Work Text:
Sometimes Liu Qingge wished that he was more open about his feelings.
Confess them, maybe.
But actually tell someone, anyone, even his sister, he really wished he did.
Yet regrets don’t do much after you finish your actions.
He still allowed himself to imagine.
Small actions that he should have done.
Maybe, just maybe, he could have won Shen Qingqiu over, earlier.
Maybe he could have confessed when the brat was gone in the abyss.
Or maybe he could have kidnapped Shen Qingqiu, locking him away, keeping the peak lord to himself.
But everytime he imagines these scenarios, he ends up breaking his own world of make-believe.
Shen Qingqiu had only loved him as a brother.
All this time.
Each time he imagines these what-ifs, he wakes himself up by repeating this line.
He had no chance anyway.
Shen Qingqiu had always loved Luo Binghe better.
He beat the boy in the beginning.
Liu Qingge remembers how bloody and bruised the child was.
He even felt bad for the boy.
He was so young, only 12.
But Shen Qingqiu changed.
Liu Qingge hated him.
He chose not to see the change in the usually self-righteous man.
But this self-righteous man saved him.
This self-righteous man started treating people right, or even worse, had even started caring for others.
Shen Qingqiu had been kind to Liu Qingge since the day he changed.
Liu Qingge denied much of his kindness.
He regrets ignoring his shixiong now, but what can regret do?
Not much, per se.
He can wish Luo Bhinghe dead all he wants, but Luo Binghe would still dirty his master each night.
He can only watch now, as a third-party.
So he does.
And watching is always more painful if it is dragged out.
Other people watching could still end their misery.
They can die of old age, or find someone new.
But Liu Qingge can’t.
He is immortal, and the peak lord of BaiZhan peak.
He can’t just kill himself.
He can’t just leave, or move on.
He has to watch and watch and watch.
And wish, of course.
Every single day.
Wish he can wake up one day as Luo Binghe.
Or wish he can turn back time, back to when the little bastard was still stuck in the abyss.
Or wish they were in another world, where everyone can restart.
But in the end, Liu Qingge knows this isn’t possible.
He must live with his life.
And know that his loved one will always like someone else better.