Archive of Our Own

“Jungwon, aren’t you going home yet?” Heeseung asked as he hung the strap of his bag to his shoulder. Their classes ended three hours ago, but Jungwon suggested they do the project they were assigned to in the campus cafe.

It’s almost 7:30 in the evening already and they have finished the task a week early, but Jungwon seemed adamant to stay when he could’ve spent his time resting at home.

“Nope. Jay still has a meeting until 9pm. I’ll wait for him.” Jungwon replied, running through his and Heeseung’s paper. “Don’t worry, I’ll be the one to polish and prepare the printouts.”

“Damn, you’re one dedicated and caring boyfriend, dude.” Heeseung said that made Jungwon stop typing on his laptop.

“Jay is not my boyfriend.” He responded almost immediately that it made Heeseung’s mouth gape as he raised a brow.

“You insisted to do our project here, finished it a week early, you’re willing to wait for an hour and a half more, and you’re telling me Jongseong is not your boyfriend?” Heeseung looked at him skeptically.

“Yes? And it’s Jay for you, Heeseung.” Jungwon replied, not bothering to look at his friend. He only heard a small chuckle from the guy.

“If you say so. Anyway, I’m going.” Heeseung said and Jungwon only raised a hand in response, eyes focused on his laptop.

But the thing is, he was actually just staring at the screen ever since Heeseung mentioned the word ‘boyfriend’.

Park Jongseong, or as everyone calls Jay, has already been his constant from the day they met. Jungwon remembers all too well how the guy had defended him back in kindergarten when he was made fun of for wearing a spider-man shirt along with knee-high socks.

He didn’t really care how the kids laughed at him. After all, he is taking taekwondo classes and he pretty much abides by their motto—peace is more precious than triumph—so he deliberately chooses to ignore them.

But Jay, despite his small build back then, defended him from those bullies. He told them how they’re mean and how their parents must not love them to be miserable enough trying to pick on other kids.

He didn’t care about those kids, but somehow, it isn’t too bad to have such a cute, small guy defend him like his life depended on it.

From then on, Jungwon vowed to stay by Jay’s side—and he never failed to do so all those years. Where Jay is, there is Jungwon. Where there is Jungwon, there is Jay. It has always been them against the world.

But with the number of years they have spent together, people with prying eyes would, of course, question whatever it is that’s happening between the two of them.

And, just like when they were kids, he decided to just choose peace. Others can think whatever the hell they want. He knows the truth anyway—Jay is his best friend of sixteen years. Nothing more. Yes. That’s right. They’ve known each other longer than they haven’t. All the things that they do for each other are the product of their almost two-decade friendship.

That’s what Jungwon will always think about.

So now, as he stares at the screen a little bit longer, fiddling the keys of his keyboard and typing in random letters on the collaborative document he shares with Heeseung, then hitting the backspace afterward, a message popped up in the chat space.

————

Heeseung Lee
and u said ure gna polish our paper

Jungwon Yang
i am though?

Heeseung Lee
yeah, and the sky is green

————

To hell with what Heeseung has to say.

One thing about Jungwon, though, that he won’t ever deny is how much he cares for Jay. He can walk around the entire boyfriend thingy they keep forcing on him, but it is true that he will always prioritize Jay.

So there’s a truth in what Heeseung said earlier back. Jungwon is dedicated and caring. Just as a best friend though.

That’s why even when Jay’s meeting was supposed to be finished an hour ago, he still stood his ground inside the cafe. He didn’t mind how much time had passed—he just waited, even when he was the only person left inside the cafe. Thank goodness the place is open 24/7.

Even with two empty cups of coffee on the table and one more that’s already half-empty, he still dozed off for a bit.

He only managed to wake up when he felt his phone vibrate on the table, immediately knowing that it was Jay due to the fact that he only has his notifications on for him and his parents. (And his parents aren’t really one to text this late too.)

————

jjongie 🐈‍⬛
jungwonie
are u still there?
i’m sorry our meeting took longer than expected.
omw there now

————

Before Jungwon could even send a message to reply, he heard the sound of the doors opening—revealing Jay who’s panting after running.

“Jay, wait up! What the hell.” Sunghoon said, who was obviously running after him. The guy immediately saw Jungwon and gave him a wave.

“Hey, Jungwon. Sorry, we all got into a heated debate trying to settle a problem that we couldn’t come up with a compromise to. Had to table what’s remaining in the agenda. Fuck, that was the most draining meeting I have ever been in.”

Jungwon only gave him a wave back, not bothering to respond as he made his way towards Jay who still had his hands to his knees, catching his breath.

“I—I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. I told you to just go home, Jungwonie.” Jay said, refusing to meet his eyes. He reached out for Jay’s tote bag that’s hooked on his shoulder and wore it himself.

Jay looked up after finally recovering—dark circles under his eyes, his hair a bit of a mess; but to Jungwon, he still looked the prettiest.

And just like what he had always done whenever Jay felt exhausted, he opened his arms wide.

And just like how Jay always responded, he’s quick to wrap his arms around Jungwon’s torso, burying his face on his chest.

