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It started with the usual training his old man would force onto him.
It always started that way.
('I'm an angel, tell me what you mean by that')
One insult after the other. One hit after the other. And that burning that gripped him and torched through his skin until he screamed and cried and begged for it to end. He had just been a kid, yet Endeavor didn't care.
Dabi couldn't be prouder of not being his son. Now he had the sole mission to destroy Endeavor and his career. His life.
('I take it all and I will never give it back')
But then the dream shifted. When Dabi should have felt relief, dread flooded his gut at the sound of screaming in the darkness his blue eyes sifted through. He ran towards the sound, half expecting to see Touya screaming in a fire (as he usually did), only to find a different burning body. Their wings, engulfed in a beautifully painful blue fire, flapped and twitched in agony.
"Dabi, please! Please! I'm sorry!" The voice sobbed.
('I don't feel sorry every time I see you cry')
He knew that voice too well, and the villain's heart clenched uncomfortably at the sight of the hero convulsing on the ground as the fire ate its way up his wings, biting at his blistering arms and eating away at his clothes.
Keigo Takami let out a pain-filled scream, making Dabi turn away. He hated that sound. Couldn't stand those tears that glazed over Keigo's golden eyes.
('Every time you start, I'm waiting for your tears to dry')
"It's killing him..." Dabi whispered to himself, but he made no move to help. The darkness around him spread like an empty chasm, but Keigo's screams still echoed and jumped back at him.
"DABI!" Keigo's hand reached for him; he saw it out of the corner of his wide eyes, feeling his breathing becoming heavier as he listened to Keigo's wails. "You burn everything you touch! You destroy everything you care for! This is your fault! It was your fault!"
('I don't really care,')
"Shut up..." Dabi's voice was rough in a whisper.
"If you had just-!"
('And I never will')
"I said SHUT UP!" Dabi yelled over Keigo's whimpers, feeling his hands heat up with the burning heat of his inferno. Keigo let out another blood-curdling scream. To Dabi's horror, the fire destroying his wings only burned brighter with his anger.
Before he knew it, Keigo's body was completely engulfed in flames until it was a screaming and shrieking pile of flesh burning in the worst possible death.
('That's the way I am,')
And Dabi just stood there, ignoring the way his terrified eyes stung with tears and smoke.
He just watched as the hero burned.
('Such a bitter pill')
Dabi fell to his knees and covered his ears as Keigo's pleading voice and Endeavor's horrible yelling surrounded him in the blackness. His head bowed into his lap, hands doing nothing to block out the noise, acting like thin paper. It was hurting so bad. His own body started to heat up in bursts and flickers of white-hot flame.
Tears fell subornly down his scarred face, but his eyes were blown wide with a determination to stay quiet. Be silent after all those whimpers Endeavor had extracted from him.
('I don't really care,')
But Keigo's voice was the worst out of it all. The pretty bird's screams reached him and fueled the chaos in his head: "DABI! STOP, DABI! DABI HELP ME!"
And yet he said nothing, even when he knew he was controlling the flames ebbing at Keigo's life.
('How my silence kills')
He's killing Keigo and he knows it. Every second staying quiet while Keigo begged was just another moment of this extended torture. The burning flesh of perfect skin tore through his senses just as badly as all the screaming was doing.
Dabi wasn't even sure who he was hearing anymore. Keigo's voice was drowned out by others. His father. His mother. The League. Maybe even his own mingled with them all, creating a harmony of chaos and pain. He heard his siblings yelling his name, Endeavor cursing and Hawks begging, the League calling for help and himself pleading for it to stop stop stop stop-
('That's the way I am')
Hands grabbed him, all of the people trying to get him to hear their terror. Dabi twisted and pulled, feeling some invisible force tangling his legs and arms, while he was pulled down into darkness. He was free-falling in his own head.
Dabi jerked awake, body snapping forward into a sitting position as he panted hard and deep. Cold sweat pulled drops down the back of his neck and the purple grates over his exposed back. His heart raced in his chest. Something warm clung to his eyelashes.
