Chapter Text
Till walked into his first period class, Mr. Brown’s science, with a scowl on his face and badly applied eyeliner. He looked around the room, scanning for any sign of his friends. There was Sua, sitting in the corner, but they weren’t really friends—that was just Ivan’s twin sister.
On the other side of the room, someone with green hair was sitting on the table, loudly talking to some girl who looked like she did not want to be here at all.
And in the third corner was Ivan, already talking with some people who looked like they could beat him up in a heartbeat. Unlike Till, these kids actually looked like they didn’t have asthma and enjoyed sports.
Tentatively, Till approached the two, looking down at his worn Weezer shirt and ripped jeans.
Why did I wear this?..
“Hi… I’m Till.” He mumbled, looking at the floor and rubbing his sneaker against the tile.
“Hey, Till! My name’s Durian, and that girl there is Sonia.” They extended their hand, and Till took it—just to be met with the hardest hand shake he had ever experienced in his eleven years of life. His hand went up and down like a fricking noodle. “Oh, and by the way, I go by they/them in case you need it.”
“Okay, but also ouch!” Till shook his arm in an attempt to get the pain out, but he was grinning. “Hey wait, let me try.”
He tried to shake Durian’s hand as hard, but ultimately failed because of their grip.
“You’re liter—“
“Class is starting, guys, sit in your seats! You don’t want to be written up on the first day of middle school!”
Everyone looked towards the man speaking, a wiry man with brown hair and a nervous grin.
Slowly, Till looked around the room to try and find his assigned seat. He found his name tag on a desk and sat down, waiting for his seat mate to sit in their seat—he was really hoping to make new friends here.
“Kids, my name is Mr. Baldwin! Kind of like my hair!” He awkwardly chuckled, but everyone stared at him in silence. “Well… anyways, I need to take attendance, and then we’re going to play a game to get to know each other.”
Seriously? Ugh, everyone here looks like normies except that Durian girl. But maybe they’ll be cool, I need to hold out hope.
Mr. Baldwin called people’s names, until he landed on Till’s.
“Till Weber-Suarez?” He called, but it sounded more like, “Tell Weeber-Suearez.”
Loser can’t even pronounce my name.
“Um… it’s pronounced like Till, not Tell.”
“Okay, Tell, moving on. Delaney Goldberg?”
“It’s Durian.”
“Sorry… Durian.”
How come he can pronounce their name, but not mine? It’s not even hard to pronounce my first name right. It’s just four letters…
This was usually the part where Ivan interrupted the teacher to correct him. The part where he insisted until the substitute got it completely right. But he stayed silent, and the silence felt deafening.
“Tell, do you mind not tapping your foot like that?” Mr. Baldwin said, and twenty heads turned towards him. Till’s face blushed a shade of bright pink, and he mumbled an awkward apology before Mr. Baldwin went back to attendance. “Elizabeth McAlpine?”
“Yeah, Tell, stop.” The boy next to him snickered, and Till read his name tag.
Marty.
“It’s actually Till.”
“Till, Tell, same thing. Your name is so weird. And what’s up with your last name?” Marty laughed, and Till scowled.
“What’s your last name, then?”
“Williams. It’s a last name that’s actually supposed to be here.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing.” Marty smirked. “Just, like… are you even legal to be here? Plus, you have a bit of an accent.”
Mom had told him no more fighting this year, that this year would be a good year. But how was he supposed to not punch someone if everyone he knew was pissing him off?!
“I’m literally a citizen…” Till mumbled, fidgeting with his hands and preventing the tears from spilling. “Plus, I’m only half Mexican.”
“Whatever. All of you need to go.”
“Okay class, let’s play our game.” Mr. Baldwin said, “Stand up and make a circle around the room.”
“Bye, loser.” Marty said, laughing with a boy commonly known as Acorn while he walked away. Till made his way over to Sonia and Durian.
“Hey.” Till mumbled, attempting poorly to sound cheerful.
