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Betrayal. That’s what Koala felt. As she marched down the hallways of the Army’s HQ, she realised the burning, suffocating weight in her chest was betrayal.
A mere twenty minutes ago, she had found out about the meeting for Operation: Red. The one she was not a part of, and much less knew about. Of course she had found out about it. She was, after all, the RA’s best spy.
She had marched into the meeting room, notebook in hand and took her seat near the other end of the table. Dragon stood at the head, pointing at a crudely drawn map of the top of the world— the Red Line, put together from months and months of painstaking infiltration missions to map out the place. Again, something Koala was not a part of for whatever reason.
Naturally, everyone stared at her equal parts shock and fear— no, it was apprehension. But there was only one person whom she met eyes with.
Sabo’s face was a mask of neutrality to the untrained eye. Yet she knew from years of being attached to his side, from the way his jaw clenched subtly, his hands moving from the desk to his lap— hiding himself.
Everyone had a tell, and Sabo’s told her, “you shouldn’t be here.”
Koala didn’t care. She settled back into her seat, one leg crossed over another that told him, “too fucking late.”
Koala’s interruption caused Dragon to pause briefly, yet he continued on with not even a flinch. Everyone had a tell… well, except maybe Dragon.
Though it hung in the air like a heavy mist, no one audibly commented on her presence. So she jotted down notes on the plan to infiltrate the Red Line, taking out the Celestial Dragon’s food supply, freeing the slaves and out right declaring war.
The only part she cared about was who would be going. It was no shocker their Chief of Staff— Dragon’s prodigy would be leading the mission.
Her arm shot up before she could stop herself. “Why wasn’t I considered for this mission?”
Sabo had a grim look on his face that left a taste of ash on her tongue. “Koala.”
“So that is why you’ve decided to grace us with your presence?” Dragon said, settling her with a hard look.
Koala squirmed under his gaze. Oh, she was in the hot seat now. “I mean no disrespect, sir. I just want to know why—“
“We didn’t consider you? But we did, Koala. Briefly, that is. We came to the conclusion that your involvement would be far too risky.”
Involvement. They didn’t even want her breathing near any plans.
Forcing down the lump in her throat, she asked, “may I ask why?”
Sabo cut in, “shouldn’t we discuss this afterwards?”
She shot him a glare for trying to protect her. Is that why he’d kept it from her? To protect her? She felt sick.
“No, Sabo.” Dragon’s tone landed sharp and heavy, making everyone in the room sit up just a little straighter. “She went through all the trouble to disrupt our meeting and make a scene to so desperately be a part of something she knew wasn’t meant for her.”
Koala felt herself deflate, but she kept her chin up high. She’d come all this way, she couldn’t back down now. Though, this part of Dragon was scary. It reminded everyone just why he was the head of the organisation that was the biggest thorn in the World Government’s side. Just his presence alone left no room for doubt why he was considered the most dangerous man in the world.
It took everything in her not to fold under his gaze alone, but the seed of resentment had already been sewn.
Dragon made an example of her. Insubordination. Stepping out of line. Refusing to stay out of things that didn’t concern her. Improper use of her abilities which should only be used to serve their cause, not hinder it in any way. He was impressed since just a handful knew of this meeting. He was disappointed she hadn’t acted more maturely. Dragon praised her as he tore into her.
After his tirade, Dragon heaved a heavy sigh, taking his seat at the head of the table. “Under different circumstances/—“
Her fingers dug into her palms painfully.
“You’d be a brilliant candidate for this, Koala. I wanted to speak to you regarding possible inclusion. But Sabo was adamant you be kept out of it.”
For a fraction of a second, the world tipped on its side, threatening to knock her off balance and take her with it. Her mouth stuttered, trying to formulate words, but her lungs emptied of any air. She had to take a deep breath before trying again.
“A-And why is that?” Koala felt her eyes itch as she looked up towards Sabo.
“Look, Koala,” he started softly, voice hesitant, gaze tender. She wanted to scream. “You’re one of our top soldiers. Your stealth is unmatched and you’re one of our top strategists—“
“Sabo, please, if you have any respect for me, don’t sugar coat this,” she spat with a little more venom than intended.
Dragon wasn’t too pleased. “Watch your tone. He’s still your Chief.”
Sabo pursed his lips at that. He never once pulled rank on Koala, not even on any other soldier. He cleared his throat before continuing, “you’re too much of a risk.”