“Welp. That’s my cue to leave. Take care, lovebirds.” Sunghoon said as he stepped out of the cafe.

If Jungwon lingered on Sunghoon’s last word, he didn’t really focus on it that much. He had a tired and adorable little black cat in his arms that he needed to tend to.

And if Jungwon was tired himself, he didn’t dwell on it too much—he still took Jay to his favorite restaurant.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

With almost two decades of being friends, Jungwon is certain that he knows Jay like the back of his hand—probably even better than he knows himself. That’s why this year for Valentine’s, he decided to crochet flowers for him.

Both of them never really had any kind of dating experiences. They never got out of the talking stage. Sure, they might have went out with other people before, but neither of them managed to take things into something more serious.

Besides, both of them have been contented with spending Valentine’s with each other. The occasion never imposed any kind of bitterness on them because they always have each other anyway.

Moreover, they have some kind of oath that they’ll be each other’s dates during Valentine’s if both of them don’t manage to find one. For years, it has always worked well for them.

And each year, even if there have been people asking Jungwon out, he turned all of them down in secret. He kept in his mind that if Jay doesn’t have a date, then it’s only mandatory to accompany Jay in his misery.

“I don’t think Jay is miserable though. He probably has a line going for him, but he’s just too busy to go on a date. Imagine having to organize an event on Valentine’s Day.” Sunoo retorted when he learned that Jungwon turned down yet another date he had set him up for.

“He is busy, so he can only have time for me.” Jungwon said as nonchalant as possible, but it made Sunoo stop scrolling on his phone for a bit.

“Whatever. It’s not like Valentine’s is a big deal for him anyway. You, on the other hand, are wasting all the opportunities I’ve been giving you.” Sunoo said as he started typing frantically on his phone.

“Why is it alright for Jay not to have a date while you’re adamant finding one for me?” Jungwon asked with furrowed brows.

“So you can distract yourself, silly. I know Jay doesn’t have time for love right now given his busy schedule, but you don’t have to beat yourself over it.” Sunoo said, making Jungwon immediately turn his head towards him.

“Kim Sunoo, what the hell are you talking about?” He asked, now full-blown frantic about what he just heard.

“Don’t you like him but he’s too busy so you just hang out with him every chance you get?” Sunoo said, genuinely looking confused. “I mean, you’re literally crocheting tulips right now because it’s his favorite flower but he’s allergic. And, according to my very reliable source, you do it every year.”

“I do not know what Heeseung told you but I never gave Jay the crocheted flowers he was talking about. I’ve only been practicing. This is the first time I’ll actually give him these.” He said so casually.

“Practicing flower crochet—I assume to do perfect ones—so you could give them to Jay?”

“Yup.

“Because you can’t give him real flowers?”

“That’s right.”

“For years?”

“Yes? Why do you keep asking so many questions?”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Yes, what’s wrong with you?”

And Sunoo mentally face-palmed himself. Jungwon is either in denial or just plain stupid and oblivious about his feelings for deliberately staying in the friend zone.

Jungwon’s only thought in mind is that Jay has done so much for him throughout the years, what’s a little crochet bouquet for Valentine’s? He spent years practicing because he knew how much Jay wanted flowers, yet he really couldn’t handle pollen. This way, he could get the same thing, just a little bit different. It’s what friends are for, right?

When Valentine’s Day came, Jungwon couldn’t give the crocheted flowers to him immediately because he still had a university event to oversee. But of course, being the ever-so patient best friend that he is, he’s much willing to wait.

Jungwon always stayed in the sidelines whenever Jay was needed as the student body president; and while he’s currently watching him, the tiredness evident in Jay’s eyes, he could still see the spark to serve the studentry that he always had.

He admires Jay and how passionate he is for whatever he puts his heart into, that’s why he felt his heart stammering in his chest—not because he found the guy really pretty despite his bangs clinging to his forehead and the sleeves of his polo now a bit crumpled. Nope. Not at all.

Once the event had concluded, Jungwon found Jay in a debriefing that everyone mutually agreed upon so that they wouldn’t have anything to do the following day. Midnight is already approaching and Jungwon may have been feeling hungry already four hours ago, but he really didn’t mind at all.

His best friend probably only had a few bites the entire day. Surely, he can survive eating one meal a bit later.

The debriefing didn’t take too long and everyone else had already dispersed—including Sunghoon who gave a small salute at Jungwon when he saw him—when Jungwon came inside the office. He found Jay slumped in his chair, exhaustion evident yet there was a satisfied smile on his face before it turned into a surprise the moment he saw Jungwon.

“Jungwonie! Please tell me you didn’t wait for me and you grabbed some food while the event was ongoing.” Jay said, now standing up and making his way towards Jungwon.

“It’s Valentine’s tradition for us to eat dinner together in our years of friendship. Wouldn’t want to break tradition, right?” Jungwon smiled and Jay only playfully hit his shoulder.

“You’re crazy, Yang Jungwon.” Jay said, rolling his eyes. That made Jungwon laugh before he felt a hit of nervousness upon realizing the tulips that he had crocheted.

