younger, which was a tough act in itself to do. But you know this. Because Haru always responded well to your voice.
Even if he didn’t respond verbally to your questions or calls, you know he always responded in his own little ways. And you know this, you, because you know him. You can read all his little moods. All his little negative feelings that he hides behind stoic looks and pretty blue eyes. You can read it in the way he carries himself and in the way he sets his lips in a straight line. But beyond his negative emotions, you can read his positive emotions too.
So you can tell by the way his brows lower that he’s starting to feel a little bit more at peace, even though his eyes are fully closed. Just like how you can tell by the way his hands move to lay themselves across his chest instead of just folding themselves there that he’s starting to feel a little bit better. And just like how you can tell by the way that he’s starting to feel slightly heavier and heavier now that he’s beginning to rest his body weight on you, that he’s not just feeling good. He’s feeling happy. At least, happier than he was
Perhaps a bit sleepy too. Because those soft breaths of his are starting to sound suspiciously like snores. Not that you would comment on it. And not that he would ever say anything about it either. But you know. You know him.
So the fact that you’re dealing with a stressed Haru is surprising. But it isn’t concerning. You know what to do when he seeks you out like this. You know what he needs when all he can do is show up and put all his weight on you as if he didn’t know how to stand before now. And you know how to quietly break through his walls and lead him back into the light. You’ve always known. You’re the only one who knows. And thus, you’re the only one he can trust with his emotions. His feelings. His stress. His anger. His frustration. His silence. His sleep. His peace. But most importantly?
He trusts you with himself. And for a boy like him, that’s saying a lot.
Even if it is never truly said out loud.