('No, I wasn't born without a heart')
At least he was used to this. The panic would subside after five minutes or so, if not sooner, and he'd roll back over and try to find the sleep that was running from him.
Something stirred next to Dabi, and he jumped, head whipping down to see Keigo curled under the covers. He could faintly see marks on his neck and crooked feathers from the one wing that was wrapped around his bare body. A glance around the room revealed a mess of discarded clothes.
('I wasn't always like this, no')
Now this wasn't what he was used to. Waking up next to another body. Said body was now waking, feathers bristling until golden eyes looked lazily up at the villain. The moonlight from the open window (Dabi forgot to close it after he entered Keigo's apartment) was painting the features Dabi saw get burned in his dreams.
His voice was hoarse from sleep and their activities. "Nightmares?"
('Watched you break me, no')
"No," Dabi lied, wiping his eyes. He stood, avoiding Keigo's gaze this time. He couldn't stand what he'd see, afraid of another terror to overtake his head.
All that flashed through him were those tear-filled ones that screamed at him to stop. The one who pointed at him with a burning finger and yelled at him for his sins.
('Now you blame me')
Dabi pulled on his pants and did the belt, catching sight of Keigo through the corner of his eyes, sitting up in bed with the blanket draped over his lap and his wings circling his beautiful body, marked with both burns and the bruises from Dabi's unforgiving bites. The hero wiped sleep out of his eyes. "Where are you going?"
"Gotta get back. There's a League meeting tomorrow," Dabi said without turning around. He straightened out his white shirt and put it on, ignoring how his hands were shaking. "I didn't mean to fall asleep-" he was interrupted when he felt arms and wings wrap around him from behind, taking the breath out of his lungs.
('No, I wasn't born with all these scars')
A hand slipped under his shirt, and he felt Keigo's gentle touch trace his staples and the faint lines, as if he knew exactly where they all were despite not seeing them. With the talons the Commission made Hawks hide, it felt nice against his tense muscles. "What were you having nightmares about?"
The flashes of Endeavor's harshness flashed in his head. Long days of training and long nights of crying.
('And that's what made me like this, no')
"I don't have nightmares. Not anymore," Dabi says. He's stopped trying to leave as Keigo holds him firmly from behind.
The clingy hero touches something raw on Dabi's back and he lets a small wince despite himself. He feels Keigo smile against the nape of his neck. "Sorry, guess I should have kept my gloves on earlier."
('Can you blame me, no?')
"It's fine. You don't see me apologizing, do you?" Dabi asks, keeping his body facing the window.
Keigo chuckles. "No, but I don't expect you to, villain."
('I'm a nightmare, I know what you mean by that')
Carefully, Keigo takes his wrist and pulls him back to bed. Dabi lets himself be guided, resisting just a little to maintain his touch facade. But really, Dabi just wanted to be with him, even after so many times gasping awake and curling up on himself alone. Trying not to feel his scars.
But Keigo's hand felt so warm and grounding that he couldn't resist as he lay back down next to him, somehow craving his presence as if the hero could chase away whatever demons were still after him.
('I can't wake up from all these scary dreams I have')
Dabi found both of his hands being held together by Keigo's. He felt the hero's talons brushing his knuckles. "You know you can talk to me, right?"
How could he describe their relationship? They weren't together; their lives just didn't have time for that. But Dabi would find himself breaking into Keigo's apartment without announcement if the hero didn't invite him first. Most nights, it would end with both of them in bed. Others, Keigo would order them food and they'd watch some corny comedy shit until Dabi decided to leave.
('I don't really care,')
Some nights, he'd watch Keigo fall asleep on his chest, wings spread out in both directions around them. It was always so warm and soft. This was the side of Keigo he was lucky enough to see. Not that fake hero bullshit and that stupid smile he'd give the cameras.
Here, Dabi saw past that. Saw past Hawks to see Keigo. And now he wouldn't believe any lies the Commission tried to pull with him.
