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The air was windy as Rin Itoshi watched his brother leave. If it weren't for his self retraint. He probably would've been sobbing and crying on the grass uncontrollably like a child. E̶v̶e̶n̶ i̶f̶ h̶e̶ i̶s̶ a̶ c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶ h̶i̶m̶s̶e̶l̶f̶.̶
Please don't leave. He wanted to scream. I can do better. I'll change myself for you. Please just don't leave me alone here.
"Get Lost, Rin. " it echoed in his head. Over and over again that it pained.
Rin didn't cry. He would, but he couldn't. And God, did he feel utterly childish for that. He watched his brother (?) Leave as he just sat there pathetically.
His breathing grew erratic as he ran back home. Mother and father were away— they wouldn't care if Rin left. After all, he wasn't their precious Sae.
And he wasn't their precious Rin.
He shoved clothes and important items in his luggage. His eyes caught the sleeping pills he used every night. Adderall, Percocet.. Others he couldn't remember. He couldn't think.
He grabbed those pill bottles. Just in case he might need them. Just in case.
He zipped the luggage. Looking at a portrait of him and Sae. Trophies and certificates. A picture of him holding a trophy.
Bullshit.
he threw it on the floor. Like a child throwing a tantrum. He smashed them onto the ground. Not caring one had already made a nasty wound on his ankle.
What a violent child.
Violent, violent, violent.
He grabbed a pill— he wasn't sure what pill it was. One, two, three, four.. His mind didn't exactly count them.
He swallowed them.
For the road. He thought. That was all— that was it. He'd stop soon. (He won't. He won't quit when all the pills are gone. He'd just buy more.)
He bought online a ticket for the nearest plane to France. He didn't really care about the fact it was cheap. Honestly? It was even better if the plane crashed.
He leaned on the window as he looked at the rising sun. Rin watched. He didn't realize what time it is. Has mother and father realized he's gone, by now?
Place on your seat belts as we prepare for take off. Rang out through the airplane.
Rin closed his eyes. Not before he took another pill. Just one more time. It calmed his mind. Made him feel all floaty. If he overdosed while sleeping, then even better.
///
He woke up thirty minutes before landing. He sat quietly, his mind still quite hazy. The flight attendant gave him food. Rin couldn't really taste it.
He went off the plane as it went down. He felt the soft breeze of air. France.
One last vacation.
Before he takes his own life.
///
Three days before he took his life.
He got a hotel from a nice hotel nearby. The smell of the hotel was warm. Almost familiar. The smell of hyacinths throughout the hotel was calming.
He bumped into someone. A young boy with blonde hair. Younger then him, probably. "I'm sorry." He said in english. "Oh, oh, oh! A foreigner." The blonde said in english.
Uhm..
"Charles. Don't be like that. Say sorry." The older man said. The blonde child stuck out his tongue, before hesitantly replying. ".. 'M sorry."
"See? Now was that so hard."
"I'm sorry about him, I'm Loki. This one is Charles. We hope you have fun during your trip in France." Loki says with a polite smile. He picks up his ID from the floor. "Oh, you must be Rin Itoshi?"
Rin doesn't seem to appreciate the man looking at his personal ID. Grabbing it quickly before he could read more.
"Hey, my apologies. It's just that you seem familiar. Itoshi Sae's brother, are you?" Loki apologizes. Hands up in a symbol of surrender.
Itoshi Sae's brother.
That title made him sick to his stomach, it made him want to vomit the sad excuse for soup he ate earlier today.
Loki seems to notice his reaction. Before saying in a soft tone:
"We'll see you around." Loki smiles. More sincere, this time. Before dragging the younger boy by his hood. "Heyy!! I wanted to talk with Rin a little more!!" Charles whines.
"No, no, no. We have to be polite. Lets go." Loki says.
Rin stood there. Quietly flabbergasted. How odd. But he was almost jealous. He never had a relationship this warm. He hopes he could have the same his next life.
Perhaps this is a advanced payment. He'll suffer in this life. And in his next life, he'll be even happier.. Right, yes. That must be exactly it.
But he finds it unfair.
Why cant he experience the same warmth in this life, too?
///
Two days before he took his own life.
He walked around the loud street of France. The smell of bread seems to stick in his nose as he walks around.
He bought pills from a pharmacy. Pills that if he took multiple of, he would be surely dead. But then overdosing is painful. He just decides to jump. Or perhaps drown— nevermind. That was painful as well.
He roams around, then he saw the newspaper's.
JAPANS GENIUS: ITOSHI SAE
HE STRIKES AGAIN! THE BEST OF JAPAN
Rin makes a U-Turn. He didn't wanna see anything remotely Sae for the last of his days. He'd rather kill himself earlier before he does so.
He walks into a cafe. He orders hot chocolate and a croissant. He heard croissants taste nice. Maybe he could finally taste something after so long.
He believes the pills numbed his sense of taste.
"Oh, oh! Loki, Loki, look! It's the Japanese foreigner from yesterday!"
what?
Charles sat down in front of him. A bright grin on his face. "Hi!! You must be Rin, right? I have a pretty bad memory. Do you have a bad memory?"
i wish i had a bad memory. Rin's mind answers for him, maybe if he did, his mind would stop remembering the words his brother spoke to him. His mind wouldn't be haunted by those words.
".. Not really." Rin replies. "Charles. You're making him uncomfortable." Loki chides. "You're alone, aren't you? Would you mind if we sat with you?" Loki asks with a smile.