He clutched his bag tightly in his hand before he took out the flowers carefully wrapped in sheer paper with a cute little ribbon neatly tied to it. There were also colored pens that came in the bouquet—Jay’s favorite stationery item. The guy’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Is that—is that for me?” Jay said, looking at the tulips. Jungwon held the back of his neck, eyes avoiding Jay’s, out of shyness but he nodded anyway.

“Don’t… expect too much. I made it and I wasn’t sure if it turned out great and I— oof!” Jungwon got cut off when Jay lunged himself towards him and wrapped his arms around his neck.

“You’re so silly! I love it! What the hell Jungwonie, when did you even learn to do crochet?” He said, voice breaking; two years ago, Jungwon thought, but he focused on hugging Jay back as he put his chin on his neck.

“Don’t cry. Why are you crying?” Jungwon whispered with a chuckle and Jay only made whining noises.

“How am I even supposed to compete with this.” Jay said and pulled away before crossing his arms and posing a pout, which made Jungwon laugh even more.

“Seriously, Jjongie, you don’t need to give me something.” He smiled. Jay only rolled his eyes.

“Who said I don’t have something to give you?” Jay said as he proceeded to walk towards the corner of the room.

“You do?” Jungwon asked in curiosity as he followed him.

“Of course, dumdum. What kind of… best friend will I be if I don’t give you anything back?” Jay said but Jungwon never really noticed the pause.

Jay bent a bit to open the small refrigerator inside their office before he took out a small box. He opened it to reveal a bento cake with two cats as deco along with the words: be my valentine?

“Well? I baked it so—“ Jungwon didn’t let him finish as he took the cake and placed it down and wrapped Jay in a big hug.

“Hey! You’re such a copycat.” Jay laughed, emphasizing how he did this just a bit earlier as he saw the flowers. He ran his hand up and down Jungwon’s back before the latter whispered.

“Well, we are friends for years now so it’s natural for me to be one.” Jungwon chuckled, making Jay stop caressing his back and held him tighter instead.

“Yeah. We are friends.” Jay said and pulled away. “Let’s go now! It’s past midnight and we still haven’t eaten dinner. It’s my treat this time.” Jay said and turned his back on Jungwon, hand clutching the flowers in one hand tightly. He didn’t look back anymore and Jungwon only grabbed his stuff quickly as he caught up to Jay’s side.

If Jungwon noticed a slight shift in the air, he didn’t pay much attention to it. He was happy that he got to spend another Valentine’s with Jay as his best friend.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Three hours of sleep in two days and one grueling exam later, Jay knew the exhaustion got to him. His sleep was compromised following their exam week and the series of events that he needed to tend to as the student body president.

Sunghoon—his friend who happens to be his vice president too—had already told him to take it easy and let the other officers completely take over, but Jay still insisted to oversee.

Now, he can’t oversee the events altogether and is stuck in his condo unit not only feeling like shit, but also unable to attend his classes for the day.

He couldn’t even bring himself to reach out for his phone for the hell of it. He only heard it vibrate a couple of times before he dozed off back to sleep.

Jungwon knew something was wrong. It wasn’t likely for Jay not to respond to his messages. Sure, he is a busy man, but Jungwon also knows that the guy manages to reply to him during his Pomodoro breaks; and now, it’s been hours but Jay still hasn’t replied.

“Stop walking back and forth, Jungwon. You’re making me feel dizzy.” Heeseung said as he watched Jungwon pacing around the room. He wasn’t able to pick up Jay today because they had to prepare for the title defense of their thesis.

“You don’t understand, Heeseung.” He said, running a hand through his hair.

“Look, I know you’re worried about your boy—“

“Not my boyfriend.” He was quick to say.

“—fine. I know you’re worried about Jay, but seriously, if something’s going on, he’d tell you about it. Besides, he probably wants you to focus on our defense. You told him all about it, didn’t you?” That seemed to ease Jungwon’s mind—not completely though—just enough to shift his focus on their initial defense. It was fine. Everything’s going to be fine.

Nope. Everything is not going fine.

Even after they have finished their defense, Jungwon still hasn’t received any kind of message from Jay. Something’s definitely wrong, and he couldn’t get to the bottom of it just yet because they have a meeting. It took Heeseung everything not to chain Jungwon to his chair with the way he couldn’t keep still—his other groupmates now catching up with his uneasiness.

“You good, Jungwon?” Sungho had asked that he also caught his other groupmates’ attention.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Jungwon said, now getting a bit shy.

“It’s about your boyfriend, isn’t it? I didn’t see you guys together today. Did you guys fight or what?” Kai said.

‘He’s not my— whatever.’ Jungwon thought, but he decided not to speak a word on it.

“No, we didn’t.” He said as he sighed, tapping his pen on the table.

“Isn’t that Ni-ki? He shares a class with Jay, doesn’t he? You can go ask him, Jungwon. We’ll take five.” Heeseung said and Jungwon immediately ran out of the small meeting room they had rented out in a study hub.

