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One of Nina's locs had freed itself from her bonnet overnight. Maggie caught caught the jewel decorating it in her fingers, turning it so the morning sun reflected off the faceted gold. The day was going to be a busy one, but for now, the two women were content to enjoy the lazy warmth of their bed. Nina watched Maggie's face, and wondered what put the little crease on her brow. A few months ago, Nina would have demanded to know what was wrong. She could still feel a soft drop in her stomach of fearful anticipation. But, Nina was learning to trust that Maggie didn't play the games her former partner had. If something was off, Maggie would bring it up in her own time.
"So, have you given it any thought?" Maggie's voice was still a little rough from sleep. She kept her gaze on the gold ring between her fingertips, and Nina could hear nervousness in her words. For a second, Nina didn't know what the "it" was she was supposed to have thought about. Then, the conversation they'd had last week came flooding back. She sighed. This was going to test all of her newly learned trust in their relationship.
"I have." Nina winced at the clipped tone her own reply. "You always sound so angry. Why do you always make me feel bad about asking for things..." Nina shoved down a memory of an old fight with someone who didn't matter any more. Maggie's gaze slid from Nina's hair to her face. Nina didn't know how she felt about the mix of hope and anxiety she found there. But, this was too important to say anything but the truth.
"I'm not sure I have the energy to take care of a baby." The drop in her stomach was threatening to become full blown nausea. She swallowed, and pushed past it. "I'm not as young as I used to be. Neither of us are, to be honest." She barley registered the kaleidoscope of emotions playing across Maggie's expression. She couldn't. If she stopped to think about how she could be breaking her lover's heart, she'd never make it through this. "And I have the coffee shop, and you the record store. How can we run businesses on two hours of sleep a night? And what about child care? Not just the logistics, but the expense. The shop makes enough for us, but unless people start buying vinyl, we'll never be able to afford..." A gentle hand on her cheek stilled her.
"Thank you." Maggie's words were soft, but they went though Nina like a bolt of lightning. She felt off balance, like she'd been bracing for a blast of wind that never came.
"What? Why are you thanking me? I just told you that I don't think we're ready to be mothers."
"I asked you if you had given it any thought, and you obviously have. So, I thanked you." Maggie's hand traveled down Nina's neck to rest on her shoulder. Her thumb traced an absent-minded circle on the bare skin. It sent a cascade of shivers down Nina's arm. "And you bring up good points." Nina was too stunned to react. Where was the disappointment? The pouting? The accusations?
"I'm not sure about a baby, either. But, there are plenty of older children that need a good home." As Maggie continued, Nina let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "And I've been thinking about the money. Since Mr. Fell retired, the bookshop has just been standing empty. I bet he'd be open to me expanding the shop into some of that space. I could put in a little stage, bring in local bands. That could liven things up. What do you think about - Oh!"
Maggi's concerned gasp surprised Nina, then she felt something liquid drip down the bridge of her nose. When had she started crying? She swiped away the offending tear, and chided herself. Of course this amazing, brave, tender woman wanted to approach this as partners, not adversaries.
"I love you, do you know that?" Nina asked. To her complete chagrin, she sniffled through her smile.
"Yeah, I do. But, it's nice to hear it anyway." Nina laughed at the playful grin on Maggie's face, and pulled her close for a kiss. This conversation was far from over. They had a lot of things to discuss if they were going to seriously consider adopting a child. But, it looked like they were taking their first baby steps on solid ground.