Her brows shot up at that. Threat, asset, comrade, of all the words people have used to describe her… risk?
“You may be vulnerable if we took you back to the Red Line, considering… considering your past.”
“Considering the fact I was a slave?” His compassion made her sick. “I said don’t sugar coat it… Chief,” she added, feeling Dragon’s eyes heavy on her.
There was a mournful look in Sabo’s eyes that made it hard to keep looking at him. Pity. He pitied her. She loathed him for it.
“It’s too unpredictable.”
“Excuse me—“
“Koala, you haven’t been back there in a decade. Every time we dock at Sabaody, you can’t even set foot on the island without shaking. I understand your passion to serve the Revolutionary Army in every way you can; it is quite commendable. But there’s just no telling how you’ll react if you were to join this mission. And I know you better than anyone here— no matter how poised and put together you may appear on the outside, there’s no telling what’s going on in your head. How you’ll react if you see a slave getting whipped or beat up or executed in front of you. I-It’s too risky!”
Behind his words bled something raw, something sensitive, something only Koala noticed. The seed of resentment sprouted its roots and grappled her heart.
There was nothing Koala wanted to say now. Not with an audience. She felt so feeble, so fragile and if she stayed another minute she would break.
The last time she had felt this fragile was… it didn’t matter now.
She took a look at Dragon. “Sir?”
There was a brief understanding. “You’re dismissed.”
Koala stormed out of the room with laden limbs but kept her pace strong and quick, leaving with what dignity she had left.
Her senses seemed to blend as she glided down the cobblestone halls. The clicks of her boots echoed with the whispers that trailed in her wake. The soft glow of lanterns blurred and burned in her ears. The fading adrenaline left her body shaking, intensifying the taste of resentment on her tongue.
From its branches that claimed every limb in its icy thorns, flowered the fruit of betrayal.
Above anything else, she felt betrayed. Stabbed in the back by the only person she trusted with her life.
And the culprit stopped her in her attempt to flea her embarrassment.
“Koala, wait!” Sabo finally caught up to her after calling her name over and over. He grabbed her shoulder only for her to wrench away like his touch burned. And god, his presence burned.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, almost accused. He’d hidden this from her. They rarely hid anything from each other. She knew him better than she knew herself and still…. “For months, Sabo, you hid this from me.”
“Koala, please, I— I know I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but I did this for you.”
“So you were protecting me?” She would have laughed in his face if it wasn’t for the burning itch that plagued her eyes. “Oh, come off it, Sabo.”
“If only you could’ve seen the way you reacted back there.”
“I’ll apologise to Dragon later—“
“I’m not talking about that. You were shaking like you’d been doused with cold water. You looked so pale I thought for a moment you were gonna pass out,” he exclaimed. Sabo took a deep breath before saying with a lowered tone, “you’re not ready for this.”
She shook her head, either to clear her blurry vision or deny the words she knew were true. “Don’t… please—“
“I think this will be good for you. Think of it as a break from all the hard work you’ve been doing for the Army.” He’d intended it to be light, a gentle reassurance but it had the complete opposite effect.
“Don’t you fucking patronise me.” She shoved his chest in a bought of anger. “Y-You dickhead. We’re supposed to be partners, equals. So don’t you— don’t—“
Koala couldn’t take it anymore. The last she could see through the unrelenting tears was Sabo’s hurt face. In the process of trying to heal herself, she’d hurt him too.
It would only be later that night, after soaking her pillow with all the tears her body could muster, was when she had her epiphany. Deep down past all the hurt and anger and feelings of betrayal, Koala was relieved. She knew she could never set foot on the Red Line ever again. Even just the thought of returning to what was once her prison made her running to the nearest bin to throw up.
She was glad she didn’t have to go, yet it annoyed her she couldn’t. After all these years and she was still a broken mess?
Yet Dragon’s Golden Boy would be leading the mission. Of course he was. Koala would always be proud of him, but in that moment her feelings of pride for her partner were usurped by a sensation of being low and insufficient. Like watching her best friend advance towards the finish line while she was still stuck at the start. He moved beyond her, and she remained stagnant; a porcelain doll needing protection.
The logical part of her understood why he’d kept it from her and respected him for it. But the rest of her, emotional and messy in all its ways couldn’t help but loathe him for it. Protecting her as if she were a piece of glass. The same woman that would beat his ass while sparring, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings?