“Oh! Jungwon, what’s up?” Ni-ki said before he placed his bag down on one of the chairs. Before Jungwon could even ask about Jay, he immediately spoke once more. “By the way, these are my notes for our classes today. What happened to Jay anyway? He didn’t show up to our classes. Is he on official business again?”

Jungwon is quick to turn his head towards Ni-ki. “What do you mean he didn’t show up to his classes?” Ni-ki only looked at him with a confused look.

“He was absent the entire day.” Ni-ki said. Jungwon closed his eyes tightly and took Ni-ki’s notes. He said a short thank you before he hurriedly went back inside the meeting room.

“Can I be excused for the rest of this meeting? I need to go.” Jungwon said, quickly placing the notes inside his bag. Heeseung sighed, but they all agreed to let him go. After all, Jungwon is an outstanding student. He’s not one to slack on his responsibilities.

He immediately hailed a taxi when he stepped out to the side of the road and went to Jay’s condo building despite the distance being only a 10-minute walk.

Jungwon needed to go to Jay now.

He still sent a message to Jay to inform him—he still didn’t receive a reply. When he’s right in front of his door, he knocked a couple of times. Still, there isn’t a response. So, he sighed and brought out his spare key to Jay’s unit.

When he stepped inside, all the lights were turned off. The unit was lifeless—no sound of water running or keys clicking. Jungwon immediately went to check on Jay in his room.

And there he was—wrapped in his thick comforter. There’s a glass of water on his bedside table, a loaf half-eaten, and empty packets of medicine. Jungwon placed his bag to the floor and went beside Jay.

He held his forehead and he felt Jay burning up. Panic rose in his chest immediately as he knelt beside him and gently caressed his hair.

“Jay… hey.” He said softly, almost in a whisper on Jay’s ear. The latter fluttered his eyes open and blinked a couple of times.

“Jungwonie? What are you doing here?” Jay’s voice was hoarse. He tried to stand up but Jungwon only held him down gently by his shoulder.

“You should’ve told me you’re sick. I would’ve come here.” He whispered. “I’ll whip you up something quick. You haven’t eaten a proper meal.” He sighed, looking at the discarded loaf.

Jungwon placed a quick kiss on Jay’s forehead—something he has grown accustomed to. People around him have repeatedly asked what their relationship is all about whenever he does, but he would always reply with the same: friends.

That’s pretty normal for friends, right?

He had only prepared some soup so Jay would be able to eat it quickly. Once he entered the room, his heart ached seeing Jay’s current state—lips pale, body slightly shivering with his blanket up to his neck, and devoid of his usual cheery demeanor.

Jungwon gently woke Jay up and helped him up a bit—body sloped and resting on his headboard.

“Don’t you have any commitments in uni today?” Jay asked, his eyes fluttering open and shut.

‘I actually left my thesis meeting.’ Jungwon thought, but he doesn’t have a single plan on telling the guy in front of him. He knew he would feel guilty.

“Not today, no. Come and eat your soup. I’ll take care of you.” Jay just nodded, and when he was about to reach out for the food on his bedside table, Jungwon was quick to stop him.

“When I said that you should eat your soup, I meant keep still, open wide, and look pretty. Got it?” Jungwon said with a smile that only made Jay roll his eyes and chuckle a bit.

His laughter was heavenly for Jungwon.

And if he felt his heart beating fast, Jungwon convinced himself it was out of nervousness from not receiving any kind of reply from Jay the entire day; not because of his proximity towards the guy nor how his fingers gently touched his face when he wiped it with a damp cloth, nope. Certainly not.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Jungwonie. Just lock the door when you leave, please.” Jay said as he closed his eyes once Jungwon had placed the KoolFever on his forehead.

“Who said I was leaving?”

“Huh?”

“I’m staying the night over… or until your fever goes down.”

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Four hours had passed, and Jungwon still doesn’t know what he did wrong.

Jay was avoiding him like the plague. Whenever he sees him, the other guy would pretend to be busy and just go to the other direction. And when he finally got ahold of him, all he got was a snarky “I’m busy, Jungwon. Don’t follow me.”

He doesn’t know what he did wrong—he only noticed Jay’s demeanor after he took his guitar from him while he was talking to Leehan (a member of the band club Jay is also in), but he’s definitely going to get the bottom of it.

“Oh he’s definitely jealous.” Sunoo said while filing his nails. Jungwon looked at him with a creased forehead.

“That’s absolutely absurd, Sunoo. It’s not helping.” Jungwon replied with an exasperated sigh. Sunoo stopped filing and looked at him.

“You said you were fine before until he saw you talking with Leehan. What else could be there?” He said, rolling his eyes.

“There could be a lot of reasons, Sunoo. I could have done something wrong beforehand. I just couldn’t put a finger to it.”

“Good luck finding out what you did, then.” Sunoo just shrugged, looking so done with him. He just ran a palm through his hair as he recalls whatever he did that could have pissed off Jay.

He couldn’t think of anything that could’ve pissed off Jay.

