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“How dare you! ”
Her eyes waged war on mine as her anger bore into my bones and twisted my gut.
“You don’t understand, Hermia! What was I supposed to do? You were leaving Athens with him! Forever! You barely know him, how was I supposed to let you leave with him!” I reached for her hand, trying desperately to make her see the reason behind my betrayal. She slapped the hand away, the jeweled wedding ring on her finger cutting into the soft flesh of my palm and stinging. Red to match the ruby ring Lysander had placed on her last night. Him promising things to Hermia that I had already pledged to Aphrodite as soon as I learned the meaning of the word love. She shook her head, brown curls breaking free of her braid.
“Why can’t you just be happy for me? I'm happy! Couldn't you have rested knowing that, even if I was outside this damned city, I was happy?” Hermia shot the words at me as if she were playing archery, the target to cause as much guilt in me as possible. My face faltered, ‘doesn't she understand? ‘ I thought, I can’t possibly be happy without seeing her.
“Hermia, please you’re” I trailed off, completely unsure of how to finish that sentence, completely unsure of how to make her understand how much she meant to me without revealing my sin, my absolute love.
“Stop Helena, nothing you can say will soothe what you have done to me.”
“I know!” I shouted. She looked shocked, eyes wide and lips parted. ‘I know’ I thought ‘I know i know i know’
“Don’t you see Hermia? I knew you would never talk to me again, but I'd rather that than never see you again. I’d rather die than never see you again”
Oh gods, what possessed me to say that? A million replies flashed through my mind, all of them negative. My hands shook, my heart beat fervently in my throat. What had I just confessed? But instead of replying, Hermia turned her back to me, I could just make out her twisting the ring on her finger.
“Hermia?” I asked tentatively.
“Why do you say such things?” She whispered. I want to lie, say I didn’t mean it. Gods do I want to lie. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t-
“Because it’s the truth” I said plainly, the words like a tide between us, creeping up and drowning us both in turn. After the drowning came silence. A silence worse than death. I wanted to close my eyes and pretend we were both children again, sleeping in each other's bed after nightmares, I wanted to pretend that this silence was loving.
“Hermia, please turn around, say something,” I begged.
Her shoulders shook and I realised with a shock that she was crying. Gods strike me down, I made her cry. I took her shoulder in my hand and gently tried to spin her to face me.
“Why do you say such wonderful things Helena? Why do your words have this effect on me?”
My heart shutters, she finds my words wonderful?
“Because it’s the truth. Because it’s the only true thing I feel, have felt Hermia since we were children.”
Hermia’s eyes widened, tears frozen mid fall down her cheeks.
“You would die for me” she says it the way I meant it. A statement not a question.
“Of course I would”
This time when I reach for her hand she accepts it.
“I would die for you too, my closest friend”