"Uhm-"
Before Rin could answer, Loki had already ordered something at the cafe. And Charles was already asking loads of questions.
"How's it like in Japan? Is it as warm as it is in France?"
"It's.. Fine."
"Do you like the croissant?"
"It's soft."
"What's your favorite animal?"
"I like owls."
"Oh, oh! Do you play soccer?" Charles' asks. "I.. Do." Rin says. Loki seems to perk up at that. "Really? Well, it would do you good if you practice often. I would expect the brother of Itoshi Sae play soccer with how much Sae plays it."
Rin twitches.
"I'm bad at it." Rin lies. He's more mediocre than anything, But he's not bad. How lukewarm..
"Well, if thats the case. I'd love to play a match with you soon." Loki says. ".. I don't have the time." Rin gave an excuse. "Do you?"
Shit.
"..."
"Here is your hot chocolate, Monsieur." the waitress said, giving Loki the hot chocolate and the cream. She gave a bow with her head before quickly leaving.
Loki didn't seem to try and drink it. Just merely gave it to Charles in which the younger devoured. "Hot, hot, hot!"
"Blow it first. It's called hot chocolate for a reason." Loki chides.
Rin felt slightly jealous. He used to have the same bond with Sae. He loved pistachio when he was younger. Sae would often order something remotely similar to his taste pallete and give it to him to eat.
But..
No. He didn't wanna think about him.
"Would you like to try their matcha cheesecake?" Loki questions. A smile on his face. "Excuse me?"
"Matcha is popular in Japan, is it not? Perhaps you should try some to see if it's similar to the real matcha back at your home country."
Rin went quiet. Before Loki raises his hand and asks for a serving.
When the plate of matcha was placed in front of him. He hesitantly took a bite. This time? He tasted something. The slight bitterness. The soft texture. It was no where similar to the taste back at Japan, but he could still taste it.
"Is it good?" Charles asks. His spoon that already had chocolate on it scooping out a serving for himself, slight chocolate putting on the cheesecake.
"Mmm! It's good, right? Is it similar?"
"It's not." He replied truthfully.
He did feel warm.
///
One day before he took his own life.
He looked at the grass fields of France.
The air was almost fresh as he took in the air. It was chilly, but not cold enough for him to need a jacket. He liked this kind of weather.
"Hey, look! It's Rin!" Charles shouts from the side.
Rin snaps his head from his lap to the left. To see the blonde waving at him. Wearing clothes suited for soccer and white cleats.
"Rin." Loki greets. ".. Hi." Rin says.
"Am i disturbing? I'll be leaving-" he felt sick seeing anything remotely related to Sae. He had one more day to live, he'd rather not to do it doing something closely related to Sae.
"No, you arent. Would you like to play a match? You played soccer, didn't you? Sae had always been someone who enjoyed soccer. No doubt his younger brother would at the very least know the basics of the sport."
Screw Loki and his intelligence.
"i am very busy-"
"Come on, Rin! Please? Won't it be fun? Just one match, please?" Charles pleads. Showing puppy eyes and pouty lips.
"I wouldn't want to impose-"
"We'd love to play a match with you. Please, lets have a friendly game of soccer."
"..."
Rin sighs.
This young man truly has potential. Was the only thought of Loki as he watched Rin beat Charles. A score of 3-0.
Rin hadn't practiced in around five days, yet he still played flawlessly. Perhaps he could truly surpass Sae if he pushed his potential. Moreover, the young man was able to score against him.
Him. The very representative of French Soccer.
"Rin, what do you say about practicing with me and Charles?" Loki offers. "Such talent for soccer shouldn't go to waste."
"Yeah! You're fun to play with, Rin! Come on, come on, another match!" The younger tugs on Rin's sleeve.
///
Rin looked at the beautiful sky. Blue and bright.
He's glad to have seen this view before he takes his final breath. To die in this beautiful county called France.
He takes a step forward. Almost hesitating. Then—
"Rin." Loki calls out.
Rin flinched. He turns around. Looking into the seeing eyes of Loki. "Quite close to the edge, don't you think? I'm aware the view is beautiful. But perhaps we could admire it while keeping safety precautions."
Loki places a hand on his arm. And he doesn't try to leave. The elder quietly drags him closer. Away from the edge. Step by step.
"There's a nice cafe near by. You like pistachio, don't you? I saw you eye the pistachio cookies a day ago." Loki questions.
He was changing the topic. Rin realizes quietly.
"I do."
"Then let us."
Rin supposes he was glad Loki didnt delve in deeper into the topic, he took a bite of the cookie, it was warm.
"You have potential." Loki says. Rin couldn't help but scoff. "You know, Itoshi Rin. I can't read you."
"What?"
"I can't read you. Perhaps it's why i wish to take you under my wing."
"You-?"
"Join me, Rin. Join PXG. With me, you can beat your elder brother. And you can beat the best striker in the world alongside me. Charles would love to have you as a brother— who knows? You could prove you're a better brother than Sae could ever be."
Rin went quiet. Loki handed him a mail. Inside was a official offering. A contract. To join PXG.
"Join PXG, Itoshi Rin."
Rin looked up at Loki with a newfound determination in those once dull eyes. Loki smiles. "I like that look on your face."
"I will join you, Julian Loki."
Oh Itoshi Sae, the owlet you lost.