“Are you okay?” Durian asked, and Till looked at them and plastered a weak smile on his face.
“I’m good. But I made a new discovery—everyone in our school is horrible!”
“I’ve been knowing this, I was held back, so…”
“So you’re supposed to be in seventh grade?” Till asked, and Durian just ruffled his hair.
“Good job, Sherlock.”
The nasal sound of Mr. Baldwin’s voice cut their conversation short. “Okay, we’re going to be playing two truths and a lie.” He scanned the classroom, eyes landing on Sonia. “Okay, Sonia, you’ll be starting us. And then we’ll go to the right.”
Shit, I’m only two people to the right of her.
“Um…” Sonia trailed off. “I’m really excited for the rest of the day, I have a cat, and I love my cat.”
“The first one!” Durian said.
“You’re right.”
“Okay, Delaney, your turn.”
“It’s Durian, I told you.”
“Okay… Durian.”
“Okay, um, um…” Durian bounced with excitement. “I love rock music, English is my favorite subject, and I volunteer at the animal shelter every Saturday.”
“Um… is it the last one?” Till asked, and Durian shook their head.
“Nope, it’s the first one.” They grinned, and Till gaped at them.
“What?! Rock is so awesome!”
Before Till had time to go on a tirade about the cultural importance of rock music, his only evidence being his mother’s own tirades, Mr. Baldwin stopped him.
“Okay, Tell, now it’s your turn!”
“Um… frick…” He mumbled, “I was in a band, I love school, and I play the guitar.”
Shit, that’s two lies and a truth!
“Well, obviously, it’s the first one. No sixth grader is in a band.” Some kid with a bowl cut said. “Do you really love school?” He snickered, and Till’s face flushed.
“The lie was that I like school. I have been in a band, matter of fact.”
“Really? Then show us a photo!”
Till fell silent. He did not have a photo of himself in a band, and he couldn’t put his shitty Photoshop skills to use in the middle of this confrontation.
“My phone is at home, but I’ll show you tomorrow.”
The bell suddenly rang, and Mr. Baldwin groaned. “We’ll finish the activity tomorrow… figuring out everyone’s complicated names took too much time.” When he said this, he looked at Till and Durian, and the two shuffled out of the classroom.
“Dude, can you believe that our teacher is such a dick?” Durian whispered as they walked out of the door, and Till nodded.
“I mean, we have to deal, I guess.”
“You are the one that has to deal. I’m probably going to get expelled by the end of the year, I tend to get into some fights.” Durian grimaced, but chuckled.
“Well, me too. I guess the rest of our class is stuck with Mr. Baldwin now.” Till smirked, and the two started laughing.
“What’s your next class, emo boy?” Durian asked.
“Course One math. You?”
“Same. I’m not smart enough to even be in my grade, much less advanced classes. Here, I’ll walk you around. I know how to get around this maze.”
— — —
After math was over, Till debated going over to Ivan during break, wondering if Ivan even wanted to talk to him anymore. He was always talking to those other kids!
“Hey, Ivan.” Till said, and Ivan’s new buddies looked over at him.
“Why are you wearing eyeliner? Are you, like, one of those femboys or whatever?” A boy asked, and Till recognized him from science, the boy with the bowl cut… his name was something like Adan, but Marty called him Acorn.
“Um, no.” He mumbled.
Ivan used to defend him when things like these happened, used to tell all those other people to stop picking on him. But all he got was silence.
“I just wanted to talk to Ivan, we—”
“Till, I can’t really talk, maybe we can talk later. I’ll see you around, okay?” Ivan gave him a weak smile, and Till just scowled.
“Okay, well… well… Bye!” Till yelled, and walked away angrily as the other kids snickered at him. He was so lost in trying not to cry that he didn't even notice when he walked into some girl.
“Oh, so—” His words were cut off by the most pretty girl he had ever seen.
She wore glasses, and had bright pink hair with blonde roots at the top of her head. The girl was with Sua, who gave him a small wave.