It stung. It fucking hurt.
———
In the weeks leading up to the fated mission to infiltrate the living space of the “gods” of the world, Koala had skilfully managed to evade Sabo.
Who needs observation Haki anyways?
That is until he’d managed to corner her the night before he was supposed to leave. She was in the “Delivery Room” they liked to call it, where you would get forged documents and emerge a new person.
Koala was organising, sorting through some outdated birth certificates that needed to be destroyed. It was a strange hobby, but it calmed her. Cleaning, tidying, organising, she needed to put things in order. Especially when she felt a lack of control over her own life.
The air in the room shifted, and she felt herself tense. Koala tried to ignore it.
“Here you are.” Sabo’s smooth timbre carried easily through the room.
“You found me, you want a gold star?” She couldn’t even look at him. Was it fury or shame?
“Could you give us a moment?” he asked the few revolutionaries working on a passport. They quickly fled, no doubt about to share the gossip. Once the door clicked closed, the silence nearly choked her. “Why have you been hiding from me?”
“I decided you’d be busy preparing for tomorrow.” She jotted down a few notes into a logbook. “Didn’t want to distract you.”
Sabo made a distressed sound. “Are you jealous? Is that what this? Because I’m seriously failing to understand why you’re punishing me for trying to help you.”
That got her full attention. She set the logbook on the shelf in front of her before spinning to face him. “Where do you get off playing hero?”
“You wound me, Koala,” he said through gritted teeth. “I wouldn’t have bothered being so secretive if I knew this would be the thanks I get.”
Lie. He’d do anything for her no matter the consequence.
“Is that what you want? A thank you?”
She’d been thanking him every night in her head.
“I don’t want a thank you, I want you! I want you to stop shunning me. I want to know why you’re acting like this. For the first time in our lives, I have no idea what you’re thinking.”
If she looked closely, she would see the way his eyes shone with unshed tears. Thank god she wasn’t looking closely.
Koala leaned back against the shelf but looked away. “I… I’m not mad at you. I just hate this. I hate feeling so helpless, so useless—“
“You know that’s not—“
“Don’t!” she snapped. “I can’t take it. I love you but right now I can’t fucking stand you. I can’t stand you and everyone else that keeps trying to comfort me like a shattered vase needing put back together. ‘It’s okay, Koala. There will be more fitting tasks for you, Koala. This will be a good break for you, Koala.’ It’s suffocating! Everyone treating me like a child. Acting like it’s not that big of a deal when it means the world to me.”
Sabo moved closer, but she was too busy trying to keep herself together to notice.
A wet path made its way down the side of her face. “It’s all so condescending it makes me want to punch someone in the face! I went from being so highly respected and feared by newbies to getting bombarded with pity every time I walk into a room, and I’m sick of it. And worst of all, you….” She looked up at him helplessly. “You… treat me the same as all the others. We’re supposed to be partners. Do you know what that does to a person’s pride? I know you care and one day I might be grateful for it, but right now I need my partner and best friend. I don’t need a protector. I don’t need a therapist. I need my companion back. Gods—“ she had to take a deep breath as the tears began a steady descent down her face. She raked a hand through her hair. “I’ve been so overwhelmed by everything that I can’t even hear myself think.”
She sobbed into her hand. Sabo tried to touch her shoulder, but she flinched away.
“Don’t touch me.” Any heat that she tried to put behind it was as powerful as a matchstick in a storm. And despite her words, Koala looked up at him, pleading. “Sabo.”
He pulled her into his chest, holding her up as she practically collapsed into his embrace. The cries that forced themselves out from the depths of her soul muffled against his shirt.
“It’s okay to be upset. At me, at Dragon, at the whole RA. It’s okay to be upset at everyone,” he whispered against her hair, hand rubbing smooth circles against her back. His radiant warmth played a hand and settling her nervous system. “I can’t promise what’ll happen tomorrow or the week after, and I know you don’t want me to. But I will say, whatever comes I’ll always be here. Always.”
This was what she needed. Not a comforter, not someone to tell her everything would be just fine, no one to try and fix her problems. All she wanted was a shoulder to cry on, a safe space to let it out. Yet along the way she’d hurt the last person on earth she’d ever want to bring pain to.
Koala pulled back to look up at him. “Will… will we be okay?”
His smile was small and tired. “Always.”