('And I never will')
But their relationship wouldn't grow beyond where it was now. At least, Dabi wouldn't let it. He didn't do intimacy. What they did was purely for shits, giggles, and pleasure along the way. He was humoring a hero to see how far they could go without getting themselves killed or hurt.
So he'll continue to deny any claims made by the League about his strange behavior, his defensiveness. He wouldn't admit to anything. Not even as Keigo held his hand like this. Like a lover.
('That's the way I am,')
Keep everyone out. Don't let anyone see him at his lowest.
Then they couldn't hurt him.
('Such a bitter pill')
Because when it came to people, distance from them was the best option. The LOV already got way too close to him, but they bonded over their share of trauma and what the world had done to him, so he really didn't have an option but to accept Toga's movie nights or gaming with Shigaraki, only to laugh when the angry man would dust his controller at a loss.
And now Keigo was in that circle with them. Slipped past all of their walls and managed to become close, especially with Toga (he let her paint his talons). Personally, Dabi didn't want him anywhere near the others, but they've grown closer over time. And now they spent more and more time together...
('I don't really care,')
Keigo's presence remained there, patient and silent, and his hands still hadn't left his. Fatigue clung to Dabi, but he wouldn't risk falling asleep again.
"You gonna keep ignoring me, hotstuff?"
('How much silence kills')
Dabi sighed and finally met the hero's lovely eyes. They were impossibly soft, filled with something akin to concern and understanding. "We all have them, you know. Nightmares, I mean."
That earned a scoff from the villain. "They're just stupid things that my mind makes up. They don't bother me."
('That's the way I am')
Keigo hums, looking at their locked hands for a moment. A gentle breeze drifts in from the open window and settles over the pair. It was chilly as it trailed along Dabi's back. Damn this thin shirt.
A wing was draped over him before Dabi could use his flames to keep himself warm. One of Keigo's feathers went to close the window. "I can see past your lies, Dabs. You might be a villain, a crazy one at that, but you're still human."
('No, I wasn't born without a heart')
Dabi retracted his hands and shifted to lie on his back. Keigo's wing still lay on top of him like a thick blanket. "Don't try to understand me, birdie."
"I'm just saying I can relate."
('I wasn't always like this, no')
"To what?" Dabi asked bitterly. "Screaming in my sleep like a little kid? I'm not a child, Keigo. I can handle a few of my past demons chasing me around." He kept his eyes on the ceiling but was very aware of Keigo's tired eyes watching his side profile, quite literally, like a hawk. Studying. Analyzing.
"Demons like Endeavor?"
('Watched you break me, no')
Dabi tensed, hating the fact that Keigo knew about his past. Made everything a lot more complicated—and personal—between them. Keigo was supposed to be a good distraction, a good fuck, then he could get on with his miserable life and focus on making his dear father's existence hell. But now Keigo was caught up with it all.
"Just a reminder of what I'm fighting against," Dabi muttered after a long bit of silence. He didn't mention that Keigo had been part of his dreams, burning at his hand. It hurt to think about what it meant. So he directed his anger at his father that hurt him beyond repair.
('Now you blame me')
"Dabi-" He hated that tone. The softness in it.
"Don't even start," Dabi warned, interrupting. "I deal. Just stay out of it."
('No, I wasn't born with all these scars')
Keigo moved closer anyway, forcing himself under Dabi's arm so that it went around his shoulders. He rested his head on Dabi's chest, feeling the heart beating behind the masked cruelty and scars. "I know you're hurting, Dabi. You aren't the only one out there who has to go through hell. The League does. Every day, people struggle. Yet you still fight."
Barely. Dabi thought to himself, reflexively squeezing Keigo's shoulder with their proximity. His heart raced. I'm just trying to survive at this point.
('And that's what made me like this, no')
Keigo fell back into silence, his eyes fluttering shut. Dabi carefully regulated his temperature to keep both of them comfortable. Keigo made a soft cooing sound at the back of his throat that made Dabi smile.
Keigo was hurting too, yet the hero remained so selfless. The Commission kept him chained down and regulated like vultures hanging over his head. Dabi knew the shit they put him through. None of it the public would like too much, yet Keigo remained with them just because wants to be a hero to help people. Dabi admired that determination. It was almost enough to make him care.