“Hey, how come you aren’t with Ivan? Usually he’s—” Sua stopped, almost like she was remembering something. “Never mind.”
There was an awkward silence for a moment as the three just stood there, but the pink haired girl broke it.
“My name is Mizi, and I think you know Sua already.”
“Yeah, I do. She’s my friend’s sister.” Till said, but he wasn’t even sure Ivan wanted to be his friend anymore. “I’m Till.”
“Tell?” Mizi asked, and Till sighed.
“No, Till.”
“Oh! Sorry, Till.” Mizi said. “I’m bad at pronouncing names. I guess that’s just what happens when you only speak English, even though I’m half Korean…”
“Really? That’s super cool, I’m mixed too. I’m half Mexican and half German.”
“At this point, we should form a mixed kids club with my brother—we’re also mixed.” Sua giggled, a soft sound—and he swore Mizi’s whole face brightened.
The bell rang for third period, and Till sighed, waving bye to Mizi and Sua. His next class was English, and then History. So boring!
— — —
As Ivan walked by Till’s seat during History, a white paper landed on his desk—so softly Till thought it must have been a mistake. He turned to look at Ivan, but he was at the pencil sharpener, humming to himself.
He opened the paper delicately to Ivan’s extremely neat handwriting, and squinted to read the faint pencil.
hey till, sorry i couldn’t talk to you during break, my friends don’t exactly like people that dress cool. and my dad said we can’t really, like, be friends anymore. we need to talk more tho, meet me in the bathroom during lunch.
- ivan
Till scowled at Ivan across the room, but Ivan wasn’t focused on him. Ivan was focused on all his new friends, those happy people with perfect lives and perfect white teeth and a perfect mind.
Those people were just like Ivan, and what was the point of even trying to be friends with Ivan if he had so much better options that he liked so much better now?
Stupid Ivan.
He balled his hands into fists as the bell rang for lunch, and Till ran out of the room, almost tripping down the stairs to make it to the cafeteria. Luckily, he had gotten into line just in time before the last cookie was gone, and he snatched it like it was the only food he was going to have.
“That’s gonna be four dollars, sweetie.” The kind lunch lady smiled at him, and Till dug out a crumpled five dollar bill.
“Sorry, I don’t have change.” He sheepishly said, and the lady just patted him on the shoulder.
“That’s alright, I’ll give you some.” She fished in the register for a bit before handing him a dollar. “Have a good day, sweetheart.”
“You too!” Till grinned at her, and walked into the cafeteria, where his smile immediately dropped.
Where the fuck am I going to sit?
The cafeteria buzzed with activity, but Till could not spot a single familiar face in the stupid room.
“Hey, Till! Over here!” Mizi was calling him, and Till gratefully followed the familiar face.
“H-hey Mizi.” Till blushed, and gripped his tray so hard he was afraid it was going to crumble. But that was a better option than the alternative, dropping his tray on the very first day at his new school in front of this very pretty girl.
Do I have a… crush on Mizi?
Till thought about it as he sat down at the table, staying silent while Mizi and Sua chatted across from him.
Well, I think she’s very pretty.
But I also think Ivan’s pretty. Well, that’s different, because Ivan’s a boy, and I’m straight. Plus, Ivan is so mean and always teasing me. Mizi is very nice.
With these thoughts, Till came to the conclusion that he did, in fact, have a crush on Mizi. But who would he tell? Ivan didn’t even want anything to do with him, so Till guessed he would tell his newest friends, Sonia and Durian.
“Hey, Till? Anyone home?” Sua asked, and Till came to the realization that both girls were staring at him.
“Uh… sorry.” He blushed, “I’m fine, I’m just so tired. Mizi, do you have Mr. Baldwin? He’s so horrible.”
“Yeah, I have him later today…” Mizi took her backpack and got out her schedule, scanning the paper. “Fifth period, actually. Should I be scared?”
“Yes. I told him to pronounce my name properly and he just ignored me.” Till grumbled, crossing his arms. “Plus, he keeps calling Durian ‘Delaney’.”
“Who’s Durian?” Sua asked.
“This super cool person in my math and science periods. They’re really funny, but I’m kinda scared of them, because when I met them, they shook my hand so hard that it’s still kinda sore.”
“We should all hang out some time! They sound really cool!” Mizi exclaimed, and Sua nodded.
As they talked more about their interests and schedules and fears of the older kids in school, the bell rang, and Till got up to go to his fifth period, Art.
But before he could even exit the cafeteria, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see the source and found Marty’s grinning face.
“Hey, why do you always hang out with girls? Are you gay, or what?”
“W-what? No!” Till exclaimed. “And I don’t hang out with just girls.”
“Really? You hang out with Mizi, Sua, Delaney—”
“It’s Durian, not Delaney!” Till said, crossing his arms. “It’s not that hard.”
“Well, Durian is a fruit, and Delaney is a proper name, so I’ll be calling her by her proper name.” Marty said. “And before you even try to correct me on that they/them walmart bag pronoun stuff, just know that there are only two genders.”
“You—”
Till fell silent as he was about to say something, because Ivan had appeared behind Marty, clearly trying to get a moment to talk to Till.
“I’m not even going to try to correct you. Just know you’re an idiot.” With that, Till attempted to walk away peacefully, but Marty shoved him, causing him to go to the ground.
“My dad says immigrants like you and people like Delaney want our country to go to hell.” Marty said, standing over Till, who was just trying to get his stuff and go to class.
“Leave me alone! You’ve been tormenting me all day!” Till finally yelled, standing up.
“Maybe I wouldn’t if you were actually normal!” Marty said, and Till looked at Ivan and silently begged him to do something, anything, to make Marty leave him alone.
“Hey, Marty, we’re gonna be late. Don’t waste time on this freak.”
The two walked away with bowl cut boy trailing them, but Till could have sworn Ivan looked back with what looked like an apology.
This sucks.
As he walked into art class, he ran into his cousin, Hyuna. The two were second cousins from his mom’s side, but they were close since they lived near each other.
“Oh my gosh, hey Till!” Hyuna ran over to him, wrapping him in a hug so tight Till could barely breathe. “I love your new style, oh my gosh!”
“Oh, thanks.” Till smiled shyly, and walked over to the desk next to Hyuna’s.
“Wait, let me introduce you to my friends.” Hyuna said, calling over some guys that were talking in the back of the classroom. “This is Jacob, Issac, and Dewey.”
These eighth graders are so scary…
“Hey, guys…” Till mumbled.
“Hey, Till!” A blonde guy, presumably Dewey, said. “How’s your first day of middle school?”
“Horrible. In two truths and a lie, I told the class two lies and a truth and now some kid in my science class is demanding evidence of me being in a band. Oh, and half the guys in my grade are racist. Go, sixth grade!”
“Honestly, that feels like something that would happen to me, so I'm not even shocked.” Hyuna said, laughing.
“Hey, wait, you should take photos with us, since we already have a band. Do you play an instrument? We could record something.” Jacob said, then started coughing.
“Dude, Jacob, you genuinely need to get that checked out.” Issac mumbled to him, rubbing the other boy’s back.
“I’m fine. Plus, you know, the bills thing.”
“Okay…” Dewey said hesitantly.
“I play the guitar, and also, my mom’s a nurse.” Till said, and the four looked back up at him.
“Thanks, man, but I wouldn’t want to—”
“I’ll bring him over to your place, Till!” Hyuna exclaimed. “Also, since when do you play the guitar?”
“Since last summer. I have lots of time to practice, so I mainly just do that in my free time.”
“Hey, we should just go over to your house today!”
“I mean, I don’t have any work, so I don’t see why not!” Till grinned at them as the teacher finally called the class to attention.
The rest of the period sped by with fun games, and Till found himself sad when the bell finally rang.
“Sixth period… then I can go home and hang out with Hyuna and them!”
PE was… rough. Luckily, they didn’t have to change out or anything, but Coach Brance made them run a lap on the track, and when Till was out of breath, he got a look. Marty, on the other hand, finished first, and the two high-fived. This teacher would not be looking out for him in the one period where he needed it.
Finally, though, he could go home.
The five of them—Till, Hyuna, Issac, Dewey, and Jacob—met up at the side gate of their school and walked over to Till’s house, a cozy, one-floor house that, very luckily, had a basement as well.
“Hi, honey! How was your first day? I see you made friends with some of Hyuna’s friends!” Io exclaimed, walking over to Till and pulling him into a tight hug.
“Mom…” Till grumbled, but he couldn’t be mad at her. “Hyuna, you already know, but those guys are Jacob, Issac, and Dewey.”
The three of them waved, and Hyuna used this as the perfect opportunity to say something.
“You know, Jacob is actually kind of sick. Do you mind giving him a once over, Auntie?”
“Really, it’s no—” Jacob doubled over in another coughing fit, and Io hurried to stabilize him, holding his shoulder.
“There, there.” Io said, and her expression flashed concern before returning back to normal. “Your eyes are a bit yellow, sweetheart. Have you seen a doctor?”
She looked at the four of them waiting for Jacob, and made a hand motion telling them to hurry on downstairs.
The four sat in silence for a bit, Till plucking at strings on his guitar.
“So, what songs can you play?” Issac finally asked, and Till looked over at him.
“Um… I can play Love & Peace, Nowhere, Drunk & Party…”
“Sick, we’re playing Drunk & Party as well! You should play it for us!”
“Oh, sure…” Till mumbled, and blushed.
I’m scared, what if I mess up?
Surprisingly, for someone as jumpy as Till, he didn’t mess up too much.
At the end of the cover, Dewey clapped. “That was good! We should play in my house.”
“Great! Let’s wait for Jacob.” Hyuna said, and went back to her phone.
After five minutes, the door creaked, and the three looked up at the stairs expectantly. Jacob came down the stairs with a smile, looking better. The three jumped up to greet him, and Till followed, surrounding him.
“What did Auntie say?” Hyuna asked.
“She said I need to get checked out at the free clinic, but that it’s probably nothing.”
Following their conversation of Jacob’s condition, Dewey explained the plan, and the five headed out to Dewey’s house, waving goodbye to Io.
— — —
“Till?” Urak called, and Till jumped out of bed, walking to the source of the sound carefully. As he walked to the kitchen, he looked at the Alexa on the fridge, which said 10:40 PM.
“Yes, Father?” He responded when he got there, and Urak slammed his fist on the table.
“What did I tell you to get this morning?”
“You—Your beer.” Till suddenly remembered, his heart dropping to his stomach.
“And do I see any beer?”
“No.” Till mumbled. “I’m sorry, I had school.”
“You should have gotten it after school, you brat.”
“I—”
Till’s voice hitched as Urak got out of his chair, approaching him.
“Dad?”
He panickedly looked around the room for his mother, even though he knew he would not find her, since she was working the night shift at the hospital. There was no one that could save him from his father’s wrath.
His breathing was getting faster, and the only other sound in the door was Urak’s loud footsteps, even though he only had socks on.
“Dad, stop!” Till said as Urak took his belt off, cracking it the way he had so many times before.
— — —
Till lay in his bed, silent tears leaking from his eyes and his back sore from things he didn’t want to talk about.
I’m so weak. During PE I could barely even run a full lap.
If I were stronger, then Marty wouldn’t have made fun of me.
I’m so stupid. During two truths and a lie I said two lies and a truth!
If I were smarter, I would have bought Dad’s beer and avoided this.
I’m so ugly. Ivan’s new friends look so much better.
If I wore nicer clothes and gained some weight, Ivan would have talked to me today.
I just wish I were someone else.