He recalls picking him up from his condo—even buying him breakfast—he drops him off to his class; then he was asked to bring Jay his guitar, but when he arrived, he was still busy with recording, so he talked to Leehan, and when Jay found him, he’s pissed.

He’s definitely jealous. He heard Sunoo’s voice in his head, which he immediately shrugged off. Why would Jay even be jealous in the first place? They’re just friends. Jungwon is positive that he did something wrong, that’s why Jay is acting that way, and not because he’s jealous.

Whatever it is, Jungwon knows he needs to make it up to Jay. He isn’t used to the guy avoiding him. And so, he goes and tries to tame him up.

To no avail.

He tried going to Jay during an hour’s worth of break from his classes, but he only got a “don’t you have classes you need to go to?”

Heeseung only made an awkward face before pulling Jungwon away to save some face.

He tried giving him his favorite corn snack when he saw him in the university’s quadrangle, but he only refused. “I’m not hungry.” Jay said before he left.

Ni-ki only nodded in apology before he quickly followed after Jay.

The rest of the day wasn’t really on Jungwon’s side. He wasn’t able to see Jay. Whether the guy is purposely hiding from him, he doesn’t know.

He grew more and more frustrated, but he still couldn’t bring himself to get mad at Jay. He had dealt with his tantrums before—what’s another, right? Surely, this isn’t something he couldn’t handle.

Jungwon found out from Sunghoon that the council will be having a meeting that would end at 6pm. That’s the best time that Jungwon could talk to Jay.

His classes already ended at 4, but he still went to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients for Jay’s favorite pasta and cooked for him. Afterwards, he packed it neatly in a lunch box and went straight to the meeting room ten minutes early.

Once everyone has dispersed, he saw Sunghoon come out of the room and waved him inside before he left. Jay was busy looking at papers until he raised his head to see Jungwon there. He only shut his eyes out of frustration.

Jungwon was relentless, though, because he still went to Jay’s side.

“Leave me alone, Jungwon.” He said, not bothering to give him a glance now.

“If you don’t want to talk, Jay, at least get this—“ He was cut off with Jay’s outburst.

“I said leave me alone!” He said and shoved Jungwon a bit, but his eyes went wide when he realized that he accidentally hit the lunch box that Jungwon was holding—spilling the pasta all over the floor.

Jay looked horrified, guilt slowly eating him up as he looked at the food scattered. Jungwon just sighed as he bent down and grabbed the pasta by the hand to clean it up.

“Jungwon, I… I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to— I…” Jay said in panic as he bent down to help Jungwon, but the guy only stopped him from doing so.

“I’ll handle this, Jay.” Jungwon only said as he quietly cleaned up the floor. Jay watched him as he put the wasted food in a plastic bag and threw it in the compost bin.

Once Jungwon had finished cleaning himself up, Jay was quick to go near him, playing with his own fingers—a habit that Jay does whenever he feels nervous or guilty. Jungwon just sighed at the sight and cupped Jay’s face. He immediately looked at the glint in his eyes.

Damn. He really couldn’t get mad at Jay.

Jungwon pulled him into his arms and whispered. “Don’t ignore me, please? I’m sorry for whatever I did.”

He immediately pulled away when he heard Jay quietly sobbing. The latter only covered his face with his palms, overwhelmed with guilt and embarrassment.

“I-I was mean to you the entire day, but you still cooked for me. And… and… I wasted your effort, but you’re still the one saying sorry.” Jay said in between sobs.

Jungwon couldn’t help but coo at his demeanor as he gently pulled Jay’s hands and wiped his tears instead.

“You know I can’t get mad at you, Jay. We’ve been best friends for years already. You’re stuck with me. Now let’s get us some dinner, okay? You’re probably starving.”

And if Jay looked at him with an odd look—a look that he couldn’t quite understand—he had assumed it was still the guilt that had consumed the other the entire day.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Five bottles of beer is what it takes to get Jay drunk—not bad for someone who doesn’t drink frequently; but the same amount in a short period of time? That’s definitely going to be a problem.

Their department had agreed to go clubbing days after their final exam to celebrate. They were about to graduate, after all. And Jay, he knew he deserved this. He has been working hard to get his degree, and on top of that, he never fell short of fulfilling his duties in the organizations that he’s in throughout his university days.

He instilled in his mind that he deserved this, that he wasn’t able to control his alcohol intake—and what’s worse is that Ni-ki, the person Jungwon had entrusted Jay with, lost him in the midst of keeping himself sober too.

Ni-ki doesn’t know what’s more horrifying—the fact that he lost Jay, or the wrath he’s going to face from Jungwon the moment he tells him that he couldn’t find the guy.

But it’s been an hour, Jay’s phone died, and Jungwon has been texting and calling him nonstop for the past 30 minutes already. He’s bound to know, so he answered the phone.

“Jungwon—“

“Ni-ki, where is Jay? I couldn’t contact his phone. I’m getting worried here.” Jungwon said, a hint of frustration and irritation evident in his tone.

“Jungwon… the thing is… um…” Ni-ki tried to deflect as he tried sweeping through the entire club once again.

“Spit it out, Ni-ki.” Jungwon said in a warning tone. He’s one to maintain his composure at all times, so hearing the seriousness in his voice, Ni-ki knows better than to piss him off.

“I’m sorry, Jungwon. I left him in our table for a bit to get us some water, but when I got back, he’s nowhere to be found.” He said with a sigh.

Jungwon shut his eyes tightly, now rushing to get his keys so he could go to the club that Jay went.

“How long has he been out of your sight?” Jungwon said as he shut the door to his unit and made his way towards the elevator.

“An… hour already. I’ve been looking everywhere, but no one has seen him.” Ni-ki said, nervousness evident in his tone.

Now, Jungwon knew better than to lash out at the guy, so he kept his cool even when he’s panicking internally.

“I’ll be there in fifteen.” was what he said before he ended the call.

As soon as he arrived at the club, he immediately saw Ni-ki. He looked wrecked with the way his hair is disheveled and his eyes are droopy. He probably sobered up with how long he’s been looking for Jay.

“Have you tried contacting his phone again?” He had asked as he followed Jungwon who was checking every corner of the place.

“No. His phone’s dead.” He said before messing with his hair in frustration. At this point, he grew more and more panicked without Jay in his sight.

“Jungwon, his phone is ringing now.” Ni-ki had said as he immediately took the phone from the guy and stepped outside, away from the noise.

He grew more and more impatient as he only heard the ringing sound—but at least now he was able to contact him. After five more rings, finally, he answered.

“Hello?”

Except, it wasn’t Jay who’s in the other line.

“What? Who the hell are you? Where is Jay?” Jungwon said the moment an unfamiliar voice had answered Jay’s phone. He even got more pissed when the guy only chuckled.

“Calm down, bro. He’s safe. We’re at the 24/7 ramen shop in town. Come pick Jay up. I’ll tell you what happened.” The guy ended the call before Jungwon could even respond, so he wasted no time as he went to the place he’s been told.

The moment he arrived, he immediately saw Jay slumped on the table—a ramen bowl that looks untouched on his side. Jungwon was quick to go to his side and gently take him into his arms.

“Jungwonie?” Jay said as he tried to keep his eyes focused on the guy in front of him. Jungwon held his face.

“Jay, are you alright? Are you hurt?” He asked as he scanned Jay for any kind of injuries. He sighed in relief when he saw that he doesn’t have any kind of cuts or bruises.

Jay only looked at him, a bit sleepy. He just noticed a jacket he’s wearing that isn’t his. That seems to make him snap out of it and notice the guy standing by Jay.

“Ni-ki, bring Jay to the car.” He said and the guy only nodded as he guided Jay towards the car.

“What did you do to him?” Jungwon said, eyes sharp as he eyed him suspiciously.

“I found him fumbling for the toilet and helped him. I was supposed to bring him back to his table afterwards, but some asshole tried to pretend that he’s his boyfriend. Does he think I was born yesterday? So I had to take Jay out and help him sober up. He was too out of it. I figured out he needed to eat, so I brought him here. His phone was also dead, so I charged it.” He said.

Jungwon was still skeptical, but by the looks of it, Jay is still pretty much drunk, yet he seems to be fine.

“Thanks for keeping an eye out for him, but I’ll take it from here…” Jungwon said, realizing he didn’t know the guy’s name.

“Jake.” He said coolly as he handed him Jay’s phone.

“Jungwon, is it? Jay kept asking for you earlier. Are you his boyfriend?” Jake asked, catching him off-guard.

The question was simple, really. He only needed to say no. He’s his best friend since diapers. But somehow, he found it difficult to answer.

Still, a word escaped his mouth.

“No.”

“Hmm.” Jake hummed. “For a guy as pretty as Jay, I figured he would already be taken. I’m surprised.” He added, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Jungwon didn’t like that one bit.

“Anyway, I’ll get going, Jungwon. Take care of Jay, will you? Everyone’s going to want someone like him around.” Jake said as he turned around, his words with more meaning than intended.

As the night ended, Jungwon was left with more thoughts than when it started.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Every student was entitled with a plus one for their university’s upcoming grand ball. They need not to consume it if they wish not to, but Jay was adamant about bringing Jake to the event.

Jungwon was not happy about it.

Following the ordeal the night that Jay had drunk til he fell, he maintained contact with the guy. Everything that Jake had told Jungwon basically summed up with Jay’s story, so he at least knew that the guy wasn’t an asshole.

It doesn’t mean Jungwon would willingly give Jay to him, though.

Two weeks since that night, Jay has been hanging around with the guy. Even going as far as asking Jungwon not to pick him up after his final meeting sessions and responsibilities in the student council. They’ve been going out to eat, watch movies, and even going to amusement parks and museums.

“Seriously? They just met and they’re doing all that couple shit that people do. Who even asks someone to go to an amusement park with just the two of them? Sounds like a fucking date to me. Does Jake think he will ever be good enough for Jay?” Jungwon said bitterly as he sat down in his living room with all of their friends they managed to get close with throughout their university life.

“Uh, you do? You take Jay to amusement parks and museums too. Hell, you even take him out on beach trips. Following your logic, you’re taking him out on dates then, no?” Sunghoon said with a bored demeanor, watching Jungwon pace back and forth the room.

“I’m his best friend! That’s only natural. I get a pass!” He said, whining as he glared at his friends when they laughed.

“For a best friend though, you sound extremely jealous, Jungwon.” Heeseung said, amused with the way that Jungwon is acting right now. He’s not one to lose his cool, but here he is now, gathering his friends just to listen to him whine about Jay hanging out with someone that isn’t him.

“I am not jealous! Why would I even be jealous?!” He asked defensively. Ni-ki only slapped a palm to his forehead.

“You know, Jungwon. Your best friend is bound to date someone, you know? It’s not forever that he’d only rely on you. One day he would want a family of his own too—someone he’s going to spend his entire life with. And no, it’s not in a way that you could fulfill only as his best friend.” Ni-ki had said which made Jungwon stop walking around.

“You don’t get it. I—“ Before Jungwon could even try to deny his feelings once more, Sunoo already snapped.

“Cut the bullshit, Jungwon. If you don’t make a move on Jay now, somebody else will. It’s so crazy to me how everybody knows your feelings except you. What’s stopping you?”

What is stopping him?

Jungwon had witnessed how love ruined his parents, how he learned to live just by going back and forth to both sides of his parents when they separated—the reason why he much preferred to stay in his grandmother’s house.

He was scared to fuck things up, to ruin whatever he and Jay has—so he decides to stay in between the hues of love and uncertainty. He prefers to dwell being indigo—a color often overlooked, but it would always be there.

Little does Jungwon know, he’s far from being overlooked.

He stayed where he is in Jay’s life: his best friend. Safe—far from messing up. But he quite didn’t think it through—having somebody else take a bigger space in Jay’s heart. Someone who isn’t him.

He couldn’t bear just the thought of it.

And with Sunoo’s words, about how somebody else would make a move if he wouldn’t, he doesn’t want it.

He doesn’t want somebody else waking up to Jay’s pretty face.

He doesn’t want somebody else hearing how beautiful Jay laughs.

He doesn’t want somebody else being at the receiving end of Jay’s corny jokes.

He wants it to be him. Only him.

Fuck.

He’s in love with Jay.

He’s so fucking in love with Jay for years now.

He couldn’t deny it anymore.

He’d trade everything in this world just to be with Jay. He would kiss the ground that he walks on. Hell, he’d give up every piece of his being just for him.

The thing about love… it doesn’t always present itself as something grandeur. Sometimes, it hits on a random day in your life while you’re laying down and staring at the ceiling.

Sometimes, it comes as a punch on your rib before you could even fully absorb it.

And that’s okay. Love, after all, would surely make its presence known in time. It’s just up to you on how you will act on it.

And so, despite completely knowing that Jay is out the entire day for a hangout with Jake, he still went to his condo building and waited for him to arrive.

As he sat patiently on Jay’s couch, he had heard voices from the hallway.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come over? I can whip you up some quick snack!” Jay said enthusiastically. Jungwon couldn’t help but feel a bit bummed about that. He couldn’t bear thinking about Jay buying food for his pantry that’s specifically-catered to Jake—something he had only ever done for Jungwon.

“As much as I want to, you need to rest. It’s been a very productive day. I hope you had fun though?” He heard Jake said. He only rolled his eyes. He knew he could take care of Jay better than he ever will. After all, he knew Jay for almost two decades now.

“Fine! But promise me you’ll come with me tomorrow night at our university ball?” Jay said sweetly, Jungwon swears he could hear it that way. He can only imagine that cute and soft smile that Jay poses whenever he asks someone something. God, if only he could gate-keep his angelic face, he would.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, pretty.” He heard Jake said, which made Jungwon’s expression sour.

He knows that Jay is indeed beautiful, but he is his pretty boy.

When he heard the doorknob turning, he’s quick to stand up and anticipate the guy he’s been waiting for hours now.

The moment Jay entered his unit, he jumped a bit at the sight of Jungwon.

“Jungwonie! You scared me. What are you doing here?” Jay said with a small pout on his lips.

And that was enough for Jungwon to lose his resolve and forget everything he had rehearsed prior to going there.

“I… I…” were the only things that Jungwon could mutter.

“Is there something wrong? Do you need your best friend?” Jay tried to baby him—something he had always done whenever he tried consoling Jungwon. But those two words that he used to not mind had now become words that he despised.

Instead of answering, he took Jay in his arms.

“Don’t… don’t go with Jake to the ball tomorrow.” He whispered as he buried his face on Jay’s neck, breathing in his scent he always loves.

“Jungwon, are you okay?” Jay’s voice now turned serious as he tried pushing Jungwon off to look at him, but the latter had only tightened his wrap around his waist.

Jay gave up and just hugged him back. It took them quite some time in that position before Jay decided to speak again.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong now? You’re making me worry.” He said with too much softness that Jungwon felt his heart crack a bit. Jay is too much for his own good.

“I don’t need a best friend, Jay.” He said. Hurt immediately flashed through Jay’s eyes and before he could start to panic, Jungwon held Jay in place.

“I… I need you to be more than that. I don’t think I could live without telling you how I really feel, Jay.” He said as he stepped closer, wiping the tear that managed to escape Jay’s eye.

“I’ve been really stupid denying my feelings all this time, but I don’t want to live in regret thinking about the what-could-have-beens. Jay, I’m in love you with. I have always been in love with you. I love you so much… and I don’t know since when, but I really do love you, more than just a best friend.” Jungwon looked at him, mouth agape. He tried his best not to panic even if he felt scared about catching Jay off-guard.

Did he just ruin everything between the two of them?

But before Jungwon’s thoughts could get the best of him, Jay had spoken.

“You stupid stupid boy.”

He pulled Jungwon by his collar and crashed his lips on his.

Jungwon never expected their first kiss to be like this.

He had pictured them under the night sky, fireworks illuminating it  He imagined kissing him as the soft breeze of salt air gently caressed their cheeks. He thought of bringing him under the centennial tree in the park they always went to when they were young.

But he doesn’t have any complaints at all.

As long as it’s with Jay, he would always find himself just like in the middle of a rom-com movie.

Once Jay had pulled away, he pinched Jungwon on his side, earning a groan from the other.

“Do you know how long I yearned to hear those words from you? I thought I’ve been delusional all these years about getting my feelings reciprocated.” Jay said as he gently slapped his shoulder.

“Wait, you like me?” Jungwon said that made Jay roll his eyes.

“I love you, dummy. Why do you think I ignored you after you talked to Leehan? I was so stressed and you talking to him was the first thing that I saw after recording. I got jealous.” He crossed his arms, recalling that day.

“So Sunoo was right all along?”

“You think?” Jay tried to glare at Jungwon, but he failed when a smile escaped his lips.

“Fuck, I really am stupid.” Jungwon sighed as he looked at Jay once again. He removed a few pieces of hair from his face as he tucked them behind his ear.

“You think I can make up for all of it? I’ll court you properly, hmm?” Jungwon added, staring at Jay’s flushed face.

“After all those years of push and pull? I’d pretty much want to be your boyfriend now, Yang Jungwon.” Jay said with a smile, making Jungwon eyes widen in shock, his brain a bit short-circuiting that he could only manage to say four words.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Took you long enough.” Jay said before Jungwon kissed him again. This time, slow and deliberate—as if they have all the time in the world making up for all the missed opportunities, all the years of pining and waiting.

Their lips tangled perfectly with each other, like they were always meant to meet. Jay wrapped his arms around Jungwon’s neck as the latter angled his head better to explore more of Jay’s mouth with his tongue.

Once they pulled away, they were both out of breath. Jungwon kissed Jay’s forehead and rested on it with his.

“I love you so much, baby. More than words could ever express.” He said as he looked at Jay with so much love and adoration—he still couldn’t believe everything that’s happening.

“I love you too, Jungwonie. Now won’t you be a good boyfriend and kiss me some more?” Jay said and Jungwon was quick to give in. He could never ever deny Jay of anything.

And if Jay showed up with hickeys the next day at the ball, Jungwon is proud of it. Jake may not be Jay’s plus one anymore, but he became Sunghoon’s (that Jay practically convinced him to be) so Jungwon made sure that Jake got to know who Jay’s boyfriend is.

“Fucking finally.” Jake said as he saw Jungwon’s arm around Jay’s waist. “Told you he’d come around.” He said with a wink before he went to the buffet area. His words made Jungwon frown.

“What does he mean by that, baby?” Jungwon asked Jay with a whisper, his voice sounding a little too cute for Jay as he laughed.

“He may or may not have convinced me to make you jealous after I practically cried my heart out telling him I love my best friend but he doesn’t like me back.” Jay said and kissed Jungwon’s cheek. “And it worked.”

One small action and it melted all of Jungwon’s worries away.

“I guess we now have to deal with the two of you being lovey-dovey now.” Ni-ki said as he watched Jungwon and Jay be all over each other.

“Oh trust me, that’s a lot better than watching them play hide and seek with their feelings.” Sunoo answered as he reached out for some more hors d’oeuvres.

“That’s true. I’m tired of dealing with President Jay’s crash out for not having a dick shoved down—“ Sunghoon said before Jay threw a crumpled piece of tissue at him which only made him chuckle.

The night is eventful and pretty much everyone enjoyed. Jay did work on some of the logistics—and although not completely considering that he’s about to graduate—the small details he had pitched in made the event more beautiful.

And so, as the night came to a close and everyone started going home, Jay had to talk for a bit to the admin along with a few of his fellow officers. Heeseung approached Jungwon, who was typing a reply to Jay on his phone.

“So, Jungwon, aren’t you going home yet?”

“Nope. Jay is still in a meeting. I’ll wait for him.”

“Damn. You’re one caring and dedicated boyfriend, dude.”

Jungwon stopped for a bit before giving Heeseung a smile.

“Yes, I am.”