('Can you blame me, no?')
After a while, Keigo drifted back into sleep. Dabi felt it in the way his body melted against him completely. His wings curled around them like a cocoon. With his flames and Keigo's feathers, it was like ultimate comfort.
But Dabi knew he couldn't stay. Not unless he wanted to get attached. He couldn't let that happen.
('I wasn't born like this')
Dabi carefully removed his body from Keigo's. He was out cold this time, exhausted. Dabi would enjoy watching Keigo struggle to walk and keep composure in front of the cameras. Then maybe he'd tease the hero more if he stopped by the base tomorrow as well.
Despite his wings that would easily be able to keep him warm, Dabi pulled the covers over the bird. His scarred and stapled hands reflected the violence of his past. The people he'd burned and the things he'd done. The things he regretted and would regret.
('Hurt people, hurt people')
Dabi finished gathering his things, which were just his black coat, and slipped it on. He gave Keigo one last look. A hero that shouldn't be able to sneak past his defenses but had done so anyway. Planting seeds of doubt in his mind that keeping everyone at arm's length was possible.
But the villain always left in the end. He had to keep his feelings suppressed even if it killed him. Even if Keigo made him feel so safe and validated and secure. His bird kept him grounded, and he wished it could last like this.
('I'd rather be heartless')
Keigo would only be an extra weight.
He tried to tell himself that he didn't need relationships when he would just keep getting hurt by people like Endeavor.
('Than have my heart in pieces')
But Kei wasn't like his demons. Maybe that's why he stayed just a second longer to press a feather-light kiss against the sleeping man's forehead. A goodbye. For now.
He knew he'd be back.
('I wasn't born without a heart')
It was necessary, Dabi continued to tell himself as he opened the window once again (making sure to close it this time as he left the way he came) and headed down the fire escape.
More like his escape from feelings.
('I wasn't always like this, no')
Maybe if the world hurt less, they could be something more. If people hadn't hurt him so badly, maybe he'd be able to let people in. But that wasn't their case. Dabi would stay to himself, call Keigo up when he needed him, and Keigo would do the same. They found a small breath of relief in each other that couldn't last. Like a cigarette. But cigarettes burned to ash.
Especially when their two worlds would come clashing. Dabi had to face it; there would never be more to them but a temporary alliance in a long-awaited war. The world hurt too much for...whatever was trying to bloom between them.
('Watched you break me, no')
Dabi began walking back to the LOV after landing on the ground. It was either late at night or very early in the morning. The sun wasn't there, but the moon was, following him as he walked through the alleys and listened to the cars rushing past somewhere on the street.
Only one thing mattered: Getting revenge on the world that did him and his fellow villains wrong.
('Now you blame me')
If he had to use Keigo to get there, so be it. The winged hero would realize Dabi wasn't as strong as he made himself out to be and would leave in a heartbeat. Hell, Keigo would stab him in a heartbeat thanks to his morals and the Commission's leash. They were tolerating each other.
Yet Keigo's continued softness and willingness to be around him kept surprising him. His own need to be with the hero was even more annoying.
('No, I wasn't born with all these flaws')
The world made him who he was, and Dabi had to accept that. A villain. If that's what they wanted to call him, then that's what he was.
Not like he cared.
('And that's what made me like this, no')
Something touched his back, and Dabi's hands immediately were blazed in flame and ready to attack whoever had snuck up on him. But when he turned, nobody was there. He thought the lack of sleep was messing with his head until he found the same feeling poking from under his shirt. Was something crawling around in there?
He reached into his coat and pulled out a single red feather no bigger than his pinky finger. It bristled in his warm palm, meaning Keigo must be awake. Dabi assumed the feather would return to its holder, but it stayed firmly pressed against his skin. Offering silent comfort.
Maybe things were complicated between them, but for now, it seemed real enough. For now, Dabi could enjoy it while it lasted.
('Can you